Thank you to everyone that left me an encouraging comment yesterday.

Yesterday was a pretty terrible day… I am feeling better, but I also feel crappy today. It seemed like yesterday all the walls just wanted to close in on me. Some really stupid BS happened with DH’s job that made him want to go off the deep end but I calmed him down. Then something else happened and on and on… For a little back story, my DH is an incredibly sweet, loving, and generous man. He has never once been anything but kind to me, he even tries to be nice when he’s arguing with me. When he was a child he had to witness his father abuse women emotionally and physically. Abuse makes him sick and he won’t tolerate it from anyone. My DH is the kind of guy that tries to break up fights on the street and never walks away if someone needs help.  But, he also had a hard childhood and he has certain pressure points that send him into a rage of martyrdom. He also had to grow up with an abusive step-father; except the step-father abused him. SF was unreasonable, angry, ignorant, horrible, mean- almost any negative word you can think of, this man deserved- I met him, unfortunately. His SF would be-little him constantly, so now if anyone be-little’s him he gets overcome with emotions of anger and he wants to set that person straight. Yesterday someone called him a “kid” and threatened to send him to Zimbabwe, if he didn’t leave stop asking him questions in an email. (to top it off, the guy had him confused- it wasn’t really my DH that he meant this about) Someone showed the email to DH and the everyone was all pissed b/c this guy that sent the email was pissed and yada yada yada… DH wanted to go “piss of this guys desk” and set him straight. Keep in mind that this guy really could send him to Zimbabwe or make him lose his job. It ended up being a HUGE mess for me trying to calm him down and remind him of his goals and how this one guy shouldn’t ruin our whole lives. He talked to a chaplain about it and says he feels better, but I’m left in agony and anxiety wondering when that next phone call is going to come when he is ready to throw it all away. That is his problem; he has been fighting  all his life just to get a piece of the pie and he’s tired. He doesn’t want to fight anymore and these assholes just keep pushing him and it makes him want to just be a martyr and throw it all away. I am in constant fear that this will happen- how do I trust him to keep his cool? I don’t know that I can. I was also babysitting the kids for the first time while all this was happening and they were being loud and I could barely talk. I felt sick like puking and I have a headache from so much stuff going on at one time. There is other stuff that contributed to my tantrum, but this was the most of it.

Yesterday 900 calories burned, food- far from on plan. Today is a new day.

(Please no one leave me any comments about what will happen if I piss him off and he fly’s off the handle. I piss him off daily and he is nothing but loving. I know my husband and I know that I am in absolutely no danger whatsoever. I only write this b/c I know that someone out there was probably planning non saying it. I appreciate your concern though.) 🙂

7 Comments

garnetrising says 11th February @ 11:27

Today is a new day. And even if your food wasn’t on point, you still managed to burn 900 calories! It’ll be okay, though. Sometimes our guys get like that but you’ve got to trust that even when they get worked up, they’ll ultimately put making sure we’re taken care of before being a martyr and throwing it all away.

mrssparklingpersonality says 11th February @ 11:30

Your husband sounds like a great guy. We all have those days where we feel like being tyrants, and it just happened to be his day. Being a wife is far from easy, and we have a lot of responsibility when it comes to caring for our hubbies. But it sounds like you’re doing great…. take it easy on yourself. And have a great weekend. Big hugs. <3

eileen2blean says 11th February @ 20:46

Sounds like your hubby and my hubby have a lot in common – if you only knew…! Like msp ^^above^^ said, you’re doing what you can to support him and be there for him, and that’s all you can do and you’re doing just fine. Sending big (((((HUGS)))) to ya!!

didibuttonsley says 11th February @ 22:55

I hope your weekend gets better, Pepa. Wish we could go to the gym together to blow off some steam. HUGS!

angela says 12th February @ 18:21

hey girl..hope today was much better..big hugs…my bf and I have been having some issues lately too and ur hubby reminds me a lot of him…had a hard childhood and it still affects him to this day. Hope you have a lovely Sunday!!!

didibuttonsley says 12th February @ 21:25

The large crystal pieces I get wholesale (they have a hole in the top already) and then I just string them with different kinds of beads (crystal, wood, glass, acrylic, etc.) that I get from various places. I am nuts about hanging crystals all over the place, and I have wanted to make and sell my own for the last five years. I’m glad I finally took the plunge and put stuff online. I guess I wasn’t brave enough until now!

didibuttonsley says 13th February @ 0:33

Oh, I forgot to mention- about the magnesium citrate – try the 8oz (Now brand) powdered kind instead of the capsules. You only need one to three teaspoons in six ounces of water, and it absorbs muuuuuuch faster. I thought I’d try the capsules, but they seem to take a while to dissolve in my stomach. Definitely going back to the powdered variety.


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