8thFebruary

Brain Clutter

Hello all! Do you ever just have a day or ridiculously long set of days that your brain is all cluttered up and makes life hell? I’m in that poor brain clutter crisis right now. I am about to make a list of things that are on my mind constantly; you guys probably won’t get most of it, but I need to write it out for myself. DH’s deployment looming and all things realted, DH’s uncertainty with job and all the effed up red tape that it requires to reenlist, k’s child support case, k’s DH’s child custody case, my family back home, where we are going to live if DH gets out, how to pay the bills in that case, money in general, car needs maintenance, DH wants to drive 9hrs away to renew DL this weekend (so short notice), clean my house, call maintenace b/c my dishwasher is broke, dryer is still broken since November, small children drive me batty, poor cats need more attention, I need to go to the gym, crap- did I eat yet?, crap- I did eat, where are all my clean socks, I need a dental app., I need an optometry app…. OMG, I would continue but I just realized that I could go on until we all decay reading this.

I have been laying in bed at night for the past week for over 3 hours trying to make my brain stop thinking so that I can go to sleep. I am started to feel sleep deprived! I even took 5, not 2, but 5 PM pills the other night and nada. (I promise I won’t OD I have a huge medication tolerance- morphine doesn’t even make me loopy or really help my pain for that matter) Oddly enough, hot coffee (black, no milk) makes me tired, Isn’t that ass backward? I try sheep, white noise, music, self-hypnosis, fidgeting, etc. etc. etc. forever and ever. This happens to me every so often when I have a lot on my mind. I am the problem solver and I can’t rest until ALL the problems are solved- everyone’s problems…  Didi, if you have some wonderful magic sleeping trick please share.

The good news today is that K and I went to the gym again today and I burned 800 calories! I used my new polar “bear” HRM and it worked great. It actually had me burning about 15% more calories than the machines were saying that I burned. I kinda didn’t want to trust it, but I figure that the HRM should be more correct than a machine that isn’t calibrated to my individual body and is probably not as sensitive. I stayed on the elliptical for a whole hour straight! I actually could have went longer but my feet were killing me from standing in the same spot for so long. I did the bike for about 20 mins to even out my calories and then we left since I did strength the last two days, I took a rest on it today.

Food has been good, I find that I do well all day long, but when DH text’s to say that he is on his way- I get the munchies. I think I eat when I’m nervous! I’m always nervous and worried about what kind of day he had and if he is running a little later than I expect it to take him to get home, I start to worry that he’s been in an accident or that something bad happened at work. When I was in the 3rd grade I used to go to the nurses office every week claiming to be sick, I would sit there and cry and cry and cry until my teacher let me go. I never told the adults what was wrong with me, but I was crying b/c I was afraid my parents were going to die while I was at school. Remembering this, I know that I have experienced worry from an early age… I should probably get some anti-anxiety meds but b/c of personal beliefs I won’t. I don’t look down on anyone for taking mental health meds, but they are just not for me. I believe they would do me more harm than good. I once too amitriptilyne (prescribed for headaches) after about 3 weeks of using it I was a roller coaster of emotions. I thought I was going to die I felt so crazy and weird. I researched and found out that it’s most common use is for depression. That shit fucked my head up! I stopped it right then and about 2 or 3 weeks later I was feeling like myself again.

Here I am rambling on and on, can’t sleep might as well blog all night. K and I have plans to go to the gym again tomorrow, so I should try to go lay down for sleep. Here’s hoping!

5 Comments

didibuttonsley says 9th February @ 0:34

When I read the part of your comment that said “use my books to make a fort” I thought it said “boobs” not “books.” I started laughing so hard, cause I couldn’t figure out how anybody would make a boob fort.
There are only 2 suggestions I can offer for the sleeping thing- melatonin works, but you may need a high dose (I do) and it makes me retain water and feel bloated the next day- it may not have that affect on you- I do NOT recommend taking it on a regular basis, but once in a while is fine. Since I am trying to lose weight I have decided not to take it anymore. Option two is what works best for me, but it isn’t always easily accessible, and that is Magnesium Citrate. (I need to order some cause I’m out) You will probably have to order it from amazon. NOW brand magnesium citrate comes in powder or capsules, and is reasonably priced. I get the capsules because I have amazon Prime and they come with free shipping. I haven’t tried their powdered kind, so I’m not sure what it tastes like. You can also get “Natural Calm” which is powdered too and comes in orange, lemon and raspberry flavor, but it’s a little pricey (20 bucks). It tastes very acidic, and is really foamy, but it works. The good thing about magnesium is that it does all kinds of great stuff for the body, so you can take it every day. One thing though- the first time you take it the stuff is going to CLEAN YOU OUT so stay near a bathroom. I don’t know why I didn’t suggest it when you were constipated as it’s a natural cure… I guess I just didn’t think of it. Adjust the dose and your body adapts.
I have to borrow a camera so I can take pictures of my crystals for etsy.com (all I have is my webcam) so I’ll let you guys know when you can see my stuff.

eileen2blean says 9th February @ 0:44

Several comments… 1) Your list made me tired! But it also made me laugh, hope you find your socks. 2) I’m so sorry that you’ve been having trouble sleeping, I don’t really have any suggestions because I basically never have that problem. 3) My son has that reaction to caffiene, too. I used to keep chocolate in the glove box to give him when he got hyper in the car. 4) Love my Polar HRM!! Gotta find it. 5) Holy cr*p! A whole hour on the elliptical, I woulda passed out for sure! WTG!! 6) I was prescribed an antidepressant to help me quit smoking years ago and I hated it. Quit taking it right away. But I know it’s cool for some people. 7) Good luck sleeping!!!

sunnydaze says 9th February @ 10:58

I’m going thru the brain clutter thing right now, too. I know execise would help me get rid of some of it but I just can’t bring myself to do it lately. Can I say “self-sabatoge”?

garnetrising says 9th February @ 14:20

I know exactly what you are feeling with your DH-related worries. Mine isn’t due to re-up or get out until 2015 and we’re still trying to figure out exactly what he wants to do and were we want to go, figuratively speaking cause we know we want to go home to Alaska eventually. It drives me batty. I’m sorry you’re not sleeping well. I know how that feels, too. Last time I got hit bad, it got to the point where I couldn’t stop crying because I was so exhausted but I didn’t want to take pills because I didn’t want to turn into my mother who pops a ridiculous amount of Tylenol pm every night.

XLMuffnTop says 9th February @ 17:57

If your DH decides not to re-enlist, you might look at utilizing the Post 9/11 GI Bill. For us, it’s much better than the old Montgomery GI Bill. If you can work it out with your financial situation, it’s invaluable. Hope you’re able to declutter your brain!


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