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So here is my first side by side. I know I’m a month late, but I do have every intention to update this every first of the month. Along with the picture updates, my weight meaurements and other stats will be updated on their respective pages at the same time. I’ll proably post the picture in a regular posting like this one too.

As you can see from the picture I have a lot of work to do yet. Even though I’ve lost a hundred pounds I still am overweight. There are certain places on my body that just don’t look right or proportionate. My arms are huge, my thighs are cheesy and gross- I havent worn shorts in 10 years. I don’t wear sleeveless shirts either and the heat really kills me sometimes. I think I want to be able to be comfortable in a pair of shorts almost more than any other reason to lose weight.

 Just realized how unhappy I look in this picture, lol, I just hate to fake a smile.

Update: ARG! 17 comments this morning, only one legit from jitterfish! I even changed my settings to the whole must include email thing! Is there something else I should do? I don’t want to make it hard for you guys to comment…

In the last 2 days I have had 26 comments, only one of them was legit. I love 3fc, but I wish there was something they could do to filter out more spam, I’m thinking about setting my comments to members only if this doesn’t stop soon.

I really don’t have any time to update right now so I am losing a little sleep right now to do so, but I wanted to let you all know what the most recent happenings are. Saturday was a pretty bad day as far as dieting goes, but I had a blast! Probably the most fun I’ve had in months, so I’m not going to complain about it. DH, bestie, besties DH and I had a game night- with loads of pizza. Unfortunately DH and I got our asses handed to us, but I blame that on the high levels of whiskey floating around in the atmosphere! I can hold my liquor a lot better than DH, even though I hardly ever drink- maybe 3-4 times a year for a party or something. We played spades, jenga, trivial pursuit, and cranium. Cranium is a REALLY fun board game to play with adults, we were rolling the whole time, I suggest checking it out if you like that kind of thing- it’s for 4 or more players though.

Still no scale, with the way finances are going I suspect highly that I won’t be getting one until after DH leaves. It’s kind of liberating not having that number hanging over my head, but I have to admit I worry about the numbers going up when I can’t keep a constant eye on them. Overall I have been doing pretty well though, so I’m not really worried about gaining- and as I have said before, the goal here is to just maintain around the 170 mark until DH leaves. You guys are probably sick of reading about him leaving by now, but really it’s the only thing I’m thinking about and however unhealthy it may be, my world is revolving around it right now.

Tomorrow is supposed to be a gym session with bestie, so hopefully I’ll get a little more caught up with the leader board for Jelbelle’s Mardi Gras Challenge. I don’t mind not placing, but I at least wanna be with the flow of traffic! I have to give a shout out to Didi for going balls out and whooping all our asses so far, maybe she should let us borrow Lali so we can hike for 4 hours…

26thFebruary

Hectic few days!

Sorry I haven’t been posting much lately, but we have so much going on right now! I feel like all the days have been scheduled so full that I barely have anytime to sit down and take care of myself lately. I would usually relish having so many activities, but it really makes blogging and squeezing in my exercises a chore. As most of you have been expectantly waiting on my new changes to take effect (pictures, measurements, etc.) I feel bad for being so behind, but I truly haven’t had time to sit down and take care of it. I want to kick things off full steam for March, but if that doesn’t happen, you can surely expect me to have things ready once DH leaves towards the end of March. I’ve been doing pretty good maintaining and getting in activity, so even though the trains not moving at a fast clip yet, at least it’s rolling.

Tomorrow DH wants to go on a low carb diet to help him lose a few pounds before he leaves, so I am going to temporarily switch with him to keep our food costs down. It’s ridiculous how much money it takes to eat healthy compared to eating crap, it’s like they want us to stay fat! Well, I have to cut this short and run now b/c DH and I are about to watch a movie. Love you guys and all you do to keep me sane! Let’s all kick ass this week! PS: I PROMISE that I will be more active with the blogs soon, I feel like I’ve neglected commenting on a bunch of your posts, but I am reading them as I get a minute here and there. Good luck chickies and good night!

I feel like I haven’t blogged in years lol! I am over my sickness as of Friday yay, but now I have such stuffy ears that my equillibrium is all off. I can’t win for losing, lol. Anyways, on Thursday DH and I drive to Washington, DC to have a mini trip for his Bday/ our wedding anniversary and we had an awesome time! I wish Jelbelle’s challenge had started on the 17th because I could have got an extra 300 points for all the walking we did! We walked everywhere and I got some awesome pictures! We took a shuttle from our hotel and got out at the National Mall (at the Washington Monument) and walked from there to the Lincoln Memorial to the Vietnam Wall, to the White House, to the Jefferson Memorial, to the FDR Memorial Park, to the Korean War Memorial. After this (which took about 5 hours) DH was so tired that he wanted to get a taxi back to the hotel! The next day we walked 6 blocks to the metro station and took the subway to the Smithsonians and walked from around 11am until 8pm exploring the Natural History museum, the Air and Space Museum, and the American History Museum; then we walked back to the metro, to the hotel, and drove home. It was a blast and we made a lot of really cool memories.

On Saturday (DH’s birthday) we went to a movie, went miniature golfing, out to dinner, and had a ton of fun. On Sunday we relaxed and stayed at the house most of the day- except to get our taxes done. Then I left my purse there and freaked out until the next morning when they opened so I could get it back. It was fine and everything was intact thank goodness! On Monday we celebrated our 4 year wedding anniversary by going out to dinner, exchanging gifts, and getting my car’s annual maintenance done (lol). DH got me a beautiful diamond heart necklace and chocolates of course.

We had a blast and I wouldn’t take any of it back, even though eating has been horrible. I have not been on plan since last Tuesday (with the exception of Sunday that we spent at home) and other than all the walking in DC, I haven’t exercised either. I was going to go to the gym this morning, but they closed early for scheduled maintenance and I didn’t know about it. I thought about going for a walk but it’s really cold and windy outside today for some reason. I think I’ll try to do some indoor video or make up my own routine. Eating was horrible all weekend with cake and fast food because of the trip, so I really have to make up some lost ground. Still not scale in the house either, but I used one of those bathroom scales in DC that costs 50 cents and it weighed me at 176 clothed, so I guess that I’m around 173, which is up from the last time I weighed about 3 weeks ago. It’s dissapointing, but I’m not suprised and I’m not going to waste time worrying about it. Celebrations are over now and I don’t have any excuses to not do the right thing. We have about 3 weeks until DH leaves now… which reminds me, do any of you use a netbook as your computer? I wanted to get DH a netbook just to use the internet while over there for email and a webcam, but the sales guy at bestbuy talked me out of it saying that they are really slow. I want to know if a netbook would support webcam or occasional pictures or video and not be a waste of money. His laptop is ancient and it, for example, is not even fast enough to play youtube video’s so I know it won’t support a webcam.

I guess that’s all that I really have to say right now, I want to keep rambling on about my plan and goals, but I think right now I just want to sit back and catch up on all of your blogs. Good luck this week to all and good luck to me too! 🙂

     

 

 Me in front of the White House

Pic 1: The Capitol building from the Naitonal Mall, Pic 2: Me in front of the White House

20thFebruary

Wow!

Thanks everybody, I just got on for the first time since I wrote my last post and I gotta say you guys have made me feel hella better. I don’t have time to write a lot right now b/c we are about to go out for the Anniversary and get our taxes done, but I just wanted to say thanks to everybody. I have tons to write about since last time, trip to DC and a lot more. I will be back by Tuesday morning at the latest! Love all you guys! -Pepa or Pepe, lol

16thFebruary

Sick

Sorry I haven’t posted in a few days. I have been terribly sick with a virus and can’t stop coughing and just feel like a big pile of doo doo. I probably got sick at the gym, seeing as how I haven’t been anywhere else. It so sucks, I was doing really good all last week (even burned 1900 calories one day) and then I woke up with that “a semi truck just ran me over feeling” and I’ve not done anything but eat, sleep, and lay on the couch since Saturday. I feel like all my progress has faded even though it’s only been a few days and it’s really discouraging. I haven’t felt like moving so DH has been cooking or bringing me food home and with this sore throat I have had over my share over frozen treats to soothe it.  I am starting to feel a little better today, so hopefully it will all be over tomorrow. I hate the feeling of making excuses, I just feel like anytime I have a fail like this that am I just doing it and I hate it. I know that I even had the plan in my head all along that even if I was only able to maintain until DH leaves that is the ok, but I wanted so badly to lose and get a head start. I’m not saying I should give up, but I wonder if mentally I would be better off not getting my hopes up- just to focus on maintenace until the time comes. I am really looking foward to the start of Jelbelle’s challenge because it doesn’t focus on weight loss, but activities too.

In other news, DH took leave and he has from tomorrow through Monday off! His birthday is on Friday and our 4 Year Wedding Anniversary is on Monday! I suspect that I probably won’t be on here much until leave is over since this will be our last realy chance to spend time together. I will probably have horrible food choices for Bday and ANN. and I plan to not let it get me down- I am tired of beating myself up. If I am back above the weather tomorrow we are supposed to take a getaway trip to DC and see all the sights. I hope that all the walking will cancel out the fact that I’ll probably have to eat off plan food.

I guess that’s really all I have to say right now. I will get around to updating my pictures as soon as I get a chance. And please everyone hang in here with me until I can get my WL efforts back on track for real. Thanks everyone for all the support!

Thank you to everyone that left me an encouraging comment yesterday.

Yesterday was a pretty terrible day… I am feeling better, but I also feel crappy today. It seemed like yesterday all the walls just wanted to close in on me. Some really stupid BS happened with DH’s job that made him want to go off the deep end but I calmed him down. Then something else happened and on and on… For a little back story, my DH is an incredibly sweet, loving, and generous man. He has never once been anything but kind to me, he even tries to be nice when he’s arguing with me. When he was a child he had to witness his father abuse women emotionally and physically. Abuse makes him sick and he won’t tolerate it from anyone. My DH is the kind of guy that tries to break up fights on the street and never walks away if someone needs help.  But, he also had a hard childhood and he has certain pressure points that send him into a rage of martyrdom. He also had to grow up with an abusive step-father; except the step-father abused him. SF was unreasonable, angry, ignorant, horrible, mean- almost any negative word you can think of, this man deserved- I met him, unfortunately. His SF would be-little him constantly, so now if anyone be-little’s him he gets overcome with emotions of anger and he wants to set that person straight. Yesterday someone called him a “kid” and threatened to send him to Zimbabwe, if he didn’t leave stop asking him questions in an email. (to top it off, the guy had him confused- it wasn’t really my DH that he meant this about) Someone showed the email to DH and the everyone was all pissed b/c this guy that sent the email was pissed and yada yada yada… DH wanted to go “piss of this guys desk” and set him straight. Keep in mind that this guy really could send him to Zimbabwe or make him lose his job. It ended up being a HUGE mess for me trying to calm him down and remind him of his goals and how this one guy shouldn’t ruin our whole lives. He talked to a chaplain about it and says he feels better, but I’m left in agony and anxiety wondering when that next phone call is going to come when he is ready to throw it all away. That is his problem; he has been fighting  all his life just to get a piece of the pie and he’s tired. He doesn’t want to fight anymore and these assholes just keep pushing him and it makes him want to just be a martyr and throw it all away. I am in constant fear that this will happen- how do I trust him to keep his cool? I don’t know that I can. I was also babysitting the kids for the first time while all this was happening and they were being loud and I could barely talk. I felt sick like puking and I have a headache from so much stuff going on at one time. There is other stuff that contributed to my tantrum, but this was the most of it.

Yesterday 900 calories burned, food- far from on plan. Today is a new day.

(Please no one leave me any comments about what will happen if I piss him off and he fly’s off the handle. I piss him off daily and he is nothing but loving. I know my husband and I know that I am in absolutely no danger whatsoever. I only write this b/c I know that someone out there was probably planning non saying it. I appreciate your concern though.) 🙂

10thFebruary

FML

I have had an incredibly hard, horrible, trying day today. I feel like just laying on the floor screaming and crying. Is it that serious? No, but I feel that way. I don’t want to get into the details, but I thought writing it out might help. God help me to not go on a binder and eff up all my progress. Count to 10, 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10… breathe, relax, rest.

9thFebruary

Just a another day…

I just wanted to write a quick update about my day today. Went to the little gym with K, only did 45mins today because we were both pretty beat from the last 2 days. I got in 30mins elliptcal and about 20mins bike for 420 calories. I might run on my treadmill later, but we’ll have to see how tired I am tonight. I am planning on cleaning up the house today since I’ve been neglecting it all week. If I finish all my other obligations before DH gets home from work, I’ll update some more. I want to post my measurements and new pics, lets hope I hae some time later.

Thanks everybody for your advice about sleep, especially to Didi, I plan on trying out that magnesium when we get paid next week. Because of my broken scale, I haven’t been able to weigh, but I am starting to feel a slight difference in my clothing. I’ll take inches over pounds any day! My TOM is about a week or so away, so I hope that I can get my measurements done before I start to bloat. That’s why I want to do them today. Still loving my HRM, and for those of you wondering, it has lots of cool features. It tracks your time, heart rate, calories, and target heart rate while you work out. At the end you get a summary and it saves all your work out information so that you can log it online or reference it later. It has a chest strap so that’s why I think it should be more accurate than the machines. It probably has some other features too that I have yet to discover. Oh yeah, it also takes all your stats and logs them too; weight, age, height, sex, etc. for more accurate readings.

Time to clean! Might be back later…

 Update: Finished most of my chores- except the dishes, ugh. Decided to log my measurements (check the Lets Learn Subtraction tab up top), I am a little dissapointed that they haven’t really changed much, but I’m glad that they didn’t really get any bigger than the last time I measured in October. I remember once apon a time I had a 30 inch waist… oh big dreams in my future. Has anyone here ever sat down and thought about the “perfect measurements” before? (bust36, waist24, hips36) Take out your measuring tape and look at how small 24 inches is… then look at 36 inches… I don’t know about you, but at this stage in the game, I’m like NO WAY I’ll EVER have that small a waist. I can almost see the hips and bust, but that waist seems non-existent. I think I’ll use my BFF K as my guinea pig tomorrow and make her do some measurements for comparison. She is pretty petite compare to me, so I’d like to see how we both “measure up”- ha ha.

8thFebruary

Brain Clutter

Hello all! Do you ever just have a day or ridiculously long set of days that your brain is all cluttered up and makes life hell? I’m in that poor brain clutter crisis right now. I am about to make a list of things that are on my mind constantly; you guys probably won’t get most of it, but I need to write it out for myself. DH’s deployment looming and all things realted, DH’s uncertainty with job and all the effed up red tape that it requires to reenlist, k’s child support case, k’s DH’s child custody case, my family back home, where we are going to live if DH gets out, how to pay the bills in that case, money in general, car needs maintenance, DH wants to drive 9hrs away to renew DL this weekend (so short notice), clean my house, call maintenace b/c my dishwasher is broke, dryer is still broken since November, small children drive me batty, poor cats need more attention, I need to go to the gym, crap- did I eat yet?, crap- I did eat, where are all my clean socks, I need a dental app., I need an optometry app…. OMG, I would continue but I just realized that I could go on until we all decay reading this.

I have been laying in bed at night for the past week for over 3 hours trying to make my brain stop thinking so that I can go to sleep. I am started to feel sleep deprived! I even took 5, not 2, but 5 PM pills the other night and nada. (I promise I won’t OD I have a huge medication tolerance- morphine doesn’t even make me loopy or really help my pain for that matter) Oddly enough, hot coffee (black, no milk) makes me tired, Isn’t that ass backward? I try sheep, white noise, music, self-hypnosis, fidgeting, etc. etc. etc. forever and ever. This happens to me every so often when I have a lot on my mind. I am the problem solver and I can’t rest until ALL the problems are solved- everyone’s problems…  Didi, if you have some wonderful magic sleeping trick please share.

The good news today is that K and I went to the gym again today and I burned 800 calories! I used my new polar “bear” HRM and it worked great. It actually had me burning about 15% more calories than the machines were saying that I burned. I kinda didn’t want to trust it, but I figure that the HRM should be more correct than a machine that isn’t calibrated to my individual body and is probably not as sensitive. I stayed on the elliptical for a whole hour straight! I actually could have went longer but my feet were killing me from standing in the same spot for so long. I did the bike for about 20 mins to even out my calories and then we left since I did strength the last two days, I took a rest on it today.

Food has been good, I find that I do well all day long, but when DH text’s to say that he is on his way- I get the munchies. I think I eat when I’m nervous! I’m always nervous and worried about what kind of day he had and if he is running a little later than I expect it to take him to get home, I start to worry that he’s been in an accident or that something bad happened at work. When I was in the 3rd grade I used to go to the nurses office every week claiming to be sick, I would sit there and cry and cry and cry until my teacher let me go. I never told the adults what was wrong with me, but I was crying b/c I was afraid my parents were going to die while I was at school. Remembering this, I know that I have experienced worry from an early age… I should probably get some anti-anxiety meds but b/c of personal beliefs I won’t. I don’t look down on anyone for taking mental health meds, but they are just not for me. I believe they would do me more harm than good. I once too amitriptilyne (prescribed for headaches) after about 3 weeks of using it I was a roller coaster of emotions. I thought I was going to die I felt so crazy and weird. I researched and found out that it’s most common use is for depression. That shit fucked my head up! I stopped it right then and about 2 or 3 weeks later I was feeling like myself again.

Here I am rambling on and on, can’t sleep might as well blog all night. K and I have plans to go to the gym again tomorrow, so I should try to go lay down for sleep. Here’s hoping!