So today I was down another .2lbs which is great because I’m currently doing the weight loss limbo between 170 and 171. I have caught myself snacking a lot this past week as TOM is coming next week and I turn into a voracious muchin crunchin machine the week prior. I’ve still managed to keep the calories right around 1400 or less, so that’s a victory in itself. This morning the junk room disappeared and I took a ton of crap out to the shed and organized it. The only problem with the junk room disappearing is that all the other rooms in my house magically became messy and gained 10lbs each of new fodder. Sometimes I wonder if it is even worth it? Why bother, we’re moving again in two years- or less, why can’t it just stay in the box? *Sigh* At least I’m 85% done as a whole with all this moving related crap. Tomorrow is round 2 of Fat lady vs. Lawnmower and I’m wondering how I’m going to fit this into the schedule. My DH is having minor dental surgery tomorrow and is going to be home for the next 2 days- it is SO freaking hard to do any real work when he’s home. I love him being here and I’m glad that he’s getting a couple of days off, (even if it is for medical reasons- he works 12-14hrs a day 6 days a week) but I do nothing other than spend QT with him when he is home. I’m lucky to put a dish in the sink when he’s here, we literally spend all of our free time attached at the hip. At some point I have to make time to cut the grass though, especially with hurricane Earl on it’s way here- all that rain will make it killer to cut if I put it off. If “Earl” decides to turn closer to shore and we get evac’ed I think I’ll cry. I just got done unpacking and moving after 8 months of being a “hobo” and now it’s all going to float away in the storm surge… If that were to happen I think I’d just find a nice sized refrigerator box and wait to die. Not trying to be all melodramatic, but with the luck I’ve had this past couple of years, I’m not holding my breath on this one. At least we have full coverage auto and renter’s insurance, like that would replace all the crap we’ve accumulated in oh, only 20 yrs give or take. On a lighter note whenever I have some extra down time I plan on doing a few updates to my blog. I’m planning on adding a lot of pictures and start the progress shots- I might even be brave and do them in my bathing suit… I want this to be real and I don’t want to make any apologies for my body, not for me or anyone else. I’m going to add some new pages too, so stay tuned for updates. That’s all I can think of for tonight, so until next time, I bid ye adieu.

30thAugust

My Achilles heel…

So on the home front I got a lot of sorting of the junk room done, I’d say I’m done to 25% left to do in this arena. That takes a huge weight off my shoulders and I’m glad for that. Although, the diet could have gone better today… My DH has been working his butt off at the job and I felt like giving him a little treat today. BTW, he is also participating *to a degree* with the diet plan. He has been eating the same dinners as I have and eating more healthily than usual all around. Well I made one of his favorites tonight for dinner, Hamburger steaks w/ mushrooms, peppers, onions & gravy. I usually make homemade french fries too, but instead I made a type of potato jubilee with peppers, onions, and garlic and sauteed it in EEOV. All together each serving was 900 calories and 30something gFat. Not terrible for this type of meal, but definitely not something that I should be eating all the time. I believe that even though DH is very supportive, he is also my Achilles heel. If I take all the time and effort to make something tasty like that, I just cannot walk away from it empty “mouthed”. I’m feeling a little bit guilty and another “g” word that is rather unpleasant too. I haven’t eaten red meat in a month or so I think? I’m hoping that maybe I needed a little pusher to break through this plateau I sense coming on- I’ve been going back and forth for almost a week now between 171.4 & 170.4. I won’t feel completely terrible until tomorrow, if the scale is unkind. Maybe this other “g” word is a sign that this was just what I needed to get things moving down there- if you catch my drift. That reminds me of something a friend was telling me the other day… I don’t know how to even begin on this subject. My friend that I talk to occasionally is also overweight and the other day she told me she was trying to lose weight too. She said she is doing a 12 day fast of only water, some lemon juice concoction, and an occasional “snack” is she feels like she needs sugar. Now, I’m no stranger to the fast, as I have done several in the past- however I won’t do them now and think they are a bad idea. The thing that really bothered me was she said she is also taking laxatives at night… First I know this is very unhealthy and that it won’t help you lose weight because they just flush your bowels and get rid of water retention. Second, if you are on a fast, WTH do you think is going to come out? I was totally floored, she also said she’s going to do this 3 or 4 times a year to lose weight- the real kicker? She’s a nurse. I understand that there are a lot of people out there that feel like they need a quick fix and are desperate, but this is not the way! Misuse of laxatives alone can give you serious health problems- if you misuse too often your bowel can actually start to die from not being exercised (it is a muscle). Then when you compound the fact that fasting like this can cause your body to go into starvation mode, then your going to gain like crazy the first time you put solid food in your mouth. I just don’t even know how to try to express this to her? She’s a nurse for crying out loud and should know better! Anyway, I guess I’m done ranting. I’ll fill everyone in on how the scale treats me in the morning and hopefully stay closer to the rails tomorrow. G’night Chickies!

Ok, I have a huge confession to make… the ocean scares me. Now let me clarify, I grew up going to Hartwell Lake in SC all summer long. I’m a great swimmer and I love water. After I got older and “larger” I stopped going regularly and my fears have started to get the best of me. I’m not afraid of drowning or being lost a sea; I think the beach and ocean are beautiful and I love going there. What terrifies me and turns me into a sniveling child, is not knowing what creatures and things might be lurking right underneath my feet. It think my phobia stems from a trip to Myrtle Beach… my parents never took me to the beach because we lived near the lake and they didn’t like to drive. The first time I ever swam in the ocean, I believe I was 15 or 16 and I went with a friend and her family. It was very different from swimming in the lake- comparatively, I wouldn’t really call it swimming, more like floating and treading. The second day we were there I stepped on two things, the first was something hard and it vibrated. My only conclusion was that it was a small sea creature that I probably injured or killed with my weight and that disturbed me greatly. The second thing was VERY VERY squishy and nasty and to this day I have no idea what it was… maybe seaweed, a diaper, a dead jelly fish? I have no idea. All I know is that weekend at the beach sealed my fate on how I feel about “swimming” in the ocean. I’m terrified that I’ll step on something gruesome. After this experience I have since been in the ocean in the Bahamas- the ocean water was so clear there that I felt safe knowing what was underneath my feet. All other sea waters scare me. Yes, I still get in, but I’m freaking out the whole time. Today DH and I went to the beach (it’s five minutes away) and it felt great to be there and exercise, but the whole time I was freaking out. When we arrived there were dead horseshoe crab ALL over the beach and I even saw some floating near the shore line. Already a deterrent for my day of fun. But I prevailed and got in and swam for about an hour. It was so nice to get out and spend quality time with DH. I hope we can go back a few more times before the fall hits. DH was pretty nice about not swimming too far away and leaving me alone to fend the sea creatures too, so that was a plus. I only screamed like the little girl I am about 4 times when I thought I brushed up against something! I feel a little more comfortable about the water, but I’m not holding my breath yet. Weight loss for the week was -2.2 pounds so I’m happy with that too. Here’s hoping for another great week and more exercise!

Yesterday I woke up to a 1 pound gain and from my post the night before, you know I was expecting it. Thats all ok though because today I woke up to a -1.4 loss from yesterday- yah! Now I wouldn’t go as far to say I’m “weight obsessed” but I have to weigh in daily. For me, it keeps me on track and knowing if what I’m doing and eating is working. I consider anything lost as working and as long as I don’t gain more than a pound or consistently gain small amounts for a few days, I know I’m good. To only weigh myself once a week would do major damage to my brain- as I would be stressing about what was going on the entire week. So for all of you that can make it a week, I send kudos, you are super-human in my eyes. I only have .4lbs to go before I reach my next minigoal, the funny thing is I didn’t expect to get here so quickly and don’t have the $ to reward myself like I had hoped, I guess I’ll be brainstorming on another reward instead. That’s all good though money or not a goal is a goal. I feel great today! I actually woke up after exactly 8hrs sleep with no alarm. I think my walk last night helped to ease some of the tension I’ve had about exercise- so what I didn’t come close to my minutes goal this week, but I did something and that’s more than I’ve been doing. I also tidied up the house this morning and worked on organizing my junk room. I know you guys know what that is- that room where all the things that you have no place for, but can’t get rid of go. Ugh… where do you put all those little things at? Like souvenier keychains, old folders, gifted stuffed animals or ones you won at the fair on vacation, etc, etc, etc… I think this is always the hardest part of moving. The rest of the house is pretty much set and I want to relax- anyone have a spare black hole or cloak of invisibility that I can put my junk in? Anyway I’m about to sit down and relax with my Long Island Iced Tea darn Crystal Light Peach Tea, and watch Star Trek. :p

27thAugust

Quick update

Today was better than yesterday, I got a lot done around the house, so I’m happy with that. I even took a short walk around the block for a little exercise, somethings better than nothing. I’ve been making a study guide for about 4 hours now for my DH’s advancement exam, so I’m pretty tired and about to head off to bed. I’ll update more tomorrow. G’night chicks!

My panties aren’t all in a bunch about it but, whoever my puppeteer is needs to put out his/her cigarette and get back to work. I got up at a decent hour today and did get some things unpacked, but for the most part I have no idea where all my time went. I should have jumped on the treadmill for half an hour, but of course I didn’t. I really don’t know what I did? Was I at your house with my thumb up my… cause I sure wasn’t exercising. I put out a missing person’s report so if you see me, let me know. I was supposed to finish all my to do stuff before starting the exercise program anyway, but I guess I’m just being hard on myself. I have bad feelings about weigh in tomorrow because I had a heavy calorie/fat dinner tonight. I made salmon patties, cabbage, and pinto beans. The salmon patties were in olive oil so at least all the fats I had weren’t the bad kind, but it was still too heavy for one meal. Ah, I’m not going to stress over it though, weight goes up- weight goes down, I’ll still keep losing as long as I stay OP. Seeing as how I was MIA all day I have nothing to report. I’ll check back in tomorrow and let you know how weigh in goes and if I actually find my puppeteer- lazy SOB.

Today was a pretty good day overall! Probably TMI but, I went to my GYN appointment and got my re-up on my birth control. I was very relieved that the doctor was a woman; I have issues with another man besides my DH poking around down there even if he is a doctor. She was pleasant and gentle and I was SOOO glad she didn’t do a rectal exam along with my pap. Now call me naive but, I’ve had quite a few pap’s and I’ve never had the doctor do anything other than the pelvic exam, pap, and breast exam. However, last night I was googling pap smears to make sure I wasn’t forgetting anything (not to have sex 48hrs prior, etc.) and I came across all these horror stories of doctors shoving their fingers into the unsuspecting arses of patients during their pap- without any warning. In my research I found out this was normal to check the placement of the uterus, but I have never heard of it before. I even asked a bunch of my girlfriends and they thought I was a nut because they have never heard of it either… Needless to say I was all nerves like a virgin last night thinking this doctor- whom I had no idea of their gender- would shove their finger in my bum during the exam. My brain was so active I had to be burning calories just thinking about it as I lay down to go to sleep! This is where Axl comes in, whenever I have something in my head that I can’t stop thinking about I sing to myself in my head. I’m musically talented myself and when I “hear” a song inside my brain- I hear the whole song, the guitars, the drums, the lyrics… my lobes would probably light up like a freakin Christmas tree, that’s how vividly I “hear” the music in my head. So what was the first song that popped into my over actively nervous brain last night? Sweet Child O’mine, mostly the intro and the first verse. Axl and I had about 2 hour relationship last night followed by several cameo’s during the day today. I love the song and all things rock, but at 3am and tired, even I want to pull out his long blond hair and not in the good way! So “Axl, if you could, please release me or at least give me over to the Eagles for a while or something.” I stayed on plan today and even though I didn’t get in any exercise I feel great. I think just getting that appointment over with lifted a huge weight off my shoulders and my to do list. Nothing else to report tonight, will try to post earlier in the day tomorrow and hopefully get in some good exercise!

Today I woke up almost on time and decided that I needed to work on my to do list. I’m also started aiming for 300 minutes of exercise per week- or 1hr 5 days a week. My mission started by cutting the grass. First let me give you some back story… growing up I lived in a house that probably had a little over half an acre of grass to cut. My dad would gas up the RIDING mower and all I had to do was turn the key, engage the blade, and hit the gas pedal. It took maybe 45mins to cut the whole yard. Period. I loved cutting the grass back then, it was fun. So on my mission today I thought to myself, “This will take like 5-10 minutes, then I’ll weedeat, edge, and rake; maybe an hour tops. Our yard is around 25×15 feet I’m guessing. First I had to go get gas, then came home to get down to business. Gassing her up was easy, but I also had to replace the oil and the stupid dipstick is curved, so I couldn’t tell if where the oil level was because when I put it back in the hole it touched the oily sides. Great now I’m dealing with the evil lawnmower of doom and I don’t know if it’s got enough juice it in to cut the jungle that has become my backyard. If I failed to mention this is a push mower of which I have never laid hand on before… I ended up calling the manufacturer to ask how many mililiters of oil needed to go into it and she said- “They don’t give us that information.” What? Is that not the most idiotic thing? Anyway, so I got all my ducks in a row and after a short over the phone tutorial with the DH on how to start it, I was out of the gate running. Umm… not so much. I primed the gas and then jerked that cord with all my might and… nothing. Am I really that weak? So I tried a few more times and finally got it- with much difficulty. At first I thought, “This is cool and I feel great accomplishing something.” Well that lasted about 5 minutes until I got to the higher grass that just happened to be a little wet on the underside. The mower kept choking and turning off and here I was pulling the damn cord as hard as I could to turn it back on. Somehow I managed to finish in a half hour. I was so thirsty and exhausted by time I was done that I drank about 2 bottles of water in 5 minutes. Next I got out the weedeater/edger and got down to business. That was still hard and my arms are a little sore right now, but it was so much easier than pushing that evil little contraption. Except I got smacked in the cheek by a rouge piece of wood- that sucked. I said screw raking this up though, I had spent an hour and a half doing everything and I was beat. I almost dozed off in the tub afterward and I’m one of those people that can’t nap during the day. I’m going to be taking over the yard duties from now on and I plan on it getting easier every week. I know if I really cut it as often as it needs to be that I’ll be getting a workout! So I’m counting my time cutting grass today as exercise and I’m glad too, because with the way I feel right now, I’m not moving from this couch unless a tornado takes me away- or maybe a nice brownie- that might move me. 🙂 More of my to do list tomorrow, but for now I’m beat. Good night chickies.

PS: I was down .6lbs this morning- go me!

Have you ever seen a cat that’s really pissed off and kind of leaps with lightning speed onto its target and beats the ever-loving crap out of it so fast with its paws you can barely see them moving? Reminds me of how they have to slow down the exposure to show a humming birds wings flap. Well, when I’m irritable it’s all I can do to keep from morphing into that pissed off boxing cat. I’m really nice, I swear. It all started today when I slept through my alarm by about an hour and a half and woke up with heart burn- yuk. I got up and washed all the dishes that were due back to the FFSC (Fleet and Family Support Center) that I borrowed before we got our stuff back from the movers, then ate a little breakfast, and next got ready to go to the commissary (in case anyone doesn’t know- that is the grocery store on a military base). First I assembled all my masses of coupons- trust me I had an army! Then dropped off the loaner dishes and went to the commissary. While I was sitting in the parking lot I called to see if my medical enrollment was done and luckily I have an appointment on Wednesday to get my annual (lovely woman’s exam) birthcontrol refill- yay! It was about to run out and I surely don’t want any little “mad fat ladies or gents” running around just yet! Another item off my to do list and things were looking up. I went inside and if you have ever tried to shop on a budget with a ton of coupons- you know- it can take forever… I was there for about 4 hrs! Sifting through the crowds (comm’s are always way too busy), sorting out my coupons, checking off my list, and calculating my bill along the way. I resisted temptation though, I usually pick out a fresh pastry as my “reward” for tackling all the vet’s in scooters and mil-spouses with 4 screaming kids. I added up my bill when I was almost done and it came up to about $218.00 after coupons. I know, I know, some of your jaws have de-hinged and clattered to the floor, but this is 2 weeks of expensive healthy groceries. Plus I had a $240.00 budget because after a move cross-country you have to throw out all the food and spices you’ve accumulated. The military won’t put any food items or liquid toiletries in non-temporary storage, so I had a ton to replace. I thought, “Wow, I’m doing great only a couple more things to get and I’m gold.” So, I finished my shopping and went to the checkout. My next statement is not to offend anyone but… I get to the line and my cashier is an older Filipino lady- and by experience, these ladies that work for the commisary are unusally rude, hard to understand, and kinda crotchety. Sorry I really have NO problem with other races, but all them that I have met working in the commissary fit this profile. I hand her my massive amount of coupons first and literally say, “Here’s my coupons, that way you can check them out before you start ringing all my stuff.” She looks a little then begins… I had 185 items according to my reciept. By the time the bill comes it’s about $320.00 before coupons- yikes! WTF? I calculated! What happened? So I’m already extremely tired from grocery shopping in this maddness for 4hrs, I have only eaten one small thing, and now my bill is over $300.00 GAH! Next she starts scanning the coupons taking her sweet time reading them all over first (and yes I know that she has to make sure they are valid and not expired- I’ve worked a ton of retail) but, the computer will tell her if they aren’t the right coupon for my item so as long as the date is good, it should not take that long… She gets to one that the computer won’t take and says to me “You didn’t get this, here.” and shoves it back at my face. Now I’m starting to steam from the ears a little. I tell her, “Yes I did, it’s in the bag.” Her next move is ever so bold, she order’s the baggers to “find” the item and make sure I have it. I had like 50 bags! The baggers are looking at her like she’s a nut job, but start looking. Then behold, another one- this time she says “No double coupon!” and again shoves it back in my face… Now the blood is around my eyes and I, as politely as I can say, “I bought two of those- a blue one and a green one.” She again orders the baggers to look for these items. At this point the lady behind me, whom also has a ton of coupons says aloud, “They better not put anyone else in this line because this is gonna take all day!” By this time the baggers have found the first two discrepancies and the cashier has scanned my coupons- rather begrudgingly. Now she continues and isn’t even putting putting them into the computer before telling me I didn’t buy the shit, I am really mad at this point and it takes every fiber in my being to not “cat attack” this lady. We go round and round about 5 or 6 more different things and I again prove victorius when the items magically appear in my bags. Finally she has a coupon for some deodorant and it’s a small item and the baggers can’t find it in all the crap I have and I just tell her, “Nevermind, I’ll just bring it back later because this is ridiculous!” She attempts to apologize but I feel it was less than sincere and more about not wanting me to complain when I take back my deodorant- that cost $1.79 BTW after I have spent over $300.00 in the store. So after 20 minutes all the coupon maddness was over and I saved $48.95 and still had to charge $50.00 on my credit card to pay the bill. Sucks, my DH told me not to worry about it though, he’ll pay me back- he’s a sweetheart. I felt sorry for the lady behind me now, but at least she knew what was coming. I just got so pissed, by her attitude, her rudeness, and her poor method. Am I wrong? I don’t think so, but I do tend to anger quickly- that’s part of what my blog is about- “Anger and stress packing on the pounds…” Now all the groceries are put away and I’m not angry anymore, but damn I feel like I got put in a blender today for some reason. After I got home I took out all the moving boxes and trash for bulk pick-up day, so that’s another thing off the to do list, yah for me. We’ll see if I gain tomorrow, then there must be something to the theory of anger=pounds. I promise a happier and possibly laughable post tomorrow, good night chickies!

So today after 5 days straight of loss, I gained today. I’m not suprised and I’m actually not upset. I knew those numbers were too good to be true- damn body. It was .8 pounds, doesn’t sound like a whole lot but considering I’m eating 1200 calories days it almost seems impossible, lol. I know its water, sugar, all that good stuff, blah. I’m good though I know tomorrow is another day and that things will be just fine if my DH is ever done changing the plug on the washer. He gets SOOO fustrated and I feel bad because this is his only day off. He works 6 days a week leaves the house at 6am and doesn’t get home til almost 6pm some days and then its to bed by 9pm to start another day (he’s one of those people that simply cannot function without 8hrs sleep). We cherish our time together and whenever he has to “work” outside of work, he gets in a bad mood. I don’t blame him though, I probably would too. I might post again later if I’m in a happier mood and find something to laugh about but for now, I’m gonna try to relax and feel better. If you didn’t check in over the weekend, I posted a follow up about my Eat, Pray, Love experience, it’s down there somewhere under my food diary. BTW, does anyone think I shoud move the Food Diary post’s to their own page? I ‘ve been thinking about it but I’m not sure…

*UPDATE* I did move my “Today’s Eats” food diary postings to a separate page (up there at the top) so that they don’t fill up my “regular diary” so much. I also added a couple new pages to round out the blog a little more. Enjoy!