Second Life

Feeling Good!

peawinkle — Sat, 04 Jul 2009 02:12:11 +0000

I visited the doctor today. This one was TONS better than the last quack I went to. This doctor was knowledgeable, asked the appropriate questions and was very personable. He actually spent time in the room with me and didn’t act as if he had somewhere else to be. We was supportive of my efforts to lose weight but wants me to lean towards vegetarianism……HAH - I don’t know if I could ever do that but never say never! I’m thrilled I found a doctor who I trust and have a rapport with and one that doesn’t want me to come in every month (and hand over a copay) to have a Rx refilled.

Unfortunately, I had to cancel the diet to go meals. They were just too expensive. 5 days of lunch and dinner plus shipping came to $113. That’s more than 10/meal. The food is delicious but I just can’t afford it. I still have a weeks worth of meals in the freezer so I’m going to eat them for dinner only. I can make decent choices for breakfast and lunch (usually). Dinner is where I get into trouble. I’ve stayed away from fast food joints and uncontrolled snacking but I’ve been remiss in going to the gym. I guess it’s one step at a time!

Hangin in there…

peawinkle — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 01:50:31 +0000

Yesterday stunk for food. 3 meals from fast food joints but today I’m back on track. All 3 meals and 1 snack were healthy. I decided to go back on my anti-depressants. I was on them a few years ago and it helped me tremendously. I hate taking pills, not for any stigma reason just that I’m forgetful…..well, maybe a bit of stigma. They really help me focus on what I need to get done during the day. I’m great at making list, after list, after list but I often don’t complete a task. When I’m on anti-depressants I’m much more productive.

I’m hungry or am I….

peawinkle — Sat, 27 Jun 2009 19:04:26 +0000

It’s the second day on my diet to go meals and while they are filling and delicious I still want MORE. I’m not really hungry just want to eat. I need to get motivated, get off this couch and get out of the house….and away from the refrigerator. In fact, I need to head to the store to buy ceiling fans so maybe I’ll stop by the gym while I’m out. I went to the Y yesterday and not only did 40 minutes on the treadmill but I worked out my arms with weights as well. I felt great but by the end of the evening I wanted to eat everything but couldn’t find anything that would satisfy me. Good thing I didn’t have any chocolate in the house!

Thanks to those who have commented on my blog and offered their support!

Sad Day

peawinkle — Fri, 26 Jun 2009 03:53:18 +0000

Farrah and Michael Jackson both died today. How sad. I will always remember MJ for the wonderful singer and dancer he was but I will also remember him as a disturbed man whose childhood prevented him from becoming a fully functioning adult. As for Farrah, I have a new respect for her after seeing her courage in the cancer documentary. I loved her in her short stint on Charlies Angels and more so for her portrayal of an abused wife in The Burning Bed. I always thought she was an original but the David Letterman interview gave me pause! I didn’t see her pics in Playboy but DAMN… naked in a mag at 50??? You go girl! I hope both RIP.

As for my day. I didn’t do well diet wise or in the way of exercise but the first of 3 electricians came by to give me an estimate on a few upgrades for my house. The estimate was MUCH lower than I expected and I’m very excited about finally having some work done on my house. I also received my first delivery of the diet to go prepared foods. I’ll start them tomorrow. They look great…although small!!!

Kitchen Craziness

peawinkle — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 03:16:05 +0000

I was too exhausted yesterday to post to my blog. I have potentially beautiful terrazo floors. They need to be professionally stripped and sealed but since that would cost me at least 3 grand I’ll be having them UN-professionally done…..by me! The first step is to make sure the floor is super clean so I spent a lot of time scrubbing the kitchen floor (after I moved everything out of the kitchen and into the living room). Sweeping, mopping and scrubbing is a GREAT workout! You know how when you start a project it can grow into something much bigger? Well, refinishing the kitchen floors has turned into painting all the kitchen cabinets, replacing the drawer pulls, kitchen sink and maybe having a new wall oven installed (mine is 50 years old). Hey, I just realized my oven is 6 years older than I am ….mmmhh, no one should have an appliance that old. I can’t believe it still works!!!! After all the work I finished yesterday I felt wonderfully exhausted. I was productive. I had a project to focus on and for the first time in weeks I looked forward to the next day.

Today, I got together with my best friend….the one I previously mentioned I was (unjustifiably) mad at for losing weight while I remained FAT and unmotivated….we had a wonderful time shopping and having lunch. We also made it to Home depot where I bought paint (and painting supplies) for the kitchen cabinets. I can’t wait to get started tomorrow!!!

My diettogo.com meals are supposed to be delivered tomorrow. I can’t wait to see if they are as delicious as I’ve heard.

Day 1

peawinkle — Tue, 23 Jun 2009 01:22:17 +0000

Success !! I made it to the YMCA this morning and stayed on the treadmill as long as I could. I had hoped to walk for an hour but my back started hurting after 15 minutes. I forced myself to stay on until the pain was too much…30 minutes! Tomorrow I will try for 35 minutes. Once I get rid of this big belly my back pain will lessen. Not only have I been putting off healthy eating and exercising but I’ve been dragging my feet with doctors appointments. When I got back from the YMCA I went to my home office and started making phone calls. Dentist, doctor, gyno and ultrasound for thyroid nodules are all scheduled! Pheeww, what a relief it is to have that off my to do list. I also scheduled 2 electricians to come out to give me an estimate on updating my electrical wiring. There have been too many fires lately because of old wiring. I was more productive today than I have been for the last 2 weeks combined. Keep it up chic-a-poo!

The night before….

peawinkle — Mon, 22 Jun 2009 04:55:03 +0000

Once again I am embarking on another diet adventure and of course what better day to start a diet but Monday. You know what happens the night before a new diet? The pig out !!! Actually, compared to my previous diet-eve-pig-outs this one was pretty minor. Ice cream snicker bars, cheese puffs and a California Kitchen Pizza. Yes…that is a minor pig out.

I’m feeling such anger today. Not just today but for a couple weeks I’ve felt the anger building. Angry at myself, angry at the circumstances that have led me to weigh 320 pounds, anger at the fast food that I can’t seem to stop eating and anger at my best friend (for 30 years) who is succeeding in her weight struggle. That last anger makes me feel very small. We’ve both been overweight for years and in the last few months she’s been able to lose at least 50 pounds. She looks great and I’m so thrilled for her but I wish I was also 50 pounds lighter. I’m feeling left behind and afraid that I will remain the fat friend while she finally makes her goal. I’m also angry at my family. No one talks about my weight. No one has said “Enough is enough, you are killing yourself.” I know they see it, I know they talk about it behind my back but the members of my family are firm believers in the “just ignore the elephant (no pun intended) in the room”. Enough belly aching. I can’t walk to the mailbox without breathing heavy. My beautiful gardens are infested with weeds. The house projects are piling up and I don’t have the energy or physical ability to keep up with my house. I HAVE TO DO SOMETHING NOW!

Here’s my plan…. I joined the YMCA and plan to go 5 days a week. I’m also having lunch and dinner delivered by diettogo.com. I can’t seem to make good food choices so I’m letting diet- to- go take care of it for me. Breakfast I can handle on my own -eggs or oatmeal. I’m a teacher so I other than trainings I signed up for I have the summer to devote to losing weight. As my students would say…. BRING IT !!!