Second Life

The night before….

Posted peawinkle on June 21st, 2009 | Filed under Uncategorized

Once again I am embarking on another diet adventure and of course what better day to start a diet but Monday. You know what happens the night before a new diet?  The pig out !!!  Actually, compared to my previous diet-eve-pig-outs this one was pretty minor.  Ice cream snicker bars, cheese puffs and a California Kitchen Pizza. Yes…that is a minor pig out. 

I’m feeling such anger today. Not just today but for a couple weeks I’ve felt the anger building. Angry at myself, angry at the circumstances that have led me to weigh 320 pounds, anger at the fast food that I can’t seem to stop eating and anger at my best friend (for 30 years) who is succeeding in her weight struggle. That last anger makes me feel very small. We’ve both been overweight for years and in the last few months she’s been able to lose at least 50 pounds. She looks great and I’m so thrilled for her but I wish I was also 50 pounds lighter.  I’m feeling left behind and afraid that I will remain the fat friend while she finally makes her goal.  I’m also angry at my family.  No one talks about my weight. No one has said “Enough is enough, you are killing yourself.”  I know they see it, I know they talk about it behind my back but the members of my family are firm believers in the “just ignore the elephant (no pun intended) in the room”.  Enough belly aching. I can’t walk to the mailbox without breathing heavy. My beautiful gardens are infested with weeds. The house projects are piling up and I don’t have the energy or physical ability to keep up with my house. I HAVE TO DO SOMETHING NOW!

Here’s my plan….  I joined the YMCA and plan to go 5 days a week.  I’m also having lunch and dinner delivered by diettogo.com.  I can’t seem to make good food choices so I’m letting diet- to- go take care of it for me. Breakfast I can handle on my own -eggs or oatmeal.  I’m a teacher so I other than trainings I signed up for I have the summer to devote to losing weight.  As my students would say…. BRING IT !!!