Six Month Meltdown

cough..cough…hack…cough…what the Hell did I do?  I set the oven to clean, went to take a shower and, when I came out, the house is full of smoke.  I put two broiler racks in to clean but I’m wondering if there was something in the oven.  No, there couldn’t have been.  The broiler racks took up the entire space and I would have seen something.  Where did all this smoke come from?  cough…cough…I turned off the oven and opened a bunch of windows even though it’s 34 degrees outside.  Guess I’ll sit her and post while I choke and wait until I can unlock the oven.

I feel like I just finished a six month meltdown/binge/out-of-body experience.  I’m getting used to all the health problems going on with the family.  It’s just been one thing after another. I’ve felt better the last few days.  Starting to come around a little bit.  Donnie has a full day of radiation therapy and chemo today so  I have the place to myself.  I plan on doing some cleaning and trying to work out a little bit.

I weighed myself the other day and I’ve weighed daily for three days in a row.  Shocking. I’m up to 220 pounds.  Wish I could take it off as easily as it goes on.  A lot of the eating was just my way of coping, I guess.  I’d just sit on the computer playing stupid games and mindlessly munching.  I think what made me stop and look around was friends that I haven’t seen for a long time.  With things going on with Donnie, a lot of our friends have come by and I’ve been embarrassed about how I look.  Wondering how I let this happen.  I made an appointment with my GP and told him that I think I’ve hit the point of total incompetency with my weight.  The more I weigh, the worse I feel and the more my ankles hurt.  I’m at the point where I almost can’t exercise.  I told him I wanted something to give me an edge.  Asked him to prescribe phentermine and he shot that idea down.  Told me he did not want me taking it and suggested, instead, that I might want to consider lap band surgery.  He said he never would have recommended it until the last couple of years but he feels like they’ve come a long way with it and I might want to think about it.

And I did…think about it.  But I don’t think I want to go that route.  Not real comfortable with the idea of surgery to correct something I should be able to do on my own.  So I’m back in the race.  I plan on continuing with my old workout tape.  Adding a few minutes each day.  I work best by challenging myself, keeping track of calories and blogging.  So, that’s the plan.

Crap!  Finally got the oven open and found that one of the boys left two slices of pizza in there.  What is it with these guys?  They seem to think that any appliance with a door is a food storage unit.  I can’t tell you how many times I’ve found food in the microwave and oven.  Instead of wrapping it and putting it in the refrigerator, they just shove it in the oven or the microwave.  And I slid the broiling pan right over the top of it and didn’t even see it.

At any rate…I’m going to turn on my workout tape and do it until I’m ready to die then I’m going to walk around the block.



laura705 says 4th January @ 12:24

Your past 6 months have been so overwhelming – no one can deny that. But now it sounds like you’ve somehow adjusted and are ready to do what needs to be done. If any time is better than another, surely it would be now, when it’s more important than ever to get healthy so you can support others who need you. You’re off to a good start – don’t overdo the exercise. Little steps first. Good luck!

Ugh, that oven-cleaning session sounds awful. I did it recently and had a smokey smell without having any extraneous food/drippings. I can only imagine how bad it was with a couple slices of pizza burning to a crisp during that cleaning cycle.

fatnomo says 5th January @ 11:52

Good morning Ms. Patty. I am right there with you on the weight again. I nailed 217 on New Years Day, my feet feel like someone has taken a hammer to the bottom of them, and I pushed myself to take a 40 minute walk and paid for it for 2 days. Laura705 is right… don’ t overdo it, but do it. It will give you a moment to step outside and let the cool air hit your face and breathe. Little spurts is progress. I have faith in you!

I’m sorry to hear that the world has gotten heavy on you again. I am happy to hear that you are surrounded by people who love you and want to help where they can. Just keep writing, and talking it out, and moving. We’re here for ya.

brseay says 13th January @ 20:47

I’m sure I have shared this with you before but in the 2 months after Kyle was diagnosed I put on 30 pounds. I was only dealing with 1 illness, you have been bombarded with stress. For a while the goal is surviving the chaos, but now that you have had a chance to adapt to a new reality you can start to focus on being healthier.

My “moment” was kind of like yours…I got on the scale and saw I had gained 30 pounds in such a short amount of time. That’s when I made the decision to be healthier and when I acknowledged that as good as chocolate chip cookies are, they aren’t going to take away Kyle’s illness so turning to them does nothing but hurt me. I have had my ups and downs over the last 6 years but you have helped me through more of those than I can count.

I guess what I’m trying to say through my rambling is don’t be too hard on yourself for numbing yourself with food the last several months. Just accept that this is your new starting point, create your plan for making a change and then get started 🙂

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