Hanging in there

It’s been almost a month since we found out Donnie has lung cancer.  He has radiation therapy every day and chemo every Friday. It’s scary.  I keep wanting him to eat right and exercise and he doesn’t.  I mean, he never did so I don’t know why he’d start now.  Maybe I want it because he seems weak to me.  I know the treatment is going to weaken him and it scares me that he’s so tired all the time.  He sleeps at least 14 hours a day.  Complains that he can’t sleep at night and I feel like saying, “What are you talking about?  You went to bed at 7:00 and slept until 3:00.  That is a full night’s sleep.  Then you went back to bed at 5:00 and slept until 8:00, went to radiation therapy and came home and slept from 1:00 to 4:00.  That’s 14 hours.  What are you talking about???”

I find it difficult to know how to behave.  I want to treasure every minute we have but then I get aggravated about the same old things.  He fixes his coffee in the morning and leaves sweet-n-low packets all over the counter. Leaves the milk on the counter.  Sloshes coffee on the counter and I tell him to clean up his mess.  Then I realize there will probably come a day when I yearn to see sweet-n-low packets all over the counter.

My friends and family have been very supportive.  Of course, there’s not much they can do but they’re there anyway.  Calling all the time and inviting me out.  One friend smoked a turkey and brought it over on Christmas and another smoked a pork loin and brought it over a few days before Christmas.  Haven’t had to do much cooking lately.

Lot’s of contact through Facebook.  My brother developed heart problems and I just almost feel like our family is being tested. Mike is a health nut.  Never smoked, doesn’t drink, worked out daily for years, walks every single day and eats broiled fish and steamed vegetables most of the time.  Saw on Facebook where he was taken by ambulance to the hospital for heart problems.  Not sure exactly what the story is because he doesn’t want to worry me but I know that he was supposed to stay in the hospital because of an irregular heartbeat, shortness of breath, leaky heart valve, etc. and he checked himself out because there wasn’t anyone to take care of Kim, his girlfriend, who had a stroke a couple of years ago.  He doesn’t ask for help but I may pack my bags and go stay with him for a few days.  I need to learn how to take care of Kim because I know he won’t have any surgery done until he knows someone can take care of her and there doesn’t seem to be anyone else who can do it.

Mom’s not doing well either.  Donna put a picture up on Facebook a couple of hours ago.  Thought it was funny that Mom has never liked cats and Donna’s cat seems to have adopted her and lays on her bed all the time.  I didn’t see the humor in the picture.  I just saw Mom.  Every time I see her I’m shocked.  Here’s a picture from her birthday this spring and a picture from today.

I still can’t get into dieting right now but I did make an effort to get some exercise.  I started walking last Monday.  I know this sounds pathetic but I could only walk ten minutes.  So, I walked ten minutes in the morning, walked ten minutes at 3:00 and walked ten minutes at 6:00.  Then, yesterday, I got out my old Jane Fonda workout tape.  Not likely to finish it anytime soon but I did the 15 minute warm up and then walked for ten minutes three times today.  Hoping to add something each day.  At the rate my family is going, somebody better be able to take care of everyone.  We’re dropping like flies.


pepagirl says 3rd January @ 22:44

Glad to hear that you are able to hang in there, in agree that it seems like your family is being tested. All you can do is stay positive and be there for them. Just don’t forget to take care of yourself through this tribulation. You are still in my prayers.

5yearscancerfree says 6th January @ 15:23

I’m so sorry to hear about your family health issues. Not sure if you know this, but your local cancer center offers (free of charge) meal plans to help with chemo/radiation that will help keep Donnie strong enough to help his body heal. Also, they offer free counseling, not just for cancer related issues, but also for emotional counseling for you and any family issues. One of the things that worked well for me was to allow myself to cry as long as the water in the shower stayed hot. I would cry (scream), shake my fist, whatever as long as the hot water held out. Depending on your hot water heater, that can be up to 20 minutes. Once I felt the cold water start, I would turn it all the way to cold for just a couple of minutes, get out, dry off, and moisturize my face. Then I would stare at myself in the mirror and tell me to KNOCK IT OFF! It is almost impossible to cry while you look in the mirror. I hope this helps. Remember, you are a strong and amazing woman and you have come so far in your life already. Hang in there!

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