22ndOctober

Help me out, okay?

Here I am again. Seems like I just get back on track and then something happens and I relapse. The latest is DH. I was trying so hard to take care of Mom and we all thought we’d lose her any day. She finally got to the point where the doctor said we might as well take her home or place her in a nursing home because they really couldn’t do anything else for her at the hospital. We got her into a really nice nursing home and she actually began to improve. She’s much better now but she’s just a shell of the woman she was last June.

And then, just when I was beginning to come around again, DH got sick. Went for a heart catheritization and it showed massive blockage in all the arteries in his heart. He had to have immediate bypass surgery. Quintuple bypass surgery. And now I’m trying to get him up and going again. He’s doing pretty good. Not smoking or drinking but not exercising or eating too great. Still, I know he has a long road ahead of him and, hopefully, in a few months he’ll feel better than he has in a long time.

So here I am. Starting over again. I weighed myself this morning and I’ve gained back almost everything I lost by working hard during the first two months of the summer. I have to get my bike fixed because it has a flat tire. The pool is closed for the season. I can’t work out on the treadmill because it’s buried again. So I have to pull myself up by my boot straps and start all over. I’m really not looking for a pity party but I get so tired of trying to take care of everyone else and I wish, just once, someone would be there to help me out. I wish someone would plan meals and fix me healthy food. Just set the plate in front of me and hand me a fork. Wish someone would encourage me to work out and then give me high fives after I do. I get tired of being the one who always has to take control of things around here. And then, after I step up to the plate, everyone wants to knock me back down. “You don’t need to workout so much, take a couple of days off. Come on… order pizza for dinner, please? What do you mean you have to exercise? You exercised yesterday!

I keep thinking of that old song by Faith Hill, “Won’t Somebody Stand By Me”

It’s quiet here tonight
There’s a light burnin’ far away
It burns in my heart
In the rain, in the dark
Well, this girl’s gonna have her day

I’ve been this alone for so long
I’m beginning to wonder why
I stand in one place
Different name, different face
But no one’s gonna see me
Break down and cry

Won’t somebody stand by me
Stand by me just one time
Won’t somebody stand by me
Stand by me just one time

Lord, I don’t understand
What’s slipping through these hands
You’d think by now I’d know when to let go
Here I am
Won’t somebody stand, stand by me

I’m not bending tonight
But I’m twisted and turned and broken down
I’m starting to know the sound
Of nothing and no one and yet everything

Well, if God’s here tonight,
Are You here tonight?
Maybe You could grab me up
Lord, stand me on my feet
Give me strength and set me free
‘Cause I’m not giving in until I’ve had enough

3 Comments

hankpanky says 22nd October @ 10:22

Both of my sister-in-laws are caretakers. One is trying to take care of her son who is recovering from a liver transplant, but having major problems with viruses and seizures. The other has been in a very similar situation as you with my mother-in-law, who just recently broke her hip and had a massive set back. Being a caretaker is so hard and also hard on your health. Stress is unrelenting and damaging.
Maybe you could find a group to join to help you with your goals. It could be WW or an exercise group or even a support group, but having a group of people around you would probably help you deal with all of the things you can’t change and that just add stress to your life.

Hang in there and try to take time for yourself.

laura705 says 25th October @ 17:02

While I like to get my thoughts out in the blogs here, I find the 3fc forums to be a source of support - maybe you can try that.

fatnomo says 25th November @ 13:37

Hope things are better Ms. Patty. I’m sorry to hear about your hubby’s illness and am hoping you have found some time since to get some rest.

I’m staring WAY over too. Gonna check in weekly. Hope to see you back soon.

Kris


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