Husband Bashing!

My weight is at 202 this morning.  Don’t ask me…

If you don’t want to hear a bunch of hubby bashing today, move on to the next post because that’s where I’m going.

I am totally sick of trying to work with DH and putting up with his horrible habits.  The man chain smokes and won’t even try to quit.  Can’t quit?  Relapses? Okay, we’ll keep working on it but he won’t even try.  His diabetes is totally out of control, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, bad eyes, bad legs and nothing ever changes!

We have the same MD and his doctor tells me, “Do you have any influence with him?  I know I don’t.  He’s a great guy but, around here, we call him Mr. Noncompliant because he won’t take my advice and won’t do anything I tell him to do.  If you can get him to exercise and eat right it would be a tremendous benefit to him.”

He failed his annaul CDL physical Monday because of high blood sugar, failed the eye test and had high blood pressure.  So now he’s on short term disability and he thinks the answer is in the meds.  He just makes appointments with doctors and seems to think they’re going to fix the problem.

How many of us would love to have someone following us around reminding us to exercise, fixing us healthy, tasty meals and cheering us on like a personal coach?  I know I would.  I’d give anything to have someone supportive and encouraging in my life.  Instead, he calls it nagging and continues on his path to destruction with no regard for himself, me or our future.

He had surgery last year because his diabetes has destroyed the circulation in his legs and feet.  The surgeon said there are three main veins that supply blood flow to the lower leg and foot and two of his were completely shot and the other is only working because of the surgery.  While he was in recovery, the surgeon told me he’s got to exercise and keep the circulation going in his legs or he’s going to wind up losing a foot or leg.

I get so tired of trying to get him to take care of himself.  My sister says, “That’s the way Donnie is.  He’s going to do what he wants to do and no one is going to stop him.  You should know that.  You’ve been married to him for 45 years.  Do you expect him to change?”

Well, duh… let me think…..YES!  I expect him to change.  I expect him to see the damage he’s doing and put a stop to it.  I expect him to take his doctor’s advice and do something about it.  Instead, it’s like he’s fighting me every step of the way.  He tells me, “Don’t worry about it, baby.  Nothing’s going to happen to me.” and yet he can’t see that it’s already happening.

Our daily routine consists of him getting up and chain smoking with his coffee while he hacks and coughs.  Then he goes all day without eating anything although he has diabetes.  During the day, I’ll run around like a damn cheerleader trying to get him to go for a walk or swim or do some kind of exercise and he’ll tell me he doesn’t feel like it.  If I get him to do anything, it will be a slow walk around the pool for ten minutes or so following by a “There, are you satisfied?” comment.

I’ll plan a healthy dinner and, while I’m fixing it, he’ll start his daily routine of watching TV while eating salsa, tortilla chips and beer. I’ll get dinner ready and he’ll say, “I’m not ready to eat.  Just leave everything out and I’ll dish up in a little while.”  Then he continues filling up on chips and salsa and beer until around 7:00 when he’ll use my nice nutritious dinner as a side dish, adding a couple of grilled cheese sandwiches or half a loaf of bread with butter to supplement my offerings.  Finally, he’ll finish dinner and begin his sneaky little routine of eating candy, cookies, or ice cream before he goes to bed.  He actually hides the stuff and I find candy wrappers and boxes of cookies in his drawers.

Yesterday, he went to a diabetes specialist and got some new meds.  He stopped on the way home and bought ice cream, brought it in and stashed it in the freezer.  This morning, he went to an eye specialist and he’s scheduled for surgery on August 2nd.  Of course, he can’t go back to work until he can pass the physical.

I have talked with him and talked with him and he just won’t listen.  I guess the only thing left to do is increase the amount of life insurance I carry on him.  Looks like I’m going to be needing it. 

7:00 p.m. Update – Wow!  How did it get to be 7:00?

I had a busy day.  Met the girls for lunch and a movie.  I really wasn’t hungry because I’m not used to eating much at lunch anyway and the thought of trying to eat healthy doesn’t make it any more appealing.  We went to Smoky Bones and there wasn’t much in the way of healthy fare.  I looked over the menu and nutritional info before I went and the picking were pretty slim.  I chose the buffalo chicken sandwich with steamed broccoli for the side dish.  Only ate half the sandwich.

We headed for the movie and it was the same place DH and I went for our “Date from Hell” a few weeks ago.  We were going to see Super 8 but they said it wasn’t playing.  We looked at the choices and nothing of interest was playing.  Then we checked a couple of other theatres but couldn’t find anything.  We finally just went shopping.  I got another bathing suit bottom and Pam got a clock for her wall.  Regular bathing suits are 50% off.  Fat ass bathing suits are 15% off.  Bummer….

After I got home, we had to drive over the river to Indiana to pick up a camper.  Major bummer…  One of the teachers at school wanted to buy a camper from the assistant principal for $500.00.  He wanted to buy it for the Outdoor Club that he sponsors.  The bookkeeper told him that wasn’t allowed.  You can’t use school club funds to pay for purchases from people who work at the school.  He went to the principal and asked how he could buy the camper and she told him he could get one of the  booster clubs, that doesn’t go through the school bookkeeping, to buy the camper from the AP and then the Outdoor Club could buy it form the Booster Club.  He asked if the ROTC Booster Club would buy it and then he could write us a check.  I verified with the principal and then agreed.  We bought the thing for $500 and then the Booster Club sponsor wrote a check to ROTC for $500.  The bookkeeper took it to the principal for approval and she said, after thinking about it, that it seemed a lot like money-laundering and she didn’t feel comfortable doing it.  So now, ROTC has paid $500 for a camper we never wanted.  The teacher said he’d just pay us for it himself even if he had to give us $50 a month.

Summer break came and, lo and behold, the teacher called me and said he transferred to another state and is moving next week.

So now I have a car dolly, a riding lawnmower, a golf cart, a 38′ RV, three cars and a 1968 camper taking up space around here.  sigh….

I just finished my laps.  Ninety of them today.  I did not enjoy it.  Two of the grandkids were over to swim and they wouldn’t leave me alone.  Kept distracting me, jumping on me, spraying me and otherwise being a royal pain in the ass.  I’m pretty sure I did closer to 100 laps because I kept losing track.  I finally got mad and made them get out of the pool until I finished.

Enough…I have to find something for dinner and I don’t have a clue what it’s going to be.  Probably going to be one of those “fend for yourselves” dinners.  I know I have leftover spaghetti in the fridge and a couple of frozen dinners.  The rest of them can order pizza.




pepagirl says 22nd July @ 13:48

I hope that he can change for both of your sakes. Have you asked him why he continues his self-destructive behavior? Does he feel like he shouldn’t have to make concessions to live a healthy life or does he want to go to an early grave? I have had some of the same problems with my DH and it scares me that he would rather drink wine and eat crap than go out and be active. He will admit that it’s just laziness on his part and he just wants to do whatever he wants. He has made efforts to change but it’s hard to not cause stress when I am the one constantly nagging him to do better. I feel like his mom all the time.

laura705 says 22nd July @ 16:37

Very sad your dh isn’t confronting his health issues – he’s in denial. Medication and surgeries – does he need for something really scary to jolt him into action? How scary would it have to be?? All through my reading of your post, I kept thinking “you just need to make sure you have life insurance on him” – morbid, but I’m glad you already realize this.

brseay says 22nd July @ 17:41

This is so hard b/c you’re watching someone you love slowly destroy himself. As you know, my hubby and I have had similar issues although I won’t pretend that his health issues are as serious as Donnie’s. I try to balance my support and healthy suggestions w/the realization that he’s making his own choices and he’s not ready. How many times did I know that the brownie I was eating wasn’t healthy but I couldn’t walk away. After 5 years of actively working at losing weight I’m finally starting to feel like I’ll be successful. I have had to pick myself up and dust the failure off my butt too many times to count and I know you have, too. That takes a lot of mental strength and not everybody has it.

What I have done w/my hubby is control what I can and try to forget the rest. My hubby does most of the cooking but I do the grocery shopping, so although I know he eats too much bread I have made sure it’s 100% whole wheat. I buy spaghetti sauce w/extra veggies blended in and don’t buy the crap he loves like chips, crackers, etc. Sometimes he will go to the store himself and buy that stuff and I try my hardest not to say anything b/c I’m not his mom and he has to want to be healthy.

But, like you, I have his life insurance policy paid up. It’s scary to say that but if he doesn’t change things I’ll be using it before he has a chance to use mine.

brseay says 22nd July @ 17:44

And although I’m not proud of this, about six months ago he asked what had gotten into me b/c I had been really focused and motivated. I replied “Because I want to make sure I’m looking good when you keel over so I can get a new daddy for our boys b/c they’re going to need someone.” There were no nominations for wife-of-the-year after that comment but I definitely got his attention.

brseay says 23rd July @ 13:17

Me again! You seriously have to write down all of the crappy things that happen to you at school and publish them. I can’t believe that guy had the gall to walk away from the camper. I guess my parents instilled waaaaay too much guilt in me to ever think about doing that to someone.

losingit2010 says 24th July @ 22:16

Hey it sounds like your husband is depressed and is slowly committing suicide, but I liked your remark about how you keep up with exercise and diet. Take care of you and let his chips fall where they may

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