We have a snow day. I’m not happy about it. I guess I should get over it but I’m tired of having to make up weeks of school in the summer time. I compare a cold, miserable day when I can’t get out of the house and don’t have anything fun to do with a beautiful day in May when the sun is shining and I’m soooo ready for summer break with flowers to plant and places to go.
I woke up early. Thought about going to the spa but it was only 16 degrees when I woke up and the wind was blowing so I didn’t think the spa would be very pleasant. Instead, I took a couple of candles into the bathroom, filled my big soaker tub with steamy water and scented bath salts and relaxed with a cup of coffee. I tried planning my day but I don’t feel like doing anything and I couldn’t help thinking about how unlike myself that is.
I tried to think about what’s making me so depressed and there were so many things. I feel betrayed. I’ve always worked like a dog and did my best to raise my kids and take care of my body and I feel like everything has been for nothing. Oldest DS does his own thing and doesn’t seem to even recognize that he has children who need him. Younger DS refused to recognize what was happening in his life and now a psycho bitch has custody of his kids and uses them to control him. Even though he’s finally seen the light, he has to watch everything he says and does to keep her from punishing him with his own kids.
And my body…I don’t even want to go there. I know my genes want me to be fat and I’ve fought it all my life. Watched what I ate, exercised like a demon and managed to keep it under control for fifty years. Now, my ankles hurt all the time, my uterus is prolapsed and I have incontinence. I can’t sleep and I feel horrible most of the time. I can’t seem to get to a good place where I feel in control. I just feel lost.
Enough of this. I’m going to get dressed and do something.
9:30 update: Pity party is over and Sistah Pat is taking the reins. I called my GYN to see if she had any cancellations today because of the snow. I had to cancel my appointment last week because I just couldn’t work it out at school. She wasn’t in today.
So I decided to color my hair. Bright red. And I’m waiting 20 minutes for it to color. Shaved my legs and underarms. Weighed myself (now I’m at 210.5).
I’ve needed a haircut for weeks and haven’t felt like going to get it done. As soon as I can rinse the color out and put a phone up to my ear, I’m calling to see if they’re open today. If not, I’m going to continue with heavy duty cleaning.
I’m going to plan dinner and it’s going to be healthy. I’m going to walk on my treadmill. Let the chips fall where they may.
10:00 – The hair salon is closed today. So I got the scissors. Looks pretty good. Even if I do say so myself. Time to plan dinner.
11:00 – Got the car warming up and thawing out. I had a hard time getting the door open because it was frozen shut. I decided to fix Ginger Chicken with Snow Pea Salad for dinner from My Favorite Recipes category. Dressed in my new KMart fat girl jeans (size 18 Women’s PLUS), a nice blouse and a new sweater. Even put on a jazzy necklace. Got my new bra on so the girls are high and proud. Now I’m headed for Kroger, Kmart, Walmart and Aldi’s for assorting shopping tasks. Feeling strong so far.
3:30 – Back from shopping. Got all my “Secret Santa” gifts for my colleague at work. Picked up a couple cheap Walmart Christmas tees and all the stuff for dinner. Some SUV jerk at Walmart went flying by the pedestrian crosswalk without even slowing down and splashed yucky black slush on the bottom half of my coat. Jerk! Glad it wasn’t the white one. I think I can sponge most of it off. It’s olive green so I can probably get away with it.
Haven’t eaten anything all day and I know that’s bad but I’m on a roll so I’m going to jump on the treadmill before I slow down.