Sistah Pat

It tells a story.  And I don’t like the story. 

I broke a nail the other day and started digging through my purse for an emery board.  I didn’t have one.  I had a big old clunky purse that functions about as well as a grocery bag.  Everything goes to the bottom and winds up in a big pile of junk.  I decided it was time to throw it out and start using another purse. 

As I sorted and organized, I came to some unsettling conclusions.  A woman’s purse tells who we are.  And I don’t like who I am right now.  Here’s what my purse would have contained just a few short years ago:

a small makeup bag for touchups
emery boards, a nail block and polish
lipstick
sunglasses
a wallet
tampons
assorted hair items (clips, barrettes, brush…depending on the length and style)
a cell phone for emergencies
sunglasses
car keys
gum
cigarettes
lighter
perfume

Here’s what my purse contains now:
a wallet
Tums
Aleve (for arthritis)
pads (for controlling leaks)
three pair of reading glasses from the “Everything’s a Dollar” store
nail clippers
chapstick
car keys
gum
coffee stir sticks (I collect them and chew when I want a cigarette)
a cell phone (which I still think of as an emergency device)
One of those plastic ring things to hold up my bra straps
a package of safety pins
At least 15 cards (My kroger card, my Rite Aide card, my Speedway card, etc…)
Blood Pressure meds, cholesterol meds, hormone meds, and Chantix
Prilosec OTC

So I ask you…when did this happen?  When did my purse stop being a girl thing and turn into a medicine bag?  I really don’t like the implications.  Sigh….

Another thing I don’t like…doing a half-ass job of losing weight.  Yeah, I’ve lost some.  I’m down to 199.5 and I’m really relieved to be back in the onesies because I don’t ever want to cross that 200 line again.  Still, I’m not doing everything I need to do and I know it.  I’ve taken two weeks to lose a couple of pounds and I should have done that in a week. 

It’s because I’m not exercising.  I’m procrastinating.  I know I have to exercise and, the strange thing is, I like exercising.  It’s just that it’s difficult to make the committment.  Difficult to dedicate the time to it.  I’d rather watch TV or play on the computer.

Today is different.  I’m going to get my workout room cleaned up and will not go to bed tonight until I have my room ready to go and have worked out. 

That’s my commitment for today.

Forgot to fix the timer on the coffeemaker so I’m sitting here with the first half cup that comes out of the thing which is like a major shot of espresso.  I walked in here and saw that it wouldn’t even begin brewing for ten more minutes.  At least, as I was collecting those first few much-needed drops, I reset the timer.  Should have coffee ready and waiting when I roll out tomorrow.

Yesterday was murder.  Got to work, had an IEP meeting at 8:00 which took up more than half my planning period, had a meeting with the boss-lady, taught classes (my BD child was present and active), had a department meeting after school, ran Steven and Jake home and then had to be at the doctor’s office at 4:00.  Finally left the doctor’s at 5:00 and had to be back at work at 6:00 for an ROTC meeting about the Highview Festival.  Several of the new members showed up and were very active and involved.  Made me real happy because I’m dying to be less active and less involved.  Got home at 8:00 and had a salad with sliced chicken breast for dinner and then had to hit the bed.

Today is another long one.  Not nearly as rough as yesterday but still plenty to keep me busy.  Have to be at school early for an National Honor Society meeting, lots of stuff to keep me busy during school and then ESS for an hour after school. Guess I’d better get moving.

DH hit the button on the coffeemaker timer yesterday and messed it up.  It’s a pain to reset and it looks like we didn’t get it quite right.  I’m up and the coffee is just now starting.  Definitely need to adjust that.

Wish I could sit in the spa this morning.  I haven’t spent much time in it this summer and I’d love to take my coffee out there.  Unfortunately, the twins use it a lot and I don’t trust their management of the chemicals.  Maybe I can remember to check it this afternoon.  Getting to be that time of year when it feels Heavenly.

Enjoyed dinner with the girls last night.  Pam provided lots of delicious, healthy choices.  We had grilled zucchini and mushrooms, grilled chicken and buffalo meat, green beans and a pasta salad.  Dessert was her mother’s famous Concord Grape pie.  I can’t make a pie crust.  Tried it maybe a half dozen times when I was young and decided that frozen was the way to go.  We were talking about having a pie party last night where we’d get together and make pies.  Sounds like fun.  But then, anytime we all get together, it’s fun!

Just called DGS, Steven, to roll out of bed and he says he’s too sick for school.  DH is piled up in bed.  We all have miserable colds and I’m the only one who has to venture out.   Andrew doesn’t have any classes on Tuesday so everyone gets to snuggle down under the covers while I have to cough and hack and sniff and snort my way through the day.  Dammit.

 Have to make this short.  I got up kind of late. 

We had a fun weekend with the kiddos.  They had a good time camping and sleeping in a tent.  The weather was fantastic!

I couldn’t help noticing, however, that it’s time to give Manny (the RV) a major cleaning.  Seems like things are getting pretty dusty in there and the carpet definitely could use a shampooing.  Lots of accumulated odds and ends in closets and drawers and we could stand to do some restocking.

I didn’t diet but I didn’t binge either.  Kept things under control for the most part and my weight is still 201.  Dinner is at Sistah Pam’s this evening.  A group of us go out to dinner once a month and do something ethnic.  Pam wanted to cook this month instead of doing Indian so we’re going to her house.  Always lots of fun to get with the girls. Don’t know what she’s fixing but I should probably go with carrot and celery sticks.

I don’t have much time today.  Slept kind of late.  I’m pasting this logo on my blog every day until the deed is done.  Just a daily reminder and renewal of the commitment.  I need it today…didn’t lose and it shows me up .5 pounds.  :-(

I may be out of touch for a couple of days.  DGS, Jake, turns 13 today and he wants to go camping for the weekend.  Real camping, mind you.  With a tent and everything.  So…DH, DS, Jake, Scout and I are heading up to General Butler State Park for the weekend.  Jaker can pitch his tent right down the road from us because I’m staying in the RV.  That’s as campy as this old girl gets.  Dad and the boys can go down to the lake and catch dinner if they want.  I’m opting for some Lean Cuisine straight out of the freezer and into the microwave.  My idea of roughing it is using plastic forks.

Gotta run.  I need to pack and get ready for work.  Have a good one, little chicklets.

That’s what I’m doing.  Finding my way back to a healthier weight and lifestyle.  It’s been difficult to find the motivation this time.  Almost a year that I’ve been waffling (excuse the pun, hee hee!) around with getting my act together.  I think the Twenty Pound Club might do it.  Several teachers have joined from school and I’m seeing Twenty Pound Emblems popping up on facebook and 3FC.  It’s attainable.  Twenty Pounds.  Something that can be done without feeling totally overwhelmed and yet twenty pounds can make a significant difference in the way clothing fits and the way we feel about ourselves.

So I’m still on track.  Lost another half pound.  Guess that makes me a member of the 18 1/2 pound club.  Still doing what I need to do and feeling like I can keep on doing it.  Even though Steven is rushing through his shower so we can stop at McDonalds on the way to school.  He says we’re out of both milk and bread and he can’t find anything for breakfast so I told him we’d stop at Mickey’s on the way in.  He immediately focused on pancakes.  The boy does NOT need to worry about calories.  He’s way too skinny.  Lucky….

I went back to school last night to find 3 ROTC cadets hanging around my desk in the library.  They said, “Major wants to know what you want to do with this stuff.” and they gestured to four 2-liter bottles of soft drinks (no diet) and four boxes of cookies fresh from the nearest Kroger deli.  No napkins, no cups, no ice, no tablecloth or serving platters.  Just a bunch of cookies and some 2-liters.   I said, “Tell him he can do whatever he wants with it.  Tell him to find some cups, napkins and whatever else he needs to set up for the parents” and then I walked away and got to work with stuff I needed to do.  Also known as “the annual budget report”.

In the end - the president wasn’t there (his kid graduated last May), the vice-president said, “Don’t look at me, I don’t know what to do” and sat there like a bump on a log while Major and I ran the entire meeting and I did the job of the treasurer and secretary.  We had a good turnout.  Probably 15 parents and another 15 cadets and I got really aggressive with them.  Gave an impassioned speech about how desperately we need parent volunteers and then Major started nominating people for offices, I asked them if they would be willing to fulfill those roles and we voted them in.  They nominated me for treasurer and I said I didn’t have time to do it this year and declined the nomination.  Sarge and Major looked shocked but we finished the meeting with 3 brand new officers and the same vice-president who said he didn’t mind staying in that office because “he never had to do anything anyway” so he didn’t have a problem remaining as VP.  Gosh, I sure do hope he doesn’t have to do anything this year.

Whoo Hoooo!  Sarge and Major aren’t going to know what hit em!  I’m sooooo out-of-there!  I’ll continue to work with the booster club for the benefit of the kids but I’m not going to be everything to everyone anymore.  They have four officers so I’m leaving with the ship intact and it’s up to them to keep it afloat.

I’m also awake almost an hour early which accounts for this nice long post.  I have to be at school 30 minutes early for a meeting of the National Honor Society this morning.  That’s another club I need to lose.  Andrew graduated last May and none of the grandkids are even members this year. 

I’m ready to hit the shower.  Proud member of the 20 Pound Club signing off!

5:40 update - Make that 19 Pound Club because one pound is HISTORY!!  Bye, Bye Baby!  Keep on walkin’ and don’t look back!

Sistah Pat

7:20 - Food for today was a hard boiled egg and tomato juice for breakfast (105 calories), Marie Callender’s entree for lunch (500) and leftover lasagna and a popsicle for dinner for a total of 905 calories.  Now I’m going to relax and watch Letters to Juliet and find a few more calories to finish out the day.  Maybe some cereal….

I’m forming a club. The 20 Pound Club. I’m making a committment to lose 20 pounds by Christmas. Wanna join? Just copy the membership badge and paste it on your page. I already have a couple of friends at school who want to join. In all honesty, I’d like to lose 20 pounds by Thanksgiving when I’m leaving on my cruise so I can fit in some of my clothes but I don’t want to set myself up for failure. So…I’ll plan on 20 by Christmas and hope for 20 by Thanksgiving. That’s ten weeks away.

Yeah, I weighed myself this morning. 202 pounds. I’d like to think that there’s no place left to go but down. Unfortunately, I know better. Still, I’m not smoking and I can feel good about that. DH is smoking more and more. He knows that I know. I’ve walked up on him a couple of times when he was smoking but I still haven’t talked to him about it. Not going to give him that acceptance.

Yes, Brandi, I know I need to eat breakfast. I’m boiling a couple of eggs right now. I was so sick yesterday morning the thought of eating anything made me ill. Much better today. Been struggling with some stomach issues for the last couple of days.

Today will be a killer. I have an early morning IEP meeting for one of my students that will destroy my planning period. Then, I have my classes. At 12:00, a vocational counselor will be at school to meet with Steven and Andrew will be coming in to join him. Then, at 2:30, we have a faculty meeting and I have to present a quick ten minute training as part of it. Finally, I’ll be able to head home at 3:30 to drop off Jake. Steven and I have to be back at school at 6:00 for an ROTC meeting. The ROTC meeting was supposed to be a meeting/recognition for the new officers and promotions and parents were to be invited. We were to have cake and punch. I told Major and Sarge I absolutely, positively did not have time to pull it together and they said they would. They didn’t order cake, or send out invitations or make any preparations at all. So, I’m putting on my big girl pants and ignoring the entire situation. I’ll be there. As treasurer, I’ll give the annual budget report and that’s it. I will not pick up cake or make punch or do anything else that I wasn’t supposed to do. I told them I didn’t have time to deal with it and I meant it.

Alright, I’m ready! Off to work. Proud member of the 20 Pound Club. Ready to make this one perfect day.

Love,

Sistah Pat

Breakfast:
hard boiled egg (75 calories)
tomato juice (30)

Lunch:
Marie Callenders Turkey Entree (350)

After School Snack:
Cherry Mango Popsicle (80)

4:30 Update - Just got home.  Sarge came up to me after the faculty meeting and said he hadn’t had a chance to pick up any refreshments for tonight and wanted to give me the debit card so I could do it.  Told him to keep it and try to pick up something because I don’t have time.

Instead, I have time for a quick little workout before I have to go back.

9:00 - Finished up the day with a serving of Stouffer’s lasagna for dinner.  Not what I would have chosen but it was what DH fixed and left in the oven for me.  Even so, I checked the label and it had 600 calories so I’m lookin at 1055 calories for the day.  Hmmmm…probably need to add a popsicle. 

They say that waking up is - haa-arrrrd to do-oo
Now I know-I know that it’s tru-ue.

I absolutely DID NOT want to get up this morning.  I swear, it seems like all I do is sleep lately and I still don’t want to get up.  Windows open, 57 degrees outside, snuggled under the covers, and the alarm goes off.  I’ve had coffee, had my shower and I still just want to crawl back in bed.

One of these day I’m going to retire and  set my alarm for 5:00 every morning just so I can turn it off and sleep as long as I want.  I had a horrible weekend.  Stomach cramps, vomiting and diarrhea.  Lovely.  I spent most of the weekend decorating my Yoville RV and visiting little sister and brother at their YoVille houses.  Little brother doesn’t like YoVille and just wants to IM but Sis and I won’t let him.  We make him go to our houses. 

I brought home a stack of papers 4 inches high to grade for my students and didn’t get to it.  Not that I didn’t have time…just that I felt like Hell all weekend and didn’t want to.  By the way…that Gingered Beef recipe from Friday wasn’t all that good.  It was okay but it doesn’t go in the Favorite Recipe Category.  I have a Marie Callendar’s for lunch today and a tomato juice for breakfast.  Now I’m off to the mines, girls.

12:00 - I’m taking an actual lunch break.  Going to sit right here at my desk and claim every one of my twenty minutes.

Breakfast:
black coffee

Lunch:
Marie Callender entree (500 calories)

Wouldn’t that be great?  Leave for work at 6:30 and set the house timer to “clean” from 7:00 to 12:00 each day.  Come home and find the house all shiny and new!

Sigh…not gonna happen anytime soon.  Guess I should get off my butt and get to work.  I want my workout room back today. 

Found this recipe on Sparkpeople.  Think I’ll give it a try for dinner.

Ginger Beef

1 lb flank steak
2 tbsp lite soy sauce
2 tbsp seasoned rice vinegar
1/2 cup water
2 tsp ginger, ground
1 tsp garlic powder
10 slices (1″ dia) fresh ginger root
8 large sized scallions
2 tsp corn starch

I said I’d write…so I will.  I meant to this morning but I had a headache last night and took a Tylenol PM before bed.  Needless to say, I squeezed out the last little bit of sleep this morning and hit the floor running.

Killer day at work.  I had a working lunch and couldn’t find time to even go to the bathroom.  We had what we call “Thinking Thursday” today.  That’s when we have to lose our planning period to go observe other teachers in their classrooms and then get together as a group to discuss the “rigor” of the classroom.  :-{

At least, I got out somewhat early.  Three thirty and I was out the door.  My darling little BD saw me in the hall and screamed “What the F*ck I got detention for, you Bitch?  I didn’t do nothin, you f*cking ho!  I hate you, you Bitch.  You better watch your back, Ho!” 

Gosh, I miss her.

Living on turkey breast, fake “lite” bread, Lean Cuisine’s and popsicles.  Still thinking about exercise.   Does that count?

Lunch:
Lime Grilled Chicken with Cuban Salsa (300)
Green Beans (100)

Yesterday wasn’t too bad.  Calories were a bit higher than I’d like but not much.  Wish I could let go of those yummy cherry/mango popsicles but they’re like a shining star in my otherwise drab existence.

On the agenda for today:  I’ve got to get Steven up so the two of us can go to school.  I’m doing a coffeecake training session for staff today so I’ll be demonstrating what teachers can do with classroom webpages and passing out cake and coffee all day.  I have three classes this year (that’s only one class shy of a full teaching load) and I can only hope my students behave today.  Most of them are pretty good and they have plenty to keep them busy since they’re working on their own webpages.

I don’t think I have any committments after school but I’m sure I do.  I always do.  Just have to wait until I get to school and check my calendar.

Exercise suffered yesterday.  I couldn’t figure out what to do.  My workout room is a disaster.  The boys have used it for storage again.  It was too hot to walk (95 degrees) and yet the pool is down to 70 degrees because of a couple of chilly nights we had over the weekend.

It was great to hear from you guys.  I can always count on you to be there.  I was able to spend a little bit of time trying to catch up yesterday evening.  Wow!  Some of you are doing fantastic!  They’re going to have to change the name of this place to “A bunch of skinny chicks!”

5:00 update - Not a bad day.  Worked over 2 hours.  We had a meeting of the school marketing committee.  I knew there was something.  Everyday there’s something.  Anyway, I’m home now.  We had a pretty good turnout for the coffee cake session today.  35 teachers.  My kids were really good and the one student I have who gives me ulcers got sent home 2nd period so I didn’t have to worry about her.  She’s BD.  That is…she’s labeled as having a behavior disorder and that allows her to get away with murder.  She’s already cussed me out twice this year and threatened to “take me out” and nothing seems to happen.  I do everything I can to help her be successful in class but she comes in with an attitude every day and does everything she can to make her teachers miserable.  Actually, I’m pretty lucky.  I have her last period and she frequently gets sent home or to in-school detension before she makes it to my class.  Those of you who have known me for a while know that I’m not one who walks away from kids with problems but, I have to admit, this one has just about done me in.  Everytime she goes ballistic, I have to do tons of paperwork and meet with her mother, the dean of students and the assistant principal.  And nothing happens. 

Anyway…we had the coffee cake sessions today and I didn’t even taste the coffee cake.  I passed it out all day and ate leftover Lime Grilled Chicken with Cuban Salsa and chinese green beans for lunch.  I tried to give away the leftover cake but wound up bringing half an oblong cake home.  The kids can have it.  For some reason, it’s not tempting me.

Now…if I could just get motivated to exercise again.

I found this recipe on Sparkspeople and love it!  Hope you like it as much as I do.

Ingredients

Directions

Lunch:
Marie Calendar’s Turkey and Dressing (350 calories)
Cherry Pineapple Popsicle (80 calories)

Dinner:
Lime Grilled Chicken with Cuban Salsa (500)
sliced homegrown tomatos (30)
Chinese green beans (100)
Saffron Rice (200)

Snack:
Popsicle (80)

Total (1,260)

Not the same one.  That’s for sure.  It’s been six weeks and things are very different.  I don’t get up early, have a cup of coffee and blog.  Instead, I hit the snooze button a half dozen times, get up at the last minute and hit the shower within five minutes.  So much for blog time.  I only drink one cup of coffee and it’s consumed while I’m running around getting dressed and doing my makeup.

In fact, I still find it difficult to just sit at the computer because I’m used to smoking when I do. 

I’m going to try to get over it today.  I’m eating like a pig and it’s got to stop.  Today, I’m going to start addressing food and exercise.  Wish me luck.  Right now, I’m out of time.

6:15 - Okay, I’m ready for the day and have a few minutes while I’m waiting for Steven.

Funny thing about smoking…I quit because it was controlling my life.  If I didn’t have a cigarette, I was wanting one.  I never had any health problems related to smoking.  No coughing or chest pains.  I just didn’t want the expense and social stigma attached to it.  And…I don’t like to be controlled.

Now that I’ve quit, it’s almost like the habit is more controlling than ever.  Now I have to avoid all the things that I enjoyed when I was smoking.  If I sit at the computer, I start wanting a cigarette.  If I watch TV, I want a cigarette. 

I never smoked at school.  So, I spend a lot of time there.  There have only been three days this year when I’ve gotten out on time.  Every other day, it’s been at least two or three hours over.  I do a lot of stuff and, when I finally walk out the door, I feel depressed because it’s time for a cigarette and I can’t have one.  I’m tired and I’m sleeping a LOT more than I used to.  I get home and eat my way through the evening until around 9:00 or 10:00 and hit the bed.  Sleep until 5:45 and start all over again.

DH is smoking.  He thinks I don’t know but I do.  I thought about confronting him but decided it’s best to leave it alone.  If I confront him, he can finally admit it and say, “Well, I tried!” and go back to smoking.  Better to keep quiet and force him to sneak around when he wants a cigarette.  If nothing else, it drastically limits how much he’s smoking.  We took the RV up to the casino last weekend and I noticed how often he left for little errands.  We were ready for bed one evening and he decided to go into the casino.  After a few minutes, I decided I might as well get up, get dressed and join him.

There he was.  Having a grand old time.  Playing the slots and smoking away.  He didn’t see me so I just left and went back to the RV.

I don’t think I’ll go back to smoking.  It’s been six weeks.  Not long in terms of being a non-smoker.  I still have a long way to go but I’m not feeling the urge to cheat and I haven’t taken a single puff.  If I wanted to smoke, I’d confront DH and he’d admit that he’s smoking and I could have the excuse that he’s smoking around me and I just can’t handle it and yadda, yadda, yadda but I’m not going to do that.

I’m not going to weigh myself either.  My pants are so tight I can’t breath and those are my fat pants.  If I weigh myself, I’ll probably get really upset and I don’t need that right now.  Instead, I’m going to start backing off on the food.  I know I’m using it as a crutch.  Instead of smoking, I’m eating and I’m just trading one bad habit for another.

For today, I’m getting a little exercise and keeping track of the calories.

And starting to blog again.