Tuh Duh!

Done, done, done!  At least, for a week.  I added to my 100 favorite things list.

  1. Walking out of the building on the last day before spring/summer/Christmas break
  2. Finishing a MAJOR project at work
  3. daffodils

I took a personal day tomorrow so I’m driving the boys to school in the morning and then we’re hitting the road.  DS, David, and DGS’s, Jake and Scout, are going with us.  We’ll be in Florida by tomorrow night and I’ll spend a few days cutting grass and soaking up the moonlight in the clawfoot tub out back.  Hopefully, we’ll be able to get to St. George Island for a day and then, it’s off to Daytona Beach for four days.  We rented a condo on the beach so it should be fairly roomy and relaxing.

I’m beginning to really see how much damage I’ve done to my poor old body this winter.  I’ve been wearing long sleeves and jackets all winter.  Recently, with the warm weather, I’ve gotten out some short sleeved tops and tanks and it’s pretty gross.  So, I’ve been wearing summer jackets over them and, even then, there’s the belly fat problem.  sigh….

Beerab, you asked about the situation with DS.  It’s pretty much the same disaster it’s been for six months.  Everything is in a holding pattern.  DS can get the kids anytime he wants.  We knew that wouldn’t be a problem.  Once the caseworker signed off and no one was watching, DIL became very generous with visitation.  She has no problem with DS having them as much as he wants.  In fact, he’s taking them to Florida with us over spring break.  There’s still no permanent custody arrangement.  She has temporary residential custody and he has visitation “as agreed upon by the two of them”.  Of course, the two of them can’t communicate so I still have to call and arrange everything and she drops them off and picks them up at my house.  She’s broken up with the first boyfriend, moved in with another one for three months, and is now “engaged” to and has gotten an apartment with yet another one.  All major decisions concerning the kids are supposed to be discussed and decided between DS and DIL but I don’t know how that’s supposed to happen when he can’t contact her. 

I still don’t get it.  The caseworker “signed off” in January.  Whatever the Hell that means…Neither of them have any more contact with him.  They’re both finished with any kind of  drug and alcohol testing and don’t check in with anyone.  DS finished his “anger management” classes.  He was really upset when he learned, last week, that she’s started giving Scout medication to “calm him down”.  Something he felt very strongly about and fought her on for years.  Scout’s doctor didn’t feel like he needed any medication and his teachers didn’t feel like he needed it but DIL always complained that he was “hyper” and needed something to calm him down.  Evidently, she’s found a doctor that will provide him with meds.  DS is really upset about it and feels like that should have been one of those “major decisions” that was supposed to have been discussed and decided between the two of them.  He doesn’t think Scout should be on medication without a serious reason but I told him she’s found a doctor and she’s told him whatever she wants in order to get a prescription and any judge will not dispute it if she has a doctor who says he needs to be on medication.  What’s really strange is that no permanent custody has been decided and there are no planned court hearings in the future.

I suppose he should be working with an attorney and screaming bloody murder but he’s pretty defeated right now and doesn’t know what, if anything, to do.  I advised him to hang on for a while.  Give her enough rope and let her hang herself.  Get a good job (something he hasn’t been able to do – right now, he’s hanging drywall and catering) and save his money so he can reopen everything when the time is right. We’re still very hurt and vulnerable after the beating we took.  It seems like she’s able to move in with guys right and left and put Scout on meds without his permission and DS just gets told that “it doesn’t concern” him. 

Like I said, he’s got to bide his time and plan carefully for the day when he can do something.  I’m still concerned because the fact that she’s moved the kids in with three different guys in the last eight months and has put Scout on meds tells me that she still has major problems and I don’t know why no one cares.

I still get upset.  Out of the blue, I’ll start dwelling on the situation and get angry and resentful.  I can truly say I have NO confidence in our legal system anymore.  I don’t trust anyone involved with it.  I wake up sometimes in the middle of the night and get to thinking about it and I’m unable to get back to sleep.  I feel so powerless and so does DS.  He’s afraid to stir things up because she could restrict his visitation out of spite.  And the courts don’t care….

Enough.  I’m packing my bags and getting ready to head to Florida!  At least, we’ll have the kids to ourselves for a week and I won’t have to deal with her.  It makes me sick to have to chat with her and be nice and compliant so that DS can see his kids when I can’t even stand to be around her.


brseay says 2nd April @ 8:32

It’s so hard to know what to do in situations like this. I just had to call DHS (our child protective services) this week b/c a kid’s step-dad broke his hand. I’m sure nothing will come of it other than someone paying a visit to the home and my kid getting into more trouble but what other choice do we have. It’s a sad state of affairs that unless a kid is in mortal danger that not much happens. I know–preaching to the choir.

Enjoy Florida. I hope you get all wrinkly and pruney in the water and come back w/a fabulous tan 🙂

susan says 3rd April @ 8:25

Happy Easter!

beerab says 7th April @ 12:18

Thanks for the update- all I can say is don’t give up- maybe just laying low for a while will be okay- as for the med’s I wouldn’t give it to him while you guys have him- most parents think their kids are hyper when all it is is that they need ATTENTION…

Keep it up- my friend’s brother finally got full custody back after 2 years- he was in your son’s shoes- it’ll get better and I am sure your son will never let something like this happen again when things are returned to normal.

Our justice system is so under-funded it’s sad- maybe if we spent some money on our own country now and then our citizens would get some benefits too…

Your Comments

You must be logged in,to post a comment.