I had to create a new Chickie Award.  One that we really seem to need.

Seems like we all fall off the wagon now and then.  Even the strongest of us need to pick ourselves up now and then and get back in the fight.  But we do it.  Over and over again.  Never give up.  Never say Die.

 

31stJanuary

I Remember Evan

Oh, yes….I do remember Evan. 

Evan was (and still is, I suppose) a successful attorney who served as a guest professor in a political science class I took twenty five years ago.  Oh, my!  Talk about eye candy!  Evan was everything a woman could want.  Confident, successful, unassuming, and oh-so-easy to look at.  He had a way about him.  A way of looking right at you when you spoke so you knew he was really listening and absorbing everything you said.  He spoke about politics but he also spoke about community involvement and personal committment.  He volunteered at a community center one evening a week and invited us all to find some way of giving back to the community.  I asked him for suggestions and he said they were looking for lots of volunteers at the center he served.  Believe it or not, I signed on as an aerobics instructor.  I was pretty hot stuff back then and teaching aerobics was something I could actually do.

The semester wore on and there was an undeniable chemistry between Evan and I.  I was only a year or two past DH’s one and only affair of our marriage and I was still raw.  Still trying to believe in the core values that had supported my belief system for so many years.  I’d been a good wife, a good mother, a hard worker and my husband had an affair.  And I couldn’t even figure out why.  He kept telling me “It wasn’t anything you did or didn’t do.  It just happened.  I broke it off with her because I don’t want to lose you.”  Well, Hell’s Belles!  If you can’t tell me why it happened and you can’t tell me anything I did or didn’t do to make it happen, how do I know it won’t happen again???”  Yeah, I was pretty raw.

Evan talked to me about political awareness and committment.  We talked about a lot of things.  He listened to everything I said.  He placed his hand on the small of my back when he opened doors for me and rested his hand on my shoulder when he paused at my desk to lean down and say something.  He never asked me what was for dinner or where his brown socks could be found.  I certainly couldn’t imagine Evan leaving toothpaste all over the sink or clipping his toenails in the living room.

The semester ended and I continued to volunteer at the center.  The connection between Evan and I was definitely there.  We stopped for lunch a couple of times.  We talked a lot.  I found myself working out all the time.  I weighed 118 and thought I was fat.  What would Evan think of my body?  Sometimes I’d catch him looking at me and I knew exactly what he was thinking.  I knew he respected my marriage and would never make advances without encouragement but I also knew he was mine for the taking.  Like a chocolate covered bon-bon, I could scoop him up, pop him in my mouth and he’d melt like butter on my tongue.  I knew that.  I wondered what it would be like to have an affair with Evan.  I fantasized about it.  I thought about it when I ran.  Would Evan like my thighs?  I’d run a few more laps.  Would Evan like my belly?  I’d do another fifty crunches.  What if I were to take the step?  What if, what if, what if?  I found myself thinking about Evan all the time.  I pushed myself so hard.  Run farther, work longer, push it to the limit.  Night after night, I was out there burning up the pavement.  Thinking about Evan.  Thinking about my marriage.

The community center threw a party for all the volunteers.  Evan came to me everytime they played a slow dance and I swear, I was literally falling apart.  You could almost see the sparks flying.  I knew I was right on the brink.  I knew I had to make a decision.

I quit the center the next day.  Walked away and never looked back. I found one little card on my windshield a couple days later.   Just one little card and all it said was, “I know.  I understand.  You know where to find me.”

I swear, I think that’s what ruined my ankles.  :-)  Pounding the pavement day after day after day.  Running for Evan.  What if, what if, what if….

I thought about Evan this morning when I was on the treadmill.  I thought about him because I was thinking about a 3FC Retreat.  What if?  What if it happened?  Would I feel like I could hold my head up and know that I’d done everything I could?  Would I feel proud to show my 3FC friends the results of almost two years of their support and encouragement?  Would they be able to tell how much I appreciated them not giving up on me?  What if it really happened?

Weight is at 191 this morning.  I pushed it.  3.0 mph at a 3% incline for an hour.  I pushed it for you, Chicklets.  What if a retreat happened?  What if it really happened?  Would you feel proud of what you’d done to prepare for it?  What if, what if, what if?

4:30 update - DH and DS are watching some kind of eating competition on TV.  Guys are stuffing themselves with as many hot dogs as they can eat.  Round 2 - As much pizza as they can eat.  Round 3 - As much ice cream as they can eat.  DH and DS are cheering them on and I can hear comments such as:

“OMG, Dad, he’s gonna barf!”

“Yeah, (huh, huh, snort), he can’t do it.  Look at his stomach!  He’s not gonna make it!.  I could eat more than that!!! (snort, snort)”

I wonder if Evan’s in the phone book……

30thJanuary

Snowed In

It’s snowing.  I keep thinking of things I need to do but none of them seem significant enough to warrant venturing out in the snow.  Instead, I think I’ll just stay in and catch up on some of my long neglected 3FC friends.  It was fun planning the 3FC Retreat (see last post) but no one has told me what their idea of an ideal retreat would be.  Something to play with and think about while the snow falls.

Weight is at 192 this morning but I’m not surprised.  I always weigh at the same time each day.  Right after my shower and before breakfast but I didn’t get to it today until I’d eaten a (for me) fairly substantial breakfast, gotten dressed and been up for 3 hours so I’m not upset that it’s a bit higher than yesterday.

Breakfast:
2 eggs (scrambled with cooking spray and topped with a sprinkling of shredded cheese) 200 cal.
1 piece whole grain toast with Brummel and Brown Yogurt Spread (110 cal.)

29thJanuary

3FC Dream Retreat

Joy says her DH put in an application in Lexington, Ky.  My gosh, that’s only an hour or so away.  Then I thought how nice it would be to actually meet Joy.  That got me to thinking about how much fun it would be to actually meet a lot of you Chickies.

Then I started thinking about what an actual 3FC retreat would look like.  Here’s what my dream retreat would be: 

We’d all find some way to head out toward the Las Vegas area and rent a cozy little villa like this one.  It might seem a little steep at $1,500 per night but, hey! it sleeps 30!  By the time we split the cost, it’s next to nothing.  Fifty bucks a night.  We’ve got a tennis court, the pool and spa, the game room, the workout room and tons of bedrooms and baths to choose from.

Why the Vegas area?  I’ll tell ya in a minute… We’d all pick our rooms and head out to the pool and spa for a “Meet and Greet” catered by a fantastic chef whose claim to fame is his ability to create mouth watering delights to wow every palate– all low-fat, low-cal, and low-carb. 

We look fabulous!  Just the thought of meeting each other has kept us all totally motivated and psyched and we’ve been working our asses off.  We each bring a “before” picture and pair of “before” pants and strut our stuff.  We’ve got an unlimited supply of modeling clay and we each weigh out the amount of clay that matches how much weight we’ve lost and put it all together to build an effigy of the missing fat chick and take a group picture with her.

Day 2 - We’d all get up to a fantastic breakfast (created by Chef Extrordinaire) and then pile into the limo and head to the strip for a day of shopping and playing the slots.  We’d all be winners, of course. 

Exhausted after our day on the town, we’d come back to the villa and settle in for an evening of spa treatments by an army of hair and makeup experts, masseures, manicurists, and the like.  I hope Stacy and Clinton can come.  I invited them.

Day 3 - This is why we have to be in the Vegas area…We’d head out to the National Parks areas and go to Grand Staircase, Escalante.  Yeah…we’re going to hike Lower Calf Creek Falls.  It’s grueling but we are STRONG women!  We’ll bring plenty of water and wear bathing suits under our clothes and after a brutally punishing hike, we’ll all come around the bend, throw off our clothes and jump into a crystal clear pool of ice cold water.  Of course, we’re also very smart women so we’ll have plenty of reserve water for the hike back to civilization.

We’ll get back to the villa and celebrate with lots of beer and kaluah soaked “girlie” cigars while Chef Wonderful prepares dinner and our crew of masseures and damage control experts get rid of every ache and pain and leave us knowing that we can do anything if we put our minds to it! 

Day 4 - We’re going to sleep in after the previous day’s exertion and then enjoy brunch before heading out to visit wineries, shop, hit the strip, visit Lake Mead, or whatever the Hell a group of 3FC chicks do  when it’s “3FC Goes Wild” but we want to be back in plenty of time to prepare dinner.  This is our dinner.  Each of us prepares our favorite healthy dish and we drag out the pictures of home and family to enjoy while we feast the evening away.  Maybe we should invite Chef Wonderful to stay so we can teach him a few tricks of the trade.

Day 5 - Parting is such sweet sorrow but we all get a souvenir tee shirt and a chance to come back next year!  I’m ready to make my reservations.  What would your 3FC Retreat look like?

 

29thJanuary

Friday Menu

190.5/37.5
Treadmill 45 minutes

Breakfast:
dry cereal (150)
tomato juice (30)

Lunch:
Turkey sandwich on whole grain bread (250)
Satsuma mandarin (30)

Friday night splurge!
a TON of Vegetable Barley Soup (400)
Sarah’s Clafoutis (3! servings) (400)

Total 1,260

29thJanuary

Think Snow (NOT!)

I’m tired of all the snow hype.  They’ve been milking it for days.  I woke up early and turned on the news for the latest and the weather man was saying “Think Snow!”  Ummm…my question would be “Why?”  Our weather guys even did a BAD parody of “Pants on the Ground” that’s playing on You Tube called “Snow on the Ground”.  Ugghhh…

6 to 10 inches on Thursday
No…6 go 10 inches early Friday
No…3 to 6 inches on Thursday
Wait! 3 to 6 inches on Friday
Looks like 1 inch Friday morning and 6 to 8 inches Friday afternoon
Oops!  It’s going to be a dusting on Friday and 3 to 6 inches on Saturday

Really….if there’s anyone out there who hasn’t stocked up on bread and milk at this point, they must be living in a cave.  My students have been bouncing off the walls for three days.  Anticipating that they’re going to get sent home early or have a snow day any minute.  We had school on Tuesday (big mistake) and there were dozens of wrecks all over town including a half dozen involving school buses.  The district is feeling the pressure not to let that happen again and the kids are circling like wolves.  I can almost hear them chanting; “snow, snow, SNOW!”

We had the induction for the Jr. National Honor Society yesterday evening.  I was a speaker and was introduced as a “faculty sponsor for both the Jr. Honor Society and National Honor Society”.  News to me!  All I do is sell hot dogs (which went very well yesterday.  Sold 120 out of 125)  I’ve been pretty clear about not being officially involved with either of the organizations but have done whatever I could to help them out.  First I’ve heard about being a “faculty sponsor”.  Run, Patty, RUN!

On the diet front:  I didn’t do very well yesterday.  Ate good in the morning and early day.  A cup of dry cereal, tomato juice, an orange and a turkey sandwich on whole grain bread.  Things were totally crazy after that.  I had to work over an hour dealing with hot dog sales, rushed home to change and dress up, went back to school to help set up for the Jr. Induction.  Served cake and punch and didn’t consume a crumb, and then hit the road to head home at 8:00.  DGS, Andrew, was also a speaker and he was starving and wanted to stop at Dairy Queen for a chicken strip basket.  I haven’t been to DQ for at least ten years and was staring at a foreign menu trying to find something lite that stirred interest and I finally said, “Just give me the same thing.”  I got home and opened the box to discover a piece of buttered toast (gave that to Steven), 4 fried chicken strips (gave two to Steven), a container of gravy (tossed it) and a bunch of french fries (which I split with Steven). 

Actually, now that I’m thinking about it, I probably didn’t consume too many calories.  Even though they were all junk.  Two chicken strips and a few fries.  Probably stayed under my calories for the day.  If we don’t get buried in snow, I’ve got to get to the store and stock up on some fast, healthy options.

Exercise?  Are you kidding?  The most I got was through dragging myself to bed at 11:00.  I got home at 9:00, parked my butt in front of the TV to watch “The First 48″ and didn’t move until I went to bed.

6:00 a.m. - 190.5….another half pound down.  Whoo Hooo!

4:15 - Feeling pretty smug right now.  I rushed home from work and walked on the treadmill for 45 minutes.  I think I’m doing this right.  Until I get my ankle functioning better, I’ll need to work it when I can and rest it when I can.  This afternoon, it felt pretty good.  Just finished the 45 minutes and could have kept going but it’s FRIDAY and I deserve a break!  I’m fixing Vegetable Barley Soup and Sarah’s Clafouti recipe from My Favorite Recipes, rented a movie and I’m waiting for the snow!

28thJanuary

Dodging a bullet

I’m watching TV and trying to figure out what the weather is going to do.  Seems like every forecaster in the state is trying to do the same thing and changing their predictions hourly.  A couple of days ago, they were warning us that we might get 6 to 12 inches today or tomorrow.  Now it looks like it’s going to pass us by.  I hope so.  My mantra…NO MORE SNOW DAYS.

I hope we don’t get slippery roads and driving conditions this evening.  The Jr. National Honor Society is having their induction tonight and they’ve worked really hard to make it a nice event.  I’ve worked with them some to help out but most of my attention has been with the National Honor Society in the higher grades.  I have to be there this evening and some of our kids do because they have a pretty significant role in launching the Jr.NHS.  So do I.  I have to call all the kids names and be on stage to shake their hands and give them pins.  I really don’t want to have to deal with bad roads.

On the fundraiser for the Honor Society, we sold out of every single hotdog within ten minutes.  A hundred hotdogs!   I hope I’m not making a mistake but we’re shooting for 125 today, the last day.

It’s that time.  I have to get dressed and get the kids up.  More later when I have a few minutes.

6:00 a.m. - Weight is down to 191 this morning and I’m tickled pink about that.  I’m struggling to get back on track though.  Not that I’m eating a lot of junk.  More that I’m not exercising as much as I’d like and I’m probably not getting enough calories.  Here’s a list of what I need to work on:

  • record everything I eat
  • keep an eye on my ankle and slowly get back to where I can walk on the treadmill every day
  • eat healthy all day (meaning breakfast and lunch)
  • re-establish connections with all my 3FC friends who encouraged me so much before
  • post, post, post!

I get so busy at work, I try to drink a can of tomato juice around 8:00 and munch on a handfull of dry cereal around 9:00 to 10:00.  I eat something lite for lunch and wind up with very few calories during the day and then try to cram them all in in the evening.  Yesterday, for example, I ate very little all day and then had only had 300 calories when I got home from work.  I ate TWO chicken sandwiches for dinner with lite mayo and lettuce on whole grain bread.  Then I felt stuffed and still only consumed around a thousand calories.

My ankle is giving me a lot of grief but I know that I’m doing the right thing.  I have to break back into walking a little at a time. 

This blog is my lifeline and it helped me so much last time to stay on track.  The encouragement I got from you guys was absolutely vital to me.

I’m getting there but I still need to do a lot of fine tuning.

 

27thJanuary

Hot Diggety Dog!

Sold all the hot dogs yesterday.  96 of them!  Actually, we didn’t sell all of them, the Honor Society Kids had them for our lunch meeting.  That took care of twelve.  Then we gave one to each of the Assistant Principals who have to watch the kids while they wait for their buses.  That was another four.  The rest, we sold at $1.00 each.  We have an Honor Society meeting before school this morning and the kids probably won’t understand the economics of the situation.  Even though all the hot dogs were gone, we actually only made $80.00.  The first $35.00 went to me for fronting the cash for napkins, ketchup, buns, mustard, etc.  That leaves $45.00.  Then I had to go by the store after I left work yesterday and get more hot dogs and more buns.  That was another $25.00.  They probably won’t be real happy when they see that we only have $20.00.  The good news is that everything we make today and tomorrow will be actual profit.  We have plenty of hot dogs, buns, mustard, ketchup, paper hot dog boats and napkins.  If we can sell all of them in the next two days, we’ll bring in $200.00 more.

Almost forgot I have to be at work 30 minutes early today for the meeting.  Gotta run.  Weight is at 192 and eating is good.

5:45 a.m. - I’m ready for work and waiting on the boys so I can post a little bit more.  I’m happy with the weight loss.  1 1/2 pounds since Monday.  I didn’t exercise yesterday.  It wasn’t just a matter of avoiding the issue or not wanting to.  It was an “I can’t do this today” thing.  I had a rough day at work yesterday and did a lot of standing and running around the building.  I got home in one of those totally exhausted modes with my ankle absolutely killing me.  I limped in and DH said, “You are NOT exercising today.  Prop yourself up on the couch and get some ice on your ankle.”  It really was hurting and I knew I wouldn’t be able to walk on the treadmill but, the thing is, I was aggravated that I couldn’t.  I was in the thought mode and wanted to exercise.  Logic told me I had to take the evening off. 

Today, I’m thinking ahead.  I’m going to baby my ankle today.  Try to sit as much as I can so I can walk on the treadmill when I get home.  I have to teach ESS today so that’s an extra hour of work but I should be able to get home by 4:00.

My ankle is one of the reasons I’m feeling motivated to lose weight and get back in shape.  With all this extra weight, it’s starting to really bother me again.  I know it’s going to be better when I drop a bunch of weight.  I felt so much better a year ago when I weighed 165.  I’m really feeling this extra 30 pounds.  At least two or three days a week, I finish work and I’m in pain with every step.  Did I actually hike the Lower Calf Creek Falls Trail just a year and a half ago?  I want to feel like that again.  Not that I’m ever going to make that hike but there are still trails out there waiting to be explored.

26thJanuary

Tuesday Menu

193/40

Weight is at 193 and I want to lose 40 pounds by September 1.

Breakfast: Black Coffee (0)

Later: 5.5 oz. tomato juice (30)
triscuits and chicken salad (50)

26thJanuary

Slushy Stuff

It looks miserable out there.  We’ve been having snow showers since yesterday.  Not enough to accumulate but enough to create some slushy conditions.  The wind is blowing hard and I’m not all that anxious to go out there this morning.

I did pretty well yesterday.  I need to work on planning my meals better.  As many of you old timers know, I have a tendency to undereat when I’m dieting.  I get so worried about overeating, I won’t eat enough.  I did that yesterday and, when I started adding up my calories, I had to find some food before I went to bed.  I’m going to start doing my menu pages again to help me keep track of it.  Or….I guess I could go back on Sparkspeople to keep an eye on things.  I don’t want to drop below 1200 calories and I found myself staring at less than 800 yesterday evening.

Gotta hit the shower.  I’ll weigh in after I shower and post it here.  I should show a loss, I was up a half dozen times peeing last night. 

 :-)

6:00 a.m. - Weighed in at 193.  Not the big “initial weight loss” I would have liked to see after walking the straight and narrow for a couple of days but a loss nevertheless.  A half pound down.

25thJanuary

193.5

Let’s throw it out there.  Let’s take a long, hard look at it.

193.5

Why did I let this happen?  Because I let it get away from me.  I stopped caring and I stopped trying.  I’m a fat girl.  That’s what my natural inclination is.  To be fat.  If I stop trying and just let everything run its course, I’m preconditioned to be a fat chick.  So I have to just accept it or fight it.  There aren’t any other choices.

I’m fighting back.  I’m feeling the repercusions of the treadmill today.  My back hurts and my midsection hurts.  That’s the bad thing.  The good thing is, that little bit of exercise helped me be strong yesterday.  I ate two eggs with a little bit of shredded cheese on them for breakfast.  I felt pretty good about that.  Yesterday afternoon, I walked by a black forest cake that’s a survivor of last Friday’s potluck at school and ate a piece.  While I ate it, I read the nutrition label.  300 calories.  I thought about how that one piece of cake neutralized all the walking I did on the treadmill.  It tasted good but not that good.  I didn’t eat another piece.  Just knowing that I’d made the effort to exercise helped keep me on the straight and narrow the rest of the day.

I’m ready for today.  I have cereal for breakfast and a salad with grilled chicken for lunch.  My treat for my body today is going to be making the effort to find my HRM and figure out how it works.  I bought a new one last year and never could get it to do what I wanted.

Have a great day, ladies.  I’m off to work and I have nothing going on after that bell rings!  No committees, no meeting, no appointments.  Except with my treadmill.

9:00 a.m. - Ate a satsuma mandarin.  An itty bitty one.  35 calories.

9:45 - Ate a biscotti biscuit.  90 calories.

10:00 - 5.5 oz. tomato juice (30 calories)

Lunch:
Salad with romaine, sliced almonds, grape tomatoes, grilled chicken breast meat, Newman’s Lite (200)

Yecchh!  I  have to do better with lunch.  The romaine is bitter, the chicken tastes like it has a slight case of freezer burn, and the dressing is not my favorite.  I guess lunch was closer to 100 calories since I threw most of it out.

4:30 - I have to stay after school tomorrow to sell hot dogs for the National Honor Society.  Their entire treasury consists of $70.00.  We’re going to sell hot dogs in the theatre to the captive kids who ride the second bus runs.  There are around 300 to 400 kids who have to sit there for anywhere from ten to 30 minutes before they can board the buses.  I’m hoping we can raise some cash.

Got off work, went by GFS to pick up those little paper boats for the hot dogs, went by the surplus bakery store and picked up 96 buns.  Ran by Walmart and picked up 124 Bar S hot dogs.  We’re selling hot dogs for three afternoons.  I’ll probably have to make another run later in the week.

It was nice to know that my workout room was ready to go as soon as I got home.  I changed clothes and headed straight upstairs.  I did 30 minutes and my ankle really started hurting.  I kept trying to tell myself that I should quit but I knew that the pain wouldn’t last after I finished walking and iced my ankle down.  I’m pretty proud of myself for keeping at it until I finished.  Now I’m going to get an ice pack and watch some TV.

Oh, I need to cram in a bunch of calories, too.  Looks like I’ve only eaten around 300 so far.

6:00 - Homemade chicken salad with fat free mayo, canned chicken breast, celery, craisens, almonds on 7 grain bread (300 calories)

sugar free pudding (70)

Late snack : Triscuit thins and chicken salad (250), honeybell orange (60)

 

24thJanuary

Bitter Dregs

My daily treat for today was going to be to enjoy a cup of Douwe Egbert coffee in the spa this morning.  On two different occasions, I’ve been loving a cup of coffee in a restaurant and asked the waitress what brand they served.  Both times it turned out to be Douwe Egbert.  Last week, when we drove to Cincinnati and shopped at Jungle Jim’s, I found it.  A little bit pricey but not exorbitant.  I set up the coffee pot last night and woke up with plans to brew a delicious cup and take it out to the spa.

Unfortunately, DH woke up before me and, as I was pouring my cup of coffee, the coffeemaker clicked off.  Indicating it had been on for the past two hours.  Bitter stuff.  Of course, DH had gotten up, turned the coffeemaker on, relaxed with my Douwe Egbert, read the Sunday paper and gone back to bed.  The spa was nice.  The coffee was not.

Enough about that.  I worked yesterday until a little after noon, went by the produce market and picked up a whopping big bag of Satsuma mandarin oranges (probably the last of the season), came home and cleaned out my workout room and was too tired to work out.  This morning, however, I’m wired up on bitter coffee and ready to hit the treadmill.  I think my treat for today will be to download a bunch of new workout music.

Later, girls…

10:30 update–Why does everything have to be so difficult?  It’s taking forever to pull my act together.  I’m ready to hit the treadmill.  My room is ready, I’m ready, let’s just DO IT.  So far, I’ve spent almost 30 minutes looking for a damn sportsbra.  I have three of them.  Where are they????  They’re not in any of my drawers, not with the summer undies packed in a plastic tub under the bed, where the Hell are they?  Oh, wait…maybe they’re in the RV.

10:35 - Yep!  They were in the RV.  Evidently, the last time I did anything even remotely considered to be a workout was when we were in Florida over Thanksgiving.  Actually, I probably just took them with me in case I decided to workout.  I don’t remember actually doing it.  Good thing I went out there, my workout shoes were there, too.  Sitting in the closet, waiting for me to actually do something physical.  Now, where’s my MP3?  Wanna bet the batteries are dead?

11:00 - Okay, it wasn’t too difficult to locate my MP3 and headphones.  Of course the batteries are dead.  I expected that.  I didn’t expect to spend ten minutes looking for the battery recharger unit.  It wasn’t in the kitchen cabinet where it belongs.  Wasn’t in any of the kitchen drawers.  Had to wake up DH (which didn’t make me feel bad at all, it’s 11:00, for Christ’s sake!)  He told me the battery recharger was in his shed so I went outside and found it.  Now it’s humming away on the kitchen counter.  Fifteen minutes and the batteries should be charged.  Me?  I’m starting to run down.

11:50 - Whoo Hooo!  I did it.  Nothing spectacular but I did it.  3.0 mph at a zero incline for thirty minutes.  Even at that sedate pace, it was a bit of a workout.  Got the heart rate up to 125 for a few minutes.  It felt a bit like coming home.  The music was familiar, the room was familiar although it still has some junk up there.  Stacks of books, computer parts, suitcases, stuff that needs to go to Florida.  I have to do some more cleaning and sorting before I have room to get my step out and do some aerobics but I’m not ready for that anyway. 

Not yet….

Even though we were off Monday, it seemed like a very long week.  I’m more than ready for the weekend.   I have to work tomorrow from 8:00 to 12:00.  Can’t complain.  I asked for it and it’s extra money.  Found out my Saturday school is held every other weekend so the six weeks is going to drag out for twelve.  Not sure if that’s a good thing or not.  I guess it’s good.  I’ll have every other Saturday off.

Potluck went well.  Everyone liked the soup.  Angela, the recipe is in my “Favorite Recipes” category.  Didn’t see many contributions that fell into the “Fit and Healthy” category but there were enough to help avoid the really gooey stuff.  I ate my soup, some fresh fruit and a little bitty brownie that was covered with rich chocolate icing.  Probably enough calories in that tricky little treat to account for a day’s worth.

We have a pep rally today.  Ugghhh…I’m not looking forward to taking my students down to the gym and enduring an hour of screaming and cheering.

I don’t feel good.  I hurt all over.  My back, my ankles, my neck and shoulders.  I’ve decided that I’m reclaiming my workout room this weekend.  Gonna make everyone go up there and haul off all the boxes and junk so I can hit the treadmill again.  If I don’t use the room, everyone starts storing stuff up there.  “Here, take this box of books up to your mom’s workout room.”  “Take this box of summer clothes up to your nana’s workout room.”  “Take all this stuff up to the workout room until we can take it to Florida” It’s all piled up again.  I thought about walking on the treadmill last week.  Trudged up the stairs and opened the door and the piles of boxes barely left a path.  I just closed the door and came back downstairs.  Now, I want it ready.  It’s a lot easier to exercise if I know I can just walk upstairs, throw on my MP3 player and some headphones and get to it.

We’re getting prepped for a blowup with DIL.  David asked me to call her and see what she wanted to do about taxes.  He wanted to claim one of the boys and let her have the other.  I called her and she said she was claiming both of them since she has temporary custody.  I told her DS had custody until August and she said she didn’t care.  She was claiming both of them.  I didn’t want to get into it with her so I said I’d tell David and let it go at that.  She didn’t tell me but DS found out from a friend that she’s getting a breast enhancement from the refund she plans on getting.  DS said “Fine”.  He’ll just go ahead and claim both of them and give her a third of the refund.  He got to thinking about her taking the car, scamming all the money for months before she left and emptying the bank account before she left and decided a third is more than fair.  I don’t know.  It seems like everytime he thinks he’s right, it just all comes back at him.  Originally, he’d been thinking that they both worked and lived together up until the end of May and they’d split it.  Now, he’s angry and says a third is more than generous after the way she scammed him.  All I know is that his tax rep said he’s entitled to claim them and she isn’t.  The tax lady said even though he’s entitled to claim them because he had custody for more than seven months, he needs to do it quickly because if she claims them first, he’ll have to sue to get the money from her and that could take ages.  So…that’s on the agenda today.  He’s going to file and hope she hasn’t already claimed them.

It’s that time already.  Gotta get a move on.

20thJanuary

White Out!

Homecoming week.  Today is white out.  Everyone is supposed to wear white from head to toe.  Any idea how hard it is to find white in January?  I managed to come up with a pair of white jeans, white tennies, a white tee shirt and a white long sleeve blouse to wear over it.

Not much going on this morning.  My “treat” for today is going to be coloring my hair this evening.  Believe it or not, it’s difficult to come up with a daily treat that isn’t bad for me.

I watched The Biggest Loser last night for the first time.  Trying to find inspiration and motivation wherever I can.  The show was okay.  I guess you have to watch a few episodes and get to know the people.  I’m going to watch it again next week.

Tomorrow is our monthly potluck.  I’m the “Keeper of the Potluck”.  My job is to pick the date, set out the sign up sheet and run off the crashers.  I usually pick a theme to go with it but most people don’t follow it.  This month, I chose “Healthy Eating”.  Everyone is supposed to bring their favorite healthy dish.  I’m bringing Italian Vegetable Soup (found in my Favorite Recipes category).  It’s not my favorite but it carries well.  I can just bring a crock pot in and it’ll be easy.

Okay…let the day begin!

19thJanuary

Home Again

DH and I went out of town for the weekend.  Drove up to Cincinnati and got a hotel room.  We visitied Jungle Jims and the Hollywood Casino up there.  I won, I lost, I won, I lost and came out losing overall.  We did some shopping.  I read a book.  We went out to eat a couple of times.  I’ll be glad when winter is over.  Seems like all we do is soak up the free hotel rooms and visit casinos.  Really…I’ve got to find a new hobby.

I’ve also got to stay in touch more with my chicklets.  I log on most mornings, do a quick post and then hit the door running.  Today, I have a lunch meeting with the National Honor Society kids, followed by a staff meeting after school and then a meeting with the Junior National Honor Society selection committee after that.  I should be getting in around 5:00. 

I’m still trying to do something good for myself everyday.  Even though some of those good things may seem a little strange.  Yesterday, for instance, I cleaned up a ton of DH clutter.  Cleaned out a box he put in the closet, got his tools out of my kitchen drawers, and cleaned out a box of clutter he’d stashed in a corner of the bedroom.  Spools of thread, loose change, bandaids, pens and pencils, old ads, socks, etc.  He just scoops it all up, puts it in a box or drawer and considers everything cleaned up.  I got a great deal of satisfaction from sorting everything and putting it where it goes.  Even found some “man thing” a gizmo for checking some connection on the car that he meant to return with the receipt in the bag.  Stashed under the bed.  $39.99 that could be in our pockets instead of under the bed.  I started a “stash” of loose change in a decorative box on my nightstand.  Came up with $11.43 in the bottom of the boxes, in the drawers and in my old purses.  I’m going to return the car thing and add the $39.99 to my stash, too.  It may have been DH’s when he bought it but I’m collecting a “finder’s fee”.

It’s that time already…gotta get this day moving.

15thJanuary

Cozy in the Outback

My treat yesterday was 30 minutes of solitude in the spa with a Corona and a slice of lime.  I sat out back and felt all the aches and pains melting from my entire body.  I kind of like this idea of a daily treat!  It was 45 degrees and the snow was pretty much gone.  Still pretty slushy and wet but it should be gone after another day in the 40s.

I went to Walmart after work Wednesday to get a new clock radio and blow dryer and treated myself to a manicure and pedicure.  The place was pretty slow and the manicurist said, “No customers today!  I give you super good job!”  She did, too.  A long hot soak for my feet while I sat in the massaging chair and let it work the kinks out of my back and shoulders.  I love those chairs.  Wish I had one at home.  Then she gave me a luxurious massage from the knees down and a pedicure.  I waddled over to the manicure table in those funky little disposable flip flops and received a parafine treatment followed by another lengthy massage from the elbows down.  Yeah, she gave me a super good job!  I gave her a super good tip, too!

Daily treats?  I highly recommend them. Today’s treat is going to be a haircut. 

Yesterday wasn’t too bad.  I had to teach a PD after work but it was only an hour and a half so I was home by 4:30.  Today should be an easy day.  I’ve got a million things cooking at work and I should be able to concentrate at my desk and get some of them caught up.  I’ve become pretty  involved with the National Honor Society and the Junior Honor Society and I’ve got to get the newsletter cranked out.  My students are currently working on completing a project so they should be pretty much working independently.  I guarantee I’ll be hitting the door as soon as I get off at 2:30.

The National Honor Society met Wednesday at 6:45 a.m.  The only people present were the three officers (who are required to attend all meetings), Andrew, the faculty sponsor (who was 20 minutes late) and me.  The principal asked me to try to help out and get them going.  She said they’re not visible in the community and they never do anything.  Well, duh!  These kids can’t get to school at 6:45 a.m.  For one thing, most of them ride the bus and they don’t arrive at school in time for the meetings.  On the other hand, these are exceptional kids.  Cream of the crop.  They’ve worked hard and shown leadership and involvement in the community and this is supposed to be a way to honor them and recognize their accomplishments.  Having them meet at 6:45 a.m. is more like a punishment than a reward.  The sponsor says that’s the only time she can do it.  Hey, I thought it was supposed to be about the kids.  Anyway, I’m trying to cook up some ideas for fundraisers and I’ve initiated lunch meetings every two weeks where the kids will come to the library conference room at lunch and we’ll treat them.  The first luncheon will be next Tuesday.  I told the sponsor I’d bring a crock pot full of taco meat and a couple of two liters.  She said she’d bring lettuce, tomatoes and cheese.  The treasurer (another teacher) said she’d bring a dessert.  The treasurer said they only have $70 in the account.  We have to come up with a plan to get some money so these kids can do things.  Please tell me why you’d agree to sponsor an organization and then not do anything.  Andrew was inducted last April and the only thing they’ve done since then is have 3 (count em, three) meetings before school this year.  Each meeting has only been attended by a handful of kids and they haven’t done anything else.  My head is absolutely reeling with all kinds of ideas for things we can do.  Starting with the luncheons.  Today, I want to make some invitations and get them delivered to the kids.

Gotta run, busy day ahead.

I do not want to get up.  Yesterday turned into a grueling 14 hours of work.  Remember my vow to stop by the store and get a new blowdryer?  Didn’t happen.  I was so exhausted, I just drove home, ate dinner, completed some paperwork for Steven, watched TV for an hour and hit the bed at midnight.  Then I was too tired to sleep.  Not a good night to be sleepless since I have to be at work 45 minutes early for the National Honor Society meeting for Andrew this morning.

I had to stay after for a faculty meeting, race home to drop off Andrew, change into a dressy outfit, run by Walmart and pick up the cake and stuff for punch.  Run back to school to set up for the awards ceremony, have the awards ceremony and clean up afterward.  I didn’t get home until 9:45.  That’s about two hours later than I thought it would be.  It might be worth it, however.  We had a huge crowd of parents, almost a hundred, and I was practically on my knees, begging them to volunteer and help out with ROTC.  I hope it worked.  There were around 20 parents who signed up to help out and the reason I was so late getting out was because several of them hung around after the ceremony and refreshments to talk to me about what they could do to help out.  I felt like saying, “For starters, you could help me wash this punchbowl and clean up while we talk.”

Today should be a lot easier.  I have to go in early but I’m hitting the door and heading home at 2:30.

I did pretty good yesterday.  Ate healthy but didn’t bring in enough calories.  Dinner was leftovers and I have no idea how many calories but it was fairly low.  Some soup and a turkey sandwich.  Mr. Scale, who doesn’t like me very much since I’ve ignored him for so long, is saying I’m at 192.5.  Down .5 from yesterday.  I haven’t done very much for myself for a long time and I’m going to make it a point to “treat” myself everyday.  I’m trying to figure out what my “treat” will be for today.  A manicure and pedicure?  I could get a “Walmart Special” when I pick up a new alarm and hair dryer…..

Gotta hit that shower and then hit the road.  It’s finally supposed to be above freezing today.

12thJanuary

Hey! Come back here!

That warm day they promised slipped away.  Now they’re calling for another cold one but it’s supposed to get above freezing tomorrow.  Yeah, Yeah, that’s what they said yesterday.

Another long one coming on.  I’ve got to work, stay for a faculty meeting, rush home with the boys and drop them off, clean up and head back to work for the winter awards ceremony for ROTC.  The ceremony starts at 6:00 so it’s going to be pushing it.  We routinely do one big awards ceremony each spring but decided to do a small ceremony this evening in an attempt to recruit some parents to help out.  There are only four members in the Booster Club and two of them don’t do anything.  The awards being given out tonight are for a hand-picked group of kids who show a lot of leadership potential.  Cream of the crop.  Hopefully, we can beg, coerce, or shame a couple of parents into helping out.  The only parent who helps out besides me is the father of a senior so this is his last year.  Steven graduates next year so I’ll help out for one more but I don’t know what they’ll do after that.

My PD went pretty well yesterday after school but I had 11 teachers signed up and only 5 actually stayed for it.  I can’t be too upset.  Getting out of school early on Thursday and having a snow day on Friday messed with some schedules.  The deadline for getting in grades was extended through yesterday and I know some people were scrambling.  There were also a couple of teachers out sick.  It’s a three hour series and I did two yesterday with the last one on Thursday.

Okay, off to the shower.  Susan…I can’t imagine having to chase down my alarm clock.  I’d be cheering it on.  Run baby, Run!

6:00 a.m. update - Read Joy’s blog, and Susan’s blog, and Brandie’s blog.  You guys are right there!  Doing what you need to do and feeling good about it.  Where the Hell is Sistah Pat? 

One day just runs into the next and I just keep hiding.  Letting things control me instead of taking control.  I thought about it while I was in the shower.  Letting the hot water run over me and just thinking about where I am.  I hide when things get bad.  I avoid my friends and family.  I watch TV or play solitaire on the computer.  I withdraw into a mind numbing place of working, cooking, watching TV, writing.  I hide myself in my nuclear family.  The twins, DH and DS.  I don’t want my friends to know when it’s bad.  I prefer for them to see me happy and active.  I let circumstances dictate my behavior.

Like today…I’m going to be run ragged.  I ordered a cake for ROTC and I’m making punch.  Yesterday, it was brownies and chips for the PD.  God only knows what tomorrow will bring.

So, I took a step.  Got on the scales.  193.  Sh*t!  I’m taking baby steps today.  Weighed myself.  I’m packing a Lean Cuisine and an apple.  I WON’T eat the cake or drink the punch.  I WILL stop by Walmart after the awards ceremony and buy a new alarm clock and blow dryer instead or running home and falling on the couch to watch a couple of hours of TV.  My blow dryer shorted out last Thursday and I haven’t even made the effort to go get a new one.  Just globbing some mousse in my hair and scrunching it for almost a week.  Really, woman, get off your butt!

10:00 a.m. update - Oh….and writing down what I eat:

Breakfast - black coffee and biscotti (90 calories)

Lunch: Lean Cuisine (230), orange (50)

It’s official.  My snooze alarm doesn’t work.  I had an incident with it a couple of weeks ago and didn’t know what happened.  It did it again this morning.  The alarm went off at 4:45, I hit the snooze button and woke up at 5:30.  Doesn’t give me much time for blogging.  Guess I’m going shopping for a new alarm today.  In fact, I was wanting a clock radio.  We got a snow day Friday and I didn’t want to turn on the TV in the bedroom because DH was off work and I didn’t want to disturb him.  By the time I got up and got the TV turned on in the living room to find out that we were off, I was awake too much to go back to sleep.

Checked the weather channel and it looks like tomorrow we’ll actually get above freezing.  Looking for an inch of so of additional snow today but then it should get a bit warmer the rest of the week.

I have to work today and then I’m presenting a two hour PD session after work.  Gonna be a long one.

I have to take a moment to recognize my homegirl, Brandie.  Always fighting the battle.  Always inspiring so many of us to keep up the good fight.  You go, girl!

How does Brandi keep going?  How does she hang in there in spite of the constant battle?  I don’t know.  I wish I did.  My admiration is boundless but my commitment is sadly lacking.  Is it the weather?   The gloomy skies, slushy frozen mess out there?  Is it the freezing temps and indoor confinement?  Probably not.  Not for the past year.  I’m sure there were some sunny days out there last June so that can’t be it.

Maybe it’s the stress.  I’ve had a tremendous amount of stress heaped on me in the last year but then, I always seem to be under a lot of stress.  Story of my life.

What is it then?  What is it that’s keeping me withdrawn and compelling me to avoid friends and stay in the house eating crap and watching TV? 

Gotta give that some thought….