I’ve been cleaning, decorating, and wrapping presents.  Everything is almost ready for Christmas except my spirit.

Kim remains in the hospital and there doesn’t seem to be much change.  She’s still on the ventilator 100%.  She has some movement but my sister says it’s just involuntary movements.  She appears to nod her head every few minutes and moves her arms and legs occasionally but that’s about it.  She’s been unresponsive for almost a week.  My brother practically lives at the hospital and my sister is with him as much as possible.  Thank God she’s able to be there.  She and my brother will be together for Christmas.  Everyone else is coming here but DB is afraid to leave SIL and I understand why he needs to be with her on Christmas.  I’m so grateful to my little sister for deciding to stay with him on Christmas so he won’t be alone.

I keep decorating hoping the grandkids can all be here for Christmas but I don’t know if it’ll happen.  DS and I kept calling the caseworker and he wasn’t returning calls.  The last time DS talked to him was more than a week ago when he got upset with him for scheduling DIL and him for screening at the same time.  Twice in a row.  After this latest thing with the caseworker not returning his calls, he finally called his supervisor.  He said she seemed pleasant enough and gave him the impression that she wasn’t happy at all about the caseworker sending them both at the same time when there’s a protective order in place.  She asked him how much time he and the caseworker had spent together and seemed shocked that he’d only had one visit from the caseworker that lasted about 20 minutes.  She said she’d “talk” to him.

After that, he still didn’t return DS’s calls and I kept leaving messages as well.  He finally called me back late Saturday evening and said he only had a minute to talk because he had just gotten home.  I felt like saying “Then why didn’t you call me yesterday or the day before?” but I didn’t.  Instead, I told him I didn’t know what to do about arranging visitation because there was no way I could call DIL.  He said, “I’m not working with your son anymore.  I’ve signed off on it.  I told Stacy to call you.”

I said, “Well, she hasn’t.  She has two phone numbers for me and I don’t have any way at all to get in touch with her.  Why is it that she just gets to decide that she isn’t going to call?  My son hasn’t been able to see the kids for three weeks and Christmas is next week.  He still doesn’t have any visitation set up.”

He said, “I’m not working with your son anymore.  Obviously, he doesn’t like to work with me so I’m finished.  Stacy doesn’t have a phone because she can’t afford one.  She’s barely getting by.  Your son doesn’t seem to care about that.  I’m sure if she could afford a phone, she’d have one.  In the meantime, I suggest your son get an attorney and go to court to arrange for visitation if he wants to see his kids.”

I said, “Why are you so upset with him?  What has he done?  Is there something going on here that I don’t know about?  He’s done everything you’ve asked him to do.  He’s never been late on child support.  He and I have both bent over backwards to accommodate Stacy on visitation.  You’ve never even taken the time to sit down with him for more than 20 minutes and now you say you can’t work with him?”

He said, “Everything I’ve asked of your son has been met with resistance.  He doesn’t want to go for counseling, he doesn’t want to go for drug screenings, he doesn’t want to go to anger management classes.  Stacy has done everything I’ve asked of her without any arguing or complaining.  Your son seems to think all the problems lie with her and he’s just a used and abused victim of the entire system.”

I said, “I don’t blame him for not wanting to go for counseling and drug tests and anger management.  He doesn’t think he needs them and, between child support and all the other stuff that’s going on, it’s draining every penny he has.  I’m not going to get into it with you about Stacy’s history but that’s also a big part of why he doesn’t feel like he should have to do all this stuff.  He doesn’t have anger issues.  He doesn’t have a drinking problem.  He’s very bitter about everything that’s happened and he’s tired of everyone thinking he’s abused and victimized Stacy.  Even so…he may not want to but he still does what you tell him to do.  He goes to anger management every week.  He goes for testing whenever you call.  He goes for counseling whenever you tell him to.  He does everything you tell him to do so how can you say you can’t work with him?”

He said, “Stacy does it too.  She does it without complaining.  She agrees with every suggestion I make and does whatever she has to be a good mother for her kids.”

I said, “Let me ask you this.  Who pays for all Stacy’s testing and counseling?  You provide it.  Right?  Because she has primary custody of the kids, she gets all her counseling and testing paid for.  In the meantime, David is dishing out almost $800.00 a month for child support and counseling and testing.  I’m glad Stacy does everything you ask of her but she’s getting all kinds of support and David isn’t getting anything unless he pays for it. Even now…when Stacy is not working with us to arrange visitation, you say David needs to hire an attorney and go to court if he wants to see his kids.  Why should he have to dish out even more money when you’re supposed to be working with them both to see that the kids needs are met?”

He said, “I don’t know what to tell you.  As I said, I’m not going to work with him anymore.  He called my supervisor so he obviously knows how to make waves when he wants to.  If he doesn’t like the way things are, he can get an attorney.”

So…it’s Monday.  Finally.  And I guess DS will be calling the supervisor again this morning.  In the meantime, I just keep decorating and cleaning and wrapping presents.  I don’t know if we’ll see Jake and Scout at all.


beerab says 21st December @ 14:07

I am sorry about Kim- I pray she recovers *hug*

What’s going on with this DIL is insane- it’s totally unfair to you, the kids, and your DS. With all you are dealing with it’s wrong of her to put this on you all. All I can say is I assume you know where she lives right? Send her a letter with your phone number and ask her to please call you so the kids can see their dad. Make a copy and keep it in case she tries to say she never received such a letter.

Now that’s the CIVIL thing to do- a crazy nut like myself would sit outside her door till she came home and ask her to take the kids on such and such a day- heck if you got a camera and KNOW she has a cell phone tape her using it then ask why she’s lying about not having a phone when indeed she does.

I think that the one other thing that might help is if your son’s lawyer sends her a letter telling her to remove the protection order- can a judge make her remove it?

Good luck.

Susan says 22nd December @ 7:42

Sorry Patty. (((((hugs)))))

Joy says 22nd December @ 7:58

The social worker is lying!!!! he is lying!!! OMGoodness how can he say such a bunch of crapolla like that. 1)The SW has no right what so ever to drop a case because of a personality clash. The SW is COURT appointed. So he either was PULLED by his spuerviser for scewing up, or the court pulled him for another reason, or he is lying and is still ON the case and trying to put your DS off. NO caseworker has enough clout to just drop a person because they dont get along with the said person! EVER! Have a lawyer draw up a document to get a copy of the SW notes on DS. They CAN do this and just ‘black out’ personal stuff (names, stuff on DIL etc…) to see the notes only on DS. They wont just give it to your DS you will have to sick a lawyer on them to do this. There is a REASON other than your DS clashing with the SW that the SW was removed. You need to know what it is for the future to have a firmer leg to stand on. You also need to make sure that the SW did not lie on paper to get off of the case. They are waaaaaaaay understaffed so something BIG happened to have the SW removed.
Just a thought

PS I really hope that Kim wakes up soon and that she heals from this.
I hope that you and DS get to see the kids.

Joy says 22nd December @ 7:59

BEERAB is so right!! however send it certified so there is a public record of reciept

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