The men are ready to start peeing outside. And they can, Dammit.
I’ve been on the warpath. Checking the bathroom constantly and threatening to make them go to the gas station. DH actually wanted to know why I always buy white rugs for the bathroom. Why can’t I get some dark ones?
“Get back in that bathroom. Put the top back on the toothpaste, rinse out the sink, and straighten up the towels. Pick up your used dental floss and throw it in the wastebasket. Now!”
I went down to do laundry and found the washer full of wet clothes, the dryer crammed to the max and two baskets of “clean” laundry that DGS’s finished. I took all of it and put it in trashbags and hauled it out to the shed. They were freaking out!
“Where’s our clothes?”
“I put them all in the shed.”
“I figured since you left them in the laundry room, you didn’t really need them. I don’t have time to take them to Goodwill right now so I put them in the shed for the time being.”
“We were washing them!”
“No you weren’t. No one was washing them. They were already clean and they’d been dumped in a basket. I know they’d be folded and hung up in your room if you really needed them so I figured you just washed them so you could donate them to Goodwill.”
They looked at me like I’d lost my mind. They’re already afraid to go in the bathroom.
I’m adding to the list:
Thanks, Susan, for letting me know that I’m not the only woman who sleeps with a madman. I can get out of bed, run my hand over the bottom sheet, pull the covers up and it looks like the bed hasn’t been slept in. DH’s side has 3 extra pillows and the sheets and blankets are ripped from the bed in what appears to have been a fight to the death with some kind of dark demons.
Men don’t close cabinet doors.
They polish the furniture with wet dishrags.
They don’t use coasters. Ever.
Women don’t put open cans of food in the refrigerator and then close the door and walk away when one of them gets knocked over.
Women don’t use the microwave and oven for food storage.
Women DON’T leave slimy gray shaving cream adorned with hair in the bathroom sink.
Maybe if I stay on the warpath, they’ll all move out to the RV for the winter and I can spend long winter evenings curled up on the couch with a coaster under my wine glass.