I woke up at 4:00 and couldn’t get back to sleep.  Sometimes I wake up and my head starts wrapping around some of the DIL crap and I get so angry and upset that I can’t get back to sleep.  I laid in bed thinking about throwing a rock through her windshield (oh, I mean DS’s windshield since she took his car when she left) or going postal on the CPS offices.  DS talked to the caseworker yesterday because he wanted some paperwork that he already has.  DS has sent it to him TWICE and he doesn’t know what happened to it.  I asked to speak to him because I wanted to know how long I’m supposed to be stuck in the middle of all this.

DS – “Howard, I have to work tomorrow.  I sent you the paperwork in the mail and you said you didn’t get it.  I faxed it to your office and you said you didn’t get it.  I’ll fax it again tomorrow morning but I don’t understand why you don’t already have it and I can’t take off work to bring it to you.  I’m giving the phone to my mom.  She wants to talk to you.”

Me: “Hello, Howard?  This is Pat, I wanted to ask you if anything is being done about setting up structured visitation on a set schedule because I don’t want to constantly have to call Stacy and ask if DS can see the kids and have to be here for her to drop them off or pick them up.”

Caseworker: “Who is this?”

Me: “This is Pat, David’s mother.”

Caseworker: “Pat who?”

Me: “Pat R.  David’s mother.”

Caseworker: “You should identify yourself when you talk to someone.  How am I supposed to know who you are?”

Me: “What?  I did.  I just told you I’m David’s mother.  Pat R.”

Caseworker: “I was unlocking a door and put my phone down for a minute.  I guess I didn’t hear you.”

Me (wanting to say, “Then maybe you shouldn’t put your phone down when you’re talking to someone!): “I want to know when visitation is going to be set up at a regular time.”

Caseworker: “What do you have to do with the visitation?  It’s already been set.”

Me: “No, it hasn’t.  Everytime David wants to see the kids, I have to call Stacy and ask her if it’s okay and make arrangements for her to drop them off and pick them up at my house.  If I can’t be here, he can’t get the kids.”

Caseworker- “Why do you have to call?  Why can’t David call?”

Me: “Because there’s a no contact order between David and Stacy so I have to be the go between.”

Caseworker: “Why do you have to be the go between?”

Me: “Because that’s the way the court set it up and the judge said she wanted the no contact order lifted so they could work out visitation.”

Caseworker: “Why doesn’t he have the no contact order lifted?”

Me: “He tried that.  They said Stacy has to do it because she took the order out.”

Caseworker: “Oh.  Well, I don’t have the paperwork with me right now so I don’t know about that.  She has full custody so you and your son will just have to work with her so he can see them.”

Me: “No, she doesn’t have full custody.  They have shared custody but she has primary residential custody.”

Caseworker: “Oh.  I thought she had full custody.  Is he paying his child support?”

Me: “Yes, it’s always paid.  In full, on time.”

Caseworker: “That’s good.  He really needs to keep up with that.  That’s important.”

Me: “You haven’t answered my question.  When are arrangements going to be made so that David can have set visitation so I don’t have to continually call Stacy and ask if he can see them?”

Caseworker: “That’s something David and Stacy have to work out.”

Me: “That’s what I’m saying.  She doesn’t want to work it out.  She wants me to call her everytime he wants to see the kids and she decides whether or not he can.  I have to set it up.  I really don’t like doing that.  To be honest, I don’t want to have to call her and ask her permission for him to see them.”

Caseworker: “Is she not letting him see the kids?”

Me: “No, she usually lets him see them but it’s very irritating to have to call her and ask if he can see the kids.  She enjoys the power that comes from deciding whether or not she’s going to bring them over and whether or not he can see them on any given day.”

Caseworker: “Well, he’s the one who said he can’t pick them up after school anymore.  He used to see them everyday but he said he can’t do that anymore.  I had to work with her to get her 4Cs childcare after school. That was his decision.”

Me: “What?  He has a job.  He can’t pick them up.  He has to work when they get out of school.”

Caseworker: “Well, that’s something they have to work out.  I have to go now, I’ve got another appointment but you can call me anytime you need something.”

ARRGGHH!  Should I call him now?  At 4:00 a.m.?


Joy says 10th November @ 7:44

What a pric-!!!! Sorry that was harsh words but what a jerk!!! I am sorry to say that it has been my experience that MOST caseworkers stink! The county does NOT really provide enough money to hire good ones. So they take what you call the bottom of the barrel. Of course there are a few exceptions but not many.

incontrol2day says 10th November @ 9:07

That caseworker is a HUGE D-BAG…. wow
what a loser. If I were you on the phone I would have said some really nasty things LOL and been really counterproductive.

Don’t let that jerk ruin your beauty sleep…!!

beerab says 10th November @ 11:57

Gosh that’s terrible!

Isn’t there anything you can do? Can’t the lawyer appeal to the judge saying she still hasn’t removed the order and you don’t want to be in the middle anymore?

Man you guys are so calm- I would have been like should I quit my F-ing job so that I can pick up the kids from now on but not pay child support anymore? Would THAT be better you moron? Why is it it’s okay that SHE can’t pick up the kids but it’s NOT okay that he can’t?

I think honestly something has to be done to inconvenience her. Or could he buy the kids one of those cell phones that can only communicate to him and then call the kids and say he wants to see them? Don’t hate me for this- but maybe there has to be a time where he only calls the kids on that phone to talk to them but stops seeing them? Eventually she’ll get sick of having her kids 24/7 and if she calls you say “get the protection order removed then he’ll see the kids.”

Good luck

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