22ndOctober

Tick Tock

The kitchen clock is tick tocking away.  I never noticed it before.  Everything seems so quiet this morning.  I know it’s psychological but nevertheless, it really seems quieter since DS left yesterday.

In this melange of assorted family, it all adds up to chaos.  Andrew and Steven live with us.  Oldest DS has been here for more than a year.  With a cat, and DGD, Holly, is here whenever he spends time with her.  Youngest DS is here almost all the time and it’s only been recently that he stopped caring for Jake and Scout everyday.  Then there’s his dog, the twin’s cat, and last but certainly not least, there’s DH.  Ohh, and me.  I suppose I add to the chaos.

Oldest DS packed up his panel truck and headed for Florida yesterday.  He’s going by our cabin in Madison and dropping off a sleeper sofa, a dinette, a bunch of cabinets and assorted odds and ends.  His stuff is all going with him.  He left yesterday and the house seems so much quieter.  Of course, it isn’t but it sure feels that way.  Feels empty and a lot more roomy.  I hope he gets there safely and finds what he’s looking for with his girlfriend of the last year or so.  Lots of love goes with him and I’ll miss him but it still feels good to get a little piece of my house back.  There’s been a lot of tension between him and DH, especially the last six months or so.

My goal is to get my home back by the first of November.  Youngest DS needs to go home.  We have a very close knit family and I know this is a difficult time for him so I haven’t pushed him very hard.  I love him and know he feels lonely and displaced.  He stayed here in the beginning of this mess so I could help with the kids and because he didn’t trust DIL but things are not going to change significantly for a long time and he needs to begin rebuilding his life around something other than DIL and his kids.  He’s over here almost all the time although he does go home occasionally.  My house is a LOT closer to his job and he has DH and I here.  It’s hard to find fault with him because he works like a dog and does everything he can to help but it doesn’t do him any good to stay here.  He needs to learn to deal with his life as it now stands.  I can only imagine how alien his home must feel to him.  Kind of like my house this morning.  Very, very quiet.  And, for him, very, very lonely. 

It’s hard to imagine that it’s only been a little more than a week since he had the kids over here everyday.  I guess, in some ways, it’s been easier for him to adjust because things have changed fairly gradually.  He had a home and a family, then he had the kids all the time, then she had the kids but he watched them everyday, all day long, then it became every day but just for a couple of hours and now it’s just once a week.  In some ways, I suppose it’s been easier but in other ways, it just feels like a long, slow nightmare that just keeps getting worse.

I suppose, at some point, he need to set regular visitation.  We need to say, “This is when he has the kids.  Every week.  This is what it is.”  I know, however, that it’s going to be difficult for him.  It looks like he’s going to wind up getting them Saturday evenings, after work, keeping them Sunday and Sunday night and then taking them to school Monday mornings.  That’s the only day he has off.  DH needed his help last Sunday to work on his car and I wasn’t happy that he spent his only day off working on DH’s car from around noon to 7:00 p.m.  Had a word with DH and told him not to tie up ANY of DS’s Sunday because that’s his day to spend with the kids.  Of course, he countered with, “I know.  I felt bad about it but it was also the only day he could help me with my car and I couldn’t do it by myself.”

I’ve been blogging too long.  Gotta get moving.  Have a good one, Ladies!

1 Comments

Joy says 22nd October @ 6:22

I know what you mean about the house being quiet but it is in my head. It was that way for the first few days that Jacob went to school for the first time.
We kind of have a date set as well. We want our two eldest out by the end of next summer or by the time we close on selling our home here. They will be 18 and 21 by then and frankly as much as we love them I feel like we need to put our focus on our two youngest and ourselves. DH and I have not been alone on a date night for over 4 years. Thats is too long! So I know what you mean in a way. have a good day Patty.
HUGS


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