12thAugust

Thank You!

Have I said that lately?  Don’t think so.  Thank you for being there for me.  For your patience, understanding and support.  I think if I were reading the kind of obsessive, depressing garbage you guys have been getting from me this summer, I would have moved on to happier and more positive blogs.  Still, you haven’t.  You continue to encourage me and I can’t tell you how much it means to me.  A simple “Thank You” doesn’t seem like much but it’s heartfelt. 

I checked my email for the list of approved therapists but it hasn’t come.  I had to spell my name three times for the woman who was going to send me the info and I didn’t have a lot of confidence even after three spellings that she had it right.  Guess I’ll have to call again today.  Still, I feel better. 

The boys just came in and headed to my room to snuggle up and sleep a little bit longer.  Still no definite plan from their mother about how visitation is going to change when they start back to school tomorrow.  Yes, Brandi, kids start back tomorrow.  Whether we’re ready or not.  Whether the flower beds are weeded or not.  Still, tomorrow will just be a name game to get acquainted and Friday will just be going over the syllabus, classroom rules and more getting acquainted.  I don’t plan on starting any real lessons until Monday.  I’ve been told, by the counselor, that I have “cream of the crop” this year.  I’m teaching an advanced web design course and I believe all my kids are seniors.  Another “Thank You!” that I don’t have the ankle biters this year.  I don’t know if “T” is returning this year.  There are rumors that he’s going to an alternative school.  We won’t know until they come in the door.  If he’s in the building this year, I know he’ll be assigned as an aide to me and I hope that happens.

DH and I are planning to have a “family meeting” this weekend.  Something we haven’t done since the kids were teenagers.  The decision to have a meeting came after DH and I had an argument yesterday evening which was totally out of character for us.  He said “F*ck You!” to me and I dumped an entire bucket of soapy water over his head as he turned to walk away.  We were both totally appalled at what we’d done.  He has never said that to me and I was shocked at my reaction.  We sat down and talked and cried and came to the conclusion that our sons are wrecking our lives and we’re enabling them.  We will continue to raise the twins because they’ve lived with us for almost six years now and are wonderful, sweet kids who are only half cooked and need a couple more years to mature before they can be successful on their own.  All the others have got to go.  They came back and dropped their burdens on us so slowly and it all built up until we suddenly have nine people running around, eating here, frequently staying the night and practically living here when it should only be DH and I.  Enjoying our empty nest, enjoying the peace and quiet and each other, and having enough money to do a few things for ourselves.

9:00 p.m.- Better day today.  I did okay at work.  Things were hectic when I got home and DH and I had a couple hours when we wanted to scream but then things settled down and the evening went fairly well.

I was ready to leave at 3:00 and then got grabbed by the principal at 2:55 for a “quick” meeting that ran till 3:30.  She wanted me to brief the new teachers on some technology stuff.  Got home at 4:00 to find DS here and going crazy because the caseworker called him for an unannounced drug/alcohol test.  He had to be there by 6:00 and had to drop off the kids.  He told the caseworker he had them and I was at work and she said that was his problem.  He told her he could take them with him but he couldn’t guarantee he’d be back in time for DIL to pick them up and she said that was his problem too.  I wish I had never told the judge that I thought he had a drinking problem.  I was going on what the caseworker and DIL said and he was telling me all along that he didn’t have a problem.  Still, the judge ordered random testing and he has to be ready to go and pay $30.00 whenever they call.  He’s pretty angry about it because he has to go to alcohol counseling and has to pay for that also.  And then…he hasn’t drank anything in 2 1/2 months.  I should have believed him.  I know he hasn’t had any alcohol because he stays over here most of the time and I’ve kept a sharp eye on him.  I feel guilty for telling the judge that I thought me might have a problem even though he told me he didn’t.  He hasn’t drank a single beer since the night of the arguement and the police report doesn’t say anything about him being drunk or smelling of alcohol.  He says that’s because he wasn’t drinking.  Still, the caseworker believed DIL and I wasn’t certain so I told the judge if he was drinking as much as the caseworker and he indicated, I thought he might have a problem.  Oh well, if nothing else, the testing and counseling should put that fear to rest.

He said something encouraging this evening.  Told me he doesn’t think his attorney is doing much of anything and he’s looking at hiring someone else.  Someone who’s supposed to be really good.  I said, “That’s going to be pretty expensive and we can’t help you out much more than we already have.”  He said, “I don’t care, Mom.  These are my kids we’re talking about and I’ll find the money if I have to get another job and give up eating.”  I don’t think he’ll have to give up eating but I was encouraged to see him taking the initiative and making the commitment to do whatever he has to.

He left to pee in a cup and then DIL called and said, “Patty, I gave blood at work today and I feel awful.  I don’t think I can come and pick up the kids.  My mom said she’ll come and get them when she gets off work around 7:30 but she said she’s tired and she doesn’t want to wait.  She said to watch for her car and send the boys out.”  I said, “Okay, we can take care of that.  What about tomorrow?  What arrangements have you made?”  She said, “I have to be at work at 9:00 so I can take them to school but I don’t get off until 7:30.”  I said, “So, who’s picking them up after school?”  She said, “I don’t know.  I just feel awful.  I knew I shouldn’t have donated blood.  It always just wipes me out.  I haven’t even thought that far.”  I said, “Do you want David to pick them up after school and bring them over here so you can pick them up when you get off?”  She said, “Yeah, I guess.  But I won’t get there until around 8:00.”  I said, “Okay, we’ll do that.”  The thing is…she’s not holding up very well and I knew she wouldn’t be able to but there’s no one who seems to care.  I know better than to call the caseworker but it would sure be nice if someone was aware of the fact that she’s not doing what she’s supposed to do.  DS and I are always here to do whatever is needed for the kids but no one’s aware of anything so it’s not like it’s going to have any bearing on anything.  The boys didn’t bring their little baggies of froot loops this morning.  They got here complaining that they were hungry and didn’t have any breakfast so DS fixed them breakfast when he got here.

After the boys were picked up, things settled down a little and I did something I haven’t done in a long time.  I went out to the spa.  Only the second time I’ve done it all summer.  I took a big glass of iced tea and sat in the spa and smoked a cigarette.  I’m down to about 3/4 a pack now and still working on it.  While I was sitting out there, I watched the bats swooping down to get a drink from the pool and then I did something totally unexpected.  I got out of the spa and went and jumped in the pool.  First time this year.  It was cold but it felt great and I swam a few laps and floated around watching the stars come out.  Almost like old times.  I floated around and it occured to me that I ought to plan a cheap cruise for DH and I over Christmas.  I wasn’t crazy about the cruise we took last Christmas but we did have my sister and both of the twins with us.  Big difference to have a room for ourselves.  Something to consider….

 

11 Comments

Joy says 12th August @ 7:06

Good For you and DH! It is time to stand up for yourselves. Being a parent does NOT mean being the family dumping ground. I think this may be a part of the reason you are so stressed out as well. You still love your DK so dont let them play that card on you. You NEED to take your life back. They need to learn to stand on their own two feet. That is nice that you are giving the twins a tad more time then truly need it. I am so glad to see you taking your life back.
Maybe your primary care doctor can ‘refer’ someone for you to see that is in the network? It might be faster.
You have a wonderful day!
warning warning warning !!! I am going to be bossy.
DO NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT take on too much at work. You need time to heal ,recover, workout, get healthy again. DO NOT let anyone at work guilt you into the paper, or other extra stuff. ell them to get another to do this. YOU need to be priority this school year. Okay I am done being bossy! LOLOLOL
HUGS
HUGS

susan says 12th August @ 7:16

um, what Joy said. :)

beerab says 12th August @ 11:20

I agree- that’s like lately my brother keeps bugging to move back into my mom’s house and I’m like NO WAY. I can’t handle it. He’s very selfish, he’s rude, he doesn’t listen, and he won’t grow up. I told my mom if he comes back I’m leaving! Since he’s been gone my sanity has come back- I don’t want to lose it again!

beerab says 12th August @ 11:21

Oh and you are very welcome :D

firefly says 12th August @ 14:15

Well, you’ve never bailed on me. And I’ve totally been down in the dumps this year. I think you and your husband are making the right decision. I had to go the tough love road a few years ago when I was in a step-family situation and it was the HARDEST thing to do. But it was also the right thing.

Most importantly, I want you to take care of YOU. Cause if we don’t love and take care of ourselves, we won’t be in a place to love and take care of anyone else. Just think of the airlines emergency speech. You put your OWN oxygen mask on first, then help others. I think your own oxygen mask has been neglected for too long.

Joy says 12th August @ 17:48

Patty?
Just so you know? I am going to need you to give me this same lecture about a year from now. :)
HUGS

Sistah Pam says 12th August @ 21:29

ditto to everything, I’m proud of DH in suggesting a family meeting.

We need to get together soon. Sistah Jana has talked about us going out to dinner, so hopefully we can fit into her busy schedule!!!

Love ya

canadianchunky says 12th August @ 23:50

How can you not be arguing etc when all this stress is going on? Why not tell the caseworker? Didn’t she try to kill you guys with the wheel bolts???

Keep up your strength and courage. I agree that it is better to go with the expensive lawyer. I have two close friends who opted for a cheaper one and the cases are being drawn out so long that it would work out cheaper to take the expensive but more effective lawyer in the long run. Just my two cents…

Hugs
Shari

susan says 13th August @ 8:15

ahhhh.. DIL and bloodletting…. now we’re talkin’ ;)

brseay says 13th August @ 10:36

I am a firm believer that things always get worse before they get better and it sounds like you all have hit the “worse” part, which means it has to get better. Once you and DH decide exactly what’s going to happen everyone else will have to fall in line. Just by making these few decisions you sound like you have some pep in your step and that has been missing for a while now. So glad you have a great schedule w/great kids, you have earned it after last year.

As far as DIL not picking up the kids, no breakfast, etc; document, document, document. And I would suggest that for the time being either contact the current lawyer or the GAL. Is he still in the picture? He seemed like about the only one who had any common sense.

And as hard as it is, don’t try to second guess yourself about the drinking thing w/DS. It probably gave you more credibility on the stand b/c you weren’t one of those mothers who can’t see even one flaw in their kids. Plus, if he continues to pass random tests it will stack the odds in his favor. Even though it’s a pain and costing him money I could only imagine it will be worth it in the long run.

I think the old Pat is creeping her way back. Watch out world, it’s time to dig out the Barbie shoes!

beerab says 13th August @ 11:05

I agree to keep documenting- funny how you all have to accomodate but when something happens and you guys need help it’s “your problem.” Donate blood my ass- more like shoot up heroin… I would have said “I think she has a drug problem and should get random screenings also…” lol.


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