Sistah Pat

Who said there’s no rest for the weary?  I slept like a rock last night and I didn’t even need a Tylenol PM to do it.  I slept ten full hours.  Woke up feeling better than I have in days.  Don’t know where DH is.  He’s already cleaned the house and the coffee pot has turned itself off and isn’t even warm anymore.

Some serious discussion going on in yesterday’s comments.  Sunny, yes, I see where you’re coming from and I agree with you to some degree.  However, if you’ve never been in this kind of situation, you should know that a temporary custody period is critical.  You MUST do exactly what you’re supposed to do.  We go back to court in October and they’ll be looking at everything.  In the past, when I had temporary custody, I had to document everything and the caseworkers considered a breach in the visitation agreement or moving the kids in with a boyfriend to be very serious infractions of the agreement.  Things like a missed day of visitation may seem petty but it’s the way she did it.  She should have discussed it with me and I would have discussed it with DS and it would have been fine.  To deliberately refuse to bring them when he has visitation shows that she is not doing what the court ordered.  It SHOULD show that she is not concerned with the kids best interests and is, once again, only interested in what she wants to do.  I would not be half as worried as I am if the caseworker was not so biased.  It’s only been a week and she’s moved in with a boyfriend and deliberately cancelled a visitation.  These are things the caseworker SHOULD see as serious problems considering that the temporary custody period has just begun.

As far as my son is concerned, I agree, I need to back off and let him deal with more of this but the truth of the matter is that he and DIL have an Order of Protection so he doesn’t have to deal with her.  There can be no communication between them.  I’m the one who has to communicate and face DIL all the time  I know I’m raging in my blog but in person, I’m being polite and friendly.  I’m putting on a mask and doing my best to make every encounter as pleasant as possible.  DIL has a horrible temper and the least little bit of adversity brings it out.  For example, when she dropped the bombshell the other evening, “I’m not bringing them tomorrow.”  I tried to be reasonable saying, “No, Stacy, you know he has visitation tomorrow from 8:30 to 5:30.”  I said this in a reasonable tone and she immediately got furious and antagonistic to the point where I had to walk away to avoid a scene.

A couple of things that should be noted…If DIL was a good mother, I wouldn’t worry nearly as much as I do.  I’d just deal with the situation the best I could and DS and DIL would have to work out custody and child support and everything else.  The problem is that she has serious mental problems.  She can turn on a dime.  She always put her own interests ahead of the kids and she’s moved in with boyfriends with serious problems in the past.  Would she deliberately hurt the kids?  No.  I can honestly say I don’t think she would.  But, she WILL put them in dangerous situations.  She’s only had them for a week and she’s moved them into some guy’s house.  And her judgement is not good.  She DOES take off for days at a time and I’ve had to step in and take care of the kids.  Who will fill that role now?  If she decides to run off and party all weekend, this new guy may decide he’s not going to hang around and babysit for her.  Worse…he may be TOO willing to hang around with the kids, if you know what I mean.

I worry about what will happen to them.  For those who may not be aware, I lost a two year old granddaughter several years ago and her death was devastating.  If I’m more aware of the consequences than most people, it’s because I’ve been somewhere that you never want to go.  The aftershocks of her loss still affect my family.   

As for DS, he has to fight his own battles but it’s very difficult when the caseworker is so opinionated.  To date, she has only talked to DS once.  That initial interview.  Other than that, she’s chosen to ignore him or has been so antagonistic to him that he’s decided to avoid her if at all possible.  Don’t forget, it’s only been a week and he still hasn’t had an opportunity to sit down with his attorney for a pow-wow.  That will happen Monday.  He’ll also get a new caseworker and we’re hoping she’ll be more open and professional.

I’ve been so consumed with the two youngest grandkids this summer, I haven’t said much about the twins.  I’m so proud of Andrew.  He worked all summer and saved every penny he earned.  Now, he has $1,200 in the bank and saved it all up to buy a top of the line laptop.  He’s so excited.  I kind of hate for him to spend a thousand bucks on a laptop because he could get everything he needs for a lot less but he fell in love with an HP Pavillion with all the bells and whistles (including Blu Ray) earlier this year and has worked and saved all summer to buy it so I’m certainly not going to bust his bubble.  Steven never did find a job this summer but he mowed a few lawns and did some odd jobs.  Funny, even though they’re twins, they’ve so different.  Money runs through Steven’s hands like water.  He tends to buy little items and isn’t very good about saving up for the big stuff.  We’ll have to work on that.  Both boys registered for classes last week and Steven is content with his schedule but Andrew came out of it grinning from ear to ear.  He got total candy classes.  Got all the best teachers and gets to be an aide for his favorite counselor.  Believe it or not, he actually got my class.  We teach a class called Advocacy once a week.  It’s an ungraded class that is designed to form a close relationship with a small group of students so that every student feels like they have a teacher they can talk to and count on when the need arises.  Andrew is thrilled to be in my Advocacy class but I’m not so sure.  I think I’ll see how it goes but I may have him transferred to another teacher.  We talk about problems that the kids have and frequently discuss issues they don’t feel comfortable talking about with parents.  I’m not sure it would be to Andrew’s benefit to be in my class.  He’s a senior this year and thinks he’s on top of the world.  Steven failed the 6th grade so he’s a junior but he’s finally at a point where he can start having some fun.  Prom and senior rings and other good stuff.

Now…enough about that.  It’s a beautiful day and I don’t have a houseful of kids to take care of.  Time to do something for me.  Sistah Pam is determined to save me from myself and has suggested an outing….

Oh, I should mention, my other DIL’s father passed away yesterday evening.  I didn’t know him very well and the kids seem to be handling it okay.  They saw him on Christmas and occasional holidays but have never been really close.  Another casualty of my granddaughter’s death?  Perhaps.  After she died, they began to slowly pull away from the other grandkids.  Haven’t ever been very close to them.  We all have our own ways of dealing with these things.  I gathered all my kids and grandkids tightly against me and treasure every day with them.  They distanced themselves.  I’m not being critical.  As I said, we have to deal with these things in our own way.