Sistah Pat

Still hanging on.  Still stressed and depressed but taking it all right on the chin and dealing with it the best I can.  I don’t want to dwell on what’s going on because I’ve promised myself that I won’t turn it over and over in my head and make myself sick about it.  Still, I’ll touch on the basics.  I started keeping a log on what DIL does.  When she drops off the kids, when she picks them up.  It was very helpful in the past because even though she tried to deny a lot of stuff, I had records to back up what I was saying.  Of course, in this case, she’d probably be able to say that I’m just trying to sabotage her and they’d buy it.  It looks good so far.  For all of us.  She’s been polite and pleasant and done what she’s supposed to do and DS and I have, too.  The kids told me Mommy told them she would be taking care of them from now on and they will be living in her nice, new apartment.  They won’t be staying at Daddy’s house because they don’t live there anymore.  I would have preferred she tell them that they’re going to be staying there for a while but they’ll also be staying with Daddy until the judge decides what would be the best thing for everyone.  I don’t know if that’s worth bringing up to the caseworker or not.  Maybe the new one will be interested.  Last time this happened, she introduced them to four different “new” daddies within a year and a half and told them they’d be living with each one of them.  It was very upsetting to the kids because they didn’t understand what was going on.  Another sore point is that Jake told DS yesterday that he tried to call him over the weekend because he wanted to talk to him but Mommy told him that wasn’t allowed.  I can see her point.  If calls are made to his phone from her phone, he could claim she was calling him in violation of the EPO.  Of course, he wouldn’t do that and she knows that but it does give her the right to refuse to let the kids call him.  He was kind of upset about it.  The kids told me they have beds but Mommy sleeps on the couch because she doesn’t have a bed.  I swear, I came close to offering her the use of an air bed until I caught myself.  It’s not like me to be so mean spirited but I have to remind myself that helping her out is only hurting DS.  So…I didn’t offer to loan her the bed.  As it is, she’s asking for a LOT of stuff.  It seems that she’s convinced herself that since she has temporary custody, she should have everything that involves the boys.  She wants ALL their clothes, their bikes, the Playstation (because they want to be able to play with the Wii AND the playstation), their board games, their waterslide, etc. etc.  DS is just as determined that she can have what they need but they will STILL have everything they need to have fun at his house as well.  After all, they’re over there every day and the last thing he wants is for them to feel slighted when they’re at his house.  I think he’s been more than fair about dividing their stuff up but she keeps asking for more.

In fact, I had to remind myself that this IS about the kids and what’s best for them so DS and I gave her a break today.  Her car broke down and she had to borrow her mother’s.  That meant she had to get the kids up at 5:30 a.m. and drive across town to her mother’s (which is only two miles from my house), drive her mother downtown to work and drop her off at 7:00, kill an hour and a half, and then bring the kids over here.  Of course, this is the day she has to pick them up around noon for their counseling session and they would already be bouncing back and forth like tennis balls.  Her mom’s, kill a couple hours, my house, DS’s house, back to my house, down to their appointment, back to my house, etc. etc.  So, I told her to just bring them over here as soon as she picks up her mother and DS can have them until noon when she picks them up for their counseling session.  After that, I told her to just take them home.  It’s too rough on everyone for them to be running back and forth all day.  So…I allowed her to drop them off two hours early and DS got over here at 7:00 to spend time with them until they have to leave at noon.  Not much in terms of quality time…they’re all still asleep and it’s almost 9:30.

I wanted to be accommodating today because I have a feeling DIL is NOT going to be happy when I tell her they can’t come tomorrow.  I’m assuming she knows that.  Tomorrow is DIL’s hearing on the assault charge she made against him.  They’ll be in court all day.  I’m not sure how it’s going to go over when she finds out I won’t be taking them tomorrow but there’s no way they can say he refused his visitation when he has to be in court to defend himself against bogus charges she made on him.  I’m relatively sure she knows there will be no visitation but I can’t be sure.  I’ll remind her of it when she picks the kids up.

Of course, the assault charge is weighing heavy on us.  It’s bogus and we know it but can he make others understand?  I hope so.  His attorney says he shouldn’t worry.  It will be okay. 

That’s enough about what’s going on with DIL, DS, and the kids.  I said I wasn’t going to dwell on it and I’m not.  I did some laundry yesterday.  Ate a lot better than I have in quite a while but not necessarily low calorie.  The scales are still showing 186.5 this morning.  I cleaned out the “bowl” cabinet yesterday.  I tend to save all kinds of containers with lids because someone is always taking food home with them or I use them to take food to work and I just throw them out when I’m done.  It had gotten to the point where we had a major avalanche everytime I opened the cabinet door so I got rid of all of it.  I’ll probably regret it when I start back to work but I threw out an entire kitchen trash bag full of bowls and lids.  I kept busy.  Scrubbed the bathroom and washed some windows.  I wasted a lot of time yesterday with going to the store and getting groceries and cleaning supplies but now I’m all stocked up.  I stayed dressed until 7:00 yesterday evening and then I took a long hot soak and put on a pair of pajamas.  Watched TV for a while before heading to bed at 10:00.

I hear what everyone is saying about talking to a therapist and I know that’s something I need to do but I dont’ think I can fit it in right now.  Things are in such turmoil and I start back to work in a couple of weeks.  I’ve got it on my mind though.  This thing with DIL, DS and the kids is just one thing that’s getting me down.  I’ve still got my oldest DS living here and I need to make him get on with his life and move out.  I’ve also got money problems because the DIL episode is draining us dry on court and attorney fees.  My other DIL’s father is dying.  He was moved to Hospice yesterday and DGD, Holly, has been here more than home this summer.  Lots of stuff is contributing to my depression.