15thJune

Beach Babies

I’ve been busy looking at hotels and condos on the beach this morning.  The kids love the beach and they haven’t been for a long time.  Holly’s been to Florida a couple times in the last few years but it’s been to Disney World.  I decided that we ought to take them all to the beach for at least a couple of days.  Our property is 3 1/2 hours from the nearest decent beach so it would involve 7 hours of driving if we did it for the day and I don’t want to be trapped in the car with three kids for that long so I decided to look for a condo or hotel for a couple of days.  Found a studio on Daytona Beach that offers a second night free after you pay for the first so I booked it.  Little Sister booked a double room on the same dates and got the same deal.  That’ll be nice for the kids and little sister can rip up and down the sidewalk in her scooter and have a little fun.  She came over yesterday evening and we determined that she can scoot up the steps in the RV and manuveur around fairly well.

DS had to go to court this morning.  This is family court for the hearing on the EPO.  He was supposed to be there at nine and it’s 11:00.  He called a couple of minutes ago and said DIL hasn’t shown up.  He doesn’t think she will.  He’s betting, however, that she’ll show up on July 1 for the assault charge she made on him.  I just can’t understand that.  This morning is the hearing about what happens with the kids and she can’t be bothered to show up.  Our attorney said what happens this morning in family court will have a bearing on what happens on the assault charge.  If that’s the case, I’m sitting here with my fingers crossed that she won’t show up.  Actually, I hope she doesn’t show up for either but DS says he feels certain that she’ll be there for the assault charge because she may not care what happens with the kids but she’ll be more than eager to try to get her revenge by charging him with assault.  I don’t understand it at all.

DS has been there for two hours and they haven’t called his case.  He says there must be 70 or 80 people there waiting.  I wish they would go ahead and call his case so they could see that she’s not going to show.  It would be just our luck to have the case called at 2:00 this afternoon after she strolls in at 1:30.  No one would know how late she is and DS would be in hot water at work because he supposed to be there at 2:00. 

Listen to me…worrying and stressing.  I’ve been through so much heartache with DIL that I’m a nervous wreck thinking about how vindictive she can be and worried sick about what’s going to happen.  That’s stupid.  Obviously, she’s not going to show.  I’ve just been through so much her that I know better than to think it’s over.  She can look you right in the face with tears rolling down her face and lie with a conviction that’s astounding.  I’ve seen it happen over and over.  One of the social workers who worked with the case a few years ago said, “Do you know if she’s ever been labeled as a sociopath because her behavior is much more aggressive than that typically associated with a bi-polar personality trait?”  I looked up the characteristics of a sociopath and was shocked to see that it fit her to a T.  I was also shocked to think that it was a trained social worker that was working with her who would come up with that observation.  I told the counselor that I didn’t know if she’d ever been labeled as sociopathic but it’s a scary possibility. 

I kept the grandkids last night.  DS was supposed to pick them up after he got off work and then bring them back before he went to court this morning and that seemed like a lot of wasted effort so I just told him I’d keep them overnight.  I don’t want to influence them and I don’t want to make them feel pressured but, damn, it’s hard not to question them.  I did.  A little bit. 

I don’t know if it’s best to try to reassure them and discuss things with them or to ignore it.  They certainly don’t seem concerned in the least that their mother is gone again.  They’re pretty used to it.  I asked Jake (9 yr. old) if he knew where his mother was and he said, “She told us she’s staying with a friend.  She’s coming back to get us in a week and we’re going to stay with her.”  I said, “Well, maybe that will happen but maybe it won’t.  I’m not sure.  Either way, you’ll be with Mommy or Daddy and you can stay with me, too.” and he said, “Well, she said we won’t be staying with Daddy.  She said he’s too violent.”  I said, “Your mother and father should not fight like they do.  I know it must be scary for you to see them fighting but your father is not violent.”  He said, “I know.  That’s just what she said.” 

At that point, Scout (7 years old) jumped in and said, “Well, you see, this is how it happened.  I was asleep and I heard a big crash and my mother came in the room and started pulling me out of bed.  Your son told her to get out and he grabbed her and pushed her in the hall and she was screaming at him.  She yelled for me and Jake to get up and I got out of bed and wrapped my Sponge Bob blanket around me.  You know the one you made me?  It’s too small.  You need to make me another one.  So, I got Jake up and Mommy and your son were fighting in the hall and she scratched him and he told her to get out of the house and she grabbed Jake and started pulling him in the living room and your son told her to let him go and then some man tried to hit your son with a board and they started fighting and another man picked me up and Mommy dragged Jake out of the house and he cut his foot and the police came.” 

Sh*t!  It’s disturbing enough to have DS tell me what happened but it’s so much worse to hear it from a child.  I couldn’t figure out why he kept calling DS “your son”.  It sounded so weird.  He’s never referred to him as anything but Daddy.  I felt really selfish and didn’t like probing but I felt like I needed to clarify a couple of things with them.  I really don’t know the best course of action but I said, “I’m sorry you had to see all that fighting.  It must have been scary.  That’s not the way Mommys and Daddys are supposed to fight.  You’ve seen Nana and Pawpaw fight, right?  That’s the way you’re supposed to fight.  You just get mad and say, “Leave me alone!” and walk away until you’re not mad anymore.”  Scout said, “That’s not fighting.  That’s just argueing!”  I said, “I know.  That’s what Mommy’s and Daddy’s are supposed to do.  They get mad sometimes and they argue.  You’re not supposed to start yelling and throwing things and hitting.”  Jake said, “Yeah, but you don’t know our mother.  She always wants to start fighting.”  Nuff said.  I left it alone.  I still don’t understand that “your son” terminology though.

12:00 - DS just called.  They called his case and the judge asked why DIL wasn’t there.  The prosecutor said she didn’t know.  Said she’d tried to call her several times but she hadn’t returned calls.  The judge said, “Well, she doesn’t seem overly concerned about his (gestured to DS) violence and threatening behavior is she’s not here to either support her EPO or contest his.”  The judge upheld DS’s EPO.  Yay!!!!  He can stay at the house and keep the kids and she’s not allowed any contact with him, the house, or the kids.  AND, her absence and the judge’s ruling today will influence her charge of assault next month.”  HUGE sigh of relief.  Now I feel like I can go workout.  BTW, weight is down another pound today to 185.

9:00 - I’m going to bed soon.  I made a boo boo with dinner and I don’t want to face any temptation tonight.  DS got me a Subway for dinner tonight and he got a foot long.  I fully intended to eat half for dinner and half for lunch tomorrow but I was talking to my sister on the phone and I looked down and the whole thing was gone!  At least I’m still under my calories for the day.  The rest of the week will be dangerous.  I’m working and they’re providing breakfast and lunch each day.

Nice easy work with plenty of time to sit around doing nothing and get paid for it.  I have to work from 8:00 to 3:00 all week.  Tomorrow is my set up day and I have to set up around 15 rooms.  Some of them need computers and projectors, others need TV and DVD players and others need overhead projectors and stuff.  After I get all the rooms set up tomorrow, I get paid to just hang around in case anything goes wrong the rest of the week.  Wheee!

6 Comments

Sunny says 15th June @ 11:49

Yeah, that “your son” terminology is disturbing. Might she have instructed him to refer to him that way or NOT to call him Daddy? :(

Sunny says 15th June @ 12:10

FANTASTIC update/news!!!! YAY! :D

patty says 15th June @ 12:10

I don’t know, Sunny. It certainly sounds weird but I can’t see her coaching him to say, “Your son”. Why not, “my father”? At any rate, he doesn’t sound like a title he would come up with on his own although he can be a bit precocious.

tuscaloosasue says 15th June @ 15:50

Oh, Patty! It’s great to hear something more has gone right. At least the court is getting a picture of her.
Scout’s wording is odd. Maybe he’s relating to the son-mother relationship. In his mind, comparing his relationship with his mother to your son’s relationship with you.

At any rate, at least court went well and things are looking good for the assault charges. For my two cents, DIL does sound a bit sociopathic. I lived with a guy like that. He knew all the ‘right’ things to say and do, but didn’t feel anything. He had no conscience and no remorse. Bah.

Enjoy your trip to the beach! It sounds like you will have a great time and the boys will get some much needed rest and tranquility.

brseay says 15th June @ 17:57

Sadly, I’m guessing the “your son” reference is evidence of coaching from their mother. How fabulous, though, that she didn’t show today! And that weight you’re losing…it’s a little of the weight off your shoulders.

The beach sounds fabulous, I can see the kids and your sister having a blast! Hope you guys do, too.

susan says 15th June @ 21:57

I WILL NOT believe you are going to just “hang around” the rest of the week at school until I actually see your Friday post :) heh-heh.
And, hey, if you were under your calories for today, don’t feel bad about rockin’ that sub. Jared would be proud!


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