We had terrible thunderstorms last night.  Lightning flashing and thunder crashing.  The wind was really whipping things up.  Here I am, sitting in my kitchen, looking at my messed up windows.

I rolled over a couple hours ago and found DH still in bed.  He mumbled something about a vacation day.  I’ll have to see what’s going on when he gets up.  I can’t believe he took one single day of vacation in the middle of the week.  Maybe he’s off tomorrow, too.  It’s possible we looked at the schedule back in January when he has to pick his vacation days and planned for a long weekend but I don’t know why we would have done it with another two weeks of vacation coming up on the 20th.

Okay, so what’s the latest on the DIL issue?  DS#1 called her yesterday evening and told her the sheriff said she took DS#2’s phone and charger and she needed to return it so he wouldn’t have to press charges and get her in trouble.  He told her DS needed the house key and mailbox key also.  She called yesterday evening and said, “I’m downtown at the courthouse.  If you want the phone, drive down here and pick it up.”  DS#1 said, “Why are you all the way downtown?”  She said, “I was advised to do this and you’re not getting the house keys or the mailbox key because I AM going to get that house and my mail is still coming there.”

DS#2 drove downtown and pulled up at the corner and she handed him the phone and charger through the window without a word and waved at some car as he was leaving.  I don’t think she’ll go by the house this soon because things are still hot but it wouldn’t surprise me if she went in and took what she wanted in a couple of weeks and it wouldn’t surprise me if she raided the mailbox at the street although she’s not allowed within 1,000 yards of the house.  She’d have no problem taking his mail and tearing it up.  Still, she does have all her belongings in the house and she needs her mail.  I suppose DS should buy a new mailbox and tell the post office she no longer lives there so they can hold her mail for pickup.  DS says all the bills are in his name which isn’t surprising because it’s his house.  He had it before he met her and she’s never invested a cent in it.

About the house, DS bought a fixer upper (major fixing up!) several years ago.  We helped him and he made it a nice little place.  We had to replace flooring, roofing, drywall, and redo an entire bathroom.  Still, with a lot of paint and new carpet and elbow grease, it turned out pretty nice.  A year or so later, he met DIL and moved her in.  They broke up a few months later and she left for six months.  She’s floated in and out of his life for the last eleven years but has never held a job or put any money or time into the house.  DS would ask his dad and I if we would come over and help replace windows/lay a ceramic countertop/put in a new air conditioning system/lay carpet and hardwood floors/etc.  DIL would either leave because she “couldn’t stand the fumes/clutter/noise/dust/etc. or she’d sit on the couch and say, “I wish I could do stuff like that” and never lift a finger to help.  Five years ago, when she had a major meltdown, she took out a restraining order and lived in the house for three months while DS made the payments and he and the kids lived here.  When he was finally able to get her evicted, we were shocked.  She took everything and totally trashed the place.  There were holes in the walls, holes in the carpet, holes in the doors and we hauled tons of trash out of the place.  DS started all over and we were right there beside him, working endlessly to get everything fixed.  We replaced all the cabinets, replaced the carpet, replaced the wood laminate floors, replaced the blinds, repainted, installed a new washer, dryer, stove, freezer, and refrigerator.  She’d taken everything so I made new drapes and curtains and DS had to buy new dishes, flatware, sheets, towels, pots and pans, etc.  She was gone almost two years that time and DS finally got things fixed up and once again made a cozy little nest for his family. 

I don’t think you can imagine my horror when DH and I went to Florida for spring break three years ago and came home to have DS tell us they had gotten back together.  I was actually sickened.  I had temporary custody of the kids for 1 1/2 years while they battled it out in court, she’d totally trashed the house and we’d just about killed ourselves revamping it, and she’d lived with four different guys during the previous year and a half.  And he took her back.  I never put another minute’s worth of effort into the house.  In fact, I’ve only been over there about a half dozen times in the last three years.  My relationship with DS was shattered.  I felt like he had literally stabbed DH and I in the back.

To wrap it up…DS was finally forgiven and DIL was accepted once again but damage was done that can never be undone.  I lost a lot of respect for DS and have tried to distance myself from his problems with DIL.  I don’t discuss it with him.  Things go wrong and he wants to talk about it and I tell him I don’t want to hear it.  I don’t want the emotional baggage and drama.  It’s just complaining and ranting and he doesn’t take my suggestions anyway.  He used to call me all the time when DIL was acting up and beg me to talk to her and I would.  I could usually calm her down but I don’t think DS has any idea how emotionally draining that can be.  Finally, I told them both, you need to work out your own problems and stop trying to pull me into them. We spend a lot of time with DS and DIL but I won’t discuss serious issues with either of them.   They don’t really want to do anything about it and I don’t need the heartache and drama.  I don’t want to be burdened with it if they’re just going to continue bumping along in their own dysfunctional little world.  Now, here we are, right back where we started.

I had a long talk with DS yesterday.  I asked him if he was finally ready to get rid of her for good.  He said he thought he was.  He said he almost cried when the judge was giving him Hell because he thought, for a few minutes, that he might actually lose his kids.  He said it’s so hard to make it on his own.  He has to get up, take care of the kids, the house, the laundry and then take the kids to me/daycare/babysitter and go to work.  He works long hours six days a week and picks the kids up close to midnight, carries them in the house and puts them to bed and hardly sees them.  Daycare costs eat up his paycheck and he’s barely able to make ends meet.  I assured him that every single parent faces the same obstacles.  He’s in that situation where he makes just enough money to make him ineligible for any assistance but not enough money to take care of everything.  Daycare throws him over the top. 

I don’t know what new drama today will bring.  At least, DS has his kids, his house, and his phone.  As for me, I ate fairly decent yesterday and I’m going to do my best today.  For starters, I’m going to try to get some treadmill time in.  If things get crazy, I’m going to let DH handle it.

12:00 – I got a workout in.  If you want to call it that.  I did 35 minutes on the treadmill at 3.0 mph and a 3% incline.  I hopped off a few times and did a little bit of step aerobics but I never got “in the zone”.  My legs and arms felt like lead.  I dragged myself along, wanting to quit the entire time and then, because I’m a stubborn bitch, made myself do five minutes more than yesterday.  I’m nowhere near where I was this time last year.  Still, my weight is 187 and that’s a couple of pounds less than yesterday so I just have to keep pushing myself to do a little bit more each day until I feel better.  My eating was weird yesterday.  I didn’t eat breakfast or lunch.  I had too much drama going on.  DS#1 came in with a bucket of Popeye’s fried chicken and was pretty forceful at making me eat because, “Stop it, Mom!  Sit down and eat and stop argueing with me about calories!  All you’re doing is stressing out and making yourself sick.” and it seemed easier to just comply.  Still, I only ate part of a chicken breast and one biscuit.  Last night, I ate a ham sandwich on two pieces of white bread and a bunch of watermelon.  I figured if I wanted to binge, watermelon wouldn’t hurt me.  You’ve got to eat a truckload of that stuff to add up to anything worth worrying about.

I pushed myself on the workout today.  Doing a little bit better than yesterday and now I want to work on the food and try to do better.  I’ve been up more than four hours and only had black coffee.  Time to focus on some healthy food.  I’ve been thinking about how I eat when I’m stressed.  I don’t pay any attention to meals or what’s in those meals.  I don’t think about what I’m eating.  I might be up six or seven hours before I eat and then I just cram something in there to satisfy the hunger.  It doesn’t really matter what it is.  If I have a frozen entree,  I might nuke it.  If I don’t, I might grab a bag of chips and some dip.  Dinner will be whatever is easy and available and I’ll sit there mindlessly munching all evening.  It’s not that I’m really enjoying the junk, I’m not even tasting it, it’s just there.  Whatever’s available.  Having given this some thought, I need to go to the store today and see if I can get some healthy stuff in here.  I need to cook and have stuff prepared so I won’t be rummaging.  If I hadn’t had watermelon in the house last night, it could have easily been a slice of cake or some chips that I grabbed.  I’m also going to start recording my food and calories again.


beerab says 11th June @ 11:00

Wow- it’s a lot for one plate and I’m glad you spoke to him.

I agree call the post office and pay the fee to get the key changed and also state that she doesn’t live there anymore. Anything that comes in her name write “not at this address” and send it back. He doesn’t need to hold it for her- she can do it herself.

Yes daycare costs a lot but he won’t need daycare forever, as the kids grow up he won’t have to worry about that cost (how old are they if you don’t mind my asking?).

Then I’d change all the locks on the house as well- $30 for some new keys and a peace of mind is better than her coming in and trashing the house again!

I hope it all works out 🙂

Sunny says 11th June @ 11:13

I told you yesterday (or the day before?) that your son MUST get those locks changed, and if he doesn’t….he’s still not ready to give up on her. Simple as that. OF COURSE she’s going to steal everything that she can and if she thinks it’s necessary; destroy everything else. been there, done that. Again, your son is even dumber than you thought if he doesn’t get the locks changed IMMEDIATELY. She’s not going to wait. She’s going to do this fast and soon. 🙁 My heart bleeds for you, Patty. Hang tough. :: hugs ::

tuscaloosasue says 11th June @ 12:37

Patty, I hope your son takes the advice, changes the locks, and cuts her from his life. Although life may be tough without her, it’s definitely worse, and more expensive, with her.
Well done for your workout. Something is better than nothing. I’ve stopped buying my ‘weak treats’ so they simply aren’t in the house for me to grab. Having raw veggies to hand is a good way for me to snack healthily. Hang in there!

brseay says 11th June @ 17:43

It just amazes me when people act like that, truly w/o caring for the people they claim to love. Stay strong, focus on what you can control and keep taking out your stress on the treadmill!

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