189. That’s what the scales say. How did that happen???? “Well, Duh!” It happens when you work long hours under stress sitting at a desk and then come home exhausted, cram your face full of food and collapse on the couch to watch TV all evening.

Goodbye, Russell.

I just threw the rest of the box of Russell Stover chocolates in the trash and then dumped coffee grounds on top of them. I did good with eating healthy yesterday but I watched TV a little bit last night and it entered my head that I still had half a box of Russell Stover chocolates that DH gave me on our anniversary last week. I’m proud to say I resisted the call last night but I don’t even want them around. After stepping on the scales this morning, I decided to take out an EPO on Russell Stover.

Speaking of EPOs, DS was supposed to be in court this morning at 9:00 and he was going to bring the kids over for me to watch. I was freaking out when he wasn’t here by 8:50. He pulled in the drive and ran up to the door with the kids and told me he had a flat tire on the way here. He was totally panicked and rushed out. I don’t know what will happen but I’m sure the courts do not like to wait. Still, he’ll be there. He’ll just be late. I swear, if it wasn’t for bad luck, the kid wouldn’t have any luck at all.

Last night, he fixed a great dinner. Some kind of lime beef salad. It was wonderful. Thin slices of flank steak grilled just right on a bed of romaine, cucumbers, homegrown tomatoes from Tennessee and an olive oil lime vinaigrette. Really good stuff.

Now, before anything else happens, while it’s still cool, while the grandkids are watching cartoons, I’m going to spend some quality time with my treadmill.

11:30 - I walked on the treadmill for 30 minutes.  Not much, I know, but something.  I really didn’t want to do it.  After ten minutes, I wanted to stop but I promised myself I wouldn’t quit until I did 30.  So I did.  Nothing to brag about but I’m barely hanging in there this morning. 

The day is rapidly deteriorating.  DS called and there’s a big mess going on with him.  He got to court and the prosecutor has DIL’s EPO but not DS’s.  He doesn’t know anything about DS filing a restraining order that overrode hers and shows that DS is not supposed to be at the house or with the kids.  And then, TO TOP IT ALL OFF, DS didn’t take his paperwork with him to court.  I can’t believe it.  Did this man come from my womb?  Surely not.  There must have been a serious mixup at the hospital.  I’m so angry I want to scream and rant but I can’t because the grandkids are here.  I don’t want to say anything bad about their mother and I don’t want to say anything bad about their father so I have to rant here.  What was he thinking????  He said he thought it was just an arraignment to get the actual court date and he didn’t think he’d need it.  Now he’s on his way home to get his paperwork.  He’ll have to go back downtown to show it to the prosecutor and he’s going to miss another day of work.

Really, I’m seriously freaked and stressed out.  This makes five years in a row that I’ve had to deal with this sort of thing the week I start summer break.  He’s my son and I love him dearly but I can’t believe the mess he’s made and continues to make of his life.  He either doesn’t understand or doesn’t care about what his relationship with DIL does to the entire family.  He says he does but he doesn’t show it.  He thinks everything will be okay because he’s a good guy who works hard.  He doesn’t seem to understand that the courts are beginning to think he’s NOT a good guy because he keeps letting DIL run his life and exposes the kids to her craziness.  Over and over again.

What’s this about???  I thought I did a good job raising my kids.  I was there for them.  I went to PTA meetings.  I helped them with their homework.  I made sure they had whatever they needed to be successful and yet they both hooked up with idiot women and have allowed those women to tear them down and destroy them.  They both like to say, “I wish I could find a woman like you, Mom, but they just aren’t out there.”  Yes, they are.  I’m not special.  I’ve really given this a lot of thought.  I don’t understand.  Both my son’s chose whiney, dependent women who can’t do a thing for themselves, much less for their children.  I’ve often wondered if I did too much for them.  Did I unwittingly teach them that the woman takes care of everything?  Did DH, by being pretty much hands-off with childcare, lead them to believe that men don’t take care of the kids?  I come from the Superwoman generation.  Those of us who were dying to be “liberated”.  We wanted good jobs.  We were strong!  We wanted everything.  And that’s what some of us got: everything.  We got the jobs, we got the responsibility but we kept the child rearing, the housekeeping, and the homemaker roles.  I’m a strong woman.  I know that.  But, by being so strong, have I led all the men in my family to believe women should look after them?  DH and I never really fought.  There was no need.  We argued, and still do, but we never had any knockdown, dragout fights.  We never pushed, kicked, scratched, or dodged flying objects.  The worst my kids ever saw was an occasional door slam.  That’s why this is such an enigma to me.  I have one son who marries a woman who can’t even take care of herself.  She’s lazy and unmotivated and totally irresponsible.  His reaction, instead of stepping up to the plate, is to let his children suffer and blame her for everything.  My other son marries a crazy, totally self-centered psycho and continues to tolerate the drama and chaos she inflicts on both him and the kids.  Actually, DS#2 is a very good father in terms of taking responsibility for providing for the kids, playing with them, and showering them with love and attention.  His downfall is that he can’t work the long hours he puts in, pay all the bills, clean the house and cook all the meals, and do all the things a single parent has to learn to do.  He works so hard and struggles so much that when DIL comes to him, begging for another chance, coming over and cleaning the house and caring for the kids occasionally that he folds and convinces himself that things will be different.

I’m rambling, I know, but I can’t rant right now and this is the next best thing.  Really, I don’t understand.  I just know that it’s killing me.

2:30 p.m. - Update - DS got his paperwork and the prosecutor actually apologized to him for being so nasty in front of the judge.  She said his EPO is not in the computer.  She made copies of it but she told him there’s still a problem because, it still has to be redocketed (whatever that means) and it can’t be heard before next Tuesday at the earliest.  If they can’t contact DIL and serve her, it won’t even be heard next Tuesday but will be continued again.  The prosecutor told him she can’t advise him but, right now, the computer is showing that he is not allowed to be around the house or the kids.  He said she seemed sympathetic but when he tried to press her to tell him what that meant, she just kept telling him she couldn’t advise him.  I told him to go by our attorney’s office before he comes home and talk to him. 

I may be wrong but I think the prosecutor was trying to say, as it stands right now, he is not supposed to be at the house or around the kids.  DIL doesn’t know this because she didn’t have to be there this morning so she doesn’t know about the mixup with the paperwork but if she were to press the issue, he might be in trouble.  As it stands at this time, the computer is showing that she has the kids and he’s not allowed to be around them.  That’s got me wondering.  If she finds out what’s going on, would she come for the kids and take over the house?  I don’t think so.  She’s seen the EPO that overrode hers and she was physically removed from the house by the sheriff and had the kids removed from her custody and turned over to DS.  I don’t think she’d risk trying anything.  Still, it’s worrisome.

DS said he went by work and talked to his bosses.  They weren’t happy but they understood.  I’m SURE they’re not happy because he missed work Sunday while he sat in jail and now today.  He thought he’d be in and out of the courthouse this morning in less than an hour.  It hasn’t worked out that way.

8 Comments

Sunny says 10th June @ 10:41

Call me cynical, but any chance DIL or her thug friends GAVE him a flat tire to make him late or a no-show? Just a thought. Yeesh.

Have a great day!!! :)

Sunny says 10th June @ 13:16

You poor thing. I totally understand family chaos; I’m having to deal with it myself. I came from that same generation of woman as you. This sucks. I’m sooooo sorry. :( :( :( :: hugs ::

firefly says 10th June @ 13:29

What a sucky start to summer!!

And it’s fantastic that you tossed the chocolates and did 30 minutes on the treadmill. Its starting back on track that’s the hardest - that first step. And you’ve done that! The rest is a piece of cake… well, maybe cake is not the best metaphor… piece of tofu?

beerab says 10th June @ 13:37

I’m so sorry you are dealing with this- specially the children. I am sure you have already done this but I’d talk to DS and say look, you have given her enough second chances, no more. No matter how genuine she is you have to realize that she’s done this too many times and you can’t keep getting suckered in like this.

Nice guys finish last… Your husband has to stop being that nice guy and start thinking of himself for a change!

I hope this time he finally gets it- oh and I’d tell him that him continuing to bring the kids into that situation by letting this mad woman come in is making him look bad- heaven forbid the court decides he’s also an unfit father and takes the kids away!

brseay says 10th June @ 15:57

You deserve 1000 points for throwing out the candy. Wise choice!

As far as your boys are concerned, even if your superhero status contributed to their life choices (which I don’t think it did), they are grown-ups and they should be able to learn from their pasts. My brother-in-law was raised by a woman who lived to serve the men in her family, seriously. For the eight years he dated my sister before they got married he treated her like a slave b/c that’s how his mother taught him women should be. Stupidly, my sister put up w/it and took care of his every need. Fortunately, during the last 6 years they have been married she has made him realize that although she may choose to do things for him out of love she is not required to do so just b/c she’s his wife. She saw the mistakes she had made in the past and worked to correct them. Now they have a much more balanced relationship, maybe 70-30 instead of 90-10.

What does your hubby say about all of this? Would him saying something to them have an impact? I don’t mean that your words don’t matter, but when we were going through some issues w/my FIL, my hubby was usually the one who did the talking b/c it was his father. Finally, I got to the point where I was fed up and told him the next time I wanted to be the one to do the butt-chewing. Even though I said exactly the same words my hubby would have said, they had a bigger impact b/c he wasn’t used to me saying them.

Keep us posted, and you are an angel for doing the right thing and not talking negatively about either parent in front of the kids.

susan says 10th June @ 20:42

I think kids just pop out pretty much pre-wired.

The youngest of my three older brothers just couldn’t hold it together. He was a hard worker, but a sucker for sob stories and child-like in how he did/didn’t accept responsibilities and let life happen to him. My parents would literally wring their hands with worry and loving concern over him. My Dad converted a barn on our property into a nice apartment for him where he lived for years. My Dad passed, then ten years later, my Mom passed. Us other kids got ready to put the house on the market, telling our brother he had about a year to find another place to live. A year went by ~ A YEAR~ a buyer was found, and I sat in my brother’s chock-full apartment with him a few days before he HAD to be out, and he was in tears: “What am I going to DO?” This was scary for me because I am the “little sister” ~ I’m supposed to get advice from him, right? He ended up marrying his long-time girl friend who was even more clueless than him. She ran up gigantic five figure credit card bills with the idea she could pay $30 every month, die, then be ahead of the game. Who THINKS like that?

My brother died a year ago from next week, from cancer that he probably hoped would just go away. It makes me heart-sick. He was tender hearted & sweet, but clueless on how to forge a path on his own.

So Patty, doncha go beating yourself up and second-guessing yourself. YOU WERE/ARE AN EXCELLENT MOTHER.

Good for you for putting an end to Russell’s russeling.

feathers says 10th June @ 20:53

How utterly frustrating. I don’t think you can blame yourself, though, for your sons’ poor choices in women. Though sometimes I think we should be allowed to say “yes” or “no”. A bit of vetting, you know. My son has had a couple of really awful girlfriends who both hurt him badly. I wanted to warn him about them, but there’s always the risk of “interference” having the opposite affect from what we intend.

I am proud of you for the way you dealt with those chocolates. I have a nasty habit of overcoming chocolate infestation by just eating it. Dumping the coffee grounds on top of the dead chocolates was brilliant.

Joy says 11th June @ 7:46

Oh Patty you have been through some pretty crappy days these past few days.
1. You are a wonderful mother to your DS and your DGS as well!
2. Good job tossing the candy!
3. You need a break! Take care of you! Sit in that hot tub till you are a prune!
oh and good job working out!


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