That means the forsythia, daffodils and tulips can’t be far behind!  Maybe me, too.  Maybe I’ll start blooming now that winter is coming to an end.

Men don’t shop very well.  I took the boys out for a long time Saturday and bought them a bunch of pants, shorts, shoes, socks, and shirts.  Made them try everything on.  DH wouldn’t go but wanted me to pick up some pants for him.  We walked back to the RV Saturday evening and I made them all model for me.  Good thing I did because most of the stuff didn’t fit.  DH went from a 38 waist to a 40.  Hee, hee!  He wasn’t too happy about it.  The boys, on the other hand, seem to think that a waistband is not supposed to touch your skin.  They needed a size smaller.

We watched Australia Saturday night and then got up Sunday morning and had to exchange all the stuff that didn’t fit.  This time, DH went with us and kind of got into the swing of things.  I wasn’t shopping for me this time but he insisted that we go over to Coldwater Creek to see if they had any fantastic bargains and they did.  They had 70% off anything on the clearance racks so I got four blouses for $3.33 each and three pair of slacks for $4.87 each!  Couldn’t possibly pass that up.

Haven’t weighed myself since we got back.  I didn’t do terrible but I didn’t diet either.  I had a bunch of Chex Mix Saturday evening and we had pizza for dinner but I hated it so I only ate two slices.  It was from Snappy Tomato.  I’ve never had their pizza and didn’t care for it.  Also had to wait more than an hour to get it.  Don’t guess we’ll go back there.  Yesterday, I had a Boston Market turkey and dressing dinner and a huge salad with chicken.  Guess I’ll check out the damage in a few minutes.

Manny did great for his first outing of the year.  Saturday’s weather was fantastic and I really enjoyed opening the windows and sleeping with a cool breeze coming in all night.  Hmmm….wonder if that’s why my nose is all stopped up this morning.

SIL called and said they’re coming up for Easter.  They want to hang around Mom’s for most of the weekend and were planning on staying at Little Sister’s house.  SIL was concerned because she didn’t know if there would be enough room for them.  I offered to let her use the RV and she was really excited about it.  Mom and little sister live about 45 minutes from us so I guess we’ll drive Manny up there for Easter and let them use it.  Our own little hotel suite on wheels.

Gotta get my shower now and I’ll be back after the weigh in.

Getting ready to take Manny out for the weekend.  It’s gorgeous, 63 degrees and sunny. Supposed to go to 72 today and 74 tomorrow.

Stepped on the scales and they’re showing 174!  That’s 5 pounds this week.  I KNOW you don’t lose five pounds in a week and keep it off but I’m going to feel good about it anyway.

We’re off!  Looking forward to spending time with DH and the boys, shopping, and getting away from everything for a while.  Not going to worry about T this weekend.  Not going to worry about anyone or anything.

 

6thMarch

Friday Menu

Weight 176
Progress toward next goal on April 1 - 1.5/7.5

There’s no way I can write down everything in here today because I won’t have internet access from this afternoon to Sunday afternoon but I’ll write it down somewhere. 

Breakfast:
Light Yogurt (80)

Lunch:
LC Lemongrass Chicken (210) 

Dinner:
Arby’s Large Roast Beef Sandwich (550)
Tossed Salad (100) 

Snack:
Low fat yogurt (80)
Popcorn (130) 

Total (1,150)

The forecast says 68 degrees for today’s high and 76 for tomorrow.  There’s still a chance for rain on Sunday but the rest of the weekend looks mighty nice!  It ought to be fun to take the twins and Manny up to Edinburgh for some shopping and grilling out.

You’re not going to believe this…there’s a fly buzzing around my head.  Where the heck did he come from?  It seems like all you need is a mention of warmer weather and the mosquitoes and flies start rejoicing.

Not a whole lot going on today.  I’ll be tied up at work until around 3:30 and then we’ll come home, throw some clothes in the RV and hit the road.  There won’t be any wifi at the RV campground so I guess I won’t be blogging until Sunday afternoon.  I’m going to get off here and try to catch up on a couple of blogs.

6:00 am. - Just weighed myself.  I’m at 176 today so I’m making progress.  Three pounds this week.

4:30 - Got home and DH said, “Do you mind if we drive up to Edinburgh tomorrow?  I’m tired.”  Okay, I can live with that.  Guess we’ll just hang around here this evening.

Did a little research into T’s situation today.  Found out that Mom isn’t in the picture because she was physically abusive to him.  Stuff involving cigarette burns, scalding, and beatings.  My God…

Word is that Dad might not be much better.  Found out that T can’t read and he resists any kind of help with learning to read.  Because he can’t read, he can’t do math, or science, or any of his other work.  I don’t know what the answer is.  I really don’t.  Maybe Bill is right.  ”Just love him, Pat.  He needs some love.”  I don’t see that as any real answer to what’s going on with him.  Of course, it’ll help him with his confidence and self-esteem but it sure doesn’t help with math or reading or his home situation.  But then, is foster care any better than what he’s got?  I don’t know.  Why is this child not in intensive counseling?  Why doesn’t anyone try to work with him?  Maybe they have.  I haven’t walked in their shoes.  I’m the new kid in town.

I keep thinking I ought to DO something.  Call somebody, report somebody.  But then, everyone seems to be aware of it already.  Is it still going on and T denies it or is this just the result of what happened in the past? Did anyone bother to check?  I know T gets regular visits from a truancy officer and I assume that person would be working with him to get to the bottom of the problem.  Wouldn’t he?  And then, if he’s missing so damn much school, why are we constantly suspending him? Either we bite the bullet and deal with him or we send him to an alternative school where they can handle him.

Maybe I can’t deal with all that.  Too much pushing would send him over the edge and I have a feeling he would resist any kind of help with the family situation with the same kind of aggression he shows when anyone tries to help him with academics.  He won’t let anyone in.  For now, I’m going to wait for him to come back to school and just keep trying to earn his trust and advocate for him the best that I can.  Maybe, at this point in his life, academics don’t mean a thing.  I don’t guess it matters if he can read when he’s so lost in everything else.  It may be that he has to open up to a relationship before he can even begin to open up to any other kind of help.  So sad.  All those broken children out there and I don’t know how we’re supposed to fix them.  I’ll never be able to understand how people can treat children badly.  It breaks my heart.

5thMarch

Write it down!

I haven’t been writing down my food and I said I would. I’ve been doing pretty good with eating healthy but I really need to keep track of the calories. I’ve just been so busy I don’t make the time to log on and write everything down.  Yesterday, I had some mandarin orange and pineapple slices for breakfast, a sandwich of Muesli whole grain bread with mustard and deli ham for lunch, and a big salad with lettuce, red peppers, grape tomatoes, shredded carrots and Paul Newman’s Light Honey Mustard dressing for dinner.  THEN, yesterday evening, I had a handful of grapes, 2 protein bars, and another sandwich.  All that stuff is healthy but I don’t know how many calories it was.  I’ll try to write it all down today so I can keep a handle on it.

I didn’t exercise.  Another one of those long, grueling days at work, a stop by the grocery on the way home, a short visit with a friend who dropped by for some computer help, and then a total collapse on the couch in the evening.  See?  I’m doing okay (I think) but I can’t seem to get things totally pulled together.  The irony is that I’m just too tired but I know that a few weeks of exercise would give me more energy.  Guess I’m too tired to get energized.

Oh, well…I’m not there 100% but I’m puttering around at 80%.  Will that get me where I want to go?  Maybe…eventually….

The weather seems to be cooperating.  The forecast calls for 61 degrees and partly cloudy today; 67 degrees and a chance of rain tomorrow.  The next few days show about the same but with a lot of rain coming in.  What’s better?  68 degrees and rain or 40 degrees and partly sunny? Think I’ll take the rain.

On other things: called the spa cover company and they said they’d call me back.  Still in a holding pattern on the doctor, I don’t know what I want to do next.  See a new one?  Argghh! My new students are great and T was a sweetheart yesterday.  It seems like everyone in my environment (the library) treats him like a jewel and he thrives on it.  Paul, Barbara, Sharon, Phyllisann and I all call the library home and everyone in that environment knows how I feel about T and have started noticing the change in him.  We’re all smiling at him and complimenting him and asking him to help us with techie stuff and I wish we could keep him right there in the library.  I sent him out yesterday to pick up a couple of broken laptops from a teacher and he came back and told me that the teacher answered the door and said, “I can’t give them to you right now. I’m busy!”  He was red-faced and said the guy was really rude to him.  I told him that busy might just mean busy.  It doesn’t have to mean anything else.  I told him that teacher is really a good guy but he tends to get a little touchy when he’s feeling overwhelmed.  I called the teacher and said, “I sent T down to pick up a couple of laptops and he told me you couldn’t give them to him right then.  I had hoped he’d be able to fix them for you and get them back before class was over but I understand if you’re too busy to deal with it right now.  I’ll try to get back to you in a few days.”  Of course, the response was, “No, no, send him back down.  I didn’t understand what he wanted. I have them right here!”  So…T went back down, came back with his face serene and smiling and said the teacher was “Really glad to see him.”  He fixed the computers and took them back before class ended and said the teacher was “Really happy!  He thanked me for fixing them so quick.”  I’ve learned that T takes any kind of rejection badly.  Hope I can help him see that there isn’t always something else behind every remark he hears.

Okay, I’ve got to get in the shower.  Today is the only day this week when I actually don’t have anything going on after school.  Hoo Rah!  For today:  I WILL write down everything that goes in my mouth and calculate the total calories.  New goal - 170 by April 1.  This morning, I’m at 177.5

11:50 - Okay, I decided to take an bonafide lunch break today.  An actual, authentic, “leave me alone” lunch break.  All twenty minutes of it.  I wrote down what I’ve eaten today. 

Oh, crap!  Tyler just had a blowup in the hall and is being escorted out.  What happened?  Guess I can scrap the lunch break.

3:45 - Can’t believe I’m home this early!  I might even have enough energy left for a walk!

My lunch was interrupted by a vision of T being herded down the hall with our school security guard on one side of him and our school-based policeman on the other side.  He was ranting at the top of his voice, “Fu@k this school!  Fu@k that B!tch!  I don’t need this school and I don’t need any of you Mother Fu@kers!”  He veered off the path enough to stick his head in the library, spread his arms wide and say, “You see?  They ain’t gonna let me be in this school! They hate me!  All of them!”

They escorted him to the office and stood guard while they waited for the “jerk” AP to become available.  I asked if I could speak to him a minute and he came out in the hallway.  I asked him what happened and he said he was taking a test and the teacher got “smart” with him.  The eighth graders are taking state-wide tests this week and I have a feeling he wasn’t able to do the test so he got an attitude.  He said the teacher came up to him and told him to get to work and he put his head down.  She got “an attitude” and told him she wasn’t going to put up with him sleeping during the test, snapped the booklet open on his desk and told him to get to work.  He said he mouthed the word, “Bitch”.  According to T, he didn’t say it but he “mouthed it” and she told him she was sick of his attitude and called for security and it made him mad. Of course, I told him he was totally out of line and had only hurt himself and he apologized to me.  I told him he didn’t need to apologize to me, he needed to apologize to the teacher.  I advised him to be polite to the AP, apologize, and keep calm.  He promised he would but I found out later that the AP didn’t even talk to him.  Just called his dad to come and pick him up and suspended him for three days.  (sigh)  I asked around and found out that his mom left a few years ago and dad is an alcoholic.  Don’t know any details but I suspect there are some pretty bad things going on with the dad.  I think I’ll talk to Bill tomorrow and see what I can find out about the home situation.  I don’t know what else to do.

Weight 177.5
Goal - 170 by April 1 
0/7.5 

Breakfast:
Light Yogurt (80)

Lunch:
LC Lemongrass Chicken (220)

Early Afternoon:
Granola Bar (150) 

Dinner:
Salad with light dressing (150)
Muesli bread and deli turkey sandwich (300)

Snack:
Mini bag of popcorn (130)
Granola Bar (150) 

Total 1,180

Supposed to get up to 51 degrees today.  Mr. Weatherman is already playing around and messing with my head.  He was saying it would be 68 on Saturday and partly cloudy.  This morning, I see that it’s changed to 64 and rainy.  We’re taking the RV out for the first time this year and I hope he doesn’t let me down.  

I seem to be having one of those weeks where everyone is letting me down.  I’m getting frustrated.  Called the doctor about my, ummmm, “problem” because they did lots of tests in the second week of January and told me they’d get back to me.  The nurse tells me the doctor (the one I waited 2 1/2 months to see) is on sabbatical in London and won’t be back for a year. She left two days after my appointment.  The nurse wanted to know how the medicine was working for me.  Told her they didn’t give me any medicine.  She also noted that I missed an appointment two weeks ago.  What appointment??? We finally came to the conclusion that the doctor had left orders for a prescription and another appointment for more tests but left the country and no one ever followed up with me.

Got the spa cover back yesterday.  Paid $70.00 to ship it there and back and they repaired the seams by cutting away the torn area and re-stitching it.  Of course, the cover fit so tightly over the insulating panels that, even though DH was very careful in working it, inch by inch, back on, it ripped right back out when he tried to zip it up. I looked at it last night when I got home and I can’t believe how much they cut off.  There’s no way it would ever have gone back on.

Worked all day yesterday and had a staff meeting after school. Raced home to drop the boys off and then turned right around and drove all the way back to school for an ROTC Booster Club meeting only to find that the president  and secretary didn’t make it even though they had invited several parents of cadets who were being inducted into the Kitty Hawk Society. That left me being the only officer present so I had to run the meeting and didn’t even know what the heck the Kitty Hawk Society was.  By the way…the guy who was presenting the awards didn’t show up either.

I finally got home at 7:30 feeling like the whole world let me down yesterday.  I didn’t let myself down, however.  I ate healthy.  Came home and DH had picked up a Veggie burger from Subway for my dinner.  I should have exercised but it was another twelve hour workday and I was just too tired.  I ate my sandwich, watched American Idol, and went to bed.  Come to think of it…American Idol let me down, too.  What a pathetic show.  Maybe it was the mood I was in but I didn’t see much talent at all last night.  I hate the way they’re doing the eliminations this year.  Some of the contestants they eliminated in the first group were a lot better than anyone in last night’s group.

So…here we are…facing a ten hour day today and I have to deal with the doctor (or lack of), the spa cover (again) and send the minutes of the ROTC meeting to everyone who didn’t show up.  I get so tired of people not doing what they’re supposed to do. I did my part, now, you do yours!  Please, Mr. Weatherman, do what you promised.

6:00 am. - Mr. Scale did what he was supposed to do.  He’s showing me 176.5 today.  See how it’s supposed to work, folks?  I do my part and everyone else is supposed to do theirs.

4thMarch

Wednesday menu


3rdMarch

Tuesday Menu

Weight 179!!!!

Breakfast:
Mojo Protein Bar (220)

Lunch:
Lite Yogurt (80)

Shoes, shoes, and more shoes!

It’s all about the shoes.  Right?  Nine pair of them, to be precise.  I went out yesterday afternoon to look for new shoes and found them.  Went to Shoe Carnival and they had one of those thirty minute specials where any shoe from the clearance section was $5.00.  Guess I got carried away.  Went all the way from flats to the last one on the right which is about a 5″ heel.  Who decides what to put on clearance, anyway?  I mean, how can a black patent leather heel ever go out of style?  Or a faux croc?  Or a plain little brown leather flat?

Okay, enough about shoes.  I’m back at it today.  Ready to take on the big, bad world.  Ready to weigh myself (sigh), eat healthy, and get some exercise.  Yesterday was the first day of the new trimester and I wasn’t there because I took a personal day.  Guess I get to meet my new students today.  I’m going to dress up big time.  Make them think I’m in total control of my life, my classroom, and my students.

I’ve got to take some control of my evenings.  That’s a big problem right now.  All I want to do when I get home is flop down on the couch and watch TV and eat.  For today…I won’t do that.  For today, I’ll find something other than TV to keep me occupied.

8:00 - That’s it!  I got on the scales and I weigh ONE, EFFING, SEVENTY, EFFING, NINE POUNDS.  My pants feel tight, my bra feels tight, my belt feels tight.  No more buffet breakfast, no more buffet dinners, no more potluck dinners.  I am done, done, stick a fork in me, I’m DONE!

11:19 - Why is it, as soon as you decide to be really good, you get really hungry?  Even so, I’m doing well.  Walked into the APs office and he was chowing down on a HUGE cheeseburger and offered me one.  I turned him down, even after I got the old, “No, really, have one!  I don’t know what Mary was thinking.  I asked her to pick me up a burger for lunch and she comes back with TWO of these monsters!  I can’t eat all this.  Help yourself!”  (sigh)…I came back to my desk and ate a carton of lite yogurt.

It’s 7:30 am and I’ve been up and playing the slots since 6:00 am.  Why?  Because somebody at work told DH that they always “reset” the slots at 6:00 when the day shift starts and you can really win BIG early in the morning.  He wanted to get up at 5:30 and go play and I told him he was crazy.

Sure enough, the alarm went off at 5:30 and he woke me up moving around the room and then brought me a cup of coffee (which was a ploy to get me to go with him).  I knew I wouldn’t get back to sleep so I went down to the casino with him.  Yesterday evening, I turned my $20.00 into $55.00 and called it a night.  This morning, I lost my $55.00 and an additional $20.00.  Now, instead of being $35.00 ahead, I’m down $40.00.  I know…I’m cheap.  I only give it $20.00 a day.

Thanks so much for all the supportive comments about the situation with T.  When it comes to matters of the heart versus the head, I do tend to go with the heart.  I don’t know if that’s always the smartest thing but, at least, if things go wrong, it isn’t because of not caring and that makes life’s mistakes a lot easier to take.

So, what do you do at 7:30 on a day off?  Guess we’ll go down and hit that free breakfast buffet.

10:00 am. - DH is asleep.  We went down to breakfast and then went back to bed for a while. I don’t do that very well.  Once I’m up, that’s pretty much it.  I tried to take a nap but finally gave up, took a long, hot soak with my MP3 player and Leona Lewis (”keep bleedin, I keep, keep bleedin..”)  Got a little philosophical and started thinking about the things I believe.  My beliefs are very strong.  I know they seem simple but they are the foundations of my life.  I can be absolutely devastated when one is challenged by others and I take it a lot harder than someone else might.  For example, I believe that people are good and kind.  When someone throws a rock through my car window, I have a hard time understanding that.  I know it’s just kids but I don’t see how anyone can be so thoughtless and mean and what would make them like that.  What else do I believe?

I believe love is the most important thing in life.

I believe children are gifts from God.

I believe I can be strong.

I believe in my marriage.

I believe in the healing power of a summer breeze.

I believe in kindness.

I believe moonlight is magic.

I believe people are good.

I believe God is loving.

I believe people are honest.

I believe in gardens.

I believe that parents love their children.

I believe nature is a thing of wonder.

I believe in hugs.

I believe in the power of music.

I believe trees can dance.

I believe I can get back on the wagon and do this.

What do you believe?