Sistah Pat

Uggg!  I forgot how early I get up for work.  I’ve been up for 15 or 20 minutes and it’s just now 5:00 am.

Did a lot of thinking on the drive home yesterday.  Wondering why DH and I spend so much time traveling.  Some of that’s gotta be figured into New Year’s resolutions.  I think a big part of it has to do with the feeling of having lost all control over what’s going on in our lives and our home.  Everything is so chaotic and demanding.  We’re going to have to take control again.  Came home to find the house pretty well empty of food, detergent, dishwashing detergent, toilet paper, toothpaste, etc. etc.  Oldest DH still doesn’t have a job and we’re feeling pretty used these days.  Holly was here when we got home and the house, although halfway straight, was dirty.  DH immediately went to sleep and I fixed dinner for Holly and took care of her until we went to bed.  Before we’d been home an hour, the youngest DH was calling to make sure we got home okay and asking if he could come over tonight to talk to us.  What about?  He’s in a financial bind.  (sigh)

DH and I went to the store to stock up and were actually feeling guilty for having been gone for 2 1/2 weeks and spending so much money.  Something’s very wrong here when we’re feeling guilty about taking time and money for ourselves.  I could see it if the kids were in their twenties but they’re not.  They’re both pushing forty!  I can feel a huge family meeting looming…

Other issues…the reason I’m here…gotta get on those scales!  I’m okay.  I know that whatever they show is what I deserve for having been off the wagon for six weeks.  I’m ready to face it and deal with it.  Of course that’s probably because I haven’t weighed for a month.  I may be freaking out in another half hour but I’ve got to get back on the wagon.  I’ll weigh myself after my shower and then it’s back to more healthy eating and exercise.  I can feel all the extra weight.  I bought some Lean Cuisines and yogurt at the grocery last night so I’ve got food for today.  It’s strange how all that rich and fattening food gets boring after a while.  We bought Bojangle’s fried chicken for dinner Saturday evening and it didn’t even taste good.  If, on the other hand, I’d been dieting for a couple of months, I’d be in 7th heaven to have some fried chicken.  The taste buds have been over indulged and are ready for moderation.

Yeah…it’s time for some changes.

6:00 am - Okay, so the number is….175!  I expected it.  It’s actually kind of a relief to have faced it.  Now I can begin to deal with it.  One good thing…I’m not stuck in the 160s anymore…

1:00 - Easy day.  I’m actually taking a lunch break.  I know things will get crazy again soon enough but, for today, it’s relatively calm and relaxed.  It’s kind of nice to be back in a “Lean Cuisine” mode.

4:15 - I’m home now and struggling.  Trying to help Holly with her homework and what I really need to do is go to the store and get some stuff to make vegetable soup.  I’m hungry and there’s nothing here to eat!  I should have stopped