It’s 4:30 am and I’ve been up since 2:30. Those of you who have known me for a while know that we constantly have to deal with the DIL saga. Bi-polar? Definitely. Self-absorbed? Totally. Manipulative? Without a doubt.
DIL is bipolar and goes off the deep end fairly often. Way too much history to go into at 4:30 am. Still, I think most of her problems are more about selfishness and irresponsibility. She’s been working for 3 months now. I’ve never known her to work for more than six months. In fact, in the ten years she and DS have been together, I don’t think she’s worked more than two years the entire time. He has full custody of the kids. She lost custody of the two kids from her first marriage and never sees them anymore. She and DS have a very rocky relationship where she goes off the deep end every three or four months and he always forgives her and lets her come back.
So…what’s the latest? She was fine yesterday evening. We had a nice dinner, a glass of wine, she and DS were hugging and laughing and everything seemed great. She was supposed to get paid today and she and DS planned to go out this evening and get the boys another sled because the old one broke yesterday. The boys were excited about going sledding again this evening and she asked DS if he would make Vietnamese pork rolls tonight for all of us because that’s one of her favorite dinners.
She got up at 5:00 am and went to work and that was the last we saw of her. Until 2:30 this morning. She was supposed to be home at 3:00 this afternoon. DS started getting concerned around 4:30 and tried to call her but she had turned her cell phone off. By 6:00, he’s worried that she’s had a wreck or the car has slid off the road somewhere so we drive the route to where she works and don’t see anything. Since this is not the first time (by any means) that she’s done this. He figures she’s gone out with her friends for drinks and doesn’t want to be disturbed. Hence: the phone is turned off. Of course, the boys are wanting to go sledding and DS is trying to distract them. He holds off on dinner and we all wait until 9:00 before we finally give up and eat without her. No call, no idea where she is, nothing. I finally went to bed at 11:00.
I heard her come in at 2:30. I heard her walk into the kitchen where DS was playing solitaire on the laptop and say, “What are you doing? Lookin for some porn?”
This is her game. She does what she wants and then comes in loaded for bear. She goes on the offensive the minute she walks in because she’s not about to go to the defense. She knows there is no defense. DS starts in, “Don’t even try to go there, Stacy. Where the f*ck have you been?”
From past history, I know I’d better get out there. She’s vicious when she’s like this and I know she can turn on him with scratching, slapping, kicking. She’ll slap him, spit on him, or push him and when he tries to hold her to get her to stop, she’ll pull the old “abused woman” routine. I get up and walk out to the hall and she hears my door open. Then she starts in, “Don’t you touch me. Get your hands off me!” I turn the corner and DS is still sitting at the table and she’s standing on the other side. I honestly felt like rolling my eyes. It was almost comical. DS says, “What the Hell are you talking about? I didn’t touch you!”
She turns to me, “You tell him to keep his hands off me. He has no right to touch me!”
DS starts yelling, “I never laid a finger on her, Mom. I swear! I was just sitting here!”
I tell DS, “I know that. Don’t let her turn the tables on you, David. She’s looking for a way to divert the blame from herself. Don’t even go there.”
She turns to me with this incredulous look, “I can’t believe you, Patty. You think it’s okay for him to abuse me? It’s not! He has no right to put his hands on me!”
I said, “Stacy, he didn’t touch you. I know this. This is not about David. It’s about you. You’re the one in the wrong and you’re trying to avoid the issue by laying out a load of crap. What you did is wrong. Where have you been for the last day? Did you know that we went out looking for you? Did you know that he spent three or four hours worried to death before he finally decided you were just playing games again? You disrespected him, you disrespected me, and you disrespected my husband. Where have you been?”
She lays it on thick. “I went out with my friends. I guess I’m not allowed to have friends? I guess I’m not allowed to go out? How come it’s okay for you to go out with your friends but not okay for me?”
I said, “Stacy, in 40 years of marriage, I have never done what you did today. I would never dream of leaving work and going out with my friends until 2:30 am without so much as a phone call. It wouldn’t happen. Ever.”
She says, “Why should I call? So he can cuss me out and tell me I can’t go? I don’t need his permission to go out with my friends. I work hard. I’m an adult. I don’t need to explain myself to him or to you.”
Of course, DS starts in again. “Stacy, you’ve got two kids! You promised to go sledding with them this afternoon. You asked me to fix your favorite dinner. You’re self-centered and you don’t think of anyone but yourself.”
She heads downstairs where her makeup and toilet articles are, grabs them up, and stomps back in the kitchen smirking at me. “I can’t believe that a woman so smart would condone her son putting his hands on a woman.”
I said, “Stacy, I know he didn’t put his hands on you. You’re the one in the wrong and you just want to divert attention from what you did and it’s not going to work this time.”
She throws a parting shot, “For a smart woman, you’re stupid.” With that, she storms out of the house. DS is actually concerned. “Mom, she’s totally ripped. She’s going to head home and there’s no heat and no electricity and the roads are a mess.”
I said, in my best motherly advice, “David, she’s playing her games again. She’s not going to take any responsibility for what she did. She’s going to take off for a couple of days and party and badmouth you and then she’s going to show up expecting you to apologize to her. And you will. She’s going to take all the money out of the bank account unless you get it first. She’s going to take the car. She’s going to leave you stuck with no car, two kids, and no money. She’s going to whine about how she’s bi-polar and she loves you and the kids more than anything on earth and you’re going to take her back.”
Yeah, Stacy. I guess you’re right. There is some stupidity in this family.
He’s actually had to take out an order of protection in the past. Still, the police can be pretty stupid when they see a beautiful woman with tears in her eyes crying that a man laid his hands on her. One time, when he called the police and showed them the bruises and scratches, they actually grinned and said, “You’re a big boy. I think you’ll be okay.”
Oh, yes. When she’s bad, she’s bad.
Now it’s 5:30 am. I’m not going back to bed. Too stressed. I hear DS in the living room. He’s asleep on the aerobed. He’s grinding his teeth so loudly I can hear it all the way in the kitchen.
Think I’ll go sit in the spa. Maybe a tree will fall on me.
8:30 am - While I was sitting in the spa, the sun started rising and I had to run and get my camera. Seeing the ice sparkle like diamonds was truly beautiful. It really is a beautiful world. Guess what? I’m going to fix french toast for Scout and Jake.
9:30 - Crap! With all the drama, I forgot that Scout lost a tooth last night. As soon as he got up he comes in with his tooth held out in his hand and this little forlorn look and says, “The tooth fairy didn’t come.” Having come to the realization that you can find anything on the internet, I said, “Wow! I can’t imagine what happened. Let’s go online and send her an email.” I did a google search and figured it wouldn’t turn up anything but, by Gawd, there it was! http://www.toothfairyland.com/TFLwrite.html
Lots of good info and a link to email the tooth fairy. We looked at the FAQs and there was one in there that said, “Why didn’t you take my tooth?” The answer said she was really busy and sometimes she just couldn’t get to everyone in a single night. She even said bad weather could create problems and Scout pounced on that one. “The storm!” She gave directions about what to do if she missed a pickup and there was even a link to send her an email. Scout dictated and we sent her a letter telling her that he wasn’t at home because of the storm but she could pick up his tooth at Nana’s. Scout’s happy. I’m happy.