I don’t want to go to work today. I have a sore throat and my head hurts. I’ve been coughing all night and I just want to crawl back in bed. I can’t though. It’s too much trouble to call a sub and get the boys to school and I’m so far behind at work that a day off would be devastating. Anytime a teacher calls in sick, it takes a lot to get everything ready for the sub and I’m just not there. I have a sub folder but I haven’t had a chance to update it from the first trimester so I don’t even have an attendance roster in it. We’re supposed to update our folders weekly. Ha! Like we have time to write a new lesson plan and keep things current every week in case we get sick. On top of that…I’ll be out of the building tomorrow for a monthly TRT meeting/training and there’s no way I can be out two days in a row.
sigh…off to the showers…
8:00 p.m. _ Wintertime in the spa…
Things changed too quickly. I’ve had to leave behind the summer routine. No more wandering out to the backyard and slipping into the covered lean-to beside the house that we use for changing. No more leisurely undressing and then slipping slowly into the warmth of the spa surrounded by the scent of jasmine and moonflowers. No more floating under a canopy of leaves and watching the lightshow of the fireflies. I won’t be stepping out of the spa and going back into the lean-to to dry off with one of the towels hanging on the wall and then getting dressed again.
No, it’s winter now. That means getting undressed in the house, running out to the spa barefoot and dropping the towel to slide quickly beneath the warm water. The air is brisk and cold on my face and clouds of steam block out any view of the withered vines of the moonflowers and jasmine. I can look up through the thin black branches of the maple tree and see a million stars that look close enough to touch. It’s so hard to get out. I have to think about it for several minutes before I get up the nerve to jump out and wrap the towel around me, slam down the cover on the spa and run back inside to get dressed. Very different but pleasureable anyway. I needed some pleasure. Today was a nightmare. It seems like work and home have me in an iron fist and I can’t seem to get free. It gets dark so quickly and I’m finding myself slipping into that miserable winter routine when it gets dark even before I get home from work and I’m pulled to the couch to sit on my ass and watch TiVo.
I won’t even go into the details except to say that I worked 11 hours and then came home to have an arguement with DH because I forgot that he wanted me to come home early today so he could use my car to go to a car auction and try to find something to replace his car that was totalled. My bad. I really forgot but I got angry because he was making such a big deal out of it. He had a right to be upset because he did ask me to get home early because the car auction is only held on Wednesday afternoons and he’s been waiting for it. He can’t go next week because we’ll be out of town. He even reminded me yesterday evening. I just wasn’t thinking. Still, I found it difficult to take because I didn’t want to work over and would have preferred to be home anyway but one of the teachers who teaches after school ESS had a death in the family and had to leave school and they asked if I could cover her after-school class from 2:30 to 4:30. I said I would. It actually pays my regular hourly rate and I thought a little extra cash would be nice. In the meantime, DH is calling my cell like crazy and I’m not even in my room to answer it. I got mad because I felt guilty. I apologized but he just kept going on and on and on until I got mad. Once I got mad, he was apologetic but it still made me feel bad. I can only juggle so many balls at one time and I don’t expect to be chastised like a two year old when I make a mistake. He apologized and hugged me and tried to make up for his anger and I accepted his apology but it still cast a dark cloud over me all evening.
I’m going to bed. Another day tomorrow. Hopefully, a better one.