If I believed in omens, I’d call in sick and go back to bed. Woke up to a downpour, came in to blog and my computer was shut off and took forever to boot up, forgot to push the auto button on the coffeemaker and had to wait forever for Joe, and DS left the huge pot of soup I made for potluck sitting out all night. Hope it’s still good. We were going to eat leftovers today and I brought it home to add to the stock and add a few more veggies. He was dishing up a bowl when I went to bed and I told him to be sure and put it in the refrigerator when he finished. I think it’s okay. I hope it’s okay. Hate to poison everyone. Went to check my email for work and district e-mail is down so my phone is going to be ringing off the hook today. “Your e-mail is down? Sorry, I can’t fix that.” Now I don’t have any more time to blog.
4:30 – I get tired of working on relationships. I get tired of watching what I say and how I say it. I think I’m a pretty nice person. I try to be. I try not to hurt people and to recognize their vulnerabilites and respect them. Sometimes I just feel like being a bitch but I can’t. I just don’t work that way. I can be firm with my students and with salespeople and strangers but I’m very careful about hurting the people I care about. There have only been two people in my life that I can honestly say I hated. And I wound up forgiving both of them. Right now, I have three friends whom I care about very deeply and I’m either disappointed or angry with all three of them for different things and I’m trying to figure out the best way to deal with each of them. Sometimes, I’d just like to say, “I’m super pissed at you. You can think about what you did, said, whatever, and get back to me when you’re ready to do something to make it right and earn my forgiveness.” Unfortunately, you just can’t do that with people you care about. At least, I can’t. I try to think about the right way to say it and the right thing to do. “I think we need to talk. I’m feeling hurt/angry/resentful (insert appropriate adverb) and I think we should talk about it. I want you to understand how I feel but I also need to understand what’s going on with you that would make you do/say (insert appropriate verb) what you did.” I’m the one who’s been injured but I’m always trying to figure out the best way to deal with it to protect my friends and loved ones because I don’t want to hurt them but I’m not going to let it ride. Sometimes, I’d just like to say, “F*ck you and the horse you rode in on!” DH is the only one who can take that. Maybe that’s why we’ve been together for almost 40 years.