Sistah Pat

Good Morning, Amigos!  Hope everything is well this morning.  Excuse me just a moment while I take care of a little problem here.
Mr. Scale, I don’t know who you think you’re fooling.  I do NOT weigh 180 pounds this morning.  I DID NOT gain four pounds since Saturday.  I have not exceeded my allowed calories even once in the last week or two.  I exercise like crazy whether I want to or not.  You think you can play these little mind games with me and get away with it.  I put up with it yesterday when you tried to tell me I’d gained weight but I will not tolerate it anymore.  You CAN be replaced, you miserable piece of crap, and if you think you’re going on vacation with the way you’re acting, you have another think coming.  I’m not playing around, Mister!  I’m going upstairs and work out on the treadmill and I don’t even want to see your face.  You can crawl back into your little hole between the toilet and the toilet brush which is where you belong and just LEAVE ME ALONE!

Sorry, Chicklets.  I’m sorry you had to witness that but it just couldn’t be ignored anymore.

11:45 - Finished the 3 more miles workout.  Nice to have it behind me and get on with the rest of the day.  Pam sent me an email.  She’s home from the hospital.  They don’t know what’s going on with her and referred her to a gastro specialist.  Hope everything turns out okay.

S’cuse me…

I just finished the dreaded 3 more miles workout, buddy!  Whadda ya think of that???  Just so you know, I didn’t even break a sweat till I’d been at it for 45 minutes and my heart rate never got above 125 the entire time.  Took Britney Spears upstairs with me and had no trouble keeping up with her.  That’s who you’re messing with, Pal!   That’s who I am!  Just so you know…You’re not fooling with some skinny-ass little teenage girl whining because she has to lie on the bed to zip her size 3 jeans.  You’re dealing with a seriously overweight, menopausal woman and I don’t mess around.  As long as you live under my roof, I own the very air you breath, Mister, so you better straighten up and fly right.  In fact, maybe I should send you to live with Britney.  How’d you like that, you miserable piece of crap?  Don’t even look at me, you sorry ass, no-good liar!  You can just hide back there behind the toilet the rest of the day.  You’re so grounded it ain’t even funny!

Sorry…