Sistah Pat

186.5 sigh…

Looks like 186 really likes me. I was looking back at my entries this morning and realized I had my first post on April 18 so it hasn’t been quite a month but close to it. I’m keeping my spirits up even though I’m still struggling to hit my goal of 185 tomorrow. On the bright side, I’ve lost 8 lbs. and am able to work on the treadmill. I couldn’t handle the treadmill a month ago because of my ankle but it seems much stronger and more flexible. Wish I’d taken measurements a month ago. Anyway, it hasn’t really been a month yet so I’m not going to do a great big analysis this morning. Gotta get ready for work.

8:20-Drove to work in a downpour. Today is day one of laptop collection. 1,700 laptops to be collected and inventoried in the next two days. My part is easy, log in the names, open the top and look for broken keyboards, screens, or obvious problems. Should keep me busy!

11:30 - Hit a bottleneck, my guys are ahead of their guys. We’ve got to stall a little bit to let the other “collectors” get caught up. Kids are so cute…”Who wants to lie on the floor, contort your body and reach a skinny little arm all the way through the front of the cart and hold that position for ten minutes while you unplug 15 charging units from the cart?” Twenty five hands shoot up, “Pick me! Me! Me!” Poor little things, they’re so gullible. Nothing’s changed from when we all wanted to bang the chalkboard erasers together and choke on clouds of dust.

So…I’m thinking, if I were to see a physician and say “Check out the medications I’m taking, check the hormones, check the thyroid, check the diet, and check the exercise to see why I’m losing weight so slowly”, who would that be? An endocrinologist? There must be someone who looks at all the factors involved but who would that be? My GYN dispenses the hormone replacement therapy, GP (who’s a total idiot) prescribes blood pressure meds and cholesterol meds and tells me I just need to cut down on calories and get some exercise. Anyone got any suggestions?

3:45 - Waiting for Pam to call. We were supposed to meet at the gym at 4:00 but she said she was going to be running late because of working over a little bit. I told her to call me when she’s ready to walk out the door.

Extra staff around today to help collect the laptops. We usually go out to eat lunch when we’re all together but I passed today and ate my leftovers from last night’s dinner. They offered to bring me back Subway and everyone told me how low cal it would be. It actually sounded good and I thought about it but didn’t have any cash on me so I passed. Still, I’ve been thinking about it. Might let them pick one up for me tomorrow. I went to the online menu and looked at the nutrition info. They have several subs that come in around 300 calories. Hey! If it’s good enough for Jared, it’s good enough for me.

6:15 - Just got back from the gym with Pam. She’s frustrated with me because I’ve been bitching about my incompetent doctor for a year and still haven’t changed. I’ve been bitching at her to get back to her blog so I guess turnabout’s fair play. I know I’ve been procrastinating but it’s a big deal changing doctors. This one is right down the street, can see me on a couple hours notice, has Saturday and evening hours and doesn’t keep me waiting. Small sacrifices have to be made for that kind of service. Of course he’s incompetent, that’s why it’s so easy to get in. Promised her I’d bite the bullet and make an appointment with her doctor who she seems to hold in high regard but would involve a moderate drive and is not available on a moment’s notice. Why can’t I find a great female Internist who understands and addresses hormones, weight problems, and everything else but also has no waiting and an office less than a half mile from home? Is that asking too much?

I came home to find DH grilling frozen sirloin burgers on the grill. Macaroni and cheese, and french fries seem to be the accompaniments. It smells sooo good! I checked the label and the burgers have 420 calories each. And that’s not including the buns!!! So, I steamed some edamame beans which only have 110 calories for 1/3 of the whole bag and I’m sitting her munching on soybeans. I hope he has acid reflux tonight. It would serve him right if the soybeans give me gas.

Breakfast
10 Strawberries (20)

Lunch
Pork Medallions (150)
Green Beans (40)
Sweet potato (75)

Dinner
Healthy Choice (350)
Orange (70)
Fudgesicle (45)

Snack
Edamame Beans (100)
Popcorn Flavored Rice Chips (90)
Strawberries and Fat Free Cool Whip (100)

Total 1040

Morning weigh in - 186.5

It’s not fair!  Here I am watching my calories, working out every day and hanging on to the desperate hope that if I shave my legs, pluck my eyebrows, cut my nails and remove my nailpolish I just might be able to lose another 1 1/2 lbs by Thursday.  Then Sistah Lisa (who’s been out of the picture for almost a month) emails to say “I’m so excited!  I went to this website that calculates your basal metabolic rate and figured mine out and by keeping below that rate by 200 calories a day for a week, I’ve lost 5 pounds!”

Come on!  Life is so unfair!  I go to http://health.discovery.com/tools/calculators.html to see how this works and it says my basal metabolic rate is 1490 calories per day.  That means I burn almost 1500 calories a day if I just lay in bed all day.  Lisa cut 200 calories per day and lost 5 pounds this week.  I haven’t seen anywhere near 1500 calories in more than a month and I can’t seem to get anywhere.  Is Sistah Pat just a little bit bitter?!  Why am I having so much trouble?  Maybe I should look at some kind of dexatrim or something like that.  What’s the one where the woman gives up snacks and her husband gets skinny but she just loses all her boobs and gets a bigger butt?

Sigh…here I go again, chasing after the pounds.  I wouldn’t be this way if I didn’t have a deadline approaching.  I’m not stupid.  I know that Lisa didn’t lose 5 lbs because she cut 200 calories per day for a week but, even though my head knows this, it still chips away at the morale.

7:45 p.m.  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~8<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

This is  me…good vibes coming in, bad going out.  I’m not really sure at this point if this (8) is me or if this (0) is me, probably more like (0).  No doubt about it, I get frustrated with this routine but it doesn’t mean I’m giving up.  I’ve just got to take a deep breath and rejuvenate.  I’ll keep right on doing what I need to do but I have to admit, when someone says they gave up 200 calories a day for a week and lost 5 pounds, it gets to me.

I came home and worked out.  Did the treadmill for 70 minutes, burned 420 calories and went 3.25 miles.  Not much distance there because I concentrated more on the incline than the speed.  Kept it at 3mph  until I got to 6% incline and then dropped it down to 2.9, dropped it again to 2.8 at 9% and kept it there.  My ankles are bothering me a little but nothing drastic.  I actually think I’m beginning to get more mobility after working on an incline.

Breakfast
1/2 crappy, mealy, apple (30)

Lunch
crummy leftover pork loin slice (250)
dried up, overcooked leftover green beans (50)
strawberries (50)

Dinner
Pork Medallions with Fennel (300)
Green Beans (100)
1/2 baked sweet potato (100)

Snack
1 pkg. mini rice cakes (90)

Total (970)

Weighed myself and was shocked to see 188 still lurking.  Took my shower, dropped the towel, moved the scales to a different tile on the floor, and weighed 187.  My morale says I’m going with 187.  I had really hoped to show a better loss today.  My goal of 185 by Thursday is getting closer.

I have a field trip helping chaperone 300 eighth graders to see the Riverbats baseball team today.  I’ve only been on three field trips this year and two of them have been in the past week.  The cold, wet weather that moved in last Friday is still hanging around so I plan to bundle up and be better prepared today.  Calling for rain, wind, and temps topping at 68 degrees.  That’s a little chilly for sitting in a stadium.

I’m going to be very stingy with calories today and hit the treadmill when I get home from work.

6:15 a.m. - ARGHH!  I thought I’d just have a cup of strawberries fo breakfast but Holly was here when I went to bed last night and it looks like she ate all of them.  Guess I’ll plan on a bowl of oatmeal as a “brunch” before we leave for the game at 10:00.

9:00 a.m.

I know I shouldn’t pick on Mondays.  Everyone always hates them and it’s really not fair BUT, today is not starting out well.  I think it’s going to be a tough one.  Jean, one of the other teachers just told me to be on the bus loading dock by 9:30 so we’re leaving a lot earlier than I thought.  She said we’ll have lunch “on our laps at the stadium”.  I asked her what that meant and she said we either buy a sack lunch here at school or eat at the stadium.  I went to the cafeteria (which I try to avoid at all costs!) and was told that the sack lunches are $3.50 and they consist of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, potato chips AND Chex Mix, a cookie and a fruit drink.  Are they crazy?  No wonder so many kids are overweight.  Jean said we can always get something at the stadium.  According to her, they must have something healthy. 

sigh..it’s going to be a long day.

2:20…If I were an angel (and I am not even pretending that I am), I would have earned my wings today.  If you ever find yourself down at Riverfront Stadium, be advised that they do not have anything healthy nor do they pretend to.  They have:
popcorn
cotton candy
ice cream
snow cones
hot dogs
hot dogs with chili and cheese
hot dogs with chili and cheese and onions
brats
polish sausage
nachos
nachos with “the works”
french fries
french fries with cheese
french fries with cheese and chili
french fries with cheese and bacon
french fries with cheese and bacon and sour cream
pizza
Philly beef and cheese sandwiches
funnel cakes
funnel cakes with strawberries
funnel cakes with strawberries and whipped cream
onion rings
soft pretzels
soft pretzels stuffed with cheese
giant cookies!
candied nuts and (last but not least)
Fried Bologna Sandwiches

I was freaking out!  The smells!  All that food drifting by!  The vendors hustling cotton candy and popcorn!  I walked all over the place trying to find something to eat and there was nothing!  Tyrone, (very sweet, round, Tyrone) sitting next to me, saw my plight and told me he had plenty of food in his sack lunch from home and I could have anything I wanted.  He had a big popcorn ball, a Twinkie and a Ho-Ho, two butterfingers, Doritos, Cheezits, a sandwich and a Sprite.  I didn’t even ask what kind of sandwich he had.  Just thanked him for the offer and left him to hog heaven.

3:50 - Home at last…stopped by the store and picked up a couple of things.  I’ve eaten nothing for 20 hours so I ripped open the box and ate a low-fat fudgesicle and a strawberry on the way home.  I’m going to hit the treadmill and then eat until bedtime.

5:40 - Worked out for one hour on the treadmill.  It was really hot upstairs (did I mention that the upstairs windows are right next to my treadmill and the room gets that “greenhouse” effect?)  I walked 3 miles and burned 350 calories.  Got it up to 10% in 5 minute intervals and then brought it down.  No lingering at 2.8 and 4% today.  I’m hot, tired, and hungry!

10:00 - Okay, here’s the damages…I started a BIG can of Allen’s green beans with beef bouillion before I went upstairs. By the time I finished working out, they were ready. I dished up about two cups of green beans and wolfed them down. It saved my life. I was able to hold off until dinner was ready. I ate a lot but it was all healthy stuff so I think I’m okay.

Fudgesicle (45)
Strawberry (5)

Dinner
2 cups green beans (100)
2 ginger pork loin cutlets (500)
1/2 baked sweet potato with splenda and cinnamon (100)
Fudgesicle (45)

2 bags mini rice cakes (180)

Total 975

Woke up to really strong wind gusts.  Blew the cover off the spa and blew over a lamp in the family room where the window was open.  Feeling a little stormy myself this morning.  The scales show 187.5.  I want to lose 2 1/2 pounds by Thursday.  I don’t like this agonizingly slow weight loss.  Five pounds every two weeks is not expecting too much.

Ahhh…take a deep breath.  It’ll happen and then I’ll probably start griping about being at 185.

Today is Mother’s Day.  I’m going to let Mom sleep in a little bit and then give her a call.  I thought I might drive down to her place (35 or 40 miles) and take her out for lunch.  It will be a late lunch though because I’m meeting Pam at the gym at 10:00 so I probably won’t get back until 11:30 or so.  I’d actually prefer to take her out to get some books.  She loves to read but she doesn’t like to go out and I never know what books to get her.

8:00 p.m. - I’m hungry!

Change of plans today.  Didn’t go to the gym with Pam but I had a great workout.  Pushed it big time.  I worked on the treadmill 1 1/2 hours, burned 500 calories, and went 4.25 miles.  Yes, once I come down from the tough part, I can keep going at about 3.8 and 4% incline for a long time.  I got bored today and quit at 1 1/2. (I mean, how long can you keep jammin to Pink Floyd, Enrique Iglesius and Rob Thomas?  I even had to spend some time with the Blue Man Group)

I’m hungry but I’m at one of those places where I eat something and go, “No, that’s not what I wanted.” so I try something else.  I was getting panicky…I ate salad, then I ate soup, then I ate strawberries, then I ate popcorn rice cakes, then I ate a Trim Creation Fudgesicle.  I was starting to freak out so I went ahead and added up all my calories for the day and it’s only at 785.  No wonder I’m hungry!  I’m getting a bowl of cereal.

Breakfast
Oatmeal (140)
Silk Soymilk (50)

Vegetable Barley Soup (100)
Applebees Chili Lime Chicken Salad (260)
Strawberries (100)

Snacks
Popcorn Flavored Rice Cakes (90)
Fudgesicle (45)

Total 785
Add a bowl of Kashi on there, bring it up to 985

No surprise, 188 has found me this morning. Damn!  I’ve been eating healthy but I haven’t exercised enough this week.  Several doctor’s have always said the same thing after running thyroid tests, “You have a really low metabolism but I’d rather not put you on thyroid medication.  It just means you have to work a little harder than most people to lose weight.” 

“A little harder”, my butt!  I can keep the calorie count low and nothing happens.  I know from a life of doing this that I have to exercise like crazy to get anywhere.  I just wish I didn’t have to hurt all the time.  If it’s not my ankles, it’s my back. I know, whine, whine, whine.

Okay, on with the show…I set a very reasonable goal of 185 by May 15 so I’m going to have to get serious about the exercise.  Looking over my journal, I can see that I only exercised three times this week.  I’ve had my morning coffee, guess I’ll go hit the treadmill.

10:30…
Pushed it a little.  Worked out an hour and 15 minutes, went 3 1/2 miles, burned 420 calories.  Interesting observation…it used to be about pushing past the heat and fatigue.  These days it’s about pushing past the pain.  I can deal with the heat and fatigue but the pain really hurts my morale.  I usually start out slow and level and try to work out at 3mph.  For a short little thing like me, that’s a fast pace (gimme a break, I’m only 5′1″).  Then I start increasing the incline at 4 minutes intervals until I hit 10% where I stay for 6 minutes and then start back down decreasing the speed and incline.  Usually my ankle starts hurting about 20 minutes in and about 5% on the incline and continues to be annoying until I finish.  It’s very depressing but I just keep pushing on.  Today, because I wanted to push it a little, I hung in there on the way down at 2.8 mph with the incline down at 4% and hit “the zone”.  My ankle stopped hurting and I could have gone forever.

Of course, the calories drop off pretty quickly at 3mph and 10% incline and they crawl at 2.8 and 4% but I’m wondering if I ought to quit pushing the incline.  Is it something I need to do to strenthen and increase flexibility in my ankles or is it something that’s destroying the “fun” of working out and should be stopped.  Any suggestions?

10:30…This has been a good day.  Good exercise, good food.  I spent most of the day doing laundry.  I told all the men around here to pick out ten pair of socks each.  The rest are hitting the trash.  At ten pair each, that’s 100 socks for all of us.  I must have washed 300 today.  I have better things to do than spend hours trying to match white socks.

Went out to the spa a few minutes ago and it zapped me.  I’m soooo sleepy. 

Night, gals!

Breakfast
Kashi Go Lean Crunch (190)
Silk Light Soy Milk (40)

Lunch
2 slices Lite whole grain bread (70)
Sliced Turkey (60)
Fat Free Cheese (25)

Dinner
Curried Tropical Pork Tenderloin (300)
Baked sweet potato with cinnamon and Splenda (100)
Cabbage (75)

Snacks
1 bag popcorn flavored rice cakes (90)
Kashi Go Lean (190)
Silk Light Soymilk (40)

Total 1180

Weight is at 187 today.  Sloooow going.

Ughh!  Field trip today.  It’s gray and rainy and I promised to help chaperone a field trip on the Belle of Louisville.  Just what I want…standing on the deck of a hundred year old steamboat in the rain with 150 8th graders.  Lunch is supposed to be at a food court so it will be interesting to see what I wind up with.  I thought about packing lunch but then I’d be lugging my purse, an umbrella, and my lunch around all day so I decided to forgo the umbrella and lunch.  Maybe one of the other teachers will pity me and let me stand under their umbrella.

2:00  Uh oh!  I messed up!  Not too bad but bad enough.  It was freezing out on the river.  Standing in the bow of the Belle was just about the only place left since all the kids were huddled down in the second floor or toward the back and all of us nurturing teacher types took the front.  It was unpleasantly cold, damp, and windy.  One of the kids twisted (broke?) her ankle and we had to be met back at the dock by an ambulance which took her to the hospital.  Back on the bus and I’m wondering how many choruses of “99 Bottles of Beer on the wall” I can stand before I get violent except, of course, the kids are singing “99 bundles of bear on the wall” so they won’t get in trouble.  We went to the food court and I ordered Chinese.  Didn’t eat rice or noodles but I had a Chicken stir-fry, green beans, and part of an egg roll.  I don’t have any idea how many calories I consumed but I think the MSG got to me because I feel like a blimp! 

Lunch
Chicken Stir Fry (400)
sesame green beans (100)
1/2 egg roll (100)

Dinner
Lemon Garlic Chicken Breasts (300)
Lemon Linguini (400)

Snack
2 Trim Creations Fudgesicles (90)

Total: 1390 (this is really pushing it! Way too high!)

Weighed myself this morning and clocked the scales at 187.5 lbs.  I think 188 is stalking me.  I suppose I must have led him on.  I was so happy to see him a couple of weeks ago and I think he may have formed an attachment to me.  I was never really serious about any kind of long term relationship.  It was meant to be a fleeting thing.  Now, I’m so over him.  I had a chance encounter with 185 last week and he’s much better looking than 188.  He has a lot more confidence and he just makes me feel like I can reach for the stars.  I have a date with him on May 15th and 188 is just not willing to admit to himself that it’s over between us.  I feel him creeping around every morning when I weigh myself.  I step into the bathroom, slip off my PJs, and I can feel the creep watching me.  I step on the scales and he’s lurking right around the corner.  It’s like he can’t admit defeat and move on with his life.  I’ve done and will continue to do everything I can to help him see that we’re finished.  I’m eating well, exercising, and I will not recognize him as a friend.  Maybe he’ll get the message and stop watching me and sneaking around.  I want to move on with my life and spend some quality time with 185.  All I can say, 188, is:

Oops, I did it again!
I think I did it again
I made you believe we’re more than just friends
Oh baby
It might seem like a crush
But it doesn’t mean that I’m serious
‘Cause to lose all my senses
That is just so typically me
Oh baby, baby,

Oops!…I did it again
I played with your heart, got lost in the game
Oh baby, baby
Oops!…You think I’m in love
That I’m sent from above
I’m not that innocent

8:30
Rough day!  I’m taking a day off from exercise.  Did well with eating today.  Passed up Phyllisann’s chili and garlic bread, Barbara’s chips and salsa, and Sharon’s Chocolate Silk pie.  Joined them for lunch but I only contributed a pitcher of unsweetened iced tea and splenda.  Stuck to my lunch of last night’s leftovers.

Came home and fixed Thai Grilled Beef and Green Beans for dinner.  Usually a great dish but it seemed kind of bland this evening.   It’s usually super spicy with lime juice, lots of cilantro, green onions, and hot sauce but it didn’t get there tonight.  I wanted to use up some beef so I added too much.  Lot’s of green beans in the mix, too.  I didn’t have fresh limes so I used bottled reconstituted and the cilantro has been in the fridge since last Sunday so it wasn’t very perky.  Something to think about…it’s great to shop for a week and have everything I need but the fresh fruits and veggies aren’t so fresh toward the end of the week.  Green beans were fresh and beautiful on Sunday but they  were a little brown and wilted looking by today.  Don’t want to think about this at the moment because it means I have to rethink the shopping for the whole week thing.

I’m taking tonight off from exercise.  I was on my feet a lot today and my ankles are bothering me.  I also have to chaperone a field trip tomorrow on the Belle Of Louisville steamboat and I bet there’s going to be a lot of walking so I’m going to take it easy this evening.  Nuff said, I’m done.

Lunch
Sesame Pork Tenderloin (250)
Moraccan Rice Pilaf (150)
Snow Peas and Red Peppers (50)

Dinner
Thai grilled beef with green beans (400)

Feeling much more confident today.  I got a handle on things yesterday afternoon and did some soul searching.  I’ve decided that I may not be able to feel enthusiastic and committed to a healthy lifestyle all the time but I don’t need to worry about getting “back in the groove”.  I just need to do what I’m supposed to do and enjoy the highs when they happen.  I was not enthusiastic about things the last few days but I still did what I needed to do and feel good about having toughed it out.

Today is better.  I’m not soul-searching and trying to find Nirvana.  I’m just feeling content with where I am.  Weighed in at 186.5 this morning so my weight is still dancing around but I know I’m doing what I need to do and the results may not show up today or tomorrow but they will show up.

I corresponded with Sistah Pam yesterday and tried to help her get back where she was a couple of weeks ago.  We’re going to the gym this afternoon and that’s a good thing.  I thought about going out to dinner but have already planned dinner this evening for the family and they probably wouldn’t be happy to be abandoned two days in a row.  Colleagues are hounding me to join them for our special luncheon today  but I’ve decided to find out what’s being offered.  I feel fairly certain that it will not be anything that I can have so I’ve told them to dish up and come visit me for lunch.  They can have their loaded plates and I’ll eat my grape tomatoes and sandwich and we can visit.

10:30 - I went down to see what was on the menu.  As I suspected, nothing healthy.  They have salad, lasagna or baked ziti, garlic bread, and desserts.  hmmm… This is not the kind of spread we’ve seen in the past.  I got a bowl of salad (if you can call packaged iceberg lettuce “salad”) and a diet Coke.  Friends dished up and then came to my little cubbyhole to visit.  Worked well.

1:30
Cool!  One of the assistant principals just walked by me and said, “I’m seeing less of you to love, Pat.”  Now he could have been referring to me being a miserable bitch more than usual but I think he meant it as a compliment.

7:15
Came home and prepped for dinner.  Got the goodies ready for the Moraccan Rice and sauteed them with Pam.  Threw the pork tenderloin in the oven and headed for the gym.  Worked out in the pool for an hour with Pam.  We didn’t really push it this evening.  I was content to chat while we walked/jogged in the pool.  We had some catching up to do and couldn’t chat if we’d been swimming.  Still, an hour of walking or jogging is good exercise and the pool gave it some added emphasis so I think we did pretty good.  She said today was the best she’s felt for a while so, hopefully, she’ll be back up to speed in a couple of days.  We discussed meeting up this weekend but have to compare schedules.  Sunday is Mother’s Day and I don’t know what I’m going to be doing.

Lunch
2 slices Lite Whole Grain bread (70)
Turkey breast (80)
Lettuce
Salad with Lite Dressing (80)
Grape Tomatoes (20)

Dinner
Sesame Pork Tenderloin (250)
Moraccan Rice Pilaf (200)
Sesame Snow Peas and Red Peppers (60)

I wasn’t at my best yesterday and I have to do better today.  I don’t know where my enthusiasm has gone but I need to get it back.  Yesterday was not an actual binge but it was pretty close to it.  I ate what I had planned to but I ate more of it than I should.  I also bent the rules a little bit.  I didn’t work out.  I’m really walkin a thin line here and I need to jump back on the right side and make sure I don’t get pulled into the dark side.

I’m still at 187 today but I can’t complain because I didn’t really do anything to encourage a loss.  I fixed jalapeno chicken for dinner.  Good healthy food but I shouldn’t have eaten two pieces.  I was craving some fried green tomatoes so I breaded them very lightly and put them in the oven on a cookie sheet coated with Pam and sprayed the tops with Pam.  Not too bad…breading is very high calorie but I didn’t fry them and I can indulge a little bit now and then but I didn’t mean to eat four of them!  Leftover herbed potato salad from Sunday completed the meal and, although there’s nothing in it but red potatoes, white wine, white wine vinegar, dijon mustard and a lot of herbs, potatoes are still pretty high cal so a cup of it is 150 calories.

I love Shwann Trim Creations Fudgesicles.  They’re sugar free and low fat and only have 45 calories each.  We lost our Schwann delivery man six months ago and I’ve really missed their products.  Lo and behold, he showed up last night!  I stocked up on Trim Creations and other stuff but I shouldn’t have celebrated his return with three (yes, three!) fudgesicles.

The calorie count from yesterday wasn’t terrible but that’s not the point.  I’m losing my edge and I can feel it.  I didn’t exercise last night.  I didn’t finish dealing with dinner until after 7:00 and I just flopped down on the couch in front of the TV.  My back still hurts, that’s true, but I still should have exercised.  I just have to deal with it.

So now, I’m trying to figure out why I’m kind of down and depressed.  This is Teacher Appreciation week and the PTSA had a continental breakfast for us.  They get the doughnuts and pastries from this wonderful bakery and they’re absolutely delicious.  I passed them up and got a couple of strawberries and a little melon.  They’re having a luncheon catered for us on Wednesday and I’m going to skip it because it’s usually delicious but pretty high calorie and high fat.  I’m feeling a little bummed out about that.  My back is still hurting me and I don’t know why.  I’ve got a lot of meetings and obligations after work this week and no one ever appreciates working all day and then staying after for a couple of hours without pay but there’s nothing new with that.  I have a faculty meeting after school today, a meeting with the ROTC Booster Club tonight at 7:00, and IEP meeting after school tomorrow, CAP for the boys on Thursday and I stayed after school two hours yesterday.  Okay, that could lead to feeling like I’m not in control of anything in my life.  Add the fact that I feel kind of abandoned by my dieting Sistahs.  Trying to pin Jana and Lisa down to a time to meet at the gym or have dinner has been like trying to catch a shooting star.  Pam hasn’t really gotten her drive and enthusiasm back after being sick and I don’t know how to help her get back.

Okay, enough whining and looking at the “issues”.  There are always issues and they’re not going to go away.  I’m actually off to a great start today.  I’m going to sit here and eat my fruit and try to figure out if I can fit in a workout today.  No, I’m not going to try to fit in a workout.  I’m going to figure out when to workout.

10:30..I decided to go ahead and post some pictures on my “about” page.  That might help keep me motivated.  Don’t know for sure, it may just make me want to stay away!  I found one on this laptop taken last summer with my hubby’s aunt.  We took her to Hawaii with us.  I weigh the same now as I did then and don’t think I’ve changed much.  The other one is from our school website.  It’s a picture of me and a couple of my coworkers and one of the 1,700 laptop computers we provide for our students.

12:00 - ALRIGHTY THEN, LET’S JUST DO IT!

Spent some time looking at different blogs and trying to figure out how to get enthusiastic again and came to one conclusion.  I don’t have to be enthusiastic to do this, I just have to do it.  I don’t have to “find” the spark, I have to “make” the spark.  If I stop, I haven’t accomplished anything.  The spark comes from keeping on track and resolving to do something that will take me to a better place.  It will come from the satisfaction that I do what I have to do whether I feel enthusiastic about it or not.  I guess the enthusiasm is just a little “gift” we sometimes get but it’s certainly not essential to getting the job done.  With that in mind, here’s this afternoon’s schedule.

2:30 - 4:00 (?) Faculty Meeting - race home
4:30 - 5:30 Fix dinner (put mine in refrigerator)
5:30 - 6:30 Treadmill
6:30 - 7:00 - race back to school
7:00 - 9:00 (?) ROTC Booster Club
9:00 - 11:00 - Me time.  Eat dinner, watch American Idol!

5:00 p.m.

Sistah Pat is back in charge!  The faculty meeting was over by 3:15 (that’s a record) and I raced home.  Hit the door and told everyone they were on their own for dinner and the makings for spaghetti were in the pantry.  None of the guys seemed to mind too much since they all love spaghetti so I changed and hit the treadmill. 

Almost changed my mind when I ran upstairs and opened the door.  We haven’t turned on the air conditioning yet and it must have been 90 degrees up there!  I almost reconsidered but figured I’d better get it done before I folded so I hung in there for an hour and 350 calories.  Now I’m really sweaty and immensely gross but feeling very satisfied with myself.  I’m going to hit the shower and get ready to go back to school .  I haven’t decided if dinner will be a Lean Cuisine which is an emergency backup plan or a carryout salad from Applebees.  I guess Lean Cuisine makes more sense.

Wednesday Morning…
I went to the meeting and got elected treasurer for the ROTC Booster Club.  I should have known I wouldn’t leave without getting roped into something.  Anyway, came home feeling hungry and totaled up calories for the day which were way short (800 or so) so I ate a frozen entree and fudgesicle.

Breakfast
fresh fruit (75)
Kashi Go Lean (200)
Soymilk (40)

Lunch
2 slices whole grain bread (70)
Sliced Turkey (60)
Fat free cheese (25)
grape tomatoes (20)

Dinner
Frozen dinner (350)

Later…
Frozen entree (250)
Slim Creations fudgesicle (45)

Total (1135)

8:50 - The kids have 14 more days of school.  Teachers have 15 but we hardly count the last one since it’s just packing up for the year and taking care of last minute stuff. 

I weighed in at 187.5 this morning.  Those scales sure do like to tease.  I didn’t workout yesterday but I’m not going to feel bad about it.  My back was really hurting and I think it was wise to take it easy for a day.  I slept with a heating pad and it feels better today.  I’m going to see if Sistah Pam wants to go to the gym tomorrow.  I didn’t do what I’d planned on yesterday because I felt like I needed to slow down so I have to try to take care of those things today.  First off, I’ve given up on finding a nice table for recording body measurements so I guess I’ll just make my own.  Second, I didn’t search for the weight training tapes like I planned so I still have to find them.

11:30 - Lunchtime!  I need a break.  Got into an altercation with a student this morning and had to refer her to the office.  Sometimes, it’s like they have “Write me up!” written on their foreheads.  They just won’t drop it until they’ve pushed it over the edge.  I hope this is not an indication of how the next three weeks are going to be.

5:00 - Just got home from a stressful day. The boss needed something at the last minute and I had to stay till 3:30. Then, I was driving home and he calls me on his cell phone and needs something else! I had to turn around and drive back to school, work for another hour, and then head home again. Now, I’m running late. I just put the chicken breasts in cold water to thaw, and started prepping for the rest of dinner. Slipped into something more comfortable and now I’ve got to hustle.

Breakfast
Kashi (200)
Soymilk (50)

Lunch
2 slices light whole grain bread (70)
6 slices deli turkey (60)
1 slice Fat-free cheese (25)
Lettuce
strawberries (20)
grape tomatoes (20)

Dinner
Jalapeno Chicken (300)
Baked green tomatoes (250)
Potato Salad (160)

Snack
3 Trim Creations fudgesicles (135)

Total 1290