Wayward Women

Weighed in at 181.5 this morning!  Just a pound and a half from goal and 3 whole days to get there (that’s me, dreaming…).  I’m really pleased to have lost another pound and a half but I don’t think I’m going to lose the same amount over the next three days.  I won’t stop trying, though.


My youngest son called last night.  His live-in girlfriend left him and the kids last night.  My oldest son’s family is so dysfunctional it defies belief.  Both my sons hooked up with weak women.  I don’t understand that.  I’ve always been strong, stubborn, and determined.  They never seemed to mind it and I don’t think I was overbearing with them but neither of them chose “a girl like Mom” to spend their lives with.  It would save me unimaginable grief if they had.

David and Stacy have lived together for almost ten years and have two beautiful children.  Everytime they’ve planned to get married, they broke up before it could happen but they keep getting back together.  Stacy has a drug problem, she’s bipolar, and seems totally unable to grow up.  She’s only held a job a total of about six months in the entire time they’ve been together.  She has a pattern of gradually getting back on drugs, finding a boyfriend who accepts that, abandoning David and the boys, and moving out.  During an especially bad breakup four years ago, she walked out on him and the kids for nine days when no one knew where she was.  She finally came home while he was at work, called the police and told them a bunch of lies about David and got a restraining order so he couldn’t come home.  Mind you, this is his home, not hers.  So, he and the kids were unable to return to their own home.  She moved a bunch of her “druggie friends”  into his home, trashed the place, stole or pawned everything he owned and it took him three months to get her out of there.  There was a very long and bitter custody battle and David and the kids had to live here because of the hours he works and babysitter issues.  He didn’t want to leave the kids at home with a babysitter in case she tried to take them.  On top of that, they didn’t have much choice about where to live because their home had been stripped and trashed.  They lived here for a year and a half during which time I had custody of the kids.  David would get up in the morning, take Jake to school, come home and care for Scout until he had to take him to the daycare and go to work.  I would get home in time to get Jake off the school bus, go pick up Scout from daycare and care for them until David got off work at midnight.  My evenings were full of homework, diapers, and rambunctious boys.  He endured a year and a half long custody battle during which time three independent social workers appointed by the court continually made recommendations that David have full custody.  The court continually granted extensions so Stacy could try to straighten her life out and get in a rehab program.  He did, finally, get awarded full custody and began the battle for child support.  For another six months, she refused to pay any child support and the court kept saying they would deal with it eventually but it takes time.  I understood their position.  She couldn’t hold down a job and was moving from one place to another so how could they enforce it?

I was shocked, devastated, and truly dumbfounded when we went to Florida over spring break in 2006 and David called to say he and Stacy were getting back together.  She had been through rehab, was clean and sober, said she loved him and the boys and just wanted them to be a family. 

A portrait of Stacy lies in that little poem:

There once was a girl
with a pretty little curl
right in the middle of her forehead.

And when she was good
she was very, very good
but when she was bad, she was Horrid.

My experience with Stacy is that she’s a beautiful, charismatic, witty, intelligent woman who is so dysfunctional that she can never last more than six months without falling apart.  I was devastated that David took her back into his heart, his home, and his family. 

To give her credit, she’s been able to stay on the straight and narrow for more than two years this time.  I was actually beginning to think that she was going to be okay.  David said she called him at work yesterday out of the clear blue and told him she was leaving on Friday.  She said he never tells her how good-looking she is and they hardly ever go out and have any fun.  She said other men fall all over her trying to get her to go out with them and he should be more appreciative of her.  David told me, he had received about six “wrong number” calls in the last week from some guy who always asked for “Kevin” and then hung up when David told him he had the wrong number.  He told me they hadn’t been arguing but she kept saying she was bored and complaining about how many hours he works so he’s assuming she’s got a new boyfriend.

He called about 11:00 last night after he got home from work and said there were two police cars at his place when he got home.  Stacy wanted them there because she had her bags packed and wanted the car and didn’t think he would let her have it.  This is such a joke because he bought the car and put it in her name about a year ago.  His engine went out on his truck and it isn’t worth investing the money to fix it so he’s been using the car.  Last week, he had some major work done on the car and Tuesday he put brand new tires on it.  Still, as the police said, it’s in her name.  So, last night, she took the car and headed off for parts unknown.  Now, David is stuck with two little kids, no transportation to get to work and no babysitter.  I guess I’m going to be chauffeur and babysitter for a while.

Can you believe a mother would just take off and abandon her six and eight year old boys?  The whole mess is complicated but David’s concerned that she’ll go to the house while he’s at work and strip it.  She probably will.  I don’t mean to sound uncaring but I can’t believe the way he always takes her back and I always have to pick up the pieces when she takes off and care for the kids.  One good thing…(maybe he has a little sense where she’s concerned) he went down to the court and dropped the child support order when they got back together two years ago but she doesn’t know that he still has full-custody of the boys.  She thinks he changed it to shared custody.

I’m supposed to have a “girlie day” with granddaughter Holly for her birthday but it looks like I’ll probably be driving over to David’s (which is a suburb of Louisville and quite a distance) to take him to work and get the boys.  I’m also supposed to meet the Sistahs for our monthly dinner tonight.

My other son, Darryl, is a mess too but that’s another story for another day.

10:50 – Got in a tad over an hour on the treadmill.  Burned 350 cals and went 3.1 miles at 2.9 mph.  Went all the way up the incline in 5 minute increments and then headed down.  Would have liked to do more but David called.  Have to grab a fast shower and go pick him and the boys up.

12:30 – An hour and forty minutes and ten dollars in gas later, I’m back home.  David is at work and the boys are all excited about being here.  They thought the pool would be open but it’s still too cold.  Totally amazing (but not surprising) to me that Stacy would take the car and her bags and just go.  You would think any woman would have enough decency to realize that she shouldn’t take the only car and leave without making any kind of arrangements for the kids at all.  If an emergency comes up, there’s no transportation.  I’m always floored by how totally self-absorbed and selfish she is.  Even more amazed that David always lets her come back.  It has not escaped my attention that she left on my first full day of summer break.  I’m sure she planned this knowing that I would have to step in and take care of the boys.

1:15 – Jake and Scout’s lunchtime conversation over peanut butter sandwiches, chicken noodle soup and apple slices

Jake (8 years old): Scout, what’s 1 times zero?

Scout (6 years old): Zero

Jake:  Good job!  Now, what’s 100 times zero?

Scout: Zero

Jake: Good!  What’s 2 times 1?

Scout: One

Jake: Okay, what’s 2 times 2

Scout: Twenty two

Jake: No!  You forgot what I told you.  The first number is the one you use and the second number is how many times you use it.  What’s 2 times 2?

Scout: four

Jake: Good!  You got it right!  You’re learning multiplication.

Scout: It’s just like addition.

Jake: No, it’s not!  It’s different.  What’s 4 times 2?

Scout: Six

Jake: No, you did it wrong!  I told you, the first number is the one you use and the second one is how many times you use it!

Scout: You’re confusing me!  You keep changing the rules!

Nana:  Okay, that’s enough math.  Eat your soup before it gets cold.


5:00 – Took Holly out shopping.  She fell in love with two dresses and I got her a pair of summer wedges to go with them.  She’s in 7th Heaven.  Her first pair of “heels”.  Got two pair of pants for me.  Two sizes smaller!  Now the pants feel good but my underwear keeps slipping down.  I’m meeting the BUTT Sistahs for our monthly dinner in 30 minutes.  Will try to get a picture of all of us if the lens can go that wide.  This time, we’re following my suggestion for the Ethiopian fare.  They don’t know I cheated and had carryout from there a week ago.


round says 29th May @ 11:47

Wow, that is quite a story and a huge drama for the kids – awful that she left them but maybe better for them if she can stay away, clearly she’s a VERY troubled woman.

I am SO PROUD of you for taking your frustration out on the TREADMILL instead of on the fridge! Getting in your exercise was a real accomplishment knowing that more people will be needing your time and support.

Hang in there – and know that all the help you’re providing your family is good karma building up!

patty says 29th May @ 12:42

Yes, Sarah, she is indeed very troubled but I always wonder what self-esteem issues my son has that he keeps letting her come back. He always says he loves her and wants to keep the family together but what’s the effect on the kids? I love chocolate but I know I can’t have it.

eryn76 says 29th May @ 12:43

Ugh… hang in there for sure. What a mess, but keep on being strong. Especially for your grandsons.

findingjoy says 29th May @ 14:02

Oh Patty,
Here i was griping about a measly number on the scale. In all of this you took the time to write me. I feel like an as_

I am so sorry for your son ans those sweet boys. Those boys look so sweet in that photo. She must be very mentally ill &(maybe back on drugs) to leave the children that she gave birth to. Maybe -hopefully your son can get some therapy so he can become stronger in all of this. Poor man. I just feel so bad for all of you.
In all of that YOU are a WONDERFUL mother and grandmother! You stepped right up to the plate without a second thought You are so selfless thinking of those boys like that. Good for you and God bless you.
Good job on the weight loss. Great job keeping on the treadmill. How does the foot feel?
You take care
enjoy your granchildren

susan says 29th May @ 15:17

Drugs. I hate ’em.

Those boys are adorable! I’m glad they have you in their lives.

soclose says 29th May @ 21:58

Such great kids; such an awful mother! Tell him to have the locks changed first thing. I’m terrible, I would have showed the police the bill of sale for the new tires and then given her the car minus them.

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