Sistah Pat

I wasn’t at my best yesterday and I have to do better today.  I don’t know where my enthusiasm has gone but I need to get it back.  Yesterday was not an actual binge but it was pretty close to it.  I ate what I had planned to but I ate more of it than I should.  I also bent the rules a little bit.  I didn’t work out.  I’m really walkin a thin line here and I need to jump back on the right side and make sure I don’t get pulled into the dark side.

I’m still at 187 today but I can’t complain because I didn’t really do anything to encourage a loss.  I fixed jalapeno chicken for dinner.  Good healthy food but I shouldn’t have eaten two pieces.  I was craving some fried green tomatoes so I breaded them very lightly and put them in the oven on a cookie sheet coated with Pam and sprayed the tops with Pam.  Not too bad…breading is very high calorie but I didn’t fry them and I can indulge a little bit now and then but I didn’t mean to eat four of them!  Leftover herbed potato salad from Sunday completed the meal and, although there’s nothing in it but red potatoes, white wine, white wine vinegar, dijon mustard and a lot of herbs, potatoes are still pretty high cal so a cup of it is 150 calories.

I love Shwann Trim Creations Fudgesicles.  They’re sugar free and low fat and only have 45 calories each.  We lost our Schwann delivery man six months ago and I’ve really missed their products.  Lo and behold, he showed up last night!  I stocked up on Trim Creations and other stuff but I shouldn’t have celebrated his return with three (yes, three!) fudgesicles.

The calorie count from yesterday wasn’t terrible but that’s not the point.  I’m losing my edge and I can feel it.  I didn’t exercise last night.  I didn’t finish dealing with dinner until after 7:00 and I just flopped down on the couch in front of the TV.  My back still hurts, that’s true, but I still should have exercised.  I just have to deal with it.

So now, I’m trying to figure out why I’m kind of down and depressed.  This is Teacher Appreciation week and the PTSA had a continental breakfast for us.  They get the doughnuts and pastries from this wonderful bakery and they’re absolutely delicious.  I passed them up and got a couple of strawberries and a little melon.  They’re having a luncheon catered for us on Wednesday and I’m going to skip it because it’s usually delicious but pretty high calorie and high fat.  I’m feeling a little bummed out about that.  My back is still hurting me and I don’t know why.  I’ve got a lot of meetings and obligations after work this week and no one ever appreciates working all day and then staying after for a couple of hours without pay but there’s nothing new with that.  I have a faculty meeting after school today, a meeting with the ROTC Booster Club tonight at 7:00, and IEP meeting after school tomorrow, CAP for the boys on Thursday and I stayed after school two hours yesterday.  Okay, that could lead to feeling like I’m not in control of anything in my life.  Add the fact that I feel kind of abandoned by my dieting Sistahs.  Trying to pin Jana and Lisa down to a time to meet at the gym or have dinner has been like trying to catch a shooting star.  Pam hasn’t really gotten her drive and enthusiasm back after being sick and I don’t know how to help her get back.

Okay, enough whining and looking at the “issues”.  There are always issues and they’re not going to go away.  I’m actually off to a great start today.  I’m going to sit here and eat my fruit and try to figure out if I can fit in a workout today.  No, I’m not going to try to fit in a workout.  I’m going to figure out when to workout.

10:30..I decided to go ahead and post some pictures on my “about” page.  That might help keep me motivated.  Don’t know for sure, it may just make me want to stay away!  I found one on this laptop taken last summer with my hubby’s aunt.  We took her to Hawaii with us.  I weigh the same now as I did then and don’t think I’ve changed much.  The other one is from our school website.  It’s a picture of me and a couple of my coworkers and one of the 1,700 laptop computers we provide for our students.

12:00 - ALRIGHTY THEN, LET’S JUST DO IT!

Spent some time looking at different blogs and trying to figure out how to get enthusiastic again and came to one conclusion.  I don’t have to be enthusiastic to do this, I just have to do it.  I don’t have to “find” the spark, I have to “make” the spark.  If I stop, I haven’t accomplished anything.  The spark comes from keeping on track and resolving to do something that will take me to a better place.  It will come from the satisfaction that I do what I have to do whether I feel enthusiastic about it or not.  I guess the enthusiasm is just a little “gift” we sometimes get but it’s certainly not essential to getting the job done.  With that in mind, here’s this afternoon’s schedule.

2:30 - 4:00 (?) Faculty Meeting - race home
4:30 - 5:30 Fix dinner (put mine in refrigerator)
5:30 - 6:30 Treadmill
6:30 - 7:00 - race back to school
7:00 - 9:00 (?) ROTC Booster Club
9:00 - 11:00 - Me time.  Eat dinner, watch American Idol!

5:00 p.m.

Sistah Pat is back in charge!  The faculty meeting was over by 3:15 (that’s a record) and I raced home.  Hit the door and told everyone they were on their own for dinner and the makings for spaghetti were in the pantry.  None of the guys seemed to mind too much since they all love spaghetti so I changed and hit the treadmill. 

Almost changed my mind when I ran upstairs and opened the door.  We haven’t turned on the air conditioning yet and it must have been 90 degrees up there!  I almost reconsidered but figured I’d better get it done before I folded so I hung in there for an hour and 350 calories.  Now I’m really sweaty and immensely gross but feeling very satisfied with myself.  I’m going to hit the shower and get ready to go back to school .  I haven’t decided if dinner will be a Lean Cuisine which is an emergency backup plan or a carryout salad from Applebees.  I guess Lean Cuisine makes more sense.

Wednesday Morning…
I went to the meeting and got elected treasurer for the ROTC Booster Club.  I should have known I wouldn’t leave without getting roped into something.  Anyway, came home feeling hungry and totaled up calories for the day which were way short (800 or so) so I ate a frozen entree and fudgesicle.