upstairs Room

I’m happy to report a downward trend in my weight again this week.  I weighed in at 171.0 lbs.  I’m so excited to be only one pound away from being exactly 170, and a tinsy weensy more to be in the 160s!!!!!

I was really worried what the scale would show this morning. I was really good this weekend food wise, with minor slip ups, but I didn’t exercise as much as I needed to.  I really need to start following my own advice and exercise first thing in the morning before life interrupts everything I am working for here.

In other news, I had my art show.  What a bust.  Hardly 10 people even showed up to the show, and I sold one pack of cards.  Well let me be more specific.. they paid for it at the cash, and I didn’t get jack.  Luckily all my earnings amounted to $4.25.. so I wasn’t that upset.  I was more upset that the event wasn’t very well marketed.  I had a nice afternoon with my sister though, so that was nice.  We had dinner at a vegetarian restaurant close by that serves everything with brown rice. I was pretty excited that everything seemed so diet friendly.

After that we had to go to my Aunt’s house.  She was throwing a party for my parents and sister because they came back from Hajj.  I don’t know if I have written about this in my blog, but my family went to Hajj in November, and just got back 3 weeks ago.  It is a pilgrimage to Makkah, and is considered one of the pillars of Islam.  It is a very spiritual experience.. and life changing.  I see big differences in my Dad and sister since they went.

So DH and the girls were already there, and we were a little late for the party because of my art show.  I ate a little bit there, but it would be rude not to eat so I just took very small portions of the food and ate it. Luckily, there was a chickpea salad, so that helped keep me from eating the not so healthy options.

This week I’m hoping to stay focused so I can get to my goal before we leave on Friday for Ottawa.  I’ll keep you updated with the progress.  Hope you guys have a very Merry Christmas!

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Today I weighed in at 171.6 lbs.  It’s so nice to see progress when you make the efforts.  This time is the most critical to ensure I get to my goals.  I’ve gotten this far before, only to go all the way back up.  I need to keep focused, and it won’t be easy.  The holidays are coming.

DH has taken holidays from this Friday until December 28th.  Yumna last day of school is Friday, and she goes back on January 4th.  Having them around shouldn’t change things, but going to my Aunt’s house in Ottawa over the Christmas long weekend will be difficult.  We just decided last night to go to Ottawa with my parents and sister.  On one hand it will be nice to have the family together, but on the other hand, there will be some SERIOUSLY tasty food.

My Mom and my Aunt, they are extraordinary cooks, and they are both “food pushers”.  This is what I call it when someone just insists on others eating and eating.  They finish with breakfast and start with the lunch plans, and so on.  It drives me crazy just how much food there is when we get together.  And its all amazing food, one meal after the other.  They show their love for their families with food.

It’s never a simple breakfast of cereal or eggs. No.  There will be delicacies at every meal.  Curried potatoes for breakfast with fried bread (aloo with puris) - or beef stew (nihari) - yes for breakfast.  There will be crusty breads with butter and homemade jam too.  And this is just breakfast.  I’m pretty sure this is the reason I am overweight.  Sure I like fast food and junk, but I do it in moderation.  I can leave candy or cookies in my house without them haunting me.  I’m pretty sure it has more to do with the fact that my Mom cooks such tasty food, and I usually will end up eating an extra portion because it is so good.  I’m pretty sure the combination of her good food with my lack of activity caused the pounds to pile on.

When I went to university,  unlike most people I actually lost weight.  Most people get the Freshman 15.. I on the other hand lost 10 lbs my first year.  When I started, I was around 180lbs, and by the time I finished university I was around 160lbs.  Not stellar, but better than I was.

So, as you can see, going to my Aunt’s house for the weekend will be dangerous.  And so I can only imagine what the weekend food situation will look like.  On the 25th, we’ll probably make a turkey with the sides, on the 26th, we’ll be celebrating my Mom’s birthday, and the 27th, is DH and my 7th anniversary.  All require celebratory foods.  I’m toast!

On the bright side, I am pretty sure I will be able to hit my goal before I go to Ottawa.  And my family is aware I am dieting, and I’m just going to tell my Aunt too, so she won’t be offended when I don’t eat everything she makes.  It might motivate her to get back to it too.. she lost about 20lbs last summer and was going to the gym regularly and loving it.. and then life got in the way.

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Okay so today is 172.4 lbs.  Slowly inching to the finish line.  That’s okay.  I’ll take it.  It’s the right direction.

I’ve been pretty good about working out every day.  I really make an effort to make sure I work out before the evening crawls in because once it does, there is NO HOPE of getting anything done.

I went today to get my blood work done.  It didn’t occur to me until yesterday, that I haven’t had a physical in 7 years. 7.  I remember it was shortly after I got married.   I can’t believe I will be hitting my 7 year wedding anniversary on December 27th.  It seems like it was not that long ago.  Seven years and two kids later, it’s insane that it is here again.  Perhaps it is ambitious, but I am thinking I want to change my goal end date to my anniversary date.  So, get to 169.9 by December 27th, instead of the 31st.  I think I can do it.  2.5 lbs in 12 days.  I don’t have any major food disaster events coming up, unless I throw one myself.

I’m really tired despite trying to fix things on the exercise/food front.  This is one of the main reasons I went to the doctor.  I’m feel like I’ve been beaten up.  It’s so exhausting.  I’m just so down these days.  I am tired.  Tired of people taking advantage of me.  It’s stressing me out.  My skin is reacting to the stress too.  I think as women we give too much and people think it is acceptable to just abuse the kindness of women.  I really need a holiday.  I plan to take one too.  By myself.

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Today’s weigh in is 172.6 lbs.  I am so happy to be here again, and on a Monday.  Now it is just a matter of getting through the week doing what I have to do.  No going up allowed.  I have to make this work this time.

I went to the doctor today because I was feeling kinda down and been having a real lack of energy.  I have to go for a blood test tomorrow and a full physical on Friday.  I think it is a good idea.  I haven’t had a physical in over 7 years.

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I didn’t go up in weight this weekend.  I am 173.4 lbs, two days in a row, and I am determined to see 172 tomorrow.  I am so close. I will get to 169 in December.  I am sure of it.  I’ve never been so sure of getting there before, and so now I realize, that it has more to do with how I think about it.  It’s not about “let it happen”.  It’s more “MAKE it happen”.

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Well, yesterday I briefly saw 173.8 lbs.  This week has been just a roller coaster, I go up and get it back down and go up again.  Today I weighed in higher than that, and I gotta think, was it the soya sauce? what gives? I didn’t exercise for as long as the day before, didn’t drink enough water, and didn’t eat yogurt. That will probably do it.

It’s so frustrating, because I am trying.  That kind of an effort would of lost me two pounds this week, and maybe it still will. I have some confidence, that regardless of what the scale says today, that the only outcome in the end can be a loss.  So I will continue.

I was thinking about things, lots of things, but I’ll just keep it down to a couple of thoughts for today.  I have watched my BIL and SIL go to the gym for over a year, and they basically look the same.  I thought to myself when I started this journey that I will make every effort to be successful so that I don’t get discouraged. I refused to fall in the same trap as them. But, for the last 6 months, I haven’t seen very much progress.  I go down and go back up.  So now I’ve decided I must succeed.  I need to reach my goals.  There is no choice.  The effort in trying is getting exhausting if there are no results.

I’ve exercised 5 days out of 7 the last week.  That is a victory for me.  It’s not always the most amount of exercise, but it is a concerted effort to get my butt moving again.  And for me, that is what falls off the radar from time to time.  It needs to just be part of my day, and now I think I’ve figured out how to do it.  I have to exercise first.  Before getting to the other parts of my day.  As I exercise, I am always thinking of a hundred things I need to do, but I force myself to finish.  I have Fat Pants’ voice in my head telling me that I will never regret the exercise I’ve done.  I won’t think to myself, I should of skipped this today, and so because of that I soldier through.

I’ve asked my husband to help me. I need his support to get this done.  This morning I told him I gained, and he was disappointed.. and said, maybe you won’t meet your goal.  I was floored.. he is the most supportive person I know, and was shocked that he said this to me.  But then I thought, maybe that is what I need.  For him to tell me I can’t, just so I can prove to him I CAN.  I told him that we still have 20 days left, and I totally could do it.  He apologized and said he thought we were further into December than it is.  It was a very strange conversation, but it made me think.  I really need to do this.  Not to prove it to him, but to prove it to myself.

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Good morning everyone.  I woke up to snow this morning.  I’m not so happy about it, especially about the driving part.  Even still, we got the kids all ready to go, and then I looked at the driveway, this wasn’t just snow.. this is snow and rain.  Forget it!!! So today I thought that maybe with it being the first snow, and that the trucks aren’t out and the salt isn’t on the roads, that I would skip it.  Yumna is only four, she can take a Mom is Scared to Drive in that Crap Snow Day.

So the girls are home today, and we’ve just been chilling in the family room.  I even caught a little nap while they were watching Backyardigans. Thing is that I AM FREEZING!!  One reality of losing weight is that you don’t have as much insulation as you used to.  I am wearing t shirt and a sweater, and socks. I never wear socks.. and I am still cold.

Safiya on the other hand is running around in a tanktop and pantyhose.  Don’t ask me why on earth this is her outfit of choice.  I put clothes on her, and she just takes them off.  This is the minimum I can keep on her.  It’s really embarassing too, because when we go to other peoples houses she takes her clothes off.  She isn’t cold at all, and she is the tiniest little thing you ever seen.

As for the stolen $400, the bank was the one to call us when the transaction went through.  The blocked my card immediately, because the money was taken out at 6am in Brampton, and they felt that it wasn’t really a transaction I would normally do.  I was very impressed that they keep such close tabs.  I got the bank card changed, and they already reimbursed us the money.

Yesterday I watched the Biggest Loser.. Wow!  The transformations were unbelievable last night.  I was shocked when I saw Danny and Rudy… but their losses were so unrealistic.  How much time is it that they are home for?  In the time that they wen’t home after the marathon, Amanda only managed to lose 7lbs, and they lost so much.. I just couldn’t wrap my head around it.

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I am proud to report that today’s weigh in is 174.0 lbs.   I lost 3lbs since Friday!!

Even with a buffet brunch yesterday!  I was so stressed out about the buffet that I hardly ate anything.   I had this approach that unless it tasted amazing I wasn’t eating it.  And it worked!  That, and I didn’t eat very much at all after that yesterday.

Only 4.2 lbs to go til I reach my December 31st goal.  I think looking at it this way will help me reach this goal.  That’s roughly 1.5lbs a week.  Totally doable.

In other news, someone stole $400 out of my bank account, so I have to go get a new bank card now.  Also, Safiya’s health card has expired, so i have to get that renewed.  And lastly, I have to get a foldable, portable potty for Safiya.  She is in the process of potty training, and when we are out, when she asks to go to the potty, she gets so scared to use the big potty.  Then she has to go in her pull up and well, she get so upset, and it can be confusing for a girl.  So I figure if I can get that, and carry it around with me, then she will have a better option for outings.  Then, if all goes well, we will officially be done with diapers in my house in the next month or two!!!! So these are my tasks for today.  That and working out and making dinner.

Oh also, I have been painting up a storm lately.  I don’t know if I wrote about this before, but last week, my cousin was working with her friends to do a fundraising show with some of her friends to raise funds for African children to go to school.  As part of this show, they had an art auction, and she asked I could donate a painting.  So I painted something for that show and it got me going.  I haven’t stopped painting since.  I am so happy to in this mode right now.  It feels really good.

That’s it for today.  Hope everyone is doing well.

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Okay so after my last post, TOM arrived, which explained the exhaustion and just plain crankiness.  I weighed in at 175.4 yesterday, which wasn’t too bad.   Yesterday I don’t know what happened.  I ate pretty well during the day, I drank a lot of water/crystal light and I thought I did okay in the evening.  At the least I thought I would weigh the same today.  Nope.  I was 177.  And as a result I have been doing so badly all day today.  It has completely thrown me off.  I have eaten so much crap today its unbelievable.  I don’t even recognize some of the stupid things I have done.  Like searching through my cupboard for a Mr. Noodles packet.  Making a Nutella sandwich on white bread. Seriously? I NEVER eat that crap. Luckily my daughter was with me during my time of insanity.  I ate two bites of the nutella sandwich, and she wanted the rest.  I ate half of the noodles, then she wanted some.. she ate a few bites, and instead of eating them, I put the peels of an orange in the bowl so I wouldn’t be tempted to eat the rest.

So what is a girl to do?  I started thinking a lot about this.  Is there something deeper than just not being able to maintain focus once I hit 172.  It’s like there is some kind of roadblock at this number.  And interestingly enough, this is the number I hit at my lowest weight after having children.

I think I’m going to just have to make the best out of today, do some exercise, and eat well for the rest of the day, or not eat at all. Tomorrow shouldn’t be a problem, but Sunday we have to go to my sister in law’s birthday, which is a brunch buffet.  Part of me just wants to not go.  I don’t know how to get out of it though.  My husband and I are of the same mindset, we just don’t want to eat $30 worth of lunch just to get our money’s worth. At least there are lots of vegetables there.

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I am oh so tired of feeling this way.  Going back and forth between 172 and 177.  Today I weighed in at 176.8 lbs.   This after the damage of Eid, a weekend full of eating and then my cousin coming over and my parents coming back home.  I am so tired of being in this weight loss limbo.  Up and down, up and down.  It almost makes me want to give up and just forget about the whole thing.  ALMOST.  See the alternative to doing the up and down, is just going up when you forget about it.  And I don’t want that.

So. There is no choice.  I need to pull up those proverbial socks and get right back into it.  Except that I am tired.  My muscles are hurting from doing nothing.  I am so so tired.  I did nothing but watch TV today.  I did have an intention of working out.   I think I need to recharge my inner batteries, and reset my clock and all of the other things that indicate that I need a new fresh start.  One where I don’t sabotage myself once I get to 172.

Maybe I need to start a new program?  Maybe WeightWatchers - but it is damn expensive? I don’t know.  But something. Like Patty, I’m looking for my inner warrior to return from the really long vacation she has taken.  It’s time.  NOW.  I don’t even have the excuses that the rest of the world does.  I’m not that busy.  I am, but there is definitely time for a workout in my day.  I don’t celebrate Christmas with a lot of food and what not tempting me left, right and centre.

So here it is.  I’m writing some goals for myself for December 31, 2009.  And I want to be TRUE to my goals.  So here is:  I want to weigh less than 170 by the new year.  I want to see those 160s that I haven’t seen in over 5 years.  I was there once and I will be there again.

And for my 1 year anniversary, I want to hit 163 lbs.  That would get me to 50lbs lost.  The anniversary is on February 11th.  So that gives me over two months to lose about 14 lbs.  I know I can do it. I know I can.

I am tired of disappointing myself by not meeting my goals.

Oh so tired.

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