Happy, Healthy Me :)

There are a few that are really nagging at me…

1. Should I weigh myself sometime next week? Tomorrow will be two weeks binge free. I can’t believe how much smaller my ‘muffin top’ (God, I hate those words put together) has gotten when I wear my size 7 capri’s. I feel lighter. I just don’t want to have my weight discourage me. I’m thinking of never weighing myself again. Honestly.

2. Should I wait until I’m a size 5 to buy jeans? Right now, I usually wear dress pants/dress capri’s, and occasionally sweats. They’re stretchy, and they look good, plus I can wear them IRL as well as at work, without spending too much money (which is important, since I’m planning on going down atleast another size). But at heart, I’m a jeans and tee girl. I love how you can wear anything with jeans, to go for a casual look or to dress it up.

I’ve always had a hard time finding jeans that looked good on me…most styles usually accentuate the ‘muffin top’ (gag!) and downplay my already small butt. When I gained the 40 lbs that I had lost back again, I stopped wearing them altogether. I’m sure that if I look hard enough, I can find styles that will look good. I just don’t want to invest the time and money, only to shrink out of them and have to start over.

3. How do I stop restricting myself in life because of my weight? Seriously, I want to be one of those people who always has plans after work/on the weekends and has hundreds of photos (that they actually don’t mind the world seeing!) up on Facebook. But there are still SO many things that I refuse to do, because they’re outside my comfort zone. Like going out and dancing. I NEVER feel comfortable in a bar, because everyone around me seems cooler…because they’re smaller, or they’re wearing less clothes (of all things!). No, I don’t want to look slutty and half naked, but I DO want confidence and to love myself.

Not expecting any answers, just thinking out loud

Well…

I feel very hopeful.

I can run and go up stairs and my heart rate returns to normal pretty fast. No huffing and puffing. My chest doesn’t feel tight.

My belly is shrinking.

My size 7 pants fit with almost no muffin top.

The other day in a clothes store, the sales lady called me very slim.

At work last night, my coworker stared at me and asked why my skin looked so good, and if I had lost weight.

My cheekbones are really showing.

* * * *

I’m very much taking this journey ONE DAY AT A TIME. I caps locked that because it is very important for me to focus on the present. I started thinking yesterday about how by the time we do Skydive for Africa, I could be 8 weeks and 4 days into this, and it was an amazing thought. But it also panicked me. It’s so far in the future, and the thought of a relapse is always heavy in the back of my mind.

I’m in a very good place right now, but I am very aware that I need more help then I can give myself. I’m still planning on attending my first OA meeting next week, and I’m asking my family doctor for referral to a nutritionist. I can’t afford counselling, so I have to figure out what I’m going to do on that front.