Day #9
Penelope on May 19th 2009 12:47 pm
I don’t know what possessed me…this morning, I ate all my fruit for the day + breakfast + lunch.
It was a binge. Of sorts. However, it was not my kind of binge. So I’m not counting it as a binge. I may have an afternoon snack, but other then that, I’m not going to eat until dinner. I know I won’t be hungry, because I haven’t done anything yet today, and I go to work at 2.
I realize that for the 30 days binge free to be succesful in breaking my habit, I need to stop bingeing, COMPLETELY. Which I haven’t done. I binged on corn once, and then there was today. It’s something that I need to work on, along with cutting down on junk food.
I find myself planning a big binge at the end of my 30 days. Some days, it keeps me from cracking. I MISS bingeing. I miss cracking open a bag of chips and eating mindlessly, or spooning away a pint of icecream. I don’t miss how it makes me feel. I don’t miss the fact that in order to have a satisfying binge, I literally need to be alone for two entire days - one to binge, and one to recover. I don’t know what it is exactly ABOUT bingeing that I am missing. I’m still trying to figure that out.
I’m not necessarily definitely going to binge at the end of my challenge. I’ve been thinking of an hour long massage.
ETA: About my challenge to only drink water for a week when outside the house…I failed 
I’m going to try again, starting today.
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I so completely know how you feel! It’s so strange. I too, miss the act of bingeing. And also, I obviously don’t like that it makes me feel horrible and uncomfortable and sad and that I need a day to recover because I feel so sick, BUT buying all kinds of yummy foods and not making decisions about what to eat, and not worrying about having to stop–I miss it. It’s so odd, but the beginning of a binge (before the being so so so full and sad sets in) is really comforting… I don’t know why that is, but talking about it is making me miss it even more! Weird.