Happy, Healthy Me :)

I don’t know what possessed me…this morning, I ate all my fruit for the day + breakfast + lunch.

It was a binge. Of sorts. However, it was not my kind of binge. So I’m not counting it as a binge. I may have an afternoon snack, but other then that, I’m not going to eat until dinner. I know I won’t be hungry, because I haven’t done anything yet today, and I go to work at 2.

I realize that for the 30 days binge free to be succesful in breaking my habit, I need to stop bingeing, COMPLETELY. Which I haven’t done. I binged on corn once, and then there was today. It’s something that I need to work on, along with cutting down on junk food.

I find myself planning a big binge at the end of my 30 days. Some days, it keeps me from cracking. I MISS bingeing. I miss cracking open a bag of chips and eating mindlessly, or spooning away a pint of icecream. I don’t miss how it makes me feel. I don’t miss the fact that in order to have a satisfying binge, I literally need to be alone for two entire days - one to binge, and one to recover. I don’t know what it is exactly ABOUT bingeing that I am missing. I’m still trying to figure that out.

I’m not necessarily definitely going to binge at the end of my challenge. I’ve been thinking of an hour long massage.

ETA: About my challenge to only drink water for a week when outside the house…I failed I’m going to try again, starting today.

It was a little scary how many times today I had to fight off the urge to buy lots of junk food and go home to binge for the rest of the day. I’ve realized that EVERYTHING is a trigger, because I have literally bought my binge food from every location, and I’ve binged on almost every food. I’ve binged for every emotion. It had definitely become a crutch that I relied on.

Last night, DB made a trip to the grocery store to get something, and ended up picking up a few other items, as well. To give a short background, he will eat healthy and drink water when I provide the means, but left on his own, he resorts to takeout and convenience foods. He doesn’t really read labels, and he loves snack foods such as chips. His diet worries me ALOT, but instead of nagging, I strive to lead by example and help him make little changes in the hopes of working toward better habits in the future.

Anyway, one of the other items that he got was danishes. I didn’t really pay attention to that at first, but then later when I went to the kitchen, I noticed that the filling was blue. I love EVERYTHING blueberry, so of course I had to check to see if they were blueberry danishes. I read the whole ingredient list, got right to the bottom, and finally found blueberries. The length of the list intrigued me, so I counted the total ingredients. 72!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Rhat sort of gagged me, and it still does. Nevertheless, I had one for breakfast this morning. And I did NOT feel guilty. I had no processed carbs for the rest of the day, and I ate really well. Just like I thought, it really wasn’t worth the calories, and I won’t be eating another tomorrow.

* * * *

My BMR is 1495.5. I used this website: http://www.bmi-calculator.net/bmr-calculator/harris-benedict-equation/, to calculate how many calories I would need if I wanted to maintain at 150 lbs (at this time, I get little or no exercise, so I multiplied by BMR by 1.2). I got 1,794 calories. The website says: “If you want to lose fat, a useful guideline for lowering your calorie intake is to reduce your calories by at least 500, but not more than 1000 below your maintenance level.” According to that, I should eat approximately 1,294 calories per day. Hmm, that seems low according to what I’ve read, but not impossible. Of course, I know that I can make that higher if I get more exercise, which is something that I’m working on.

* * * *

The virus seems to be finally releasing it’s hold on me, and I have my voice back. I have to be up at 5 am tomorrow for work, so I’m off to bed. Goodnight!

I made a whole other post…a few days ago…all about me coming back here after a break. And it’s gone!

Ok, I am WAY too lazy to retype everything, so…

I gained back all the weight that I lost. I’m not sure how much I want to lose total now, I’m just taking it one day at a time.

My first two goals, which really have nothing to do with losing weight, but I know will help me get started on this journey once again:

#1: Nothing but water when outside the house, for a week. Specifically focused on 6 glasses or bottles of water a day. When at home, I can have one bottle of juice crystals per day, milk, or tea. End date: May 16

#2: No bingeing for 30 days. They say it takes 30 days to break a habit, so I’m giving myself that long to change the way that I think of and behave towards food. Today is day #3!

Today is my first day implementing my no escalators, no elevators rule. I’m going to walk up and down EVERY set of stairs that comes my way!

I’m finding that in the mornings when I wake up, I have NO appetite. That’s unusual for me. I usually wake up hungry if I didn’t binge the previous day, and I love breakfast. Either it’s this virus (which I think is finally on it’s way out!!), or the pill (I’ve heard that decreased appetite can be a side effect). I am making an effort to choke down atleast a little bit of protein and a peice of fruit, but some days, I could seriously throw up.

Slow and steady is very hard for me, mainly because I need a new wardrobe, since I have very few clothes that actually fit, and I don’t want to spend a lot on items that won’t even fit me in a few months. Can you tell that I want 10-20 gone NOW?  But I know that slow and steady is the only way that I can do it if I’m going to be healthy about it, and maintain it in the end. I found a reminder that I like. “Don’t give up…and remember…it’s better then gaining weight!” So true!

In terms of meals, I’m trying to stick to one ‘processed’ carb per day (i.e., bread or pasta. Rice or baked potato don’t count.). I’m doing it because I usually feel bloated and big if I eat any more then one. Lean protein seems to agree with my stomach best. Today that carb is the lunch that DB made me on Sunday, fish with noodleys. Yum!

Have a great day!