Happy, Healthy Me :)

I’m running out of options grocery wise, but I want to make an early trip to the grocery store to pick up muffins for J. So I improvised a breakfast out of what I had, and it turned out quite yummy!

1 black coffee, 1 instant oatmeal packet (apple and oatmeal) and 2 tbsp peanut butter

My big challenge tonight will be not caving in to eating from boredom and loneliness, since J is working a late shift and I’ll be alone.

S: 1 apple and a bowl of cherries (OMG!)

E: I walked and took the train to the other side of town, because it’s the only grocery store that I have direct access to without driving and that carries the muffins. Then I walked back home carrying the muffins and a bag of apples. Later, I’ll be walking to work, then 8 hours on my feet and a walk home again.

I have my food planned out…

Snacks: natural almonds

L: Salad with tomato, cucumber, beans and green olives + 1 tbsp ranch dressing.

D: 1 cupish rice with 1/2 cupish beans, corn and green olives.

No, I did not crash and burn! But for the last two days, I have eaten large portions of snack foods rather then a meal. So…today was once again my day one. Eating large portions of food instead of meals is a habit I absolutely must kick in order to be successful this time around. And as of now, I’ve started!

My challenge now is for clean eating from Wednesday to Thursday (next payday).
I need to bitch for a minute:S I am beyond tired of this pain in my intestines and constipation (sorry, TMI!). I get ravenously hungry, and then as soon as I eat, OUCH! It’s bad enough having all 15 of my extra pounds hanging off of my belly, but eating seems to bloat me and make it stick out more. Not cool when I’m wearing jeans and a regular shirt.  /endrant

I ate dinner tonight, and as soon as I was done, I wanted to keep eating. Instead, I had one more bite of rice, a bottle of lemon water, and ‘closed’ the kitchen. I put the food away, tidied a bit, and turned on the radio for company. Mentally, I told myself, the kitchen is closed - food time is over. It worked!

Before I head off to watch Bones with K, my food for today:

B: Black coffee, 1 yogurt cup, 1 packet instant oatmea

S: Lots of fresh fruit at work, left over from the morning meeting. Then some woman came in and STUCK her hand into the rest of it! Gross!

L: Salad with romaine lettuce, beans, tomato, cucumber, and green olives.

S: 1 yogurt cup, 1 packet instant oatmeal, 1 apple

S#2: two carrots with 1 tbsp ranch dressing

D: 3/4 cup rice, 1/2 tsp soy sauce, green olives, 1/2 cup beans

S: small Crystal Light slurpee and 1 apple

I’m waiting for my landlady to unlock the laundry room so that I can do a load of laundry.

Looking back at pictures of me at 120 lbs, I am amazed by how unhappy I was with my appearance. I never saw myself as slim enough, or particularly pretty. Now I see myself as ugly and gross (most of the time), and look at those past pictures as the ideal I so desperately want again.

I know that loving myself is part of this journey that I need to accomplish. But I don’t know if I can accomplish two big changes at once - loving myself, AND getting the food stuff under control.

I guess part of loving myself ties into treating myself - my wax on Friday, a pedi and mani, clothes shopping, highlights updated, the hybrid lily I’ve been wanting for so long (it looks JUST like a tiger lily, which are my favorite flowers), and a house full of flowers when I stay on plan until Sunday.

While it’s fresh in my mind, I want to remind myself why this time, my weight loss will be BETTER then last time, and it will be here to stay:

- I’m more active! The jogs, the walks, taking the stairs all the time. I’m deliberately breaking a sweat this time.

- Reducing sugar. DRASTICALLY. I’ve accepted that it makes me blow up, and that I don’t need or want the blood sugar spike. This doesn’t mean never again. But I have secret weapons to help me stay away from the sugar this summer - small Crystal Light slurpees or sugar free skinny Starbucks fraps.

- No more processed carbs. For the time being, at least. Bread and other baked things are too much of a binge temptation, and when I eat them, my intestines hurt and my stomach blows up. Now and again, in moderation and in company (so no binge tempation), I’ll substitute with rice or potatoes.

- No ‘healthy’ binges. Ok fine, maybe. Like an entire bag of cherries or grapes (only if sharing with someone). But what I mean is, no entire bags of trail mix or nuts, etc. I used to do that ALOT. But obviously, the fat, salt and sugar did NOTHING good for me. And I know that if I were to start on something like that while alone, I invariably move on to something worse.

- Responsible drinking. This time around, I won’t use drinking as an excuse to consume regular pop, or a ton of high calorie drinks. I’m sticking to better options, and I’m having a few drinks with water in between. It’s not about the alcohol anymore, but about the company. I’m also working drinks into my calorie count for the day, and working my calories around so that I can fit them in as much as possible. No more 20-some highballs on a girls’ night!

- Healthy vacation. Four weeks to go! This time around, I’m going to use it as an excuse to get MORE active, and I will stick to my healthy eating as much as possible. It’s about the company and getting away - not about pigging out and sitting on my butt. I’m going to come back MORE toned, more tanned, and healthier then ever

* * * *

B: Black coffee, 1 banana, 1 yogurt cup, 1 packet instant oatmeal, 1 apple.

L: Salad with romaine lettuce, tomato, cucumber, olives, two boiled eggs, and a salad Spritzer.

D: I don’t know I am seriously running out of food options, and until I get paid on Thursday, I can’t do much about it. I have $2 left to my name!

I have the hiccups. WTH?

Food for today:

Breakfast - 1 black coffee, 1 banana, 1 apple, 1 instant oatmeal packet, and 1 yogurt cup.

I hate being broke. It is making me feel really insecure about my ability to buy food that will enable me to stay OP, and clothes that will motivate me.

I’m feeling much better today then I did yesterday. I believe that atleast one reason for that is that yesterday was my first day back OP. My body probably had a lot to deal with, with the volume and poor quality of the food that I packed it with the night before. Oh, it feels so good to be OP!

I have half of 2008 left! It’s time to live my life the way that I want it to be:)

I have four weeks until graduation, and just a little more then that until vacation. Yay!!

I’m all about the protein, veggies and fruit. I’m going to start carrying a bag of natural almonds with me to snack on whenever I’m hungry in between meals and snacks. I’m going to avoid all processed products (bread, desserts, etc) and only allow other carbs when I’m eating with someone else and exercising portion control.

Get my butt out and about as much as possible! Jogs, walks, hikes…

Food for today:

1 yogurt cup, 2 apples, 1 banana, 1 Crystal Light slurpee (150ish), 1 carrot, and 1 Tofurkey sausage with salad and Ranch spritzer (300 tops).

I’m doing a little shopping tomorrow to find pretty things to wear. I’m also getting a pedicure. On Tuesday, I’m getting my eyebrows done. Yay for girly things