One day at a time

Well, I have decided after tying to figure out what I could have for breakfast this morning that the Choose To Loose plan just isn’t for me.  I am still going to follow the basic principles - cardio 6 days a week, strength training 3 days, and alternating low and high carb days and low and moderate calorie days.  However, I am not going to be super concerned with the combinations of foods.  For example, today is a high-carb day for me and I was planning on having some whole wheat pasta, with chicken, black beans and tomato sauce.  However, on the plan I am only allowed 1 portion of carbs which would be the pasta, so I couldn’t add the black beans.  Black beans are healthy and filling so it would drive me crazy to know that I couldn’t add them to any pasta dishes, so I have decided to tweak the plan to better suite me.  I feel guilty which is ridiculous, but I can’t help but feel like I can’t stick to anything.   Once again that “all or nothing” voice inside my head is getting to me!
I am going to do a circuit workout in a few minutes, as I have school this afternoon/tonight.  

04/17/12 - Monday
Weight:  Weigh-in on Saturday
Planned calories:
Actual calories:
On plan, (high-carb day):
Exercise:

I haven’t been  here for 3 weeks and yet I see the problems haven’t been fixed yet.  It’s so frustrating to not be able to comment on the blogs.  I wonder what the hold up is?

Anyway, once again I let myself completely go off plan and I feel so disgusted with myself for allowing it to happen.  In three weeks I have gained 6 lbs and I feel horrible.  Enough is enough!  I have finally accepted the fact that I am an emotional eater.  It’s pretty darn obvious, that I eat whenever I am stressed ,and lately I have been feeling that a lot!  I allow myself to take the easy way out instead of digging in and doing the things I know I should be doing.  I know exercise relieves stress and yet it’s easier to just eat than to do any actual work.  Well look where that attitude has got me - fat and unhealthy. 
So, I picked up Chris Powell’s book, Choose To Lose,  and what he wrote made sense to me.  Basically, you have one high carb day followed by a low carb day and 1 free day a week.  I know it’s going to be challenging especially the first few days as I get used to what I can eat.  However, I am determined to follow through this time, as I feel like I am at rock bottom and I am so unhappy with myself.  I hate going out, I hate trying to find clothes that fit me, and I hate feeling so uncomfortable all the time.  I need to get back to the happy and confident person that I used to be.  It’s going to take a lot of hard work and willpower, but I can’t keep taking the easy way out and making excuses.  I need to be in control again!

04/16/12 - Monday
Weight:  211
Planned calories:  1200
Actual calories:  1334
On plan:  Yes, but went over by 134 calories.
Exercise: Stairmaster = 30 mins.

I had a pretty good day.  I stuck to the Choose To Lose plan and it felt really good.  Today, was a low-carb meal day and although I found it a little challenging I don’t think it will be as much of a problem once I get some regular recipes to use.  I did go over with my calories but I am not going to be too concerned by it as it was less than 200 calories.  Again, once I get some regular menus planned out I will be able to make sure that I stick to the allotted calories. 
I had a good workout tonight, but boy can I tell that I have lost some aerobic capacity!  I am so glad that I was able to do 30 minutes even though it almost killed me.

I can’t log into my account again.  I have to go through a link to get to my dashboard.  It’s very frustrating!  I’m not sure if anyone else is having the same problem, but I don’t think it has anything to do with my computer. 
Anyway, I have been doing very well with my eating but I haven’t exercised this week.  I feel overwhelmed with all of the projects that I have coming due for school and I am starting my next practicum this week.  I went shopping today for some new scrubs and it was so depressing.  I am going to feel so self-conscious as I know I look horrible in all of my sets.  The tops actually are not bad but the pants look ridiculous on me.  Why or why did I let myself get this big!  It’s too late now though, so I just have to stay focussed and undo what I have done.  I am going to try really hard to squeeze in a workout tonight, even if it’s just a 30 minute one it’s better than nothing.    I guess my goal for the week should once again be to complete 5 workouts.

03/27/12 - Tuesday
Weight:  DWM
Calorie goal:  1265 + my exercise calories
Actual calories:
Exercise:
Weekly goal progress:

Well, I weighed myself today and I only lost a pound.  I’m not that upset though as I know that I have been on track with both my diet and exercise.  I’m determined to not let myself fall into the trap of thinking what’s the point like I have in the past.  I truly am focussing on how I feel this go around.  Lately, I have been so busy, and the upcoming months are only going to get busier, and yet I am not stressing about it or doing any emotional eating.  This week has taught me that I can always find the time to eat healthy and to fit in a workout, even if it is a short workout.  I have to keep this up or else I will continously stay on this roller-coster of losing and gaining weight.  I’m fed up and sick and tired of doing that and I know I deserve better. 
I don’t know why but I am having nothing but problems updating my exercise log.  I just went to add in today’s workout and when I pressed save the whole month of March was gone, grrr!!!!  I deleted the whole page and I’ll find a better way of posting my workouts.

03/25/12 - Sunday
Weight:  206
Calorie goal:  1265 + 341 (my exercise calories) = 1606
Actual calories: 1518
Exercise:  Stairmaster (30) + abs (8) = 38 mins
Weekly goal progress:  6/7 days = goal met!

I’ve managed to stay on track all week and I am proud of myself.  I feel so much better when I am actually making an effort to lose this weight.  I am sleeping better, and I feel less stressed.  If I workout today, (which I am planning on doing), I will have reached my goal for the week, which was to exercise at least 5 days.  I haven’t weighed myself yet but I will on Sunday.  I really hope that I have lost a couple of pounds, but even if the scale isn’t kind to me I will not give up.  I need to focus on how I am feeling and the weight will eventually come off. 
I just made a pinterest account and I am addicted!  I pinned a whole bunch of motivational sayings regarding fitness and weight loss.  If I can figure out how to post them in my blog, I will add a new one each day. :  5/5 days - met my goal!

03/23/12 - Friday
Weight:  DWM
Calorie goal:  1265 + 340 (exercise calories) = 1605
Actual calories:  1489
Exercise:  Stairmaster (30) + abs (9) = 39 mins.
Weekly goal progress

I am so tired today but I forced myself to do a workout.  I felt a lot better afterwards, but now I am feeling very tired again.  I had a good sleep so I don’t know why I feel so fatigued.  I have school tonight so it’s going to be a struggle to pay attention.  I will be drinking lots of tea! 
So far today I have ate well and I have a healthy dinner and a snack packed for school tonight.  Well I better go get ready even though I REALLY don’t feel like going tonight. 

03/20/12 - Tuesday
Weight: DWM
Planned calories:  1265 + my exercise calories
Actual calories:
Exercise:  Stairmaster, (30) + abs, (6) = 36 mins.
Weekly goal progress:  3/3

Is anyone else having problems logging into their blogs?  Yesterday, I was able to log in no problem and then today I couldn’t log in at all.  Everytime I put in my info, it just brought me back to the log-in page.  I remember having these same problems a while ago, but I thought everything was fixed, but apparently not. 
Anyway, I had a pretty good day today.  I cleaned my house from top to bottom and got rid of a lot of stuff.  On Thursday I am going to tackle the garage!  I haven’t worked out yet, but I am going to as soon as I log off from here.  I am going to do a circuit workout and some floorwork.  I’ve been good with my calories so far, so unless I go on a binge I will be within my calorie goal. 

03/19/12 - Monday
Weight:  DWM
Calorie goal:  1265 + 439, (exercise calories) = 1704
Actual calories:  1618
Exercise:  Firm Total Body Toner, (40) + CF’s Butts & Guts, (floorwork exercises only, 19.5) + abs, (6) = 65.5 mins.
Weekly goal progress:  2/2 days

I weighed myself this morning and I maintained my weight this week.  I’m ok with that as I know I wasn’t completely on plan.  I still have a cold but it’s not that bad of a cold., but it’s sure lingering though! 
I don’t have any company this weekend as they had to cancel their trip due to being sick.  So, I have no excuses why I can’t be on track this week.  My fridge is stocked with healthy foods, and I feel good enough to begin longer workouts again.  This afternoon we are going on a family hike as it is just gorgeous outside.  I love seeing the sun shining as it  puts me in such a good mood :)  The only bad thing for me is that with the warmer weather comes more revealing clothes and I am so not ready for that!  I really got to get my butt in gear because I can’t be hiding under my baggy sweaters and Winter coat for much longer.  Yikes!

03/18/12 - Sunday
Goal for the week:  workout at least 5 days & at least 30 mins a session. If I don’t then I can’t go for coffee/tea with my friends next week.
Weight:  207
Planned calories:  1265 + exercise calories which I am not sure how many I burned.
Actual calories:  1502
Exercise:  1 hour hike + played soccer and basketball for 1 hour.
Weekly goal progress:  1/1 days

I have a cold again, grrr.  This one actually isn’t that bad but it’s sure lingering.  The worst part is at night because I have coughing fits so it’s hard to get a good sleep.
I have been super busy with school but I’ve still managed to do some shorter workouts.  My diet on the other hand hasn’t been that great.  I know it’s because I haven’t been logging my foods the last 4 or so days.  Whenever I keep track I am more conscious of what I am eating, and when I don’t I seem to snack more and those calories add up quickly.  So today I am getting back to logging everything that I eat.  I have more company coming this weekend, (hope my cold is gone by then), so I’ll have to get up early and get my workouts done while they are still sleeping.  I didn’t weigh myself last week but I have a feeling that I am either up a pound or two or I maintained.  I guess I will see on Sunday.

03/15/12 - Thursday
Weight:  DWM
Calorie goal:  1265 + exercise calories
Actual calories:
Exercise:

I have gotten up early everyday this week and completed a workout.  Now, they are short workouts, but it’s what works for me right now with having company at my house.  Usually I would have decided to just go back on plan after they left, but I stopped myself from thinking that way and I am really proud of myself for not allowing myself to do that.  I haven’t been completely on plan eating wise but I have been paying attention to my portions and I have still been logging my foods and tracking my calories.  On Monday I will start doing longer workouts again. 

03/08/12 - Thursday
Weight:  DWM
Planned calories:  1265 + 272, (my exercise calories) = 1537
Actual calories:
Exercise:  The Firm Total Body Toner = 40 mins.
Goal - exercise 5 days this week:  4/4