So, what do you really want to know? My story about how “I was always overweight as a child blahblahblah…” I’m sorry but that’s not me. What is my excuse actually? I don’t know. Years of trying to figure it out and loads spent on therapy and I’m still left wondering.
So, this is me - I’m a 40 year old woman who is not getting any younger. I have a new, fresh Husband (41) who has two little lovelies (a boy and a girl) from his previous relationship, so that makes me Stepmom, aka Bonus Mom or Pinky as the kids like to call me from time to time.
Let’s get to the sob story bit. I wasn’t fat as a kid. There was an event in my life though that drastically changed the way I saw myself. I was 10. I was molested in the park near my house. I believe it was around that time that I actually saw myself as “ugly” and “dirty” and I started to console myself with food. This conveniently coincided around the time when my mother was trying to find a solution to my brother’s weirdness (note: dad was out of the picture, mom was alone with me and my hyperactive brother) so we were not “allowed” things at home like sweets, cakes, candies, white bread, rice, pasta, etc. Oh and dare I mention that mom thought she was fat and started going to Weight Watchers. I learned very quickly what “diet food” was really like. I used to make her tuna sandwiches and cut up her carrots for lunch.
Anyway. I’m over that stuff. It was 30 years ago. At least I recognise and admit that I console myself with food (and drink, but don’t worry I don’t need AA yet) to solve problems, so I’m working on alternate solutions.
Weight Watchers History
1992 - officially joined Weight Watchers, needing to lose 25 - 30 lbs. I did well and so did my mother who joined me for her 3,762nd time. I found it pretty easy to eat well and found loads of time to exercise. Hey, I was 23 years old, I didn’t have as many worries then as I do now. I quit WW after getting married. I never did reach my goal, but I was close.
1994 - weight is gained back and doubled for good measure. The last two years were spent rushing around from work to school and not taking care of myself well. I move to the Netherlands in August.
1996 - I’m maintaining my high weight of 200 lbs. I kick my cheating husband back to the US. I will spend the next three years yo-yo’ing but always come back up to 200 + and I’m miserable. There aren’t a LOT of fat chicks in the Netherlands and the clothing selection painfully proves this.
1999 - I go on holiday to Eilat where I’m shamefully wearing a bikini (!!!) that is too small for me. My top literally bursts off my body whilst on the beach. Yes, I’m now topless in Israel where it’s not really allowed to be topless. I make the decision to go back to Weight Watchers upon my return. It’s September and I’ve just turned 31. I will spend the next 14 months losing 68 lbs and reaching my goal weight of 154 lbs.
2001 - become a lifetime member of WW. Maintain this weight loss until early 2004. In the meantime I’ve gotten married again and shouldn’t have and I’m starting to go down that slippery slope of comfort eating and drinking until I kick lame husband to the curb and then I fall into a deep depression (with losing my job being the pinnacle) and gain more weight.
Since 2005 I have been on and off and on and off and on and off and on and off and on and off. And now I’m on again. It’s 2009. I can’t go off again. It’s not an option anymore.
Leave a reply