I am 42 years old and I’m getting a little panicky about my weight and how nearly impossible it’s been to get it back down to where I want it. I am petite (5′2″) with a small-medium frame so any amount of weight gain just makes me look chunky. I don’t understand how so many people my height and age can stay consistent at about 110 to 115 pounds. I haven’t weighed that little since I was in high school/early college. I would very much like it if my body would finally settle into that weight (between 110 and 115), but I’m not willing to starve myself to get there. But I’m trying to think outside the box because there’s got to be a way to get there without starving.
Anyway, my weight history. When I was first married at age 22, I put on a LOT of weight. About a year and a half later, I was topping the scales at 185 (and I had never been overweight in my life)! So at that time, I started to run for 30 minutes straight (no timing, no distance, just a 30-minute stretch of music on my er…at that time…cassette player). I watched what I ate and I only allowed myself treats on weekends but was very strict about eating during the week. I dropped weight to about 150ish, and there I stalled for quite a bit of time, neither gaining nor losing. About a year later, I kicked things into high gear and started running intensely in the morning and being strict again with my eating and dropped about 10 more pounds. A bout of bad food poisoning dropped me into the mid 130s. I bounced back up to nearly 150 throughout the next few years. My body always seemed to want to hover around 150. And whatever people say about set points? Doesn’t make sense for a small 5′2″ woman to be set to 150! No sense at all. So I know it was careless eating and not really counting all the treats and maybe going overboard on weekends.
So about 10 years ago, I did the Atkins diet for about a month. I was really good about following the rules. I gave in when I was student teaching and the kids had a goodbye party for me and I couldn’t very well reject the treats they had made for me! So I ate treats and felt like I bombed the whole thing. But I had lost those 10 pounds again, so I was back to about 141ish at that time. Even though I stopped doing Atkins, I pretty much maintained the weight loss. I was very active at that time, walking to work and campus (I was getting my teaching degree at the time). I hit a very high stress part of my life for a few months (a wretched roommate situation combined with: applying for jobs, graduating, moving out of state, my husband having been working overseas).
One day I stepped on the scale and it said…125! I had lost 15 pounds without even trying. I looked and felt great (physically). I was wearing a size 4. People said I was tiny and commented on that all the time. I remember that the only reason I had stepped on the scale at that time is that my clothes were falling off me!
For the next five years or so, I hovered in the 129 to 135 range. It was an okay range, in that I did not look or feel overweight, but…I wasn’t completely happy with it either. I really wanted to get to about 115 to 120 and couldn’t seem to get the willpower going. Then I moved overseas with my husband’s job. It seemed like a dream come true, although it was soon to become a nightmare for me. I put on a few more pounds and now I kept hovering around 137 to 139. I felt uncomfortable. I was always on some new eating plan. Not really a diet because I cheated all the time, but I was always aware of being on an eating plan.
That spring, I was the victim of a violent crime. I went back to the States to stay with my parents. My weight fluctuated from losing a few pounds to gaining more. So I jumped up to around 147 at some point.
A friend of mine was unhappy with her weight (and it’s embarrassing because she’s at least 4 inches taller than me and her “high” weight was 131 and she wanted to get to 120). We decided to work together to lose weight. Only problem was, I was staying with my parents where I didn’t have as much control over what I ate as I did when i was on my own. I did run a lot (up to an hour a session on the treadmill), but my weight barely budged. It went down to 143 and there it refused to budge for quite some time. My friend’s weight steadily went down and she reached her goal. This made me frustrated and jealous. Finally my weight did dip briefly down to 137 and then the holidays came along and ruined that.
For a few years, I went up and down between about 135 and 145, mostly hovering around the 137-142 mark.
Then this past summer, I got divorced and ballooned up to about 150 again. I have managed to get myself down to about 141 the last few months. This time I need to stop fooling around and just do it. I’m not getting any younger, and I’d like to feel good about my body again.
Oh, and my stats:
Starting weight: 151.2 (Oct. 22, 2012)
Current weight: 141
Goal weight range: 109-120 (120 being the very highest range like during the holidays or if I have been on vacation for days stuffing my face).