Wow, today was tough. I think I might be being too restrictive. It’s a decision I struggle with. It’s easier to lose weight at home where I have more control over what I eat than on a college dining plan, but on the other hand I wonder what havoc I’m wreaking with my metabolism and today I found myself nearly hungry enough to go off-plan. Right now my plan is to go 1000, 1200, 1500, repeat. Often, though, I overestimate calories to be sure, and I think it’s likely that a 1200 and a 1500 calorie day this week were both actually 800-1000 calorie days. :/
I think the reason I’m having a trouble is a lot because I’m feeling lonely and out of place. Home is not a particularly happy place for me since my mother died and my father remarried. She was always the parent that I really identified with and who seemed to really care about me and push me. I don’t get along that well with my stepfamily, either- they’re all skinny and delicate and athletic and into drinking and some of them seem to have kind of a mean streak. Clearly, these were the popular kids in school, and it makes me ill at ease. And, of course, I’m missing my now long-distance boyfriend. I’ll see him in a month, but it seems like an awfully long time. Also stressing a little about agreeing to go up to my ex-boyfriend’s lake house- it was a break due to distance, not due to lack of affection on either of our parts, but I think the separation was a lot easier on him than it was on me. Good kid, but it still kind of hurts to be around him. Still, his family has really done a lot for me and I’ve spent more time with them than my real family a lot of the time since my mom died, so… I really have to. Also going to be hard on my diet. I’ll check in when the weekends over, but I probably can’t before then.
4 slices turkey – 200 calories
20ish (I’ll admit I lost count a little) pieces pepperoni- 200 calories tops.
5 pickles – 50 calories
String cheese – 50 calories
Chips (indulged a little) – 450 calories
I’m thinking more string cheese to make up the additional 50?
Total: 1000 calories, but 1500 tomorrow. No excuses for less than that. I know it’ll only hurt long-term.
Oh! Happy news! Went fencing tonight (first time in a while) and I don’t have to struggle into my equipment anymore – it’s actually kind of loose! wooooo!