Not a FAT girl forever

The time has now come to DO IT!

Im to scared to blog!!! April 10, 2013

Filed under: Getting Motivated again, normal day to day — tryingbeauty @ 12:06 am

Hello beauties!!!

Ok, so for the past few weeks or so I have been getting like some kind of spam comments on my blog…when I logged in this morning there were 57!!!! YES!!! 57!!

I dont think there are even 57 of us active bloggers at the moment!!!! Everytime I post I get more and more of these shit comments…its like a chatroom on my comments page and it is driving me INSANE!!!!!
I have contacted 3FC regarding this, but NO ONE has replied to me or anything…can anyone here MAYBE help me? Is anyone else also getting this crap??

Ok so that was my moan for the morning….
I went home after work and when I got there I sat on my bed thinking about if I really wanted to put my workout clothes on, and put my DVD on and do some exercise…..the answer was no!!

So then I got to thinking about you guys, and how hard you guys workout, and I thought about these pictures I always put at the bottom of my posts, and I thought to myself… ” You get your big butt up, get on your workout clothes and …DO IT!!!!!”
And so I did…I got dressed, put on my dvd, I got excited and I got to workingout. And I was SO happy I did!!
I felt great afterwards, I realise I then automatically try to make better food choices.

I went to my sister for dinner, and I heard that she was now making some kind of processed meat with her salad, so I decided to buy a grilled hake and not eat the processed meat with my salad.

It feels great to be back on track again….Im loving it……I dont know why I ever fell off….hahahahahaha

Make today a great day ladies!!

 

I have come to realise…. April 8, 2013

Filed under: Getting Motivated again, normal day to day — tryingbeauty @ 11:26 pm

…that i will eat and eat and eat till I am filled to the point of exploding…I do not know why I do this.

I made myself some Thai green chicken curry yesterday and I thought to myself…” oh people who are alone and dont cook for themselves are silly…I got this cooking for one down to a T”  So I had my lunch…..I ate and ate and ate till my food was finished…I was so full and uncomfortable (sick) and then like a half hour after that I was so tired I could barely keep my peepers open even if you paid me to!!!

So i realized that I have a fear of not having enough food… Shit knows why cos im the size of a baby elephant!!
So I eat and eat and eat till there is nothing left to eat and then I feel like crap for eating so much and physically I am drained…..WOW   what an eye opener!!
And the thing is that it is not just that way with lunch…its breakfast and lunch and dinner….i need to feel completely full. someone once blogged about it feeling or simulating a hug…and i must say I kinda agree with that.

So today I will pop out to the shop and get some salad goodies to make a nice salad and some veggies for a veg soup…stupid delicious Thai green curry no more!!!
My sister invited me for a dinner of fish and salad so I am looking forward to that….no cooking for me toninght (booya) but first I will be doing some time in the gym…I LOVE GETTING MY GROOVE BACK!!!

 

Feeling good :-) April 7, 2013

Filed under: Getting Motivated again — tryingbeauty @ 9:41 pm

Ok…So it is Monday morning, I have worked this WHOLE weekend, and I am tired. But last night I felt depressed and down and like life was chasing me….Surely there has got to be more to life than this…The day to day struggle of loosing weight, eating rite, wishing you had money for this or that. Now I am a believer that - you are not allowed to complain if you are not doing anything to fix it… SO today I am feeling positive and good, and I am making better choices….Im feeling motivated. I would even go as far as to say I am feeling happy,…which I have not been in a while…I am normally a happy person…but I have just been down these past few weeks.

Im getting excited again to do the rite things for me and for my future and my health and my happiness.

So I am taking on this monday and the rest of this week with a smile on my face.

 

Making April my bitch April 3, 2013

Filed under: normal day to day — tryingbeauty @ 11:14 pm

Firstly…sorry if I offended anyone with my title.

I have now been carless for 2 weeks and have to sleep at work still cos I stay far from work. This makes it very difficult to work out as there is no DVD machine where I can do some Taebo, I barely packed enough work clothes, so I didnt even think about workout clothes…sooooo my very bad planning in packing my clothes also leads to very bad planning in my meals…I brought food along with me which is healthy, but I end up making bad decisions anyway……I am frustrated and irritated that I want something so bad, but my bad habbits are just in control,…and yes, I do know that I am allowing them….I just dont know how to stop.

Im reading all the Blogs and I find myself so motivated by some and totally agreeing with others about the challenges and feelings of being tired and frustrated and overwhelmed. But then when im feeling all of these things…when I log off I feel lost…I dont know how to do what I need to, then I make a choice to do so good and I start off with a BANG and then it starts going south again… I have had since the beginning of this year to start losing weight…I have lost only 3kg… So now I am highly motivated again (hens the title of this post) and I want to do this (and my freakin time is running out to be skinny for my friends wedding). I suppose the main thing is that I have not given up on this..im still trying to make good choices…even though I fail sometimes….I just need to stay strong.

So in other news…. I went on a date Tuesday evening with the guy mentioned in my previous post (the good one…not the douche bag)…and apparently now I am in a relationship. I say apparently cos its all abit weird still to be in a relationship as it had been like a year since (I have dated someone, and I dont really feel like I am with someone…its odd…i know. But he is a really sweet guy, and he likes me(so he says) and I do like him aswell. He makes me feel beautiful…oh my word im sounding like a school girl!!!
I suppose it will have to be a risk I am taking to see what happens…I am just going to enjoy his company and see what happens.

Have a good one ladies :-)

 

What a weekend!! April 1, 2013

Filed under: normal day to day — tryingbeauty @ 11:37 pm

So it has been the long weekend and it was full of fun and some shitty surprises.

Friday evening I was supposed to be going on a date with the guy I mentioned earlier in a post…this dooshbag had made me feel so good, and made me believe we will be going on the date and he said he will not miss it for anything……I was nervouse because we had a little dis agreement (I think I psoted something about that asweel) and I was scared to say something and then he would be pissed off…..
So I got ready for the date, plucked my eye brows, did my hair and all that stuff we girls do to look al pretty and stuff for the boys we want to meet and possibly date.

My sister had just finished my hair and I got a message from him saying that he was on another date with some other girl, and she is 31 and has a beautiful child and bla bla bla and he is going to give her a chance instead……..I felt such freakin relieve that I didnt have to go out with him anymore…all the sress of saying or doing something wrong was just gone….but I needed to get my say in aswell, so I told him…”really?/ I already did my hair and everything”  his responce ” its going to rain soon…go walk in the rain” and then that was where I decided that this dooch is just a waste of my time…how rude can 1 person be???  regardless…..that poor lady is now stuck with his ugly manners and not me….so im good, and I got to spend my time with people I actually like….my friends!!

Saturday evening we went out…I lost one KG (weighed friday morning) but after we went out…I picked it up again…We were having a HUGE party…one good thing about it…..we were dancing all night…. I did not sit once….but ofcourse we were drinking a few drinks aswell…ok more than a few…. so that is how I picked up that KG agian,and i ate Mc Donalds…… I am not even going to lie to you…It was freaken delisious, but after picking up that kg again and now having to work it off again……that burger tastes like shit!!! My body is still so stiff from dancing for hours and hours, but oh it was SO much fun.

So I also met someone new…who has also lost alot of weight, so he understands my struggles and he is suppoting me and my goals, and is helping me set goals, and I love it!!! It makes it so much easier when someone understands what you are going through.

Im hoping to start posting bigger weight loss numbers and more success and happier posts.
Its April and N need to pull my socks up and get my chubby little legs into a motion and start doing more…..No more time to waste!!

 

Starting not to badly :-) March 26, 2013

Filed under: normal day to day — tryingbeauty @ 3:42 am

Good day ladies!!

Ok so last night I went out with my friends for dinner…I was SO tempted drink a few beers, but I did not…I did have grapetizer though, which was also not the best choice, but no beer, oh and the one drink I did have was 1 caramel Vodka shot…hmmmm yummy!!!

So for my dinner i ordered a staek roll and salad. I ate the steak roll and was really full so I left the salad.
I also had 4 Provitas with Gorganzola (blue cheese) cos I bought it, and i just LOVE blue cheese!!!
Then the boy in my previous post let me know I was not woth his time and energy and he was chatting to 3 other girls and that he will probly end up picking one of them…..I was just like WTF!!! So then i went on abit of a binge and i ate jelly beans and some biltong (its like beef jerky in the USA) and I had a little cry and now im done and over it.

Today started off good aswell. I had my 2 boiled eggs, a kiwi and coffee (no sugar) for breakfast. snack was 4 provitas with blue cheese and lunch was 1 chicken breast stuffed with blue cheese and wrapped with Pancetta. Not THE most healthiest, but no starch and nothing else…oh and I had some green tea…I know I should be drinking water…I just dont want to…  :-(
But I will stop moaning and go get me a bottle of water and drink it..and its little friends aswell.

This week is difficult for workingout as I am not home (im sleeping at work) because my car is in for something or other that is wrong with it ( I work at a guesthouse).  I barely have everything I need here as I just grabbed a bag and threw some stuff in it to hopefully last me till I get my car.

Im glad I didnt give up on this completely. Im happy I came backand started reading the blogs againand started posting in mine again…Giving up is not an option any longer…I want to be happy.

Have a good day my weight loss friends

 

Im BACK!!!! March 25, 2013

Filed under: normal day to day — tryingbeauty @ 12:04 am

Hellloooo all you stunning, wonderful, beautiful ladies!!!

Ok so it has been about 2 weeks since i have been on here…the fist week I was really depressed and down, and I was getting tired and irritaed with myself for always wrighting that im going to gym and im going to eat rite and all of that, so I decided to just stop lying to myself!

The second week I was really busy and when I thought “ok I will pop on and read a few and post on my own blog” the time just ran away with me.

I have missed my blog SO much (HUG) :-)

Well the good news is that I have lost about 1.2KG in those two weeks, which is not alot, but hey, I will put that in my back pocket thank you very much!!

I have also met this awesome guy who is a gym freak and has also lost weight, so he knows what it is about, and he said he is crazy about me (not too sure why) and he will motivate me and help me where ever he can…that is so awesome….now all I need to do is get rid of the crazy thoughts in my head and just get to know this guy! And maybe give him half a chance to get to know me….

Anyways…I went to the Farmers Market aswell last week and I got some nice fresh veggies and nice lean meats….im getting excited again to do this weigth loss thing. I want to look good for this guy, and I want to look awesome for my friends wedding and I want to look good just in my normal day to day and I want to feel awesome…band wagon…I am getting back on you horrible thing and I will stay on and fight if you want to through me off again…Its time now to do this!!! Seriously!!! I need to do this!!

Today I will plan my meals for the rest of the week and stick to my menu so that when people come with other options I already know what I am going to have.

I am going to put my all in this week…which me luck ladies!

 

Not to bad….Not to good either March 9, 2013

Filed under: normal day to day — tryingbeauty @ 12:32 pm

Ok! Enough now!! I have been whining like a little bitch about craving shit like pasta and rice and crap….Im DONE now!!!  No more crap, no more whining, NOW I need to shut my trap and do the rite things for me to loose weight!!!  I am now sick of myself!

I got up this morning and hopped on the scale…It said I was one KG up……So I was just like…”WHAT EVER”
I went to go do some washing and I felt I had to go for my morning ummmmm toilet session….hopped on the scale after…I was down that 1KG….BUT my dear friends…I am still at a massive 148.8KG…..Honestly now…I am irritating myself, cos I am forever complaining about my huge ass, I am forever moaning that I want to look pretty and be fit and everything, but I stuff my face with loads of Pasta and crap….Im angry…Angry that I am allowing myself to still be this person which I dislike so much, and I am not doing anything to change it….I always say….”you are not allowed to complain if you are not doing anything to change it” So im a hypocrite!!! And I now need to make this change and freakin stick with it!!

So now follows the reason for my frantic state of mind…..We went for that dress fitting today……… I have never met the other Bridesmaids except for one, and I felt abit out of place as they all know each other, but I was ok, and I interacted and was friendly like a good friend “fellow bridesmaid”
SO everyone was fitting on dresses and trying some styles (one by one) as the rest watched…. One of the other girls is also abit bigger, but I am most definitely the biggest. How do I know this??? They took everyones measurements and with all of the other bitches having HUGE boobs - D cup, DD cup- and me having ummmm what ever these things on my chest want to be - barely B cup- my measurement was the highest out of everyones…and ofcourse the lady that helped us said “oh…She is the winner” I thought I was going to spit her eye out!!   So me trying to deflect this comment just made a joke and said  ” Ya cos its fat my friend….hahahahahahaha” but inside I was like…really…really…. I felt stupid and humiliated and out of place and just like rubbish…. I need to loose this weight…I MUST loose this weight….I am done being unhappy and looking for excuses….I am just done!

This week I am putting in everything I have! Im going to work twice as hard, eat 100% rite, and I am going to start doing this now…no more games!  No more saying things and then not doing them NOTHING!  Just honest hard work and commitment!!!

LETS DO THIS!!!

 

Really? March 8, 2013

Filed under: Getting Motivated again, normal day to day — tryingbeauty @ 1:47 am

OK…can someone please just SLAP me…seriously…someone just slap the shit out of me!!!

I was doing my post yesterday, and I was amped and I was going to do it(gym) and then I went home, and I thought .”ok let me take a 15min snooz and then gym” I slept from 5pm till 6:30pm…an hour and a half!!! Why am I so tired that I want to sleep 5 in the afternoon??

So needless to say I did not work out, cos by that time I had not even thought about cooking dinner, so I got my lazy ass up and i made myself some veggies and chicken(bonelss, skinless) and that was dinner. Then my friend who moved also said that she is packing everything away and was wondering if I could help her, and ofcourse me being the “good friend” I ate my dinner and went to go help her…we did pack and fold and move and everything for like 2 hours, so there as a little bit of a sweat going on (its summer in South Africa = its hot) and i eventually left her place at 22:30 and went home and slept like a baby (luckily i took a bath before I went there)

I need to get my act together now!  Time is running out, and im still not even 10KG down.. :-O
We are going for that dress fitting tomorrow…(Bride to be is driving with me. Im so glad im her go to girl :-) )
Let me tell you…I am NOT looking forward to it, but I will suck up my selfish insecurities and do it for her.
I am already in my head seeing that the dress is not going to fit me, and the other girls are going to have no problems with their dresses, but they will need like 10meters of extra material for my dress, oh my GOSH!!!

OK calm down……breeeeaaaattttthhh……….. Maybe tomorrow might just be the kick I need to get my ever expanding rear into gear and just focus and DO IT!!! MAybe it will be my wake up call?? If not anything else atleast that…at the very least…

I hope all you beauties have a fantastic weekend…I will pop in sometime over the weekend to catch up and see what is news. Stay strong ladies… :-)

 

 

 

What is wrong with me? March 7, 2013

Filed under: normal day to day — tryingbeauty @ 3:29 am

Welll hello there my fellow Bloggers / Weight fighters :-)

Oh my goodness me!!  I feel like I am slipping off the wagon abit more each day…My periods are done, im feeling ok, so I do NOT know what is wrong with me!!

I am eating bread, and rice and pasta and all the JUNK that I should not be eating… and then I get pissed off with myself for eating them, and when im lying in my bed I am SUPER motivated and think that tomorrow I will not eat those things and I will gym extra hard, but when I wake up in the morning im just like….Oh great… another day to look at what you eat, work up the enthusiasm to work out, but dont get me wrong…I am loving the work outs and I am really putting in effort, but oh gosh…to get there…. I know I need to focus…but can someone point me in the rite direction…  :-) I have a motive for wanting to lose this weight, but it just seems like I am not getting there….Is my motives not good or big or strong enough??
I want to look pretty in those damn wedding pictures man! I want to feel good! I want to be confident!!!!!

So this past week ( since monday) I have done some Taebo for 30 mins every evening..Tuesday evening I wanted to do some cardio in the gym aswell but my gym buddie was in a hurry, so I ended up not doing anything else. Although I did notice that when she is there I do seem to work out harder to try and out do her….a little compitition was never a bad thing.

Last night though (wednesday) I didnt do any kind of excersice. She didnt come to my house, and me having dinner at my moms was an easy excuse not to gym…I know.. That was a shit of an excuse, but I used it… I was EXHAUSTED when I got home and fell asleep on my bed at like 7pm, and if I didnt get a message I would not have woken up. So I eventually got in bed at about 9pm tired as a dog, and I slept very very well, but when I woke up this morning I was still so tired.

So with me being tired and all and my gym buddy cancelling on my cos she has the shits, I decided that I dont need her to work out, it just makes it more fun when she is there, but I will workout tonight regardless. I will have my fat ass infront of Mr Billy Blanks and I will sweat like a pig, and then I will do some squats.

I have also noticed that alot of you ladies set mini goals for yourself…me?? I just carry on…just what ever happens is my attitude…and I think I should start setting some small realistic goals for myself, and start working toward them. Tell me what you think? Do these mini goals work for you?

Oh and it also seem to me like everyone is doing SO much regarding working out and i am not doing alot at all…. Some people are running, and doing yoga and this and that all in one go…HOW!
Am I just a big lazy ass??

I love these pictures, so I try to put a few on with every other blog, they inspire me a little…SOOOOOO:

 

 

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