By far falling off hurts a lot. Your pride and your willpower go out the window and you can’t help but give up. That’s what happened to me the last couple of days, but at least I can be honest with myself and realize I wasn’t eating right. Sure, I wasn’t eating a overload of food but I certainly wasn’t eating the right foods. I think this whole new diet plan was just a bad idea in the first place so when I started eating bread again it all went down hill. I began to eat badly again and get the munchies like crazy just because of bread. And I explained how it is an ultimate comfort food but even if I knock it out completely I turn into an utter nutcase.
It all started when my boyfriend bought me out to dinner. Like an idea he bought me to a GRILL place. There were no salads and all I could possible get were burgers or fatty steaks. I was about to stab him and because we were with his dad and his family friend I had to keep my cool but I wasn’t at all happy. After we left I had a fit and finally went off on him. He doesn’t understand me when I say diet and just because I could have steak that didn’t help when I had them all eating bread from a bread bowl and the bread bowl was sitting right in front of me. I bugged out.
It was then I realized I needed to keep bread in my diet because I had just been getting crazy. Three days after that though I got furious with someone because they completely disrespected me and my feelings. As soon as that happened I went on a wild rampage of eating. I went and got chocolate bars from 7 eleven and I went and ate terrible things the next day after. I really can’t seem to keep my head level no matter what I do and exercise never happens because I don’t have a place to do it until about 10 pm at night.
I’m really bugging out a lot. It isn’t fair. I can’t stand this diet because it takes forever and I’m an emotional wreck all the time recently. I’m trying to keep my head up but in no time it’s back down.
Why do I have to deal with being fat? I’m a good person but. . . I realized if I never was fat, I wouldn’t know how to be a good person. Being teased and bullied in my younger years caused me to look for genuine people in my life (though some still absolutely suck). I realized that though I hate my fat, I need to learn to love it and I’m trying to for all the things it helped teach me.
This is such a hard journey.
But I want to make it through.
So i’m getting back on the wagon today, no worries. And I’ll do my best not to fall off again.
Thanks to wanttoloseitall, RolyPolyPrincess, narnia99, susana, and 1ladiesjournal for commenting on my blogs. Please keep being so supportive and post up a url to your blog so I can find you too (if you haven’t already)! Bye now.
P.S. no Thursday weigh-in this week.