A fat girl’s quest to freedom

Mentality

I had promised myself that I would do more in 2014. I don’t just mean activity, I mean living. Getting out there and really experiencing life. I don’t know when I became a hermit but I have become this woman that sits at home 90% of the time. I am sick of that woman. I want to be the woman that is out enjoying life. My major roadblock is my weight…I don’t like the way I look. I found some initiative and decided to eat healthier and started doing some activity. When I was invited to participate in a race with my company, I decided to go for it after second guessing my first instinct to say no. I even took the plunge and registered before I could change my mind.

After finally registering for my race, I started to panic. This is a race….with people. They are going to see if I fail or succeed. I will be out there…in front of hundreds. What the hell was I thinking?!! This would be when the eating would start…except this time I went on a hike. Yes…I hike. Instead of crawling into my cave with a pizza I went to Land’s End and walked….everywhere. Being near the ocean has always been cathartic for me. When I’m looking at the ocean I can’t help but notice how vast and endless it is. Whatever problems I have just don’t measure up. I walked until I had calmed down and could think rationally. It wasn’t until later that I realized that I had broken a habit that I thought I would never break…emotional eating. I know I have a long way to go but it makes me feel more positive about journey and finally making it to the end.

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