A fat girl’s quest to freedom

Wow…it’s been 3 weeks!

I was looking at the calendar this week and I realized that it had been three weeks since I started my quest. I feel like I have made so many positive steps to a healthier me. I joined a gym recently and I have been working out 3-4 days a week for at least an hour a day. It’s strange…it’s like I’m two different people…the Tenisha before the quest and the Tenisha now. A month ago I would have collasped in laughter if someone told me that I would be going to the gym regularly and liking it. I was always trying to find a program that would allow me to exercise at the bare minimum because working out hurt. It was so obvious to me that I was too big to work out and I needed to lose another 50 lbs before I could really exercise. I had convinced myself that steady paced walking were the only exercises that I could do. I was blatantly lying to myself. My first realization was doing Jillian Michaels…and finishing it! After my third or fourth time, I realized that exercising is supposed to be hard! If exercise was easy no one would be overweight.  There were also the “Moments”. Those helped me make better eating choices throughout the day. After all the sweat and tears that went into those workouts I was NOT going to erase it all by eating horribly. I also found that I love that sore feeling after working out…it meant that I did my job for that day. It’s amazing how much we lie to ourselves and make excuses for our bad habits. I had myself convinced that I was weak and couldn’t do all those hard exercises because I was too big! I watched biggest loser and I saw the people that weighed 300-450lbs doing it. I could do it too. I don’t have any existing injuries and I am pretty active anyway because I walk everywhere. Luckily for me, I have a friend who wants to lose weight and I tagged along when she signed up at the gym. She gave me a 15 day pass and once we worked out I think I was hooked. Now we go all the time and I push myself whenever I feel tired or I tell myself that I can’t do anymore…and then I do more. There are some days when I’m amazed at how strong I am and I know that I’m getting stronger with each workout. I take my steps day by day. I have a long term goal, but I don’t focus on that. I look at it day by day because I know that I can eat right and exercise for one day..and the next day I do it again. It cuts down on my issues with self-sabotage. I know that each day that I’m changing, not just physically, but mentally as well. Even when I don’t eat as healthy as I should, I’m mentally strong enough now to know that it is one meal and one meal doesn’t ruin the whole day and then I eat healthy for the rest of the day. I don’t struggle like I used to with food cravings. I used to love wing stop and I would eat it alot. I found out two weeks ago that they opened a new one a block from my house. Ironic, right? Well the funny thing is that I’m not tempted..at all. I just remeber how I felt after I ate there…slightly nauseous, my heart racing and I would be breathing hard. It’s so scary now that I realize how much damage I was doing to my body. But you know what is so amazing to me out of everything…is that all these relevations have come in three short weeks. I have learned so much about myself, things I already thought I knew have changed. I look forward to the rest of my journey.

P.S.- I’ve also lost 18lbs! Yay me,lol ;-)

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