That’s right. Not a darn thing.

I sat here in the living room on my laptop, surfing the web and watching bad TV. I still ate in my guidelines(which doesn’t take much, since for now I’m just working on eating less of the bad stuff), but I was really quite a lump. And you know what?

I hated it. :O

I absolutely felt pathetic for not going to the gym, or moving really… At all.

So come 2AM when everyone in my house was asleep, I busted out the WiiFit for a 20 minute feel-better-about-myself workout. It was great, and even though it was only 20 minutes instead of the usual 30 I would do on the WiiFit, I feel LOADS better since I did it.

My revelation, chicks, is that I actually felt bad for not exercising! It was wonderful! Magical! Spectacular spectacular! I’ve never, ever, EVER in my entire history of dieting had this happen! Not that I can remember, anyway, and right now that’s all that matters! I’m so, so excited. I feel like this is proof that I’m really successfully changing my whole LIFE!

I spent my independence day with my sister and her boyfriend’s family, since my mom was off celebrating with friends of her own, and my fake(step just has such a bad connotation!) dad… Well, he sat at home alone as far as I know, so I kinda feel bad, but… What can you do. It was an enjoyable day, overall, although one or two of the younger kids kinda got on my nerves. Really it was just the eleven year old, but… No point focusing on that! All minor annoyances aside, the day was absolutely a good one.

My eating habits weren’t quite on track, which is about as much as I expected from myself. Maybe by assuming that I was setting myself up not to do well, but… Eh. I know me, and I know holidays. I could have been a lot worse, though. I had a bowl of cereal when I got up in the afternoon, snacked on some chips at the party(though not nearly as much as I could have), had one cheeseburger, and two hot dogs. If that were all I had, I really wouldn’t feel that bad, but then there was cake and ice cream because we were also celebrating a birthday. The cake wasn’t really too bad, I don’t think, since a lot of the mass was cool whip. I did go back for a bit more ice cream, though, which I had to scold myself for mentally as I was doing it. As far as my drinking habits I was quite proud of myself, though. I only had one can of soda the whole day, which was a generic lemon-lime… I also had one can of lemonade, and a bottle of water. Not too bad, considering all of the sodas at my disposal. I forgot to mention I also had a Capri Sun, because I was having a moment to revert to my childhood. It made me smile.

I suppose my day really could have been much worse in a lot of ways… Especially if I actually liked things like condiments and potato salad! I also got out there and was playing some silly badminton with the kids and my sister, though there wasn’t a whole lot involved in that since most of the time was spent trying to even serve the birdie! Ah, well. It was fun all the same!

I spent a good hour at the gym yesterday(the 3rd) with Kevin. We got there exactly and hour before they closed, and I’m pleased to say that i was working right up until(and about a minute past!) they announced they were closed. 20 minutes on a bike, once again on a random course, 10 minutes on a treadmill, where I made an effort at running… Which admittedly didn’t go over that well because my legs were SUPER sore, but at least I tried. And finally 30 minutes on the elliptical, which is where I was for the minute or so after the, “we’re closed” announcement come on. I wanted to make it an actual 30 minutes, dangit!!!

Even with the less-than-perfect holiday eating, I’m still feeling really good and like I’m staying on track well. I love the sense of accomplishment I get from the gym, and I’m really not feeling like I’m missing anything from eating less. The scale this morning said 235, which I was happy for. It’s all about little steps, right? I actually developed six goals for myself along the way to 175, which I think will be good for me. Having milestones set helps make the big picture less scary, so here they are!

Goal 1: 230LBS(10 lbs lost)
Goal 2: 214LBS(26 lbs lost, and an “overweight” BMI)
Goal 3: 199LBS(41 lbs lost, and ONEderland!!!)
Goal 4: 190LBS(50 lbs lost)
Goal 5: 180LBS(60 lbs lost)
Goal 6: 175LBS(65 lbs lost, and a NORMAL BMI!!!)

And there you have it! I had originally set goal 2 as 215, so it would go easily by 15 lbs/goal more or less, but I was checking out the BMI info and by setting it to 214, I was just barely into the realm of no longer being considered “obese,” so I went ahead and adjusted. 175 is close to the edge of what’s considered a “normal” BMI, but I was really never all that concerned with it anyway. I’m more interested in how I feel personally than a height/weight ratio that supposedly knows how much I should weigh. According to BMI, I could weigh 135lbs and be a “normal” BMI. It is the extreme low end, barely above what would be considered underweight, but the fact is that I don’t think I should EVER weigh that little. I’d preffer to be smaller than I am, for sure, but I don’t want people to be able to see through me either! So being at the high end of “normal” doesn’t bother me at all. I just think 175 would be an amazing weight for me in several different ways, so that’s what I’m shooting for. Hooray for the journey that’s going to get me there!

Monday and Tuesday night both involved WiiFit, and I was particularly proud of myself on Tuesday night for completing the “Island Lap” run, in addition to 20 minutes of aerobics and a different 4-minute run. My running total came to 15 minutes that night and I felt GREAT! Exhausted, for sure, but great!

Wednesday was an iteresting day for me, in regards to excercise. I got online during the day and I was talking to my ex, because he’s big on fitness and all that. He works at the gym selling memberships, for goodness sake! Anyway, I told him that I was starting to work on being healthier and all that, and he offered to go to the gym with me that evening. I’d been planning on that day being my off day, but I decided to go to the gym anyway. So we went, and I have to say… My ex is the BEST exercise motivator I have EVER had. He’s not afraid to challenge me, which he proved when he bet me I COULDN’T do 30 minutes on a bike after the 25 I’d spent on an elliptical. You can bet I did it, though! On top of that hour on the machines, I left him to do his weight training and I swam 10 laps(20 lengths) in the pool. Once that was done I relaxed a bit and sat in the spa, then the sauna for a while. It was AWESOME. My legs were definitely not happy with me, and they’re still feeling it a bit right now, but they’re just going to have to get used to it because the exercise is here to stay.

It seems weird to a lot of people that I would go work out with my ex, but Kevin really is a huge supporter for me right now, particularly since I haven’t bothered to inform most people that I’m trying to change for the better. He knows how I’ve tried and failed in the past, because he was dating me through a lot of those trials. I’ve actually given him free reign to call me out if he notices me slipping up, because it doesn’t really matter if I get mad at him, not like it matters when I get mad at my mom for sayin the exact same things. He’s a huge help for me, and I definitely plan on keeping him as a work out buddy, for sure!

 I talked to my step dad last night about it, and he’s completely supportive as usual, willing to get me anything I need for my journey. Now, there are things I’d like to have, but I would much rather work with the resources already available to me before i go spending other people’s money. I have the WiiFit and the gym at my disposal, for now that should be more than sufficient! Once I’ve stuck it out a while, I really want to get EASA(EA Sports Active), because it looks like it would be a little more of a workout than WiiFit. That, and having variety will definitely help me stay on track, at least that’s what I’m hoping!

I’ve been working on eating less, because rightn ow I’m honestly trying to focus more on getting into an excercise groove before I tackle the food thing. I’ve been having a chat with myself off and on today in my head about dropping soda, since I don’t drink much of it right now anyway, and I know it’s not helping anything. In that same chat with myself I’ve been thinking I should go back to drinking the reccomended 64oz of water each day. I was doing that back when I lost 17 pounds, and I think that was a great personal thing for me to do each day for a lot of different reasons. Right now I don’t drink nearly enough water… And I think I need to fix that.

All in all, the last few days have really opened my eyes quite a bit, and I’m welcoming everything I’ve seen. I have the best support EVER from an unlikely source, I have goals I’ve set for myself that I’m going to work on, and most importantly… I’m feeling like this is really, actually going to happen. And I cannot WAIT!

Okay, so here’s the deal. Last night I was doing some thinking, and talking to my ex, and generally contemplating the choices I’ve made for… Well, EVER. I was thinking about all the times I’ve tried to lose weight, for this reason or that reason, to no avail. I think if you look into it, this is my third or fourth go around here on 3FC. At least when I decide I wanna lose weight, I know I like you guys!

Long story short(kind of), I ended up getting off my butt at 2AM last night and played on our Wii Fit for 26 minutes. It’s a relatively short amount of time, I know, but I figure that this is probably best done in smaller steps, rather than trying to shove myself in all at once. I mean, I AM trying to change my life, here!

That’s probably the biggest realization I made last night - If I’m going to lose the 50-60 pounds I need to lose, I really am going to have to change my life in that forever and ever sort of way, not the, “such-and-such event is coming so I wanna look good!” approach that I usually take. In my experience(and I’ve had more than I care to think about, considering I’m only 18), losing weight goes the best when I really feel committed to it, and usually when I decide to do it in a spur-of-the-moment sort of way. My last even remotely successful attempt was a year or two ago, and I lost seventeen pounds. Yes please!

So here I am again, 3FC, ready to get myself into this lifestyle change. I know better than to think it’s gonna be easy, but I really want to make this happen this time. I really, really do. My mom had gastric bypass just a little over a year ago, and she looks fantastic. She just had her first round of plastic surgery, and I swear I have NEVER seen someone enjoy shopping the way she does. Ever. I want that SO badly, I can’t begin to explain it. I don’t even remember the last time I really ENJOYED shopping. Oh wait, yes I can. it was back when I lost that seventeen pounds I was talking about!

Here’s the thing about my weight loss right now: I refuse to make it very public knowledge. What I’m really saying here is that you guys are the first to even know I’m on this particular rampage, and I intend to keep it that way for now. I usually go more public with my weight loss, but to be honest I don’t think that’s much of a good thing. Other people are paying attention to what I’m doing then, and it gives me an uncomfortable sensation of pressure to do well, and then I fail. I don’t want all eyes on me this time, so I’m keeping this on the low down. I busted out the Wii Fit again at about 3:30 tonight, and played for 36 minutes - if you wanna call what I did playing, anyway. Those runs can be brutal! But I made myself do it, and I feel SO good. I know that the weird morning hours aren’t really the best of options for exercising, but between the fact that nobody else in my house is up at that time, and it isn’t crazy hot at that time… It’s just what happens to work for the moment. I’ll find a better schedule eventually. I promise!

Now that I’ve written an entire novel to you guys, I think I’m going to STOP. Considering it’s 4AM and I’m supposed to go up and journal before I sleep… I should get going on that. This post is getting copied into a blog, because I need to have it to help me remember how good this feels when I’m struggling later! Thanks for letting me ramble, everyone! Happy weight loss to you! :hug: