I’ve got willpower Yes I do.. I’ve got willpower How Bout YOU! Let’s see.. today is Friday. And Friday at my place of work means Donuts & Bagels in the break room for breakfast, Chinese Food being ordered for lunch, and almost every other week some sort or birthday party, going away party, lets eat cake party going on. I just started this job a few weeks ago, so as the new kid on the block trying to fit in, it’s soooo hard to turn down the cake the sweet lady two cubical rows over made and brought in. BUT I HAVE TO! I know if I give in and have even one brownie at work, my day is shot, my week is shot, my diet is shot.
Some people can cheat just a little bit and be fine. NOT ME! I can’t have just 1/4 of a brownie and be ok with just having that. I want the whole damn pan and wash it down with a tall glass of milk. Ok maybe I’m exaggerating just a bit, but you get the picture. I want the corner piece of cake with the extra icing. So instead I don’t allow myself to have it… at work especially. Now you might be thinking, but if you deprive yourself you’ll want it more, or that isn’t a true way of lifestyle change. No that’s not true. If I limit myself in one area (work in this case) then I’m in control of one more area in my life.
Now don’t get me wrong I allow myself to “cheat” every now and then. Take last night for instance. My parents ordered pizza, not on my diet, but I made it work. Instead of eating 4 slices of extra pepperoni with thick crust, I ate two slices of thin crust ham and mushroom. And I avoided the heavenly garlic butter sauce I normally dip my pizza crust in, because there was no crust to dip. So what if I ate 700 calories for dinner instead of 400, I am ok with it because I controlled myself in other areas. I went to the gym and I didn’t eat anything “bad” the rest of the day.
So yes once again today I had to politely say no thank you to the “fruit” pie, rice crispy treats, cookies, donuts, bagels, chinese food, cake, and god knows what else was in that room. I wouldn’t know for sure because I didn’t even go in to look. WILLPOWER…. I’ve got it damn it!
Skinny B!tch… now what does that mean to me? It means I’ve been called a B!tch plenty in my life, but never recall being called Skinny. Actually I’m not a b!tch in real life I just play one on tv. Occasionally when I’m standing up for what I feel is right, or see someone doing something stupid the b!tch in me comes out. When people first meet me, they might say I’m quiet. My friends would say they are wrong. I’m not quiet, I’m just assessing the situation and figuring out if you can be trusted. I have a ton of what I would call acquaintances, and only a handful of true friends. You know the people you call to come pick you up at 4 am to take you to the airport, or the people who laugh at you when you fall down the driveway, but are there to pick you up at the same time. Or that one special person, that can tell me I’m fat and get away with it….. because she was right, and we’ve been friends for twenty years.
This is my first official blog, so I’m a newbie forgive me. I’ve been dieting what seems like my whole life. In high school I wasn’t really overweight but I wasn’t as skinny as all the other girls either. I’ve always had a spare tire, but never a tracker tire. So far in my lifetime I’ve only ever needed to loose more than maybe 20 lbs twice. The first was after I decided to divorce my first husband, I got up to 187lbs and was miserable. The divorce diet was easy. I had just had a breast reduction and decided I didn’t want to be single, fat, and have little boobs. So I lost the weight in 8 short months, and got down to 150 – 155 lbs. Which still isn’t Skinny, but I don’t consider it fat either.
The second time (now) was after having my son. During my pregnancy I ate for two on a daily basis and allowed myself to gain 51lbs. I was overweight to start with (160 lbs) and ballooned up to a whopping 211 the day I delivered. For a girl that’s 5’3” that’s enormous. Forgive me if I have offend anyone 5’3” and 211lbs but that’s enormous! At first that “baby weight” came off as it should, but around August I was still hovering at 189lbs, and not loosing any more weight actively. Mind you my son was 7 months old at that time. So at a friends wedding, my best friend in the whole world, told me I was fat. Now before you go thinking that’s cruel, let me explain. I NEEDED IT! I needed that friend to step up and open my eyes to that fact that I was not happy with myself and I was letting the excuse of “just having a baby” be the way out. She is the only person in my world that could say that to me and not get hit in the face. She herself had just lost 20 lbs, and she was willing to help me get on track.
So I started strong that next week and continued through the holidays. I got myself back down to 160 before Christmas and managed to maintain through New Years. Come May I was still hovering between 155- 160, then my Grandpa died. I gained somewhere around 8 lbs. So now I’m back on the bandwagon…. And my goal…. To be a Skinny B!tch!
I want people who read this blog to hold me accountable. I want to get down to 135lbs, that’s my goal weight. Why 135 lbs? Because then I won’t be considered fat on even the doctors charts. And the only people who say those charts are outdated are the people who don’t want to believe them. People like me. I understand that the average American woman is a size 12, that’s all fine well and good but I don’t want to be average anymore. I don’t want to have a spare tire, even a baby stroller tire. I want to be a skinny b!tch and for the first time in my life wear a bikini and not worry about my stomach. Yes a bikini, not a tankini. Now I don’t know if that will ever happen because of stretch marks, but I want to be able to wear one if I choose too. There’s I’ve said my piece… for starters anyway. Check back for updates, and if I don’t update, someone please hit me upside the head. …. Thanks!