The quest for happy imperfection…

Well, weekends are the worst but I made it out alive. Here’s the down-low:

Friday: First things first- I made it through the bakery! I walked over to the amazingly delicious artisan bakery next door with a coworker and managed to walk out empty handed. Considering pastries are my biggest weakness, I think we can call that a slam dunk. After that, we had a meeting and teambuilding that took half the day. I didn’t really plan well, but it came out alright. I didn’t eat many calories with breakfast or snacks and so I left a good amount of room for meeting food. (1/2 ciabatta sandwich, bag of chips, cookie. Should have had some of the fruit). For dinner, DH and I headed off the hill and had Chili’s. First victory- passed on the appetizers, even the extra yummy queso dip, and had a side salad instead. Next victory- ordered a grilled chicken sandwich with the honey mustard on the side and broccoli instead of fries. (DH was shocked… I’m a total hussy for fries with ranch dressing!) Also managed to avoid dessert. So, I was pretty proud of myself. Unfortunately, that ended later on when I looked up the calories to find that the sandwich was 840 calories! EIGHT HUNDRED AND FORTY. D’oh! Guess it goes to show that things that sound healthy aren’t always- it pays to look ahead!

Saturday: Slept in, yay! DH and I took Miss Lucy on an hour long walk, then grabbed some lunch (unfortunately, McDonalds…ugh) and went over to the Homecoming game (some of our kids were playing). We didn’t get much else done, but went out again (AHHH! I’m driving myself crazy with this!) to a salad bar buffet. Unfortunately, I went wayyy over, further proof that buffets are directly from Satan.

Sunday- relatively uneventful, except that we ate out AGAIN- this time at Panda Express, where I unfortunately consumed close to 1000 calories. Bummer. Once again, need to plan these things out better.

Overall, my daily net calorie average for the week was right around 1575. (Under by 105/day)

So, this morning I weighed in at 207. But, I refuse to accept that weight. J I’ve been weighing in at 205.5 every other day, and I only went over by 150 calories yesterday, so I know it’s just water weight from the quasi Chinese food. So, I’ll use tomorrow’s weight instead.

Got back on track today.  I didn’t manage to get all my meals packed for today, but I still managed to stay on track. Didn’t get up early, but got in my water and a good walk for Lucy. I’ve slowly been expanding our walk time, and tonight came in at 30 minutes. (Would have been longer but said water began to torture my bladder). Managed to bake another batch of muffins, added pumpkin, more zucchini, and shredded carrots to last week’s recipe while cutting out some sugar. Final result? 66 calories, 2.6 grams fiber, and 3.84 grams protein. (Recipe to follow). So far. So good.

This week’s goals:

1. Get up 15 minutes early. It’s a repeat, but I really need to get this one to stick.
2. Take a daily multi. They may make your pee bright yellow, but they are good for you!
3. Have a serving of vegetables with each meal.
4. Stretch for 5 minutes each day.
5. Up Lucy’s walks to 30 minutes each day.

Alright, that was a little overly dramatic. But, I am, currently, at the point of the week that provides the most temptation of all- late night after youth group. Usually there’s some stress (tonight isn’t really any different) for whatever reason, I’m always hungry, and usually weak to the Siren Song of The Bell. But not tonight. I’ll admit it, the craving is strong, but there are things I want more. Like shedding my fat suit (I’ve got sweaters, I don’t need the insulation!) and developing a healthy relationship with food. (Hi food, I’m Jessica. Can we be friends?)

On top of that, I fought off my nemesis today. Have I mentioned that I work next to an artisan french bakery? That makes delectable slices of heaven that make me weak in the knees? Or the almond croissant that acts as my diet kryptonite? Today, my coworker from the other office was up, and she asked if I wanted anything. (Normally we wal over together on Wednesdays and grab a lil sumpin’ sumpin’) I said no. I didn’t even want it. For once, I was SATISFIED with what I had. And I think that, in the end, thats what this whole journey boils down to. (in more ways than I can count)

When all is said and done, today was pretty good.  I didn’t wake up early (operator error with the alarm clock. will improve or else face floggings) but a strange thing did happen- I woke up hungry. Not actually when I got out of bed, but at 815 (I usually eat my first part of breakfast at 930 or so) What is that about? It’s a good thing, but still. Waking my metabolism could be like waking a sleeping giant. Or, it could just be waking my metabolism. Whatever.

I also didn’t manage to get Lucy on her walk. I know, I’m horrible. But, we split youth group for the first time so now I have to be at the church before 6, instead of before 7. (jr high is now from 6 to 7 and highschool is from 730 to 830) And, since I had to play chauffeur as well, I had to leave the house at 535. 35 minutes is just not enough time to get a walk in, eat dinner, change, and go.

I did though, fall prey to the dark side. Kind of.  Because it was the first night of the split, and the fact that we had some people protesting the split (primarily the middle school girls who forced the split by hitting on highschool boys) we had a really small middle school youth group. So we went over to McDonalds and had icecream cones.  I must admit, it was actually quite a dilemma. I didn’t really want the cone, was feeling good about my eating on plan, and had no idea how many calories were lurking in said cone. In the end, I gave in and had one. Why? Because I don’t feel comfortable “dieting” in front of middle school girls. Since they don’t see me enough on a day to day basis to see what I eat (and that I splurge!) I don’t want them to get the impression that you have to forgo icecream to lose weight or be healthy. And most importantly, I didn’t want want to make any of them feel self conscious about eating icecream either. So, I ate the cone. It wasn’t originally on the plan, but it was good. (PS- It turns out the cone and its contents are only 150 calories)

I’m still absolutely flabbergasted by how many calories it takes me to be full. Or should I say doesn’t take.  I’ve decided that I need to come up with a way of adding more calories to my days, because even with my icecream cone, and some popcorn (yum!), and the apple pie filling apples I had for dessert after lunch (double serving), my day has topped out at 1383 calories. Being under is fine as long as I go over some too, but not every day. So, off to make myself eat more. (HA!) I think I’ll add a piece of fruit, and make my eggs three eggs scrambled instead of 2 whites and one whole. Huge changes? Nope. But they’ll help even it out. Maybe a few more crackers to go with my tuna snack, make my next batch of muffins with nuts and some more fiber… we’ll see.

Overall, I’m feeling damn skippy. I didn’t come through with all of my goals (I haven’t finished my water for the day either and its almost 11) but I’m not upset. I want to prompt change, and I am. Who cares if I miss one here or there? Once again, this is just a quest for happy imperfection…

This just in- weighed in at 206 this morning. That would be, that’s right, 2.5 pounds down from yesterday. Is it water weight? Yup. But hey, if I can whine about it’s arrival I can certainly celebrate its departure.

So today was a five out of five day. I got up early, I followed a meal plan, I tracked my food, drank my water, and Lucy and I actually doubled our walk to 40 minutes. That’s right, I put my @$$ kicking shoes on this morning

Food was pretty good again, I found that when I eat things that I feel are healthy, I enjoy them more.  My breakfasts are two parters (part at 8, part at 10) with a zucchini bran muffin first and scrambled egg whites (with one yolk) and broccoli later.  It just seems like it gets me off on the right start.  Add a little snack of some tune and a few whole wheat crackers and I’m not starving by lunch like usual.  I have to say that I am shocked at how full and satisfied I feel on so few calories. I’ve actually eaten 1300ish calories a day and not even been hungry for more, which is just ridiculous to me. Technically, I’m supposed to be eating around 1680 calories a day, and so I am eating low. But, I know that it will average out and some days will be more. If not, I’ll start making a better effort to eat more. (HA! Never thought I’d say that!)

So I woke up early and… wandered around my house. I did a couple short floor exercises, but I honestly felt a little clueless as to what, exactly, I planned on doing. What a dunce. Oh well, these things come with time.

So, today’s recap- weighed in at 206, ate 1441  calories, walked Lucy twice as long, woke up early, drank my water, tracked my food, and planned ahead.

Excited about: 2.5 pounds, feeling good, planning a vacation, a cute idea for pumpkin carving

Meh: sinus pressure.

So… how’d I do? Not too shabby for being flabby. That’s how.  Let’s recap.

First goal of the day- failure. I woke up 15 minutes early, swung my legs out of bed, then swung them right back in. I managed to acquire a very nasty sunburn this weekend, and I knew that working out just wasn’t going to happen. (I’m game for tomorrow though.) I must say though, I find it absolutely hilarious that I went the entire summer in Tahoe without a sunburn to speak of, and totally fried myself in San Francisco at the end of September. Just goes to show, even if you don’t think you’re going to be outdoors for long, lay it on thick!

Food was GREAT. I planned everything out, packed extra snacks just in case, and even made myself eat breakfast. I made some zucchini bran muffins last night and I’m proud to report that they were actually really good, and only 60 calories a piece at that! Initially, they terrified me. They looked very healthy and smelled branny. But, I sucked it up and yum! Way more moist than any bran muffin I’ve ever had. Though, next time I’ll sub canned pumpkin for applesauce and add some nuts to up the fiber and protein.  Maybe some shredded carrots too.

I’m one glass away from my water goal, I tracked everything on the daily plate, and Lucy and I had a lovely little spin after work. So far, so good.

In other news, my lamps came in today! Yes! A couple weekends ago, DH and I switched our bedroom from the front room to the back. We got a new mattress (went from a double to a Cal King), changed up our sheets, got a TV, etc. So on Saturday the bed frame finally came in (three cheers for no longer having our mattress and boxsprings on the floor… bad college flashbacks!) Got that assembled and wow, does it look good. It’s the perfect height to go with the velvet bed skirt I got for 2.99 (have I mentioned that I have a knack for bargains?) So, as soon as I get our nightstands this Thursday we’ll be this much closer to being done. (Still need a tv armoire, and someday, when I make up my mind, a headboard)

It’s amazing to me what a change it’s made. Not just in the room, but it seems like the whole thing has made a difference in me. We went through our closets, and I finally threw out all the clothes that don’t fit (save for a few sentimental pieces). It’s like I’ve let go of what used to be, and I’m moving forwards. I feel like this time I’m starting things fresh, without the baggage of failure or expectations. Yeah, I expect to lose weight and be smaller. But it’s no longer tied to the same idea of going back to what I used to look like. Do I hope to be that size or smaller? Yeah. But I’m not that person anymore, I need to enjoy the Jessica I am, instead of mourning the Jessica I used to be. There’s nothing about my current place in life to be depressed about, or to consider shameful or regrettable.  I’m starting a truly new life, and I’m creating the new environment to match.

So, today’s recap. Weighed in at 208.5 (surprisingly, wasn’t upset or affected by the number) Stuck with 4 out of my 5 goals. 1354 calories (dailyplate gives me 1682)

Excited about: my zucchini bran muffins (recipe to follow shortly), making my own sushi, my new lunchbox, sexy lamps. Nervous about: for once, nothing.

Alright, so maybe I’m not really starting small, or I wouldn’t be here at all. But, I am going to start tackling the beastly number on the scale one step at a time. In my head I have a list of a million things that I should do to lose weight. In reality, I’m never going to succeed if I try to take on the whole mountain at once. SO, for this week, easy goals.

1. Drink 8 glasses of water a day. Keep me hydrated and burning calories! Between that much water and the fountain next to my desk, I figure I’ll be making enough pee breaks to burn atleast 100 calories.

2. Make and stick to a meal plan.  And “I’ll figure it out when I get there” doesn’t count as a plan.

3. Wake up 15 minutes earlier and do a floor workout. ( My evil secret plan is to continue to slowly wake up earlier and earlier until I’m waking up early enough to get in a full workout. But, I’m trying to trick myself into it so shh, don’t tell me.)

4. Track my calories in the daily plate.

5. Walk Lucy for atleast 20 minutes each day.

So, that’s it. 5 goals this week.  Relatively easy, concrete, and totally measurable.

Anyways, there’s much more to say, but I have a bed frame to assemble. (I’ve gotten tired of the borderline homeless feeling of a mattress on the floor)

So, it’s been awhile. (How come all of my most recent posts start in this vein? Recent is all relative but still).

There have been some ups and downs, but mostly just a flatline. I realize that I am now three quarters through a year that I thought would be a new beginning, with really no change from when this journey started. Well, there is change, but definitely not in the direction I was hoping for.  I currently weigh in at 208. I started this journey at 192ish. So, a net gain of 16 pounds.  But, I have learned some good, if not painful, lessons from this.

I have to do it. I can plan and create star charts and blog and buy healthy cookbooks and fill my closet with useless at home exercise equipment but in the end none of it matters if I don’t do the work myself.  What it comes down to is that I’m someone who knows exactly what to do and how to do it, but doesn’t. When it matters, I’m sleeping in for “five more minutes” or indulging “just this once”. I need to quit planning, stop thinking, and just start doing. It sounds so simple, and yet it has struck me as a rather profound revelation in just the past week or so. So let me echo the classic Nike catchphrase- JUST DO IT.

I need to stop punishing myself. Hating myself and counting stretchmarks does not make me want to get on the treadmill. Poking at cellulite is really more like poking at my fragile self confidence and slowly demolishing it with a mere fingernail. I cannot continue to hide from pictures and friends and family because I’m too insecure about my weight. I can’t pretend that my life will only be worth living when I lose “the weight.” I need to stop focusing on rolls and muffintops, focusing on my flaws only keeps me out of the gym and away from the embarrassingly large mirrors. I need to stop looking at exercise as punishment- squats and bicep curls are not reparations to be made for an increased pant size. Hating myself has only lead to destructive behavior and crippled confidence.

I love exercise. I do, really. I love the feeling of being sore after a workout. Or sweating. Or the feeling of accomplishment that I get. I love trail running and scenery.  I love increasing what I can lift. I love the kick ass feeling I get from high incline intervals and a rocking playlist. But, somehow I sit on my couch and convince myself that I don’t enjoy any of these things and really, I’d be completely satisfied watching tv and giving in to my late night Taco Hell cravings.        The sad truth is that I love the gym, I would live there if I could. But currently, I’m so out of shape that I get winded walking Lucy. Working out isn’t fun anymore because I can’t do any of the things that I want to do or that I used to do.  I need to remember how much I enjoy being active and push through the pain and discomfort to get back there.  

“Bad” foods really are just that- bad. I don’t love Taco bell or greasy burgers. Most of the foods that aren’t good for me really aren’t that satisfying, or at least not in the large quantities I seem to eat them in.  I need to stop the “I’ve already sinned, let’s make it count!” mentality that has me eating  far more food than I’m even hungry for. 

Really, this whole experience is a journey, with highs and lows. Its calories in, calories out. Trying new foods and staying active.  Staying motivated and yet realizing that its about more than motivation.

But what it comes down to is that I’m at the end of the diving board. The pool is warm, everyone’s having fun, and I just need to get up the courage to jump.

Physically? Around. Mentally? All over the place.  I wish I had some good news to report but the truth of the matter is that the past month has brought me ten new pounds and my first ever white hairs. (I’m only 22. Not good at all.) So here is the recap….

I guess big things first. We’re moving. Normally, that wouldn’t be such a big deal. But, we’re leaving behind my dream. I’ve wanted to live in Tahoe since I was 4 or 5. I love the mountains, the lake, the snow. Unfortunately, Tahoe is a dead end for me. I graduated in 2003 with a BA in English, a path I had taken when I wanted to be a highschool teacher. Shortly before graduation (like, two weeks or so) I realized teaching wasn’t where I needed to be. I love working with teenagers, but the student to teacher ratio is apalling, and I would miss the personal  connections that made me want to teach in the first place. That, and the lack of job openings and low pay sealed the deal. I took a year away and decided that nursing is really where I should be. So, I got back on the school wagon. The JC here doesn’t offer evening classes, and so I arranged with work to work an alternative schedule so that I could take my classes. I aced my first quarter of A&P (one of the few in the class to do so, I must say) onyl to find that my work would not continue to offer me any flexibility to finish out the class, or the other prereqs I need for nursing school. Wow, thanks. So, I spent a few months looking for another job, only to find that it would be impossible to make more than minimum wage and be able to go to school. 

So, the decision has been made to move to the Reno area. They have a great nursing school, jobs pay well (that’s the other downside of Tahoe… our payscale sucks!) and a nice cost of living. Enter stress. DH and I both have to find new jobs. And while whatever jobs we get are almost guranteed to pay more than we’re making now (whee!) the job market is slow, and so we’ve both been applying for the past two months or so without much interest. (Though there’s a couple good possibilities on the horizon, keep your fingers crossed!) But, to compound the stress, Dh doesn’t really want to move. He knows that in order for me to continue my education and move into the occupation I want we have to leave. But, he loves Tahoe, and loves his job. So, he doesn’t really want to move. It’s only been in the past two weeks or so that he has actively applied for jobs on her own (I’d been doing all the legwork before that) Ugh.

On top of that, he and I have been having a pretty rough time. He works from Sunday mornings to Wednesday evenings with one or two overnights each week. (when he doesn’t have overnights he gets home at 10:30). When he gets home on Wednesday, he goes to youth band practice until youth group. We get home from youth group at 10 or later. Then he added in band practice on Saturdays as well, and he’s gone from 9:30 to 1:30ish. See a problem here? Then, he started volunteering to switch shifts at work, working on Saturday and getting a Tuesday off, that kind of thing. It got to the point where we hadn’t had an evening alone or a day off together for three weeks. I actually spent my fourth of July weekend alone. Yeah. Not so good. We’ve finally gotten things worked out in that he now understands that I need time with him, but it was a pretty rocky path for awhile.

And so, finally, to round things out in the stress department, we’re buying a house. Sort of, maybe. Reno has a much lower cost of housing than Tahoe, and we can actually buy a 4 bedroom house for what a 2 bedroom condo (and not even a nice one!) costs here.  So, we’re in the loan application process. But, once again, things can’t be easy. 6 years ago, DH bought a new car that was totalled in a horrible accident before gap insurance had set in. (Yeah, tough life lessons) He continued to pay everything in full and on time, but when the bank offered to write it off for less than what he owed, he took them up on it. (more painful life lessons) That was his last credit account until a small cc he opened a few years ago. So he has a charge-off and a short credit history working against him. Because his credit wasn’t so great, all of our accounts are in my name, which naturally isn’t good. So, yeah. But, we just slide into the possible credit ranges for a mortgage. We’ve been in the manual underwriting process for the past 6 weeks. Do you have any idea what sort of toll that takes on you?  A huge one. Each time we send in our documentation, they want more and our file gets pushed back to the end of the line. Yeah, fabulous. But, we’ve sent in everything they could ask for and so we should have a definitive answer within the next 2 weeks or so. And so far it looks like we’ll still be able to get a competitive rate in a fixed rate mortgage. We just have to wait and see.

So yeah, sorry for the long drawn out process. But, that’s where I’ve been. I’m now ready to start slowly crawling back to a place of wellness. I went for a short jog yesterday. Progress! I’m trying to take everything slowly, and just work back to it. My goal for the week is to take my short jog everyday, and spend 10 minutes with my punching bag. It’s going to be complicated because I’m going to Missouri to visit family half the week, but we’ll see. The good news is I’m finally back to a better level of functioning.  And I’m ready to try again.

I haven’t been around much. But I’m okay and I’ll be back soon!

Where have I been? Deathbed, population: me. I’ve officially been really crappily sick for a full week now which is wreaking havoc on, oh, everything. I finally broke down today and went to Urgent Care (I know, such a bad girl, I work in health care and still don’t have a primary care physician. Guess I’m just another “slipping through the cracks” statistic) and confirmed what I knew all along- a pretty gnarly sinus infection. So today I started on my first (of two) rounds of antibiotics, which I am so tickled about. Yeah, no.  So that’s where I’ve been. Basically, going through a box of tissues and a a box of cold medicine a day.

Now, the week before that was pretty good actually. Well, except for tennis. Tennis, you say? Yes, tennis. I know, it’s great that I got out there and did something I don’t normally do. I went with a friend and actually had a pretty good time. Except for the whole part about me spending the entire night chasing balls (hold back those pervy comments ladies!). Yep. You heard it straight from the horse’s mouth (yes, I’m feeling a little bit like livestock, atleast in size, these days) I SUCK at tennis. But, I have a standing Monday night tennis date from her until eternity, so hopefully I’ll get better. And, heck, hopefully I’ll be well enough to play this week! I’m pretty sure the indent I’m making in the couch will soon become permanant.

 Well low carb isn’t working. At all. It just isn’t a natural way to live. And, gosh darnit, I’m Italian, and Irish, and French, (among other things), I am genetically engineered to crave carbs. Not to mention the fact that I just can’t shake the nagging notion that it isn’t healthy or normal to cut out a whole food group. So now, it is, in some ways, time to head back to the drawing board. I’m still trying to decide what my plan of attack is, but I think I’m probably just going to make myself write down what I eat. No need to preplan my calories or try to fit into a range. But, I think I need to go back to acknowledging what I’m eating and holding myself responsible for what I put into my mouth. Most likely that won’t take effect until Monday because fam is coming up this weekend.

Trying to figure out exercise too. Summer hours have taken effect at my gym (damn resort town) and so it closes at 9 instead of ten, which is making it a little more difficult to get there. But, like I said, I now have a standing Monday night tennis date (provided I survive until then) which gets in some good cardio. And, best of all, it involves a lot of varied movements- backwards, side to side, etc. Now just to exercise more than once a week….

Where have I really been? Mentally? Well, it’s long and complicated (read: a totally diffeent ball of wax) but I can say that by the end of this week I’ll have some answers that will take a big load off. (My marriage and health, outside of the sinus infection from hell, are fine, so don’t be too worried)

… and this morning I got right back on. Despite my shameful non-blogging, I’ve actually been doing pretty well this week. I’ve been eating on plan all the way up to last night (wow, pretty flipping amazing for me) and Monday night I even managed to take Lucy out for a nice trail run. Our run was pretty enjoyable, though I was breathing so hard people probably thought there was some sort of weird woodland porn going on. I ended up walking most of it because I was just so winded. It’s actually kind of odd. I’ve noticed that an increase of five pounds makes such a huge difference at this weight, where at lower weights it never did. I must be reaching critical mass. Anyways… the most interesting thing (I thought) about the whole run excursion is that I actually spent most of my day looking forward to it. I know, crazy. Poor Lucy though, she just keep looking back at me like “Come on chubby! Pick up the pace!” But, it’s gorgeous out there, and it really gave me a chance to get some clarity and work through a lot of stuff that’s been going on. (More on that later, that requires a totally different post and a tub of icecream) I’ve gotten to a point where I’m just feeling better about this whole thing. No, I didn’t make it Tuesday or Wednesday night, and I probably won’t tonight. But for the first time, I don’t feel guilty about not going. I didn’t make excuses or talk myself out of going, I was just busy. I like trail running. I don’t need to fight myself on it anymore. It’s really a great feeling.

Speaking of Lucy, she has, thankfully recovered from the horrible digestive disaster of 2008. Unfortunately, she has not learned anything from the whole debacle, and our trash can is in witness protection in the downstairs bathroom until I can find a trashcan with a latching lid. (We mountain folk don’t have any of that fancy city crap). Then again, maybe she did learn. Eat Trash. Get Really Sick. Mom Makes Homemade Dinners. Score! I just can’t win.

 As for my dinners, low carb really isn’t all that fun. But, it’s not that hard either. It doesn’t require much thought, any research, or a whole lot of planning. Which is good. I’ve had salad for lunch every day, which is SO unlike me, but something I’ll probably carry with me when I go back to the sweet, wonderful land of carbs. Normally, salads leave me hungry pretty quickly afterwards. But, after my salad, I have another 2 cups of veggies (usually raw broccoli) or so. It leaves me uncomfortably full for about half an hour, but after that I’m good to go. Despite my failures last night, yesterday’s lunch was a pinnacle of success. I walked away from coconut cream pie. I must be either committed to my plan or insane. The biggest part of my success was what happened afterwards, I didn’t let myself dwell on my pie. I couldn’t have it. Oh well. Life moves on. Though, sometimes I do miss dietary martyrdom.

As for my failure, one word sums it all up: hotdogs. See, we had youth group last night. And we’ve come to realize that many of our kids aren’t eating dinner on Wednesday nights. They don’t have parents to drive them, so they either take the bus there after school and bum a ride home, or walk several miles to get there. Even worse, we have several kids where there just isn’t enough food to go around at home. (As a side rant, most people mistakenly believe that Tahoe is a relatively affluent place. The truth is that a good part of our town lives in poverty) So anyways, we decided to start serving dinner. What’s cheap? (we have no youth budget. Okay, we do. But it’s also our personal budget) Hot dogs. Not great, but we’re feeding 40+ people and that would be way too much lasagna or spaghetti. Well, I succumbed to the bun. I was hungry, we didn’t have plates, and the hotdog needed ketchup. Hot dog buns? Not so bad you say. Well, later on that night I got REALLY hungry. The hotdogs just didn’t do it for me. (Remember, I only had a salad for lunch and didn’t grab an afternoon snack) So, Taco Bell. Ugh. Oh well. I slipped. Who cares. Life goes on.

I went back to my scrambled eggs this morning. (Without hashbrowns)