The quest for happy imperfection…

Score! I made it all day without raiding the pink box. Once again, someone brought a box of doughnuts into work for the office. They sounded sooo good, they even had a crumb donut, my personal fav. And, nothing. I even had to sit next to the damn box for my entire lunch, and managed to walk away without eating one. That, for me, is huge. Technically, I could have easily had one in my calories, but it was about passing up on a food that I didn’t really want. I mean, I wanted it, sweet crumby doughy goodness. But, had it not been there, it wouldn’t have even crossed my mind. In the afternoon I fixated on them like a four year old, but I was committed to going home victorious. I ended up having 2 almond kisses, and that was just right.

I know that I could have fit one into my calories easily. Very easily. And I know that it wouldn’t have been the end of the world if I had one. But I am so desperate to change my way of thinking that I couldn’t give in. Somehow, I just felt that if I could just get through this day without a doughnut, I would be achieving something truly significant. I guess in some ways I did. I’m an impulsive person, and not just with food. I see things, and I want them. I can;t stop thinking about them, and in the end, I cave, and feel dissapointed with my lack of willpower and with the object of my previous desire. I’m trying to get rid of that see it-want it-have it- devour it and end up feeling empty cycle. I like doughnuts, I like baked goods, I like all of these foods. But that doesn’t mean I can’t turn them down. Or at least it shouldn’t. I will have these treats and indulgences, but only because I’ve considered them carefully, decided on what I want and why I want it, and because I will enjoy them in moderation. Doughnuts for no reason are not justifiable cause, but I’m already giving thought to what tasty morsel I’ll enjoy on my birthday, or the slice of pie I’ll have at Apple Hill next week, split with my husband and enjoyed in the company of my mom and sister.  When all is said and done, I would have liked the doughnut, but right now, I like ME, and that’s more important.

The rest of my choices were pretty good, though I overrate at dinner. Unfortunately, having only 30 minutes to eat, change, etc and get out the door is not condusive to a good meal. Even with that, I was under calories by 100ish today. Score.

And- I GOT A BADGE! WOOT! Thedailyplate gave me a badge for logging my foods for 14 days in a row.  I’m stoked. Once again, I’m finding that logging my food is instrumental to any sort of success, and, like a five year old, I am so excited for more badges!